fubongfoodies:

I know that I am not an emotionally expressive person, but I feel that the breakup is my fault. Am I wrong? Why is he still clinging to me when he is married?

JustPowerApps:
I don't give a bleep, this is what you girls deserve.

advanceDNA:

Forget who caused it....ur dad was a small Storm along the way u guys ddnt manage well....
If he's not lying about the sham marriage
....he will go abroad....it may take a while...he will likely reconnect....u will go and join him.....ur daddy will come around.....everyone softens once abroad is involved....

U go dey alright

JustPowerApps:
I don't give a bleep, this is what you girls deserve.

fubongfoodies:
how many years will that one take. Abroad won't phase my father. We've travelled to US, UK and Dubai together for holiday. Though my father wants me to relocate Abroad, he would want it done through legal routes.

Besides won't the court marriage prevent marriage in the future?

advanceDNA:


My point is, being there before u will make his profile look but better than before and no one will see him as jobless again....and ur father wants u to travel bah! ??

Court marriage?? It's just paper that can be scattered anytime....once they get abroad, everyone finds their way after a while, that's how it works...
....if he can get a sponsored job, which is not impossible these days for those that are already in the the system..u'd be surprised it wont take more than a year to bring you....

.. I mean.....u described him like he really wanted you and wanted to try by cancelling thebmarriage.... So, thats the angle I'm looking at it from


But my very beast mode risk management and vawulence side will just tell move on....but hey! thats how pple marry one person and love someone else....

U can at least try and keep the communication lines opens and also keep ur options open...if u get what I mean ( no let paternity fraud happen oooo)

EreluRoz:
I don't intend to love any man deeply till after marriage, I intend to grow in love and not all these rubbish Infatuation everywhere. I've never experienced heartbreak because I place strong restrictions to my privacy. Men really don't care about women's emotions they just do anyhow and want to eat their cake and have it.

Count your loses and move on else that man will distablize your life beyond repair. Be very stiff when dealing with men, move at your own pace not at theirs. If you allow emotions to control you then find a bucket by your side kos the tears are imminent.

fubongfoodies:
I've learnt my lesson.

fubongfoodies:
I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend(37M) for 4 years. We met online shortly before COVID lockdown. We grew a lot closer during the lockdown. I worked in Healthcare, he was teaching then. He stayed in the north because he was going to school then for a second degree in an engineering course while i was in lagos. We were each other's support until after lockdown. I was able to get a job working in a Chinese company where I stayed for 3 months before getting a government job where I am currently. Despite many ups and downs in our relationship. Trouble came when I brought him over on a casual visit to my parents.

They didn't like him, especially my Father, they claimed that I could do better and felt he didn't have the right family values. Also that fact that he was currently unemployed then didn't help matters. I stubbornly continued to date him because I felt that he had good character and we were in love. Time continued to go (i had a pregnancy scare, lost a relative, he had bandit threats in his school and had to leave for a while for his life, travelled to a west african country to make money, i tried to write exams to travel abroad and failed which was devastating because it was out plan to japa together and my course was a little easy to do so).

I felt that my father's attitude would soften up with time, But everytime I brought my boyfriend up, my dad would become antagonistic. Saying that my boyfriend was slowing my life down, that I stopped going oit and that I wasn't progressing in life especially career wise since I met him(my father believes in late marriage, especially career first before marriage). A lot Things happened in our relationship. We had our issues but it was mostly about me not calling him frequently because I would be at work. I have just never been much of a calling type and he is a very clingy guy. He could go as far as calling my mom or sisters when he can't get across to me.

Things got to a point when my boyfriend wanted to come over for Christmas, but I wanted to time it to when my father left to avoid confrontation, my boyfriend got wind of it and canceled visiting. My father also told me then that if I brought my boyfriend home, he would never bless the union. The relationship took a bad turn and communication became worse. It got so bad that I didn't know that he had traveled to his hometown until a few days after he got there from lagos. Our conversation was awkward. The next day. He sent me a long breakup message via email. I was quite shocked and replied with an OK and thank you. We didn't speak for a long time after that.

He tried to get in touch with me last week but my phone screen was bad so he called my younger sister who ended up giving me her Phone. I talked to him and told him what was up with my phone. He offered to give me one of his phones and said we should go to computer village to make repairs so I brought my spoilt laptop too. I was with his phone in the repair shop while he went out to get some things, while browsing, I saw his Google search history which read ; list of things for traditional wedding, groom's outfit for traditional, wedding, groom shoes for traditional wedding. I started to snoop into his phone.

I confirmed my fears and found evidence. I even got the lady's number too. He did court marriage with a girl from his hometown and I found pictures of two of them holding the marriage certificate. I was angry, and exhausted at the same time. I finally confronted him and he confirm that it was true and he married a few weeks ago. He claims it was a sham marriage to travel abroad since she got admission into a school and when she gets there she could file to bring him over. I also found out that he planned to continue to hide it from me and he didn't expect me to find out . I was so angry about that, that he offered to escort me home. I fell ill that day and have been ill since. I don't know how to feel. I am not crying, just angry without knowing why. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I have been avoiding him but he has been diligent with his phone calls. I feel dead inside. He says that he can have it canceled since I am reacting this way, that I stopped fighting for our relationship which influencedhis choices. That he didn't mean to betray me.

I tried to go to his place today to pick up my fixed devices, I tried once and when back, then tried again, when I saw that the traffic was too much I changed my mind and went back home and told him. He asked if I would still hang out with him and reply that I can't fvck a married man. He says that the marriage is not real that he hasn't done traditional. I told him he was legally binded to the lady. While he continued to beg he got a call from the lady that her visa has been approved. I told him that I was done and wished him well since he has gotten what he wanted. He then told me that he didn't want this at the expense of loosing me. That he will fight for me.

What am I to do? I know I have to move on but don't know how? How do I heal? I am almost 30, he was my first real love. Am I just stupid? I get it, he is not getting any younger and needs to settle down. He also wants to settle with some so that they leave the country together and it seemed that I was taking too much time.

I know that I am not an emotionally expressive person, but I feel that the breakup is my fault. Am I wrong? Why is he still clinging to me when he is married?

advanceDNA:


My point is, being there before u will make his profile look but better than before and no one will see him as jobless again....and ur father wants u to travel bah! ??

Court marriage?? It's just paper that can be scattered anytime....once they get abroad, everyone finds their way after a while, that's how it works...
....if he can get a sponsored job, which is not impossible these days for those that are already in the the system..u'd be surprised it wont take more than a year to bring you....

.. I mean.....u described him like he really wanted you and wanted to try by cancelling thebmarriage.... So, thats the angle I'm looking at it from


But my very beast mode risk management and vawulence side will just tell move on....but hey! thats how pple marry one person and love someone else....

U can at least try and keep the communication lines opens and also keep ur options open...if u get what I mean ( no let paternity fraud happen oooo)

fubongfoodies:
I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend(37M) for 4 years. We met online shortly before COVID lockdown. We grew a lot closer during the lockdown. I worked in Healthcare, he was teaching then. He stayed in the north because he was going to school then for a second degree in an engineering course while i was in lagos. We were each other's support until after lockdown. I was able to get a job working in a Chinese company where I stayed for 3 months before getting a government job where I am currently. Despite many ups and downs in our relationship. Trouble came when I brought him over on a casual visit to my parents.

They didn't like him, especially my Father, they claimed that I could do better and felt he didn't have the right family values. Also that fact that he was currently unemployed then didn't help matters. I stubbornly continued to date him because I felt that he had good character and we were in love. Time continued to go (i had a pregnancy scare, lost a relative, he had bandit threats in his school and had to leave for a while for his life, travelled to a west african country to make money, i tried to write exams to travel abroad and failed which was devastating because it was out plan to japa together and my course was a little easy to do so).

I felt that my father's attitude would soften up with time, But everytime I brought my boyfriend up, my dad would become antagonistic. Saying that my boyfriend was slowing my life down, that I stopped going oit and that I wasn't progressing in life especially career wise since I met him(my father believes in late marriage, especially career first before marriage). A lot Things happened in our relationship. We had our issues but it was mostly about me not calling him frequently because I would be at work. I have just never been much of a calling type and he is a very clingy guy. He could go as far as calling my mom or sisters when he can't get across to me.

Things got to a point when my boyfriend wanted to come over for Christmas, but I wanted to time it to when my father left to avoid confrontation, my boyfriend got wind of it and canceled visiting. My father also told me then that if I brought my boyfriend home, he would never bless the union. The relationship took a bad turn and communication became worse. It got so bad that I didn't know that he had traveled to his hometown until a few days after he got there from lagos. Our conversation was awkward. The next day. He sent me a long breakup message via email. I was quite shocked and replied with an OK and thank you. We didn't speak for a long time after that.

He tried to get in touch with me last week but my phone screen was bad so he called my younger sister who ended up giving me her Phone. I talked to him and told him what was up with my phone. He offered to give me one of his phones and said we should go to computer village to make repairs so I brought my spoilt laptop too. I was with his phone in the repair shop while he went out to get some things, while browsing, I saw his Google search history which read ; list of things for traditional wedding, groom's outfit for traditional, wedding, groom shoes for traditional wedding. I started to snoop into his phone.

I confirmed my fears and found evidence. I even got the lady's number too. He did court marriage with a girl from his hometown and I found pictures of two of them holding the marriage certificate. I was angry, and exhausted at the same time. I finally confronted him and he confirm that it was true and he married a few weeks ago. He claims it was a sham marriage to travel abroad since she got admission into a school and when she gets there she could file to bring him over. I also found out that he planned to continue to hide it from me and he didn't expect me to find out . I was so angry about that, that he offered to escort me home. I fell ill that day and have been ill since. I don't know how to feel. I am not crying, just angry without knowing why. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I have been avoiding him but he has been diligent with his phone calls. I feel dead inside. He says that he can have it canceled since I am reacting this way, that I stopped fighting for our relationship which influencedhis choices. That he didn't mean to betray me.

I tried to go to his place today to pick up my fixed devices, I tried once and when back, then tried again, when I saw that the traffic was too much I changed my mind and went back home and told him. He asked if I would still hang out with him and reply that I can't fvck a married man. He says that the marriage is not real that he hasn't done traditional. I told him he was legally binded to the lady. While he continued to beg he got a call from the lady that her visa has been approved. I told him that I was done and wished him well since he has gotten what he wanted. He then told me that he didn't want this at the expense of loosing me. That he will fight for me.

What am I to do? I know I have to move on but don't know how? How do I heal? I am almost 30, he was my first real love. Am I just stupid? I get it, he is not getting any younger and needs to settle down. He also wants to settle with some so that they leave the country together and it seemed that I was taking too much time.

I know that I am not an emotionally expressive person, but I feel that the breakup is my fault. Am I wrong? Why is he still clinging to me when he is married?

fubongfoodies:
I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend(37M) for 4 years. We met online shortly before COVID lockdown. We grew a lot closer during the lockdown. I worked in Healthcare, he was teaching then. He stayed in the north because he was going to school then for a second degree in an engineering course while i was in lagos. We were each other's support until after lockdown. I was able to get a job working in a Chinese company where I stayed for 3 months before getting a government job where I am currently. Despite many ups and downs in our relationship. Trouble came when I brought him over on a casual visit to my parents.

They didn't like him, especially my Father, they claimed that I could do better and felt he didn't have the right family values. Also that fact that he was currently unemployed then didn't help matters. I stubbornly continued to date him because I felt that he had good character and we were in love. Time continued to go (i had a pregnancy scare, lost a relative, he had bandit threats in his school and had to leave for a while for his life, travelled to a west african country to make money, i tried to write exams to travel abroad and failed which was devastating because it was out plan to japa together and my course was a little easy to do so).

I felt that my father's attitude would soften up with time, But everytime I brought my boyfriend up, my dad would become antagonistic. Saying that my boyfriend was slowing my life down, that I stopped going oit and that I wasn't progressing in life especially career wise since I met him(my father believes in late marriage, especially career first before marriage). A lot Things happened in our relationship. We had our issues but it was mostly about me not calling him frequently because I would be at work. I have just never been much of a calling type and he is a very clingy guy. He could go as far as calling my mom or sisters when he can't get across to me.

Things got to a point when my boyfriend wanted to come over for Christmas, but I wanted to time it to when my father left to avoid confrontation, my boyfriend got wind of it and canceled visiting. My father also told me then that if I brought my boyfriend home, he would never bless the union. The relationship took a bad turn and communication became worse. It got so bad that I didn't know that he had traveled to his hometown until a few days after he got there from lagos. Our conversation was awkward. The next day. He sent me a long breakup message via email. I was quite shocked and replied with an OK and thank you. We didn't speak for a long time after that.

He tried to get in touch with me last week but my phone screen was bad so he called my younger sister who ended up giving me her Phone. I talked to him and told him what was up with my phone. He offered to give me one of his phones and said we should go to computer village to make repairs so I brought my spoilt laptop too. I was with his phone in the repair shop while he went out to get some things, while browsing, I saw his Google search history which read ; list of things for traditional wedding, groom's outfit for traditional, wedding, groom shoes for traditional wedding. I started to snoop into his phone.

I confirmed my fears and found evidence. I even got the lady's number too. He did court marriage with a girl from his hometown and I found pictures of two of them holding the marriage certificate. I was angry, and exhausted at the same time. I finally confronted him and he confirm that it was true and he married a few weeks ago. He claims it was a sham marriage to travel abroad since she got admission into a school and when she gets there she could file to bring him over. I also found out that he planned to continue to hide it from me and he didn't expect me to find out . I was so angry about that, that he offered to escort me home. I fell ill that day and have been ill since. I don't know how to feel. I am not crying, just angry without knowing why. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I have been avoiding him but he has been diligent with his phone calls. I feel dead inside. He says that he can have it canceled since I am reacting this way, that I stopped fighting for our relationship which influencedhis choices. That he didn't mean to betray me.

I tried to go to his place today to pick up my fixed devices, I tried once and when back, then tried again, when I saw that the traffic was too much I changed my mind and went back home and told him. He asked if I would still hang out with him and reply that I can't fvck a married man. He says that the marriage is not real that he hasn't done traditional. I told him he was legally binded to the lady. While he continued to beg he got a call from the lady that her visa has been approved. I told him that I was done and wished him well since he has gotten what he wanted. He then told me that he didn't want this at the expense of loosing me. That he will fight for me.

What am I to do? I know I have to move on but don't know how? How do I heal? I am almost 30, he was my first real love. Am I just stupid? I get it, he is not getting any younger and needs to settle down. He also wants to settle with some so that they leave the country together and it seemed that I was taking too much time.

I know that I am not an emotionally expressive person, but I feel that the breakup is my fault. Am I wrong? Why is he still clinging to me when he is married?

franchasofficia:
As a child, it pays to listen to your parents counsel, especially if their counsel seem genuine and not out of some framfrinfarara (pardon my jargon).


Your dad saw through that your ex boyfriend with his inner manly eyes.

Your ex boyfriend seems like an opportunist too. He seems like one of those lazy, cunning yet desperate guys whose only mission in life is to use girls to shine and grow in life. In as much as it's not entirely bad, but the way he went about it makes him inhumane. I know his type, very crafty and good at luring virtues ladies into their net. His type are very cunningly smart towards ladies, they are good at spotting ladies that are well off and are master in getting such ladies emotionally committed.



How can he go as far as marrying another young lady he claims is just to get visa to travel abroad yet he still wants to keep you at the same time?


Why I don't believe his wedding to the other lady is a sham marriage:

he searched about his outfit and other related things concerning the wedding, which means he was intentional about the wedding with the lady and he really planned for it. If it's a sham marriage, he wouldn't bother looking good or preparing for the wedding based on his Google search history you saw. He is genuinely married to the lady, so forget about his cocknbull story that it's a sham marriage.


He traveled to a Western African country to hustle as a Yahoo boy. He has sharpened his romance scam skills over there. He is now a master, his conscience is dead due to his adventure into internet scam and mostly internet romance scam with foreign ladies. Your ex boyfriend is now a Yahoo boy, let that sink in. Yahoo boys love using ladies because that is how most of them make their money, and with time it becomes a habit they now see as a normal way of life.


He may truly like you, maybe because he was the one that deflowered you, maybe because you are sweet in the oza room, but he truly lack family values like your dad said. Your dad is also correct, his bad luck may have been rubbing off on you and slowing your life down. Maybe you are a very fortunate lady with strong guardian angel, your destiny was trying to protect you from ending up with a jilter that you may regret later, just look towards the bright side of what happened and pick up yourself emotionally.


Focus on your career and also open up yourself to genuine friendship with focused guys, and please forget about him.


Many guys are gifted with using ladies to grow and climb in life, like I said, I am not against it but they should do it with human conscience and fear of God to avoid destroying another person's life in their conquest.


Do not despise online or internet friendship, there is no law that states that your best friend or best lover or spouse must be met offline or in Church or in your school or any particular place. Be open to making quality friends anywhere the opportunity comes but don't be in a hurry to submit your heart.


Now that you are 30, you have to start being intentional about any relationship you go into. No time for guesses, no time for trial and errors anymore, it is now time to be thorough and intentional, and while doing that, don't let out the desperate vibe or make it seem like you are in a hurry to settle down or that you just want to marry sharp sharp, real guys despise that attitude and trait in ladies and it will chase a lot of great guys away. Avoid being desperate to settle down, but don't lock yourself up emotionally and don't reject friendship requests with quality guys, be open but slow in submitting your heart.


I.wish you the best but please forget the guy okay? He is gone, and he was never a quality guy, he needs help to grow in life and he has found that help, let him go, you are not the help he needed. If he disturbs you further, tell him that he needs help and that since he has gotten the help he needed from the lady, that he should reciprocate her good gesture by not playing her but should take her serious to avoid nature's brutal reward on his life someday.

fubongfoodies:
I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend(37M) for 4 years. We met online shortly before COVID lockdown. We grew a lot closer during the lockdown. I worked in Healthcare, he was teaching then. He stayed in the north because he was going to school then for a second degree in an engineering course while i was in lagos. We were each other's support until after lockdown. I was able to get a job working in a Chinese company where I stayed for 3 months before getting a government job where I am currently. Despite many ups and downs in our relationship. Trouble came when I brought him over on a casual visit to my parents.

They didn't like him, especially my Father, they claimed that I could do better and felt he didn't have the right family values. Also that fact that he was currently unemployed then didn't help matters. I stubbornly continued to date him because I felt that he had good character and we were in love. Time continued to go (i had a pregnancy scare, lost a relative, he had bandit threats in his school and had to leave for a while for his life, travelled to a west african country to make money, i tried to write exams to travel abroad and failed which was devastating because it was out plan to japa together and my course was a little easy to do so).

I felt that my father's attitude would soften up with time, But everytime I brought my boyfriend up, my dad would become antagonistic. Saying that my boyfriend was slowing my life down, that I stopped going oit and that I wasn't progressing in life especially career wise since I met him(my father believes in late marriage, especially career first before marriage). A lot Things happened in our relationship. We had our issues but it was mostly about me not calling him frequently because I would be at work. I have just never been much of a calling type and he is a very clingy guy. He could go as far as calling my mom or sisters when he can't get across to me.

Things got to a point when my boyfriend wanted to come over for Christmas, but I wanted to time it to when my father left to avoid confrontation, my boyfriend got wind of it and canceled visiting. My father also told me then that if I brought my boyfriend home, he would never bless the union. The relationship took a bad turn and communication became worse. It got so bad that I didn't know that he had traveled to his hometown until a few days after he got there from lagos. Our conversation was awkward. The next day. He sent me a long breakup message via email. I was quite shocked and replied with an OK and thank you. We didn't speak for a long time after that.

He tried to get in touch with me last week but my phone screen was bad so he called my younger sister who ended up giving me her Phone. I talked to him and told him what was up with my phone. He offered to give me one of his phones and said we should go to computer village to make repairs so I brought my spoilt laptop too. I was with his phone in the repair shop while he went out to get some things, while browsing, I saw his Google search history which read ; list of things for traditional wedding, groom's outfit for traditional, wedding, groom shoes for traditional wedding. I started to snoop into his phone.

I confirmed my fears and found evidence. I even got the lady's number too. He did court marriage with a girl from his hometown and I found pictures of two of them holding the marriage certificate. I was angry, and exhausted at the same time. I finally confronted him and he confirm that it was true and he married a few weeks ago. He claims it was a sham marriage to travel abroad since she got admission into a school and when she gets there she could file to bring him over. I also found out that he planned to continue to hide it from me and he didn't expect me to find out . I was so angry about that, that he offered to escort me home. I fell ill that day and have been ill since. I don't know how to feel. I am not crying, just angry without knowing why. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I have been avoiding him but he has been diligent with his phone calls. I feel dead inside. He says that he can have it canceled since I am reacting this way, that I stopped fighting for our relationship which influencedhis choices. That he didn't mean to betray me.

I tried to go to his place today to pick up my fixed devices, I tried once and when back, then tried again, when I saw that the traffic was too much I changed my mind and went back home and told him. He asked if I would still hang out with him and reply that I can't fvck a married man. He says that the marriage is not real that he hasn't done traditional. I told him he was legally binded to the lady. While he continued to beg he got a call from the lady that her visa has been approved. I told him that I was done and wished him well since he has gotten what he wanted. He then told me that he didn't want this at the expense of loosing me. That he will fight for me.

What am I to do? I know I have to move on but don't know how? How do I heal? I am almost 30, he was my first real love. Am I just stupid? I get it, he is not getting any younger and needs to settle down. He also wants to settle with some so that they leave the country together and it seemed that I was taking too much time.

I know that I am not an emotionally expressive person, but I feel that the breakup is my fault. Am I wrong? Why is he still clinging to me when he is married?

AKWATGOLD1:
Your father interaction in the relationship ruined the courtship.