.

.

Why are you looking for control or someone to control? If you see the relationship as a partnership am sure things will go smoothly. It is not natural to ever be able to control a human being. A human being is not a toy or car. They can think for themselves. So relax and focus on being a partner. Life is too short to be going mad, and obsessing about controlling anyone. You may just end up losing it all.

Go to google space bar and type 'david d angelo'. He is a pick-up artist, makesure to sign up wit him for newsletters plus if u'v got a visa card afford his programs. His newsletters have helped me undastand women. Your wife hinted you abt Humour, David D Angelo invented a formular called 'Cocky & Funny' u would love it. About your Wife, i'm tellin u, if i was the one she warned earlier on abt not being submisive after wedding i woulda ended d chingle at dat moment in time. Try wat i have procured to you and thank me l8tr.

2mch: Why are you looking for control or someone to control? If you see the relationship as a partnership am sure things will go smoothly. It is not natural to ever be able to control a human being. A human being is not a toy or car. They can think for themselves. So relax and focus on being a partner. Life is too short to be going mad, and obsessing about controlling anyone. You may just end up losing it all.

Focusing on partnership is nt a problem

Both of you were hypocrite when you decided to follow scriptures instead of the facts.

She made it known to you b4 the wedding that is fact.

If your marriage was based on reality then I am sure her present actions will not be new to you.

She is living her real life,if you too live your real life I'm sure everything will be alright.

If both of you can't live a real life together then you are not supposed to be together.

Nothing but the truth.

Send her to me and let me teach her respect

OYINBOGOJU: Both of you were hypocrite when you decided to follow scriptures instead of the facts.

She made it known to you b4 the wedding that is fact.

If your marriage was based on reality then I am sure her present actions will not be new to you.

She is living her real life,if you too live your real life I'm sure everything will be alright.

If both of you can't live a real life together then you are not supposed to be together.

Nothing but the truth.

pls, what do you mean by real life. if I wnt to live my real life, i wil b do lot things like smoking, carrying babes, clubbing all sort of things. Is dat wat u mea
n?

2mch: Why are you looking for control or someone to control? If you see the relationship as a partnership am sure things will go smoothly. It is not natural to ever be able to control a human being. A human being is not a toy or car. They can think for themselves. So relax and focus on being a partner. Life is too short to be going mad, and obsessing about controlling anyone. You may just end up losing it all.

I dont mean control in dat sense. Are u sayn dat in partnership there is no objective or direction. As a man I am tryn to b strong and ensure to d best of my capacity that d right attitude is maintaind. Do

Witty07: My wife makes me believe I can neva b in control.
I do not know where she belongs. We are christains but at times I see her as an hypocrite because b4 our marriage she told me dat d bible is our standard of living, I accepted. But a week to our wedding she said it is goin to b hard for her to b submissive. Lets even forget that, from d holistic point of view. What gets me crazy is that she does not accept corrections from me, she can b so full of herself.

Lets start from the bolded parts

1, She made you believe you can never be in control and still yet you went ahead with the wedding without second thought.
2, Its hard for her to be submissive and yet you went ahead.
3, She doesn't accept correction and yet you didn't stop.

Now who is to blame?

You have seen it coming bro and yet you went ahead
She has shown you what she was made of and yet you went ahead
She has revealed her true character and yet you didn't see anything wrong

Now for you to come with this type of complain,

I will take you to sharia law................Here is my judgment

You deserve 101 strokes of cain for you not have have seen that you are on the bridge to nowhere.
You must live with her for better for worse till death do you part.

I RISE

Witty07:
I dont mean control in dat sense. Are u sayn dat in partnership there is no objective or direction. As a man I am tryn to b strong and ensure to d best of my capacity that d right attitude is maintaind. Do

Look guy, if you are looking for submission. Buy a goat and be beating it every morning to submission. No human being is ever like that. Stop being deluded and let your wife be herself. As long as she respects you, doesn't attack you or unnecessarily insult you then I see no issue. Humans are humans, so give some space for error. Am sure you are not perfect yourself. And trust me, in a marriage you would want to have two heads thinking instead of one. You make less mistakes in life that way. Most of our fathers wanted to be so in control, but ended up making very bad decisions and fu*cking up a lot. Calm down on the submission and respect thing. Respect is earned not forced. If you are disrespecting yourself in front of her, then don't complain when she disrespects you. What you are demanding is impossible. A human being may pretend to be submissive if they have something to gain. But once that is over they show their true colors. You have a real person on your hands, which can be a good thing because she will tell you the truth even when you don't want to hear it. If you want absolute submission, purchase a dog. Goodluck, and enjoy your marriage. Its a beautiful thing when you have the maturity and the right mentality. It is a partnership not a master-slave relationship.

@ poster
You are getting things mixed up! What's your definition of submission and control? A woman is submissive does not mean she's been controlled as a matter of fact because of our makeup, no woman wants a man that will be lording over her.
Yes the bible say wife submit, dat same bible says husbands love and honour your wife. Submission is earned o

I feel so sad reading this. Is this all you could say about me to people that don’t know me or have never met me. God knows I am not competing or having power tussle with you but you’ve always had this mindset about me despite my several assurances and pleas.

But I wish you gave instances of when I refused to take your corrections or some of my utterances that you found so disrespectful. Sometimes I wish I could share those issues with someone but I never did because I feel they are so insignificant but you always read so much meaning to my remarks or actions.

Ok, let me share what happened last night that made you post such hateful comments about me. We came home from work together at about 8pm. On our way, I told you about how I had a very stressful day and that I had headache almost throughout the day. I explained to you that I had no time to eat till about 3pm because I was co-opted into a long meeting I didn’t plan for. We both know that I should have eaten a long time before then because of my pregnant state. Anyway, I still managed to prepare dinner which I finished at about 9:15pm. The food was served on a tray and I placed it before you and the first thing you said to me was that the tray was not properly placed before you because the position of the water is blocking your access to the food. I responded that you don’t have to nag about everything. Accepted, I shouldn’t have said that but I was really fagged out, more so I felt the single act of removing the water from its position would have solved the whole thing as against complaining over what I think is trivial. After then we both didn’t say a word about it only for me to see your post today.

I could go on and on over such issues that I feel are petty but you take so serious. I am sorry if you think I am so full of myself and that you don’t know where I belong. I don’t have a medical history and I don’t pray to. It hurts to know that you could describe me that way knowing fully well that I will read your post.

One thing is still no one on my prayer list for you, maybe when it materializes you will stop feeling challenged about my person.

It’s me.

ghen ghen!!! OP! Come back and defend yourself. Just like i thought. . So you are behaving like this to your pregnant wife. Come and answer to the allegations. Ha!

At times when I read what some people bear in their marriage I always have fear of going to marriage class

Pls both of you (the op and madam) should nt comment on this thread again,please go and solve ur difference so as nt to regret what you may use your hand to destroy.

Nawa for some men. They can never say anything good about their partner. Why is it that people remembers bad thing easily and forget the good ones. Even describing your wife as one that has med. Just because she changes attitude.

From my observation, your wife may be a GEMINI(May or June born).That's how most of them behave change is constant in their life, if you don't understand them you may think is a med. Stuff. They play a lot,get annoy and forgive easily, hard working, energetic,lively,intelligent/smart/sharp / ,supportive etc. They always look for things that we make u guys have issues but they don't mean it. Its just only to keep the marriage or relationship moving, lively and fun.

You have to understand your lovely wife and enjoy/appreciate her. Just ignore her insulting words she can't stop it and I she doesn't know when it comes out from her mouth. If She sees way to stop it, I know she most.

Just concentrate on her positive life and leave the negative one which is only stubbornness and insulting words. Its nature and its in her.

The grass is not greener at the other side.

Op I hope you are not a Virgo b/c you guys complain a lot over unnecessary things.

Wish you success. Young marriage that's how it is. Just remembering my ex now b/c of this post.

2mch: ghen ghen!!! OP! Come back and defend yourself. Just like i thought. . So you are behaving like this to your pregnant wife. Come and answer to the allegations. Ha!

Its an allegation abi. i will clear the air a bit and this will be my final post on this issue.

First I want u all to know that there is what we call Chain reaction.\
@adetoks2010: You should have talked about the tone used when responding. Did u responded politely or you shouted.

@Chaircover Thank you for your comments. Let me ask you, do you talk back at will to your husband, Do you just say anything that comes to your mind and expect humor to always take care of that without you minding the interpretation, Do you find talking without thinking as a way of being happy. Are you committed to attitudinal development in your marriage or not. Do you idle talk anyhow.
Just unfortunate that I corrected her at this time of pregnancy because ds usually happens and i have always been overlooking it. How can two people want to eat and the food will be well placed at your own comfort without minding the other. You see at times we do good and u spoil it just because u show d and I dnt care attitude.

I am so concerned about the attitudes that our children will develop because surely 60% of it will come from us. issues you take so trivia later become fatal issues if left unattended to. We seek to the perfect everyday, of course no one can be but at least let your effort be felt.

You see been caring is not an issue but you can not make me understand that if I cook I am not helping you becos I will eat out of it, JUST AN INSTANCE. It would have been better if she kept quiet.

Now look at this situation. We went out in the morning and she took along a book she is reading for her masters which I briefly took note of, though I did not ask her y because I believe she has her reasons. On returning home while coming out of the car I asked her why did u take this book? along becos she did not read it or do anything with which I saw as a burden.Then she answered, Is it biting you or is it disturbing you, cant report verbatim. Is that how u answer ur own husband chaircover. For example again. You wanted to make use of a laptop and u asked me if I am installing a software, I said yes and please wait for it to finish, few mins she askd "are u tru?, I said the system is rebooting wait. The system came up She stood up, I said oya come and do what u want to do only for her to make me understand that I have made her loose interest in what she wants to do. For how long will I keep up with such attitudes everyday.

Maybe I am wrong. if i am educate me.
Meeeeeen, I dont know what to say again. I value attitude, words and communication a lot that I take an holistic approach towards it both verbal and nonverbal(Body language, tone, eye language.
In fact................

obasijoy: Nawa for some men. They can never say anything good about their partner. Why is it that people remembers bad thing easily and forget the good ones. Even describing your wife as one that has med. Just because she changes attitude.

From my observation, your wife may be a GEMINI(May or June born).That's how most of them behave change is constant in their life, if you don't understand them you may think is a med. Stuff. They play a lot,get annoy and forgive easily, hard working, energetic,lively,intelligent/smart/sharp / ,supportive etc. They always look for things that we make u guys have issues but they don't mean it. Its just only to keep the marriage or relationship moving, lively and fun.

You have to understand your lovely wife and enjoy/appreciate her. Just ignore her insulting words she can't stop it and I she doesn't know when it comes out from her mouth. If She sees way to stop it, I know she most.

Just concentrate on her positive life and leave the negative one which is only stubbornness and insulting words. Its nature and its in her.

The grass is not greener at the other side.

Op I hope you are not a Virgo b/c you guys complain a lot over unnecessary things.

Wish you success. Young marriage that's how it is. Just remembering my ex now b/c of this post.

Actually, she is Aries while i am Gemini. She is a Sanguine while I am a Melancholy.

You see, irrespective of the above, I believe anyone can spot whatever is unwholesome and seek to amend becos we learn everyday.
Period.

adetoks2010:

I feel so sad reading this. Is this all you could say about me to people that don’t know me or have never met me. God knows I am not competing or having power tussle with you but you’ve always had this mindset about me despite my several assurances and pleas.

But I wish you gave instances of when I refused to take your corrections or some of my utterances that you found so disrespectful. Sometimes I wish I could share those issues with someone but I never did because I feel they are so insignificant but you always read so much meaning to my remarks or actions.

Ok, let me share what happened last night that made you post such hateful comments about me. We came home from work together at about 8pm. On our way, I told you about how I had a very stressful day and that I had headache almost throughout the day. I explained to you that I had no time to eat till about 3pm because I was co-opted into a long meeting I didn’t plan for. We both know that I should have eaten a long time before then because of my pregnant state. Anyway, I still managed to prepare dinner which I finished at about 9:15pm. The food was served on a tray and I placed it before you and the first thing you said to me was that the tray was not properly placed before you because the position of the water is blocking your access to the food. I responded that you don’t have to nag about everything. Accepted, I shouldn’t have said that but I was really fagged out, more so I felt the single act of removing the water from its position would have solved the whole thing as against complaining over what I think is trivial. After then we both didn’t say a word about it only for me to see your post today.

I could go on and on over such issues that I feel are petty but you take so serious. I am sorry if you think I am so full of myself and that you don’t know where I belong. I don’t have a medical history and I don’t pray to. It hurts to know that you could describe me that way knowing fully well that I will read your post.

One thing is still no one on my prayer list for you, maybe when it materializes you will stop feeling challenged about my person.

It’s me.

I posted this because i want to learn. let me hear from people. it doesn't matter if they know us or not

Please I beg you Sir, De sensitize your mind, you are a husband not a slave master.
A partner, someone who will love her with patient, kind, forgiving love.
The Bible says you are the head and she should submit to you but the Bible also says you should love her as Christ Loved the Church, It also goes further to define love: Love is patient, love is kind, Love is not rude or boastful, Love bares all endures all, Love doesn't keep record of wrong doing.
Sir, if you don't take lead as the head and love her as the bible describes then you won't get the submission you so earnestly desire. She is your wife not a slave, move the water and get over it, what is the big deal with water not being in a certain position? If you want it then place it where you want it.
If you can take the lead and Love her with bosing over her, demanding she serves you hand and foot, then real love and respect will grow. Real respect is earned.
I am older than my husband but I worship the ground he walks on because my husband with his disorganization has a life, he doesn't define his headship by ordering me or picking at my faults but by making me feel beautiful, safe, secure, loved, aprreciated. When I make mistakes and I do he handles it so maturedly and leaves me feeling ashmaed, now that's a head.
Please change your attitude, you are partners not master slave.

debrief08: Please I beg you Sir, De sensitize your mind, you are a husband not a slave master.
A partner, someone who will love her with patient, kind, forgiving love.
The Bible says you are the head and she should submit to you but the Bible also says you should love her as Christ Loved the Church, It also goes further to define love: Love is patient, love is kind, Love is not rude or boastful, Love bares all endures all, Love doesn't keep record of wrong doing.
Sir, if you don't take lead as the head and love her as the bible describes then you won't get the submission you so earnestly desire. She is your wife not a slave, move the water and get over it, what is the big deal with water not being in a certain position? If you want it then place it where you want it.
If you can take the lead and Love her with bosing over her, demanding she serves you hand and foot, then real love and respect will grow. Real respect is earned.
I am older than my husband but I worship the ground he walks on because my husband with his disorganization has a life, he doesn't define his headship by ordering me or picking at my faults but by making me feel beautiful, safe, secure, loved, aprreciated. When I make mistakes and I do he handles it so maturedly and leaves me feeling ashmaed, now that's a head.
Please change your attitude, you are partners not master slave.

Ok.
Thanks

OP

Witty07:
I posted this because i want to learn. let me hear from people. it doesn't matter if they know us or not

You must be dreaming if you think Nairaland will solve your marital problems.
It will only make it worse.

@adetoks2010, please do not join OP in destroying your marriage, except if you do not give a damn.

And NLers, be careful on your comments. That baby in the womb does not deserve the conflict between husband and wife washing dirty linen in public.

question: OP
You must be dreaming if you think Nairaland will solve your marital problems.
It will only make it worse.

@adetoks2010, please do not join OP in destroying your marriage, except if you do not give a damn.

And NLers, be careful on your comments. That baby in the womb does not deserve the conflict between husband and wife washing dirty linen in public.

Ok. I rest my case

@ OP

From your post,I see that she snaps a lot. Could it be that her pregnancy is responsible, or has she always been like that?

@ Op,take it easy bro,u knw shes pregnant 2

Witty07: First I want u all to know that there is what we call Chain reaction.\
@adetoks2010: You should have talked about the tone used when responding. Did u responded politely or you shouted.

@Chaircover Thank you for your comments. Let me ask you, do you talk back at will to your husband, Do you just say anything that comes to your mind and expect humor to always take care of that without you minding the interpretation, Do you find talking without thinking as a way of being happy. Are you committed to attitudinal development in your marriage or not. Do you idle talk anyhow.
Just unfortunate that I corrected her at this time of pregnancy because ds usually happens and i have always been overlooking it. How can two people want to eat and the food will be well placed at your own comfort without minding the other. You see at times we do good and u spoil it just because u show d and I dnt care attitude.

I am so concerned about the attitudes that our children will develop because surely 60% of it will come from us. issues you take so trivia later become fatal issues if left unattended to. We seek to the perfect everyday, of course no one can be but at least let your effort be felt.

You see been caring is not an issue but you can not make me understand that if I cook I am not helping you becos I will eat out of it, JUST AN INSTANCE. It would have been better if she kept quiet.

Now look at this situation. We went out in the morning and she took along a book she is reading for her masters which I briefly took note of, though I did not ask her y because I believe she has her reasons. On returning home while coming out of the car I asked her why did u take this book? along becos she did not read it or do anything with which I saw as a burden.Then she answered, Is it biting you or is it disturbing you, cant report verbatim. Is that how u answer ur own husband chaircover. For example again. You wanted to make use of a laptop and u asked me if I am installing a software, I said yes and please wait for it to finish, few mins she askd "are u tru?, I said the system is rebooting wait. The system came up She stood up, I said oya come and do what u want to do only for her to make me understand that I have made her loose interest in what she wants to do. For how long will I keep up with such attitudes everyday.

Maybe I am wrong. if i am educate me.
Meeeeeen, I dont know what to say again. I value attitude, words and communication a lot that I take an holistic approach towards it both verbal and nonverbal(Body language, tone, eye language.
In fact................

You are so so petty. I already feel so sorry for your wife!

chaircover: Witty in answer to your question; Yes I do on the odd occassion talk back at my husband and Yes I can go off on a tangent and Yes sometimes my tone can be a little too harsh . . . WHY?? Because I am not perfect. I am human and as a human we are programmed to mess up sometimes.

Now the difference between you and my husband is that most times he doesn’t say a word or try and retaliate or make a big fuss out of it or fight fire for fire . . .and guess what happens?? . . .because he didn’t marry a craze woman/market woman/illiterate/fish wife I immediately know that I have done something silly/wrong and I apologise, which he accepts and we discuss it and we move on with our lives. The next time it could be him doing something to offend me and we go through the same cycle. If we really love each other as we claim, then offence shouldn’t be able to take such a stronghold in ones relationship. We are not even from the same state, talk less share the same genes, so we are bound to offend each other/have different views/ways of doing things other from time to time.

You seem to be someone that takes offence very easily. The problem here is that this is life and people are bound to offend you on purpose or by accident. Do you then spend the whole of your life trying to get even or do you just flick things off your shoulder and move on.

My advice to you is to start seeing your wife as a part of you! Any mistakes she makes; see it as a mistake that you have both made. Try and also loosen up. This life is stressful enough outside without having stresses within the home. Personally I see no big deal in how the water or the food was placed. Learn to laugh over things and inject humour into your life/lives. You could have made a joke out of it and said youre not eating until she feeds you since you can’t reach the food. My dear marriage is a long haul flight ooooo! And as you know, when you are in the air there is no bus stop to get off.

One thing I have learnt is to teach by example. She snaps; you talk back to her quietly and you will see that eventually she will start to do the same thing. There are no winners when there is strife at home; just losers. A stressful home will eventually start affecting other areas of your life so please try and put your home in order. All the best.

Thank you so much madam CC!

@ Witty

I assume your wife is younger than you are, why are you competing with her

It seems you are always picking fights, looking for loopholes and taking records of her wrongs. Try seeing your wife as your younger sister, correct her when she's wrong, don't assume she'll behave perfectly like she should. I'm sure she has to deal with a lot of your wrong doings (like what she said talked about).

Marriage is very interesting, but it can get difficult and complicated if you let it! Just relax, this is not a competition!

Witty07: First I want u all to know that there is what we call Chain reaction.\
@adetoks2010: You should have talked about the tone used when responding. Did u responded politely or you shouted.

@Chaircover Thank you for your comments. Let me ask you, do you talk back at will to your husband, Do you just say anything that comes to your mind and expect humor to always take care of that without you minding the interpretation, Do you find talking without thinking as a way of being happy. Are you committed to attitudinal development in your marriage or not. Do you idle talk anyhow.
Just unfortunate that I corrected her at this time of pregnancy because ds usually happens and i have always been overlooking it. How can two people want to eat and the food will be well placed at your own comfort without minding the other. You see at times we do good and u spoil it just because u show d and I dnt care attitude.

I am so concerned about the attitudes that our children will develop because surely 60% of it will come from us. issues you take so trivia later become fatal issues if left unattended to. We seek to the perfect everyday, of course no one can be but at least let your effort be felt.

You see been caring is not an issue but you can not make me understand that if I cook I am not helping you becos I will eat out of it, JUST AN INSTANCE. It would have been better if she kept quiet.

Now look at this situation. We went out in the morning and she took along a book she is reading for her masters which I briefly took note of, though I did not ask her y because I believe she has her reasons. On returning home while coming out of the car I asked her why did u take this book? along becos she did not read it or do anything with which I saw as a burden.Then she answered, Is it biting you or is it disturbing you, cant report verbatim. Is that how u answer ur own husband chaircover. For example again. You wanted to make use of a laptop and u asked me if I am installing a software, I said yes and please wait for it to finish, few mins she askd "are u tru?, I said the system is rebooting wait. The system came up She stood up, I said oya come and do what u want to do only for her to make me understand that I have made her loose interest in what she wants to do. For how long will I keep up with such attitudes everyday.

Maybe I am wrong. if i am educate me.
Meeeeeen, I dont know what to say again. I value attitude, words and communication a lot that I take an holistic approach towards it both verbal and nonverbal(Body language, tone, eye language.
In fact................

Someone help me please!!!! WTH!!!!! What exactly are the expectations of people in a marriage as I am now officially lost?!