My brother-in-law has been living with me now for about 8months as he is awaiting the outcome of his visa appeal having been refused on first application. Along the line, he attended a driving school for two weeks so that he wouldn’t have to start from scratch by the time he relocates. However, he has now taken a liking to my SUV (my only car at the moment) to improve his driving skills. Much as I would want to see him improve, an SUV in my opinion is not a car for learners looking at its relative size and maneuverability. This is evident in the damage the car has suffered the several times he has manned it.

The very first time, he drove too closely to a parked bus and the side mirror was damaged; this I fixed at my cost. This made my wife and I to resolve that he should not drive the car and I more or less told him so. However, due to the nature of my job, I usually leave my car at home and join the staff bus. His strategy now is to convince my wife that he wants to teach her how to drive, or they should drive to church or he wants to drop her off at the office. The next time he drove the car, he drove over the spikes at a filling station and punctured the right tyre through the side wall. Though they bought a secondhand tyre to replace it, it does not tally with the other tyres making the car to look funny. I was quite upset at this but held back. Another time, he scratched the side of the car while backing out of the garage. That damage has not been fixed. Then another time I found that the middle hand rest was broken because they leaned on it too much and the horn also stopped working (this has also not been fixed). Then yesterday, he went to make some deliveries for my wife and run his own things with the car. I met him on my way back from work pushing the car because fuel had run out (of course the fuel indicator was on!) but he usually never wants to spend a dime of whatever funds he has. I had to bring out money for him to buy fuel as he said he was going home to collect money from my wife. By the time the car was fuelled and I took over driving, I felt much vibration and heard so much noise from the car suspension. I asked him why he was flying over potholes on bad inner city streets and his response was that he was under pressure to deliver my wife’s goods.

I do not want to lose my cool with him or wifey but I think I have run out of options. My latest resolve is to keep the car key in an undisclosed location when am not around. What do you think?

leave the car for them - if you can, just buy yourself another car and keep the key with you. There is no way you can keep an automobile from an adult in the house. or you want your marriage to begin shake maka SUV? Biko.

If your wife can not stop him, please keep your car key or better still, take it with you to your office everyday.

werepeLeri: leave the car for them - if you can, just buy yourself another car and keep the key with you. There is no way you can keep an automobile from an adult in the house. or you want your marriage to begin shake maka SUV? Biko.

What if he cannot afford another car now?

Leave d suv wit him,buy a new car and park it in ur friends place.if he bashes d car, miror or whateva part,dont bother replacin it,let him disfigure d car completly till it gets destroyed and maybe have an accident,perhaps he will b wiser

;..

Geomac:

What if he cannot afford another car now?

Did he say so?

werepeLeri: leave the car for them - if you can, just buy yourself another car and keep the key with you. There is no way you can keep an automobile from an adult in the house. or you want your marriage to begin shake maka SUV? Biko.

Another car is not on the books right now. Just started a business for wifey and the focus now is on building it.

op, I wish I hav your kind of brother In Law. My sis' husband has about four cars and it took a lot of pleadings and forming vex(cos I stopped helping out with house chores) before I was eventually given access to a car. And for the duration of my stay with them, I dare not go to him or my sis for money to fuel or mentain the car. I have to squeeze out my own little funds to keep the car running. Did I hear you say scratch.... bros it is high time you put your feet down and take charge of your home.
Today it is car, I wonder what it will be tomorrow.
I still wish my brother In Law was free with me like this when I was staying in his house.

nahinbdis:

Another car is not on the books right now. Just started a business for wifey and the focus now is on building it.

ok bros.

like i said in d second post, it is no longer my car but our car, just tk to ur wife, give her upper hand to avoid wahala in ur marriage, if ur wife agrees then tell her to keep d car key, if she refuse, just forget about d car, dont drive it again, dont repair anything, dont even fuel it. My 2 cents

Mind you my driving skill was already good before then as I was already driving my dad's car in the east before then.

My brother, I feel you. Some other guys won't give a damn by telling him straight to stop using the car forthwith.I think this is where your wife should come. She should be reasonble enough to stop her brother from causing more damage to your "only" car. However if I were you, I will keep the keys away from him and will not bother fixing the damages done so far; until he leaves. All the best.

you people telling op to buy another car are so unrealistic! do you know what it took before he bought the suv? did he have his BIL in mind when he was purchasing the car? do y'all expect him to run into debt so as to satisfy his BIL's whims and excesses. thats not the answer guys. poster, you've already proferred a solution; hide the keys where he cant find it. if he has copies of the keys. change the damn locks! then try and get wifey a cute car that is easier to manage and less expensive to maintain...

Bro, just take the car key(s) to work. I wonder what you've been waiting for!

Is your brother in law older to your wife?

Don't shout just tell him not to drive the car anymore

dominique: you people telling op to buy another car are so unrealistic! do you know what it took before he bought the suv? did he have his BIL in mind when he was purchasing the car? do y'all expect him to run into debt so as to satisfy his BIL's whims and excesses. thats not the answer guys. poster, you've already proferred a solution; hide the keys where he cant find it. if he has copies of the keys. change the damn locks! then try and get wifey a cute car that is easier to manage and less expensive to maintain...

Whats the difference between your advice and the advice to him to get a new car? If I ask him to buy a new car and you call it unrealistic, how realistic is your own telling him to buy a car for his wife? Na wa.

^^^ cos a car is less expensive to maintain than an suv, you guys expect him to surrender the suv to BIL and sit back while he wrecks it to pieces. i couldnt complete my post cos of xter limit. the wife will know her car is more of her responsibility, no will teach her to call her brother to order when he wants to use it for joyriding. then again we dont know how they live. any dent or damage my mum puts on her car is her responsibility.

How has your wife been doing her runs/deliveries before now?
Tell your wife to tell his brother that he won't be driving the car again because he's been incurring expensis via accidents etal which you can't deal with now then go to the office with your car keys. Your wife should do the telling if its her kid brother but if he's older than your wife, sit him down and tell him that you took a loan with that car as a collateral so you can't afford to have it damaged/scratched every now and then so that makes the car off limits to him.

But OP if you plan to beg beg him for dollars or pounds tomorrow after he must have traveled them you got to use the cunny man approach.
Tell him you are taking it to the mechanic then suffri go park the car @ your office, or a trusted friends place.

@op...its clear your brother inlaw is a learner since he keeps damaging somethings in d car, in my opinion he should enrol in a driving skool since d visa is nt ready and u should tel your wifey how u feel with d way her bro handles d car. Sme brother inlaw can be so annoying......tel him to stop using ur suv since he can't handle it properly.

Poster are you sure "the man in question" is your brother in-law? I think that should be a topic on its own. . # I don't mean any harm, just a question from a small boy.

Taking d keys to the office or hiding the keys looks very childish and will make u look like a coward.What if he has d bravey to ask u for d keys that he can't find it.what will u say? Will U say that U don't know or what? It will be obvious u hid it.Since the main reason of hiding d keys(u don't want him to use d car)will be known someday,I will suggest U face d issue once and for all.Tell him U cannot stand d constant damages to ur vehicle and u want him to stop using it cos he doesn't know ow to drive well.After that,start hiding or taking d keys with u(make sure he doesn't av a spare).It would av been better if u had an old small car but since u don't,he shouldn't use ur SUV cos it's not good for learning and it is d only one u've got.

but ify you fall my hand small sha. so you're one the people that believe that obodo oyibo is a land overflowing with milk and honey waiting for third-worlders like op's bil to come and tap into . ok o, but till he gets there, he should to respect other poeples property chikena.

ifyalways: But OP if you plan to beg beg him for dollars or pounds tomorrow after he must have traveled them you got to use the cunny man approach.
Tell him you are taking it to the mechanic then suffri go park the car @ your office, or a trusted friends place.

Actually, he is not my wife's brother. He is my elder sister's husband. They were both over the seas, returned to Naija to marry. She has returned and he is yet to.

nahinbdis: Actually, he is not my wife's brother. He is my elder sister's husband. They were both over the seas, returned to Naija to marry. She has returned and he is yet to.

Hahahaha,now I get d pic.because of d type of relationship between u two(he is older,ur elder sis hubby),it will be very very difficult for u to be blunt to him dat u don't want him to use d car.Maybe U should look for a component to remove from d vehicle without wich d vehicle won't be able to move whenever u are away and do not fuel it also xcept wen u need it.If he complains about d faults to u wen u back from work,just tell him u will check and attend to it lateron.This should drastically reduce his usage of d vehicle.When u need to use d car,replace it and pretend as if d vehicle is aving mental touches.lol.leave that component again for a day or two and then remove it again.like that like that and like that.At least,his usage will be cut down by about 70%.

Na wa o! I tot it was one 18 year old, not knowing he is a grown ass man. At natural waves, I liked your first suggestion, but the problem with confronting him is that the BIL can go and report him to family members and start saying he was maltreated in the OP's house, you know how we human beings are. Personally I would hide my key in my office and join the BIL and wife to look for it for like 2 days. After that I'll tell them I'm always carrying my key to work so it won't get missing again. If they want to argue , i'll pull them na my car card.

Abali1: op, I wish I hav your kind of brother In Law. My sis' husband has about four cars and it took a lot of pleadings and forming vex(cos I stopped helping out with house chores) before I was eventually given access to a car. And for the duration of my stay with them, I dare not go to him or my sis for money to fuel or mentain the car. I have to squeeze out my own little funds to keep the car running. Did I hear you say scratch.... bros it is high time you put your feet down and take charge of your home.
Today it is car, I wonder what it will be tomorrow.
I still wish my brother In Law was free with me like this when I was staying in his house.

Shame on you. Even if he has 20 billion cars nko. Why not go work hard for yours and get yours.. Slave mentality.

A-town:


Shame on you. Even if he has 20 billion cars nko. Why not go work hard for yours and get yours.. Slave mentality.

Thank you very much; I was also thinking in your direction.

Abali1: op, I wish I hav your kind of brother In Law. My sis' husband has about four cars and
it took a lot of pleadings and forming vex(cos I stopped helping out with house chores) before I was eventually given access to a car. And for the duration of my stay with them, I dare not go to him or my sis for money to fuel or mentain the car.
I have to squeeze out my own little funds to keep the car running. Did I hear you say scratch.... bros it is high time youl put your feet down and take charge of your home.
Today it is car, I wonder what it
will be tomorrow. I still wish my brother In Law was free with me like this when I was staying in his house.

If your sister's husband didn't want you to drive the car, what is the big deal about it? Did you contribute anything to the purchase of those cars? Where were you when he was striving to gather money to get the cars?

After he allowed you drive the car, you were still expecting him to bear the cost of maintaining the car; this got me SMH. In my own world, if I let you use something I bought with my resources, you will bear the cost of maintaining it so long you have a source of income/allowance. That for me is the first lession of what is called RESPONSIBILITY.

I just don't know why people can't use another person's property as if it's theirs.

I wonder what his keeping you from talking... If you are really the husband of the house, i don't think you should seek anyone's permission to do anything on your own property...He is damaging your property gradually..Don't be too shy to talk. Orelse you are a WUSSY