floxyrangy:

please where is shapey to come and fill us in?

emmm, richyblack, where you there?

No.

My turn, where you there?

ahh, noooooo. I even dey wait am make she come fill us in. I dey enjoy the stuff.

the singing was still going on,i went back to the bedroom because i was so scared for my dear life-i do not understand efik mind you,and everyone looked at me like i was the devil himself.[b]a short while l8r,i heard a lady saying in english'where is she?please bring her out here let me thrash her thoroughly like a criminal'[/b]my hubby now walks in and says'ehm please come and greet my mom's sister'.mind you this mom's sister was the 1 saying she wanted to flog me

Richyblack, Did you read the statement in bold? Now whether it was an actual intent or not, the point is that they disrespected and ridiculed her right in the presence of her husband and mother and I bet you, few mothers will condole that and to make matters worse, the husband did nothing about it. So quit blaming the woman, it was her own way of expressing her anger and protecting her daughter.

In fact i duno watta say. . . i will just allow tears to flow what a world? This sister-in-law is surely going to bite the ground real hard!! For that am sure Lies lies lies. . . even look in the face a lie against a fellow woman, what a heep of curse she's called upon herself (sis-in-law)

shapey. . . sweet, the Lord is ur strength, good time n victory is ahead. . . pull urself together, this hard/rough time is
just a hot water and i hope, no, am sure it will get cold soon.

all da best

Oluchia:

Richyblack, Did you read the statement in bold? Now whether it was an actual intent or not, the point is that they disrespected and ridiculed her right in the presence of her husband and mother and I bet you, few mothers will condole that and to make matters worse, the husband did nothing about it. So quit blaming the woman, it was her own way of expressing her anger and protecting her daughter.

This is from ONE SIDE. Be that as it may, there's no way she would have been flogged by that lady in the presence of the husband; that's a stretch I'm unwilling to accept - no man can be that weak and go undetected that long (five years?). Are you saying that they couldn't have just flogged her without announcing to the whole world in English? I agree with you that those relatives wanted to ridicule her, but the mom's action took the drama one notch up.

[b]Shapey, my dear, i followed your story all through,and it really brought tear on my cheeks, it is very sad with all these in-laws stuffs, i just want you to bear in mind that God is your strength, just hold on him as your protector and comforter, he will never disappoint you, pls forgive your husband and you guys should really come together and renew your love once again to each other. your mother is a strong and brave woman not all mothers can do this.but don't allow her get too much involved in your family affairs, she is your darling mother who gave birth and breatfed you, i believe she will never try to mislead you,but be cautious and be prayerful aswell. God is with you and your husband,pls try and call him ,cos he is feeling thesame way you do.
may the peace of God reign in your home in jesus name Amen.[color=#000099][/color]

I mean what type of idiocy is that? What type of in-law flogs their son's wife ?? when i get married, if any member of my family dare try that he/she would surely visit the hospital. NO WONDER WHY OUR SOCIETY IS STILL BACKWARDS.

but,
My consolation is that they will come out of this loving and respecting each other the more.

hey guys,thank you so much.i cant imagine the support one can get from people you do not know.returned last night,and i'm currently enjoying my cousin's hospitality.i have seen and read everyone's post.
i'm trying to give a true picture of events here.when i think i've erred,i say it without mincing words.my mom in laws sister came with a cane richyblack-a whip.what we'll call koboko back home.i saw it for a split second.my husband saw it too,and was calling me to come and greet the person holding the cane.
i'll not like to go over that ugly experience.i'm already having a hard time forgetting it.when i think of it,i just feel sooooo bitter,so bitter that i nurse thoughts of leaving my husband and forgetting about anything that has to do with any man on this earth.i regret the day i encouraged my hubby to let his sister be with us.looking back now,that is the worse mistake i've made in my life.if not for all the lies she told her brother about me,he'd have easily forgotten that i ever laughed when we listened to the message.but there is just one thing i find very difficult to get and that is the fact that my husband will believe his sister over me,and not call his people to order when they were toturing me.i do not understand it.

i'm still in pain,but i know that by HIS GRACE,i'll come through.he is on his way back,but i'll not move in with him just yet.i'll like to sought myself out,we'll talk heart to heart and from there,we'll know the way forward.
if not for my mother who danmed all consequences and stuck her neck out for me,they'd have done horrible things to me.

@floxyrangy  if this is what you call enjoyment,then my dear,i have no words for you.the fact that you do not know me in person does not mean that you should rejoice when the next person is going through this sort of painful experience.i have not come here to entertain anyone with my experience,or make myself a laughing stock.when we share experiences,we learn from them.we also learn from people's candid advice and opinions.apart from my cousin and her husband,my immediate family,i must say i have drawn strength from the words of many in this forum.  floxyrangy,you may want to check yourself before making such hurtful comments.

thank you joshjosh.that video made my morning.

shapey please I am not implying that I enjoy what is happening to you, I actually sympathise with you on what is going on. Thing is, I never imagined this kind of thing can happen to someone. I am sorry if I sounded insensitive by my post. I just pray things will work out fine between you and your man. Take care.

ah shapey na wa o.are you still on the web?easy does it okay.
floxyrangy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was also wondering how you could be 'enjoying' it as you put it.i appreciate your clarifying issues.
shapey ur not picking up.y??if you are home pls pick up yeah.bradley will look in on you soon.love you

@shapey

Welcome back. we thank God that you went and put up a show even if not pleasant experience.

Take it from me your marriage is about to start experiencing a new dimension. Your hubby has the opportunity to see what everybody in his family are like now and he will learn from it.

Just tell your husband the way you feel and let him know you loved him and let me tell you the guy would kill anybody henceforth who dare mess with you.

Men are not always sure until the chips are down, he has been with his family all his life, you have only being together just under 5 years. As you will know, there are lot of woman that even living with them for 10years you can't trust them. So you need to understand him.

Remember what i said in my earlier post. You can let AMSKY and her husband know and also call your mother from time to time. But don't let anybody know that you and your husband are back together in the meantime.

Sleep together, pray and fast together, eat and watch movies or whatever you like to do together. make this time away from family your second honeymoon, agree when you are going to try for babies.

Always be a step ahead of your in laws. if you marry an Ibo man from your village it will even be worse.

I just have this feeling that you are about to experience the most awesome love between you and your hubby.

May GOD bless and be with you and your husband and may the love of God continue to bind you together.

Welcome.

yea, I agree with you on that. I really think this would make for a nice inspirational movie. It is perfect for hurting marriages. Now please do not get me wrong. It is very revealing, the society we live in. It is alarming that we women are our worst enemies. That sister in law seems to forget she will get married some day and it could be to Yoruba or Hausa man. Has she forgotten the saying," do unto others as you wish them to do unto you". Some people never learn. I really hope and pray things work out fine. I am waiting for the day shapey will come here and write how her husband came and they worked things out. I believe in happily ever after.

I havent done anywork at all all day,reading this post,i wont say its entertaining,i will just say its very interesting,.lot of views and opinions,some very good ,some basically stupid,but i wont go into that,

at joshjosh, ,u made the most sense
Shapey,i think what started it was just u goin to work the day he lost his mum,,but laughing at the 360 was funny to b honest,i laughed a bit myself,  ,though if it was a message about my mum,i definately wouldnt have laughed,panic would have set in straightway,but thats all gone now

To b honest with u,i think your husband is a model man,all who have called him spineless.hmmm,lets see what u all could have done in that sort of situation,he lost his mum,complete system shock,he was mad because she laughed,he probably wanted her to feel as hurt as he felt and he felt she didnt,(when i lost my dad,i became overly close to my immediate family,i wanted to be with them 24/7,because i knew they could identify wit my pain)so i'm not surprised he beleived his sister especially when u laughed and went to work ,,the sister obviously will cook the story up to perfection.

his mother sister coming with a cane,please he knew they wont dare  touch u,and he knew his mothers sister was probably thinking with grief , i mean hes your husband,u guys got married despite all odds,so for him to stick with u then,u think he willl now abandon u to this same family?

I think u allowed your mums anger get to u and u were seeing things in their own eyes,my mum will react that way tooo,but its me that really knows my husband,when u said the look u saw in his eyes made u cry,you're the only one that will feel that way because u saw him and u know him,your mum wont have seen that because shes not u ,personally i felt u could have stayed,your family wont have left u there,,even if it was just a night , ,because that was the time he needed u most.i mean u had your own mum,who did he have to help him go through what he was goin through,u should both have each other.

its not really a bad idea staying at your cousins but i think when he gets back just go home with him because thats your home,you're allowed to get hurt but know your husband loves u,he just lost his dear mother,he shouldnt lose u too,this will be the worst time of his life,so u should be there for him and please this should be a lesson for both of u ,never let anyone get between u  again.

His sister can definately not stay with u  again,u don't even have to say it,i mean she herself knows,he can have his relationship with his sister(rent her a flat ,give her money,because his siter will alwyas be his sister) but without u.u can't be part of that anymore,

if u still need time off,then take it but know hes your husband and your home is with him,

shapey:

.but there is just one thing i find very difficult to get and that is the fact that my husband will believe his sister over me,and not call his people to order when they were toturing me.i do not understand it.

I dont blame you at all for being angry which is why you two really should have that talk cos it's VERY sad when a guy chooses to believe the words of others over his wife without getting any kind of confirmation first. Infact it's dangerous.
Either way I hope you two are willing to put more effort in making this last but yes dont move in backl just yet until you two definitely discuss EVERYTHING out in the open.

shapey,
i simpathise with you over all that has been going on. i just want you to stay strong and as you said BY HIS GRACE all will be well. i can see you really love your man and i believe God is not asleep.

@ Shapey

At this point you have to move to change the situation.
It's abnormal for a man to hold a grudge for such a little misunderstanding. I am sure there is something else behind it.
Call him and ask what the problem really was. It might just be, you guys have some things you hadn't sorted out.

It's all in your hands.

i feel for you shapey, God is in control anyway, but i'll like u ask ur hubby's nxt move on his sis, where she's going to stay wen she comes bak, if he insist on her stayin wit you, let him kno u cnt continue wit her, b'cos u don't her next move.
wish you gud luck

I have read this pathetic true live event and I ask myself what can we learn from this? I will like to share the following learning points with us particularly those that are yet to be married:

1. Establish your personal independence long before you get married.
Everyman must establish his independence from his parents and extended family long before marriage (if you try to do it after marriage, your wife may be accused of bewitching you). Long before I got married, my family knew me to be a “rebel”. When I was getting married, I made sure I did not collect a single kobo from any family members (my parents inclusive) as help towards my wedding so no one can come and tell me what to do in my home.

It is apparent that the husband in this pathetic story has not established is independence that’s why the extended family could dare to lift their voice and their hands against the wife!!!

2. Let them know that you value your wife and your new home very highly.
Before I got married, I told my mother and my 3 sisters that “any offence against me will be forgiven but any offence against my wife will not be forgiven!!!”. I also told them that “my wife is my weakness because she is the only one I have soft spot for”. I don’t speak condescendingly about my wife and as such no one can insult her in my family in the name of “helping me to deal with her”. As a matter of fact, over time, my sisters and mother have become very good pals with my wife because they know she is the only one that has the key to my heart.

It is extremely important that everyman knows how to guard his home against invaders in the form of extended families. It is also important that African men should know that the term “immediate family” included only himself, his wife and kids (believe me some don’t know this) and anything outside this belongs to the extended family.

kogi, Hopefully the males will read your post and let it sink in their heads.

noooooooo!!!!!  the sister will not even call them to say she has come back to london let alone knock at their door.she knows she has done the second to her worst.she's even owing me 850pounds.make she come pay me month don dey end.
sexxy you are a truly a gem.i know things will work out bw them.
shapey and her husband are like twins-eat together,go everywhere except work together, the hospital staff know her,and her colleagues know him too.it's not too easy for her now.her husband has just landed and will be heading straight to my house.i'll not push things.i'll give them about 3hours to talk before i go home.
she'd been weeping like a baby.i'm sure there's no more tissue in the house.
kogilomo, true word.you have spoken well.let us all learn from this.your wife must be the happiest woman on earth.

VERY SAD. we want to reduce this ugly thing to africa men bashing. 
is there a school that teach men how not to stand by their women in nigeria?

@ sexxxyy many thanks dear sister. you give me hope that we have some great women amongst us. i always watch out for you and adeboo's post. God bless you and the womb that carried you. you are a blesiing and breath of fresh air here

this story is not about this guy. most of us have missed that point. 
i think the enemy is about to tear 2 young people to pieces all some people see is an oportunity to bash all africa men not fighting their family for their wife.  why must any sane person fight their family? is fighting the answer to every trouble we face.

i bet you ladies and the lovely men talking here would be doing thanksgiving in church for your sons cursing you in the name of defending their wives.[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]

there is an ugly script the enemy is trying to right here. it is not about these 2 people at all. laughing or not laughing. the enemy just want to get another trophy. it is time to pray people not time to judge and throw sticks at africa men.  Jesus said peter peter the enemy wants to sift you but I have prayed for you.  it is prayer time.

majority of the wahala we have back home are not caused by some "wicked men"

pray people - pray until we see this 2 people happy and re-united. we wait to see victory and rejoice with you both.

we do get pressed on everyside but we are never abadoned. God is with you dear sister and let your husband know God is with him too.

joshjosh thank you soooo much.you will never lack.help will always stand by you.thank you so much.often times we think it's all about fighting and showing how strong we are.this is an extremely sensitive issue and should be handled as such.

ehmmm joshjosh o.what of my 850pounds. i'm also worried about it o.me,i nid that cash well well.my daughther's nanny is due to be paid in a few days. .i dont know how to collect it,and i need the cash.

amsky they are holding cane and you are demanding 850 pounds? abeg that is bad debt joo.

Shapey pele o. God is by ur side. See what wicked men like us have allowed to happen to a sister.

joshjosh, quit being so dramatic.

No one is bashing african men, from what I see kogi is an African male himself. We are just AGREEING that some people dont know their piorities. Everything he said is SPOT ON.

Family will respect your wife or husband if you yourself respect your wife or husband. It's that simple. If not, that's when they think they can worm their way in people's lives and destroy it.

Complain all you want, kogi knows what he's talking about and I still hope people learn from his post/comments.

the wisdom and grace of God will prevail dear sister.
there is time for everything. trust the Lord He will repay you that money quick. there is some pressured cooker burning at the moment. i am a believer in miracles and i know God is fair. this money is not a bad debt.  
you will get the money but please lets see God get glory over another pharoah first.

this time next year we will hear sounds of babes and new life in this young couples house. whatever the enemy has used to torture them now just became an instrument of unity and blessings for them.  it is always in that order.

unity and the blessings follows.  thanks for being there for them. know too that God has set angels to watch and be there for you and yours.

@D-reloaded.  this is no forum for another fight. you refered to males

kogi, Hopefully the males will read your post and let it sink in their heads.

. check your post. we will not start another fight over this matter. thanks for your concern. this aint male business. this is people being people and giving themselves to silliness.

once again i am glad to know we have great women  in our midst.

sexxxxy:


To b honest with u,i think your husband is a model man,all who have called him spineless.hmmm,lets see what u all could have done in that sort of situation,he lost his mum,complete system shock,he was mad because she laughed,he probably wanted her to feel as hurt as he felt and he felt she didnt,(when i lost my dad,i became overly close to my immediate family,i wanted to be with them 24/7,because i knew they could identify wit my pain)so i'm not surprised he beleived his sister especially when u laughed and went to work ,,the sister obviously will cook the story up to perfection.

his mother sister coming with a cane,please he knew they wont dare touch u,and he knew his mothers sister was probably thinking with grief , i mean hes your husband,u guys got married despite all odds,so for him to stick with u then,u think he willl now abandon u to this same family?

I think u allowed your mums anger get to u and u were seeing things in their own eyes,my mum will react that way tooo,but its me that really knows my husband,when u said the look u saw in his eyes made u cry,you're the only one that will feel that way because u saw him and u know him,your mum wont have seen that because shes not u ,personally i felt u could have stayed,your family wont have left u there,,even if it was just a night , ,because that was the time he needed u most.i mean u had your own mum,who did he have to help him go through what he was goin through,u should both have each other.

[b]its not really a bad idea staying at your cousins but i think when he gets back just go home with him [/b]because thats your home,you're allowed to get hurt but know your husband loves u,he just lost his dear mother,he shouldnt lose u too,this will be the worst time of his life,so u should be there for him and please this should be a lesson for both of u ,never let anyone get between u again.

His sister can definately not stay with u again,u don't even have to say it,i mean she herself knows,he can have his relationship with his sister(rent her a flat ,give her money,because his siter will alwyas be his sister) but without u.u can't be part of that anymore,

if u still need time off,then take it but know hes your husband and your home is with him,

@sexxxxy,

very good observations

joshjosh how will the lord repay itna wa o.i really hoe it's not bad debt.850pounds multiplied by 250 is a whooping 212k500 NGN. haha.D D i will cry o pls. who even sent me in the first place? i've been silently and diplomaticly asking for it b4 now,but no show.anyway,like joshjosh suggested,let's get over this wicked pharoah at hand.

JoshJosh,
I agree with you that we need prayers but remember this God will not do everything for us. When we have prayed we must take personal responsibility and necessary actions before we can get results. E.g when I got born again may years ago (I was 17 then), and I left our family church (where I was born and my father was also born into it), my family fought me as if I had committed an abomination but I fought back and as a matter of fact I told them that I will disown them before they disown me (because my father was telling my mum that he will do just that if I don’t come back to the family church). Yes I prayed but I fought them to stand still and eventually they respected my choice. That’s why I said that getting your independence must be done long before marriage. When I was to get married, I knew that nobody would stand on my way because they have come to respect my opinion and choice in life.

Mind you when I say fight your family, I don’t mean literally boxing and wrestling with them but standing your ground and getting them to know that you have a right to your choice and opinion .

I would also not want to go into arguments on spiritual things but this I know “God gave us a head that we might give Him a rest”. We need to take personal responsibility for personal victory. Prayer is good but it must be combined with adequate use of our God given mind (after all we have the mind of Christ) to plan, strategise and pursue our goals.

On a final note, in my 2 years of sojourn in UK (am here on secondment from my company in Nigeria) I have discovered that if Africans are very religious and yet we have very little to show for it in our continent (even the man that committed incest still mounted a pulpit last august to give a testimony of the doings of the Lord, some Governors are even reverend and yet looted the treasury) compared to the Europeans that are not as religious but are more productive and generally obey the laws of the land and do not steal as we do!!!

We all agree that the issue of inlaws and outlaws is more profound in Africa thats why i try to direct my earlier post to "African men".
cheers

kogi, I referred to males cos kogi spoke from the point of view of a male since he is one. Simple.

and no one is trying to fight.

sshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.let's be quiet now guyz,the peace talk is ongoing.this man's eyes have seen alot. i feel so sorry for him.he hasn't even had dinner.he just went to commence the peace talk after 6hr+ trip. shapey pls,try and put it all behind you okay.and pls stop crying.i can hear you from here.
reduce your voice o.if you wake our junior madam up,you will carry her
goodnight friends.

thankfully i come from a family where we don't fight one another over any issue.  everyone is permitted to have different views and opinion but we all have a responsibility to know that the family is always bigger than you. i too like you left the family church years ago. like all good father will do my parents tought it would be a good idea to stick together.
i explained and left without a fight.  we agreed if i don't like it there i should back in 6months. some years down the road they came to join me and we are still one happy family.  

there is a promise that has to do with honouring ones father and mother.  there are too many battles a man faces in life that not adding his fathers/mothers blesings to his life makes him vulnerable to almost anything that would have otherwise not be able to overwhelm him.

talking about religion,  i will say  check my previous threads and you will see i have your back on that opinion. the problem our people have is that of religious as you rightly said.  Christianity is about relationship not religion[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font].
that is where most people jump on the wrong bus. you know obeying any rule/s is an expensive lifestyle for our people let alone obeying God the way He wants. i am all for standing ones ground and having the mind of Christ when doing His will. sadly i have seen too many people starting right in defending a just cause erring into errors that God cannot defend let alone bless. Christianity on its own is a force for good anywhere it is allowed to shine.

john avanzini said madness is doing one thing over and expecting different results.

i personally detest religion. religion is ugly and souless. not many things get me worked up like it. i strive towards Godly living and the good Lord has put His blessings and mercies upon my life for which i am grateful.

i must end this thread now by saying i disagree that outlaws wahala are only profound in africa . i have lived in this part of the world long enough to see the greek/ turkish and the lovely english people fight themselves over these same issues to the point of going to the courts.   you need to know how many % of the families here that will not go weddings for the same reasons we will see in africa.
human beings are human beings everywhere especially mothers. good old sinful people as my mum would say.

most women shouting here now will be in the same position when some few years down the road little johny will bring sally home.  it is the love of a mother for the male child. it is not wickedness just a misguided love that can easily be passified without fighting.

@ armsky   when you get your money don't forget  to ask for my bank account please.  relax my dear sister  you will get your money