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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe (7689 Views)
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Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by bamboke(f): 3:17pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
coogar: But what if we don't mind taking care of the mother but the shit comes from the younger ones who are old enough to be married but are not working and they feel their brother owes them, despite fending for them till he got married? They spread lies among themselves and to their mother too |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by Nonnytex(f): 4:39pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
coogar: Dis has nothing to do with d topic. Pls dnt jump into conclutn |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by Akposkool(m): 5:01pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
bamboke:seems u are bent ön doin it ur way.well my advice is dat u folo ur heart.wish u a marriage devoid of adversity.gudluck |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by coogar: 5:05pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
Nonnytex: shut your damn mouth, you inscrutable nuisance! speak to me only when you are spoken to! bamboke: well - this is africa - you should have factored all these before uttering the words "i do"! its a culture clash - igbo boys usually have a chip on their shoulders and as far as your brother in law is concerned, he feels he can do whatever he likes in his brother's house...........he would another 6 yrs to understand the house belongs to you as well....the easiest way to gain their respect is to fill everywhere up with children - you would be surprised how things would change for the better..... |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by Nobody: 6:51pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
@cooger..... I don't know about all these theories of yours about children o( I hope I don't get shi$ for this ) but don't you think it happens in all cultures and not just only Igbo ? |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by coogar: 6:55pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
jidegirl12: @cooger..... I don't know about all these theories of yours about children o( I hope I don't get shi$ for this ) but don't you think it happens in all cultures and not just only Igbo ? it's more pronounced in igbo states! a woman could be sent out of her husband's house not because she's barren - but because she has no male child! at least the other tribes give up as soon as the woman puts to bed - in the east, having a child does not pacify the inlaws, the child has to be male! |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by Afam4eva(m): 6:56pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
coogar:lol You watch too many NollyWood movies. 2 Likes |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by coogar: 7:27pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
afam4eva: of course, patience ozokwor is my role model! |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by vikeb(m): 7:44pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
Its really surprising Ђ☺w this is becoming!She just asked for advice not quarrels or arguement.Think this is simple whatever been the case the major issue is you are staying too close to your inlaws.Even with brother that can still cause issues.That's the major issue and if that is handled think all these would reduce considerably.S̶̲̥̅Ơ̴̴̴̴̴̴͡ please look into that and for now you got to be real tolerant.Its your home here! 1 Like |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by dayokanu(m): 8:30pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
Na wa o |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by neversaynever(m): 11:35pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
thaira: Oh really, she should take shyte, like really? When has getting married to a man from another tribe meant bondage, i mean would you give her that kind of advice if she were your sister? OP's decision is her's to take, but i think respect is reciprocal-the fact that she must respect her inlaws doesn't mean she must act dumb. |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by neversaynever(m): 11:45pm On Nov 05, 2012 |
Too much 'Nollywood movies' affect some people's mentality. I wonder what's so special about having a male child that won't give the same vibe as having a female, as if females don't make it or become influential in today's world. *SMH* :@ |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by Goodn9ja: 12:04am On Nov 06, 2012 |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by afam4eva(m): 9:27am So, what has your In-Laws tribe got to do with the problem you're having with them? I guess once someone marries from his tribe there can never be any problem. YOU ARE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT RIGHT. |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by linclon(f): 9:04am On Nov 06, 2012 |
Am much as sometimes we don't want to attach tribal differences to our marital issues, it still tends to play some factors in some marital issues. Am not saying here that marriage to the same tribe is problem proof aswell, just that one gets judge by others at times based on their tribe and this affects the growth of some inter tribal marriages. Am also a yoruba lady and my partner is ibo, though my partner and his sibling know little of Nigeria or even speak the dialect, the fact that he is originally from the east is creating problems in our home presently. Recently she visited us and from the moment his mum discovered I am yoruba, she always complain about one thing or the other about yoruba people even to the other "foreign wife" in the family. She doesnt even want to call our daughter by her English or Yoruba name which I and my partner named her. She insist our daughter be called by her Ibo name. I almost ask her what issues she has with Yoruba people even though she spent all her life in the village. While she stayed with us,I took good care of her, took her shopping with my own earned money, made her hair for her, and my partner who doesn't really bother much with her at times had to appreciate me which she also did once in a while. We gradually developed a good relationship since we were the only real Nigeria people in the family as I grew up in Nigeria. When my partner decide she should go back, I was not too happy as she was for the sudden return to Nigeria and I tried seeing if we could extend her visa. I am just soo shock with her recent attitude when she was leaving and I and my partner talked about her going to see my people for family introductions she started making up some stories about igbo traditions versus yoruba traditions which never existed during her visit when she was enjoying my hospitality. We were a happy home before she came and we were planning to visit Nigeria for our traditional marriage since we met abroad. Now she has gone back, she caused problems in our home and she put our future plans together on shelf. She made up stories and presently, I and my partner are still not on good terms. What kind of a mum will derive joy from wrecking her son's home? I am soo disappointed with her that after I empathized with her as a mother when she told me how her children rarely visit her in Nigeria, and I made up my mind to convince her children to visit her in Nigeria more often, my partner rarely calls her when she is in Nigeria and I was planning to constantly keep in touch with her but with what she just did, she just lost her support from me. If I had been an igbo lady with the worst attitude would she have wrecked my home before going back after enjoying her stay? my guess is NO. |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by vilively: 1:04pm On Nov 10, 2012 |
coogar: Y do I get the feeling u are just trying to be tribalistic about this. Can I ask which tribe u are from |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by vilively: 1:12pm On Nov 10, 2012 |
linclon: Am much as sometimes we don't want to attach tribal differences to our marital issues, it still tends to play some factors in some marital issues. Am not saying here that marriage to the same tribe is problem proof aswell, just that one gets judge by others at times based on their tribe and this affects the growth of some inter tribal marriages. Am also a yoruba lady and my partner is ibo, though my partner and his sibling know little of Nigeria or even speak the dialect, the fact that he is originally from the east is creating problems in our home presently. Yes it is true marrying from another tribe has its own issues..but let me tell u my mom nd dad are from the same LG in the east nd my father's mother didn't like my mom one bit until recently.now my parents hve been married 4 33yrs. Now give me one reason y ur case and their case is diff. |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by bigfrancis21: 1:58am On May 26, 2013 |
linclon: Am much as sometimes we don't want to attach tribal differences to our marital issues, it still tends to play some factors in some marital issues. Am not saying here that marriage to the same tribe is problem proof aswell, just that one gets judge by others at times based on their tribe and this affects the growth of some inter tribal marriages. Am also a yoruba lady and my partner is ibo, though my partner and his sibling know little of Nigeria or even speak the dialect, the fact that he is originally from the east is creating problems in our home presently. First, I'll have to say that your mother-in-law was right when she insisted that her grand child be called by her Igbo name. Its a common culture among grand mothers in Igbo land, to name the female child of their children. My sister's first name, Nneka, was given to her by my father's mother. It is an Igbo name, not even English. Middle names are usually native names and because of this, my sister has all Igbo names. My brother also got named by our grand mother. He has all Igbo names too. I'm the first son myself and took after my dad's names. So if she insists that her grand daughter be called Uju, Amaka etc, so be it. That way she won't feel threatened in any way of losing her grand children to foreign cultures. Also, she'll feel connected to her grand child. Igbo people living in the US, and maybe other Nigerians, are generally against their children marrying from outside the tribe, especially the white folks. Because, as it has been observed, once the half-caste children are born and grown, they'll always want to identify themselves as americans/interracial and not africans or Nigerians. To them, africa is where their father came from not where they themselves come from. Like you said, if you were Igbo, she may not have gone to this extent. True as it may seem because she'll be at least sure that the Igbo mother of her grandkids will ensure that the children be raised with strong connection to their roots, since her son himself is not sound in the Igbo culture. And you're not giving her that impression when she walks into your home and hears her grand child being called 'Bunmi'. And she'll then think that when the other kids arrive, it will 'Seun', 'Tayo' all through in the house. Sure you can have a pet yoruba name by which you chose to call your child but her native Igbo name needs to come first. That's the message your mother-in-law is trying to get across to you. In Igboland, its naturally expected of a woman that once she marries, she unites and becomes one with her husband's family. I must really commend your nice attitude towards her. Keep it up. |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by Afam4eva(m): 2:27am On May 26, 2013 |
bigfrancis21:This still brings up the point she was making about inter-tribal marriages having their own dose of problems. That's why all parties should work together to make it work and i think she(linclon) has not done her part. It's not just enough to be all nice. I understand her MIL's fears. She should have even been at the forefront of making sure her kid gets an Igbo name. That way her MIL won't see her as domineering but instead she chose to give her child a name from her tribe and ignored the fact that her husband is Igbo and it should reflect somehow in the kid. If she was the man, it would have been a different issue but she's the woman in the house and should be directed. When marrying someone, be sure that you're also marrying the person's family. That her husband doesn't care about the name she gives their child doesn't mean his family won't. 1 Like |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by deanantony(m): 9:39pm On Jul 18, 2013 |
PLS HELP OUT...HOW DO I GET My IGBO MOTHER IN LAW TO BE TO ACCEPT ME...i'm in love with an ibo lady.she loves me back.she even let other suitor go away jst because of me..her mum loves me too but she claim because of distance(cos im a yoruba person), she's nt goin to support the union of the two of us.the lady is witout father..wat can i do? |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by coogar: 9:43pm On Jul 18, 2013 |
deanantony: PLS HELP OUT...HOW DO I GET IGBO MY MOTHER IN LAW TO BE ACCEPT ME...i'm in love with an ibo lady.she loves me back.she even let other suitor go away jst because of me..her mum loves me too but she claim because of distance(cos im a yoruba person), she's nt goin to support the union of the two of us.the lady is witout father..wat can i do? very simple - plant a seed in her uterus then disappear for a while. within 3-4 weeks, the mother-in-law would change her owerri accent to yoruba. |
Re: Relating With In-Laws From A Different Tribe by Bawss1(m): 9:51pm On Jul 18, 2013 |
Apparently some people are still drinking the nollywood kool aid. |
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