coogar: very irrelevant -
we are talking about what gives in "nigeria" - any analogy that does not centre around nigeria is null and avoid! it's like comparing domestic abuse in nigeria to america. a man would likely get punished for marital abuse in america, he won't even see a police station in nigeria not to talk of magistrate court..........no one is disputing what is right or wrong here, we are talking about how the nigerian judiciary deals with child custody!

and you see nothing wrong with justice not prevailing.
at his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice, he is the worst. this is pretty much evident in Nigeria. instead of its own people to make things right, u find narrow-minded people cheering it on

mondi_cheeks: and you see nothing wrong with justice not prevailing.
at his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice, he is the worst. this is pretty much evident in Nigeria

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - what has justice gotta do with this for effing sake?
the single most important point is - will a man get away with running away from his responsibility in nigeria? the answer is yes! whether it's ethical, right or wrong is a different matter entirely.......what is right in canada is wrong in saudi arabia and vice versa!

Coogar, d dad applied to a Naija court not an american court. The man came back to Naija sa his sorry old dad and told him to go to hell.

D 9ja cases I can't tell all here but its similar too. D father was told to allow the grown child make her choice and she chose her mom due to d nature of ickedness the man showed them in d past. Do u expect d court to arrest the kids and force them home to the runaay repentant father?

coogar:

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - what has justice gotta do with this for effing sake?

well if u dont know what justice has to do with it, then obviously u dont know the relevance of law

kitty kat: Coogar, d dad applied to a Naija court not an american court. The man came back to Naija sa his sorry old dad and told him to go to hell.

D 9ja cases I can't tell all here but its similar too. D father was told to allow the grown child make her choice and she chose her mom due to d nature of ickedness the man showed them in d past. Do u expect d court to arrest the kids and force them home to the runaay repentant father?

thank u for pointing that out

kitty kat: Coogar, d dad applied to a Naija court not an american court. The man came back to Naija sa his sorry old dad and told him to go to hell.

D 9ja cases I can't tell all here but its similar too. D father was told to allow the grown child make her choice and she chose her mom due to d nature of ickedness the man showed them in d past. Do u expect d court to arrest the kids and force them home to the runaay repentant father?

bahahahaha hahahaha
i don't really expect you to change your tune - of course, all the cases you saw or heard, the women won everything!!!! maybe they got pregnant for stark illiterates or mushin touts in the first place......good luck to them!

Coogar the only way the dad can win if the mom is well informed and connected is by kidnapping the child. As long as the woman knows her onions and has cash, she will win. Who told u she can't lie, manipulate and cheat her way through it. Ask ppl that have beeen thru it. U r just theorizing.

Another way d man can win is by making peace but If its by force and the woman and her family are ready for him. Just fogerrit.

kitty kat: Coogar the only way the dad can win if the mom is well informed and connected is by kidnapping the child. As long as the woman knows her onions and has cash, she will win. Who told u she can't lie, manipulate and cheat her way through it. Ask ppl that have beeen thru it. U r just theorizing.

kitty kat: Another way d man can win is by making peace but If its by force and the woman and her family are ready for him. Just fogerrit.

this is the same nigeria where a man can go out, bring another woman into his matrimonial home, tell the first wife to vacate the bedroom and lay the bed for the new wife, isn't it? you folks are deceiving yourselves. like i said - 2 kinds of people exist in this world: the wise and the foolish! in nigeria, nothing is impossible......

U r leaving in the past 9ja is changing. Women dey give men quit notice these days for house wey the man rent. Na only mumu women dey allow men abuse them these days. U think say we no dey watch Oyibo movies. Dey dia na

In dis same 9ja, a woman trickishly got her hubby to buy all his properties in her name and dared him to divorce and loose all. 9ja women are wising up. Women done turn agbero o.

kitty kat: U r leaving in the past 9ja is changing. Women dey give men quit notice these days for house wey the man rent. Na only mumu women dey allow men abuse them these days. U think say we no dey watch Oyibo movies. Dey dia na

really? naija is still in the process of changing? you mean you have not changed yet? there's still hope for philandering men then........women give naija men quit notice these days? you ought to join basketmouth and alibaba in stand-up comedy(you got jokes)!!!!

kitty kat: In dis same 9ja, a woman trickishly got her hubby to buy all his properties in her name and dared him to divorce and loose all. 9ja women are wising up. Women done turn agbero o.

like i have said - the wise ones and the foolish ones......

I no say u no ggree but 9ja women r gettin liberated whether we like it or not.

Joing baskemouth and co will leave me bankrupt. I am not talented in that area. Na why I tell u say come offline. I will give u ppls fonenumbers to call and confirm.

Sisi_Kill:
Okay I see you modified your post!

Can we back up a bit here because you to have missed the plot.

1) As long as they are not married, the father has no rights.

2) As an unwed mother, the woman has the rights to make legal decision for her child.

3) OP's friend can marry the woman and adopt the child.

4) The biological father can't just waltz back in to claim the child leaving OP's friend in the cold (OP's fears for his friend)

5) If he wants his child he has go through some heavy legal wranglings. In doing this, it would put him in a perfect position for the woman to claim what's due to her.

So this is what I'd like to know from our lawyers here please, what benefit would the adoption of this child by the new husband serve in this scenario if the biological dad decides to proceed with all the legal brouhaha? Is it all for nought? I don't understand how a woman can have sole custody, marry and have her husband adopt her son only for the biological dad to be able to legally waltz away with the child later. If a child is adopted by a man, that man becomes the father by law. Or does Nigerian law not consider an adoptive parent the true parent? How does bio father legally come into this picture again?

ileobatojo:

So this is what I'd like to know from our lawyers here please, what benefit would the adoption of this child by the new husband serve in this scenario if the biological dad decides to proceed with all the legal brouhaha? Is it all for nought? I don't understand how a woman can have sole custody, marry and have her husband adopt her son only for the biological dad to be able to legally waltz away with the child later. If a child is adopted by a man, that man becomes the father by law. Or does Nigerian law not consider an adoptive parent the true parent? How does bio father legally come into this picture again?

The only reason he can waltz back into the child's life with little or no consequences in Nigeria is

1) Our attitude to such issues - By the time all the yeyes and mamas in the family put their mouth in the matter, the mother is left with no choice but to agree to his demands.

2) Our Attitude towards adoption - as long as the child does not have a drop your blood in his, he will never be considered your child even if you can tell how many hairs are on his head.

3) People don't know their rights or their defense is built on a shaky foundation to begin with.

It is not the law that is the problem, it is the people.

All else being equal, that he has these options available to him does not mean he will win the case, other factors, which varies from case to case are also considered. One thing you can be almost certain of, if adoptive father and mother have built a comfortable, loving home for this child. . .there is no way they will give the Bio dad custody or even joint custody. It will probably start with visitation and the mother can insists she wants a supervised visit because the child does not know him and quite frankly neither does she. Please understand this is not a one week thing or even a month. . .The process can take years, so really he isn't just waltzing in.

While it might not be tarred and feather after being strung by his balls punishment Mondi Cheeks would like. . .HE WILL BE PAYING for the consequences of abandoning his child.

this is really a serious matter. but somethings are not properly done in this country. how can an educated young man got his lady pregnant, then push her away into another man's arm and come back later to claim the same child he never wanted? the court case is not easy and this our culture and traditions na wao.

Sisi_Kill:

The only reason he can waltz back into the child's life with little or no consequences in Nigeria is

1) Our attitude to such issues - By the time all the yeyes and mamas in the family put their mouth in the matter, the mother is left with no choice but to agree to his demands.

2) Our Attitude towards adoption - as long as the child does not have a drop your blood in his, he will never be considered your child even if you can tell how many hairs are on his head.

3) People don't know their rights or their defense is built on a shaky defense to begin with.

It is not the law that is the problem, it is the people.

All else being equal, that he has these options available to him does not mean he will win the case, other factors, which varies from case to case are also considered. One thing you can be almost certain of, if adoptive father and mother have built a comfortable, loving home for this child. . .there is no way they will give the Bio dad custody or even joint custody. It will probably start with visitation and the mother can insists she wants a supervised visit because the child does not know him and quite frankly neither does she. Please understand this is not a one week thing or even a month. . .The process can take years, so really he isn't just waltzing in.

While it might not be tarred and feather after being strung by his balls punishment Mondi Cheeks would like. . .HE WILL BE PAYING for the consequences of abandoning his child.

So in summary, if the OP's friend marries this girl and legally adopts this child, he just needs to not succumb to the family pressures and the backwards and barbaric methods Naija people use to settle things. He should be ready to do battle in court with a good lawyer and the chances of him keeping this child as his are very high (provided he raises the child in a loving stable home). There you have it OP. I think you have the info you seek. It's up to your friend to decide if he is willing to handle this level of drama if it ever comes to that. If the bio father decides to play dirty though (Coogar style) and happens to be in a better station in life to be able to do so then only God can help him in that case.

As long as he is aware, and has accepted mother and child, no problem. All the girl needs to do is have the baby father sign away parental rights in the court and before competent lawyers to the new dad. Opari. No long story. If he isn't willing, then the child should not be deceived about its heritage, parentage and circumstances of its birth. The real father must then take care of his responsibility, otherwise the mum should do that and her husband out of the abundance of their heart. Someone that marries a girl that has a child or is pregnant by someone else, to a certain degree has accepted responsibility for mother and child. Don't think about what will happen tomorrow, you love the mum? The child comes as a packaged deal. If you can't deal with it, leave the girl alone.

Sisi_Kill:
While it might not be tarred and feather after being strung by his balls punishment Mondi Cheeks would like. . .HE WILL BE PAYING for the consequences of abandoning his child.

i dont ever remeber saying that, he should be denied of sole custody as a form of punishment. i said he will be denied of custody because he failed to prove that he can meet the best interests of the child right from the day he became aware of the pregnancy. dont misinterpret what i said. if u can state urself that he did abandone the child (child neglect), then it means he cannot be deemed legally fit to have sole custody of the child

coogar:


i don't disagree some men might have lost the custody of their kids to another man - there are 2 kinds of people in the world - the wise ones and the foolish ones. sadly, that's the world will live in. however, i cannot see how a well to do man who is financially buoyant to take care of his child would be denied access to his own child just because he was a philandering teenage boy who was immature to deal with paternity........

are we talking about the same patriarchal nigeria? the same nigerian where the successful child is the father's and the wayward irresponsible child belongs to the mother? i think some of you posters are getting carried away with the western culture...i won't even take custody of another man's child no matter how bad the woman tries to paint the father of the child! you can only take the wife of a lazy man - you cannot take his kid!



abeg go n siddon with your karl marx philosophy!
other islamic countries operate a patriarchal society and they are doing very well - if you think our custom is the reason the politicians are looting then you need to go back to school! our development or lack of it has nothing to do with the custom!

People of intelligence, dont waste your time responding to such person, just ignore, share & spread what ought to be,what is & how we can best enforce what ought to be.

SisiKill1:


One again, this part of my post musta flown right past your head


Seriously, you need to calm down! You are shooting from the hip here with your emotional outbursts.

You can't bank on the fact that because something offends your moral senses a great deal, it will surely do the same to other people. To you, the biological father's suggestion of abortion should totally discount him the running but can you guarantee other people will see it the way you do? NO!! Which is why it makes better sense to fight with established laws.

Jeez! Abeg, if you are a lawyer, I am begging you to please go learn how to put sentiment aside and approach things in a more logical manner. You also need to understand that going into court with an win all or nothing mentality is a sure fire to lose more. Life isn't black or white, people don't always suffer the consequences of their actions while others get splattered with consequences shite for something they had no hand in.

In life concessions are made and sometimes the only option available to you as a lawyer is not winning but making your clients loss less than what it could have been and the only way to do that is to check your emotions at the door!!

I'm done with you jare, argue with Coogar. . .he is better at dealing with emotions than I am.

I'm glad you gave up.
you should know that sentiments and emotions as long as they don't break the law are valuable in any case.
that your non-sentimental does not mean you are lawful.
The pressure to abort a child on a woman is nothing you will ever understand...and the abandonment that follows...

But since it's not your case, all you are saying is theories, you would never be able to conclude on what is a plus or not.