jennykadry:

I like you

Witty07:
U lack understanding. Having examined u critically, it seems u do not understand these words in marriage
Slave
Happiness
Matrimonial

Witty07: My wife makes me believe I can neva b in control.
I do not know where she belongs. We are christains but at times I see her as an hypocrite because b4 our marriage she told me dat d bible is our standard of living, I accepted. But a week to our wedding she said it is goin to b hard for her to b submissive. Lets even forget that, from d holistic point of view. What gets me crazy is that she does not accept corrections from me, she can b so full of herself.

Witty07:

First of all... U are a kid for talking about intercourse b4 marriage. That's why I said u women lack understanding.
If u are a christain dwell on this
“Role of the Wife in the Bible
"encourage the young women to love their
husbands, to love their children, to be
sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being
subject to their own husbands, so that the
word of God will not be dishonored." Titus
2:4-5
"get married, bear children, keep house" 1
Timothy 5:14
"But women will be preserved through the
bearing of children if they continue in faith
and love and sanctity with self-restraint." 1
Timothy 2:15

Mavor: True. But you are still yet to tell me how less social networking and less time watching junk TV for a woman imply that she is caged?

Okija_juju: SO to all the 'MORDERN' women in the house, how do you handle the following in your home;
1. Food
2. House-keeping
3. The kids
4. Laundry
5. Your Husbands welfare
6. Sex

Adaeze003:

I'm now a kid for talking about our traditions?! Now that's kinda funny. I'm not here to argue with you. What about a place in the bible where men are not to do anything in their home??

Odunnu:
Any man who wears traditional cloths

coogar:

food - mr biggs/tfc
housekeeping - housemaids
kids - au pair
laundry - dry cleaners
hubby's welfare - butlers, maids, mother in-law
sex - tantric sex, kama sutra, swingers club.

it's the 21st century, okija.......i am a traditional man married to a modern woman and she's rubbed off on me. join the bandwagon or miss out.

Vikin:




People like you makes me sick.....

This is the last time I reply to you because you are such a s.l.o.w.p.o.k.e.......keep taking command from your wife and you come here shouting traditional man.

Mtcheeew!

coogar:

food - mr biggs/tfc
housekeeping - housemaids
kids - au pair
laundry - dry cleaners
hubby's welfare - butlers, maids, mother in-law
sex - tantric sex, kama sutra, swingers club.

it's the 21st century, okija.......i am a traditional man married to a modern woman and she's rubbed off on me. join the bandwagon or miss out.

Okija_juju:

Any Man that does not provide for his family is worse than an infifel... 1st Timothy Chapter 5, verse 8.. _refer..

jennykadry: Okija why are you quoting bible? Haven't you stated on this forum a million times that you are an atheist?

Okija_juju: ANY WOMAN WHO PUTS CAREER or BUSINESS before HER HUSBAND AND KIDS (HER FAMILY), without the consent of her husband, Is not traditional and not worthy of being called a mother or a wife...

bettymafy:

He's romantic and helps with house chores and u still call him a "traditional" man? If that is how "traditional" men are, then who wants a "modern" man?

Adaeze003:

I'm now a kid for talking about our traditions?! Now that's kinda funny. I'm not here to argue with you. What about a place in the bible where men are not to do anything in their home??

Okija_juju:

Any Man that does not provide for his family is worse than an infifel... 1st Timothy Chapter 5, verse 8.. _refer..

Vikin:




People like you makes me sick.....

This is the last time I reply to you because you are such a s.l.o.w.p.o.k.e.......keep taking command from your wife and you come here shouting traditional man.

Mtcheeew!

Okija_juju:

Vikin:
They don't know what they are missing....

Witty07:
Is it our tradition to sample u sex wise b4 marriage, hmm.
And where was it written that men should do nothn

[b] author=Onlytruth


Since the debate surrounding this issue started, I have refrained from even reading opinions posted on this site in threads addressing the topic. I deliberately avoided reading them because I don't want to be influenced by them in any way. I wanted to reach personal conclusions after long periods of reflection and thorough thinking. I did not (and still do not) want to be influenced by the "chatter".

To address the issue, I have to tie it down to the bottomline argument -IS BANNING OR REJECTION OF SAME SEX MARRIAGE DISCRIMINATORY?

I wish to state now that my opinion on this is not an attempt to tip the scale in either direction, but rather an attempt to embrace the truth, no matter whose ox may be gored at the end.

So, here we go!

In my humble opinion, the term "marriage" is universal in human culture, but the knots and bolts of it, "the devil-in-the-detail", is NOT universal in application. Let me rephrase it. Marriage does not necessarily mean the same thing to different cultures. I am not a trained sociologists, or historian, so I would confine myself to comparing between the Igbo (Nnewi) culture and those of the dominant colonial culture that gained the upper hand in Igboland. All I am doing here is to place the facts concerning the two cultures (Igbo and western) on the table, and then let the facts speak for themselves.

Like I stated already, the term "marriage" means different things to different nations and cultures on this earth. It is like "farming" for instance. Farming is usually shaped by environment, culture, history, religion. . .basically everything that is unique to any nation or cultural group. Even in Igboland, the farming techniques of Ezza people for example, is different from that of Nnewi people; nevertheless, both work for both peoples! Ndigbo say that "nku di na mba na eghelu mba nri" -the local firewoods make the best woods!

The art, or culture, of marriage is unique to different nations, just like farming. Each nation can decide to adopt a foreign farming technique (for whatever reason), and drop local one (for whatever reason too), and may live happily ever after with the adopted culture. What I frown at is for people to start making statements attacking and disparaging the same culture that they have willingly adopted, which (apparently) served them well through the years. If it didn't serve them well, well, they should drop it and adopt another; simple and short.

Marriage in original Igboland was a process whereby a man saw a woman, made the judgement that she was "fertile" (to bear children) and "strong" (to produce strong children who would work in the farm), and then went to ask for her hand in marriage. He didn't even go to ask the woman, he asked her father (though she would eventually decide whether to accept or stay in the marriage)! later. If she accepted the offer, judging by the man's appearance of "strength" (to protect her and and her children), and richness (to ensure that she and her children did not starve), she followed him home to HIS house after he has PAID her brideprice, to become his wife. From the moment the man paid the bride price, the woman became his, and EVERY of her children born inside that marriage automatically became his, whether he impregnated her or not (Nnewi culture).
The marriage was not based on "love" (a sexual affiliation between two people, which is often demonstrated through canal or conjugatory consummation). Marriage in Igbo culture was not based on that love. FACT. It was mainly an economic decision in the true sense of the word. Yes, it came with what I call "perks" (read se.x ) but it was never THE deciding factor in the process of chosing a spouse, both for the man and the woman. It was a movement upward in the socio-cultural-economic ladder. It was NEVER a partnership of equals, because the one (the man) PAID, for the other (the woman) for her fertility. If she came into the marriage, and failed to reproduce, the man usually married another wife. Simple. Notice that it was always the woman's "fault", because she really didn't always have to become pregnant by her husband (secret fact). She only needed to get pregnant, and the man gets a child. Simple. That is why she was blamed when she failed to produce a child. Modern Igbo have lost the history behind this practice, and it has led to all kinds of problems. The Igbo of Nnewi leapfrogged paternity test! It was (and still is) a wasted and really unnecessary exercise. That is why fatherlessness was completely alien to Igbo culture. Everybody had a PRESENT father. FACT.
So, you "marry" to reproduce in Igboland. Polygamy came about (in Igboland) partly as a stop-gap measure to solve the problem of infertility (in the woman). The Nnewi Igbo felt that the equation of reproduction could be effectively solved by solving ONE SIDE of the equation -the woman side. The man PAID to solve this equation on the woman side.

Now, in the western culture of marriage, it is an exercise that unites TWO equal human beings, who "love" each other. It is based entirely (or at least primarily) on LOVE -the physical attraction between two people. I could be wrong, but I have never come across any historical proof showing that the "love" needed to ALWAYS be between a man and a woman -NONE. This fact is silent of course, but very much there. That is why such marriages ALWAYS crumbles whenever one side stops LOVING the other. That is also why is it impossible to marry more than one person, because truly, one cannot love two or more people equally. The marriage -though it also assumes reproduction as in the Igbo one above- does not base on the reproduction. That is why there are MANY in western style marriages who are childless, and are very happy in it. FEW (if any) Igbo are happy in a childless marriage. FACT.

To reharsh; in Igboland, a marriage fails if the woman fails to produce a child. In western culture, a marriage fails if one side stops loving the other. Apples and oranges.

In Nigeria, what we have now is a conundrum of sorts, of mixed and mashed cultures, and has almost totally obsfucated the facts of each culture that we adopted. This confusion is self imposed though, and cannot be an excuse to abuse or maltreat people in Nigeria.

So, in my humble opinion, to deny two consenting adults the right to unite in western style marriage, is discriminatory.

I now understand why my church -the Anglican church of England- is effectively in support of same sex "marriage". It is an affirmation of existing cultural facts in England.
If there is a "Church of Igboland", such issue would never even arise, also, drawing from Igbo cultural facts. [/b]

Adaeze003:
You seem confused. I'm sure you did not understand my first post before jumping to comment(and I'm the kid? ) And you said women lack understanding?

Anyway, my point is that our 'tradition' suggests a master-servant relationship and that is just not acceptable anymore..

coogar:





don't mind the neantherthals.........
if my wife spends 60% of the day doing "yeye" chores in the house, when would she have my time in the bedroom? i think the problem with okija-juju and the other traditional men is their bedroom sessions last only 5-10 mins. modern men who demand 3 hrs from their women in the bedroom know a woman must be properly managed and taken care of.

5- 10 minutes of raw undiluted ecstacy is better than 3 hrs of bumping and grinding with no pleasure o!!

As a traditional man, na fire dey go I dey.. No time for gba'riwa .. [

kemifemi: Interesting thread.
Well, I pounded yam and prepared egusi soup with ugu for my husband last nite just because he had been a very good friend and husband and not because he asked me too.

He's not a traditional man and does not believe in suppressing or forcing a woman to submit to you. He believes once you love and show love to your wife, she'll do anything for you, I mean anything without asking.

While we courted, I NEVER cooked in his house , I only did that when he came visiting.

My best friend unfortunately married a traditional man. The guy believes his wife is his property, does not even help her out with the kids cos he believes its her sole responsibilities.

Ladies abeg shine your eyes o.

coogar: . modern men who demand 3 hrs from their women in the bedroom know a woman must be properly managed and taken care of.