I am the first born in a family of 6 but I hardly ever get the honour or respect that a first born is entitled to.
I'm what u can refer to as a 'figure head' as my dad who's never scared to show his favoritism to my immediate brother thinks he as the 'real deal', hence leaving me relegated to the background. He(my brother) was not quite good with his books but skilled with his hands, and I was the opposite. My dad is a sucker for people like that but to do it in his home at the detriment of his first child is what I've been grappling with for over 20yrs of my life.

Right from when we were very young my kid bro has been very close to my dad and when I got to secondary school and subsequently the uni, it only made the gap btw him and myself wider. We never got together like a father and child do. I remember poisoning myself in junior high when I just couldn't cope with the situation.

Fast forward 5yrs after college, the family split only (a yr ago). Dad relocated to Ibadan and I and my two brothers stayed put in Lagos but in my apartment. He visits every month, but I see nothing changed in the way he behaves towards me.

Only recently I got to know he's about selling one of his houses out. He gave my immediate brother the papers and the all clear to sell It. When I got wind of the information, I wept like a baby as I never thought he could do that to me.
My immediate brother knows pretty well that dad is on his side and hardly respects me in my own flat. It's even gotten to a stage where I feel like throwing him out. He's such a nuisance this days to me not because I'm jealous but his disregard for me as his senior.

I'm a year older but his attitude towards is dat of an elder brother to his junior. My dad still gets things from me but his loyalty and love rests on my brother.

I honestly don't know what to do to get this depression of me.

Guys how can I stay and lead a happy life amidst dis mess! Pls help!

Get yourself a good woman to make you happy. Also try to be independent, work hard and make your own money.....they wil come to you when the time comes.

1. Act like they don't exist.
2. Mind "your" own bizness.
3. Give ur "two cents" only when asked.
4. There's always a place for "Prayer" - the stone which the builders rejected might just be the cornerstone soon. (I've seen it happen)

op i feel your pain,it's happening to me too,but what of your mum,anyway all i can say is hang on,it's for the best.

lol, sorry jare. Some parents are like that. They are not very good at not showing their favorites. The fact is, you are so emotional about this and think as the eldest, certain rights are yours. but it is not true. You are just the first, based on lifes circumstances. It doesnt mean you will be your father's favorite or you are entitled to anything. I think because this affects you the most, you may be transferring aggression to your younger brother. And yes, because he has been spoiled by your dad, he has a very high opinion of himself. Look, as the youngest and my dad's favorite, i knew things even the eldest didnt know. And i am a woman. With money matters, my dad trusts me more than all my other siblings. It happens, doesnt mean he doesnt love you. It just means that you all have your different strengths and weaknesses. Your brother may have traits to him, which your father admires that the others dont have. Also, you are both men now, you have to come to a place where you are more friends that superior and subordinate. Dont force yourself on your brother or try to make him submit to you to prove you are maintaining or not losing your position in the family. Dont let your father's preferences rob you of a good relationship with your brother. if you are truly the eldest, show it by not being petty about the matter. Let it go and let them show their annoying love how ever they like. No matter what, you are still the son of your father. And he definitely loves you .

Try talking to your dad and telling him how you feel. It could also be that he feels you are more settled than your brother. And your brother needs more attention and show of love than you do. Some parents overcompensate for their children, when they think they are either at a disadvantage or handicapped compared to the rest of the kids.

baby_123: lol, sorry jare. Some parents are like that. They are not very good at not showing their favorites. The fact is, you are so emotional about this and think as the eldest, certain rights are yours. but it is not true. You are just the first, based on lifes circumstances. It doesnt mean you will be your father's favorite or you are entitled to anything. I think because this affects you the most, you may be transferring aggression to your younger brother. And yes, because he has been spoiled by your dad, he has a very high opinion of himself. Look, as the youngest and my dad's favorite, i knew things even the eldest didnt know. And i am a woman. With money matters, my dad trusts me more than all my other siblings. It happens, doesnt mean he doesnt love you. It just means that you all have your different strengths and weaknesses. Your brother may have traits to him, which your father admires that the others dont have. Also, you are both men now, you have to come to a place where you are more friends that superior and subordinate. Dont force yourself on your brother or try to make him submit to you to prove you are maintaining or not losing your position in the family. Dont let your father's preferences rob you of a good relationship with your brother. if you are truly the eldest, show it by not being petty about the matter. Let it go and let them show their annoying love how ever they like. No matter what, you are still the son of your father. And he definitely loves you .

Try talking to your dad and telling him how you feel. It could also be that he feels you are more settled than your brother. And your brother needs more attention and show of love than you do. Some parents overcompensate for their children, when they think they are either at a disadvantage or handicapped compared to the rest of the kids.

For some reason I haven't and don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to talk to him about It. Thanx so much for ur time.

LeonessAug: Get yourself a good woman to make you happy. Also try to be independent, work hard and make your own money.....they wil come to you when the time comes.

I am independent, I work so hard to take care of myself and my sibs. U think a good woman alone can put an end to my misery?

mysticgal: op i feel your pain,it's happening to me too,but with my mum,anyway all i can say is hang on,it's for the best.

Mum is faraway in Port harcourt. How I miss her ryt now. Thanx miss.

jaystunt:
For some reason I haven't and don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to talk to him about It. Thanx so much for ur time.

Well he wont think there is a problem or know there is a problem if you dont talk to him about it. A problem shared, is a problem solved. Goodluck sha, but am sure there is more to life than competing with your brother. That is your blood, all you should have in your heart is love. Not envy, hate or anger. With how you have written about yourself, i am sure you are able to make it on your own, without your father's help. Which is a very good trait. See, in your struggle, you have come out more stable and settled. Do you think your father is not proud of you? That at your age you are able to take care of him and most of his responsibilities? All that is holding you back is this issue. Resolve it and let it go. If you dont, it will keep eating you up inside till you do something you may regret in anger.

pfii: 1. Act like they don't exist.
2. Mind "your" own bizness.
3. Give ur "two cents" only when asked.
4. There's always a place for "Prayer" - the stone which the builders rejected might just be the cornerstone soon. (I've seen it happen)

The problem is theU're the ones in my business. Honestly if I didn't have him coming to me every month and dis particular brother of mine staying under the same roof with me, I wouldn't be so much bothered about them. They're all up in my face, killing me emotionally and psychologically.

baby_123:

Well he wont think there is a problem or know there is a problem if you dont talk to him about it. A problem shared, is a problem solved. Goodluck sha, but am sure there is more to life than competing with your brother. That is your blood, all you should have in your heart is love. Not envy, hate or anger. With how you have written about yourself, i am sure you are able to make it on your own, without your father's help. Which is a very good trait. See, in your struggle, you have come out more stable and settled. Do you think your father is not proud of you? That at your age you are able to take care of him and most of his responsibilities? All that is holding you back is this issue. Resolve it and let it go. If you dont, it will keep eating you up inside till you do something you may regret in anger.

God bless you for these wise words ma'am...thanx once again!

Are you sure he is your real dad? From what you are saying I think you need to ask him. No father behaves the way your dad is behaving especially when the child is responsible.

pfii: 1. Act like they don't exist.

@OP, the above advice can work like magic. also, make a good plan to get married, your wife will make them realize they are living in her husbands house. so sad to say but i have an a55hole father too.

Yes, you're the Boss, but you must show it by your humility and servant-styled leadership............ Draw closer to your brother, (you shouldd have done this long ago) instead you allowed envy creep into your heart....... There's still time, become best friends with your brother and you won't have to bother about him being proud or whatever.
Then call a meeting wit dad, ask him why he treats you the way he's doing.. Passionately with a sorrowful voice.... Tell him how he's killing your spirit, but never ever bring your brother to the discussion, this is between you and dad. Talk to him diplomatically without bringing your brothers name or or your dad choice of him over you, into the table......
Try visiting your pastor/priest for counceling though, it helps....

Just as someone said,being the first child is a privilege,just try to ignore them,and stop giving relevance to your Dad's attitude,its normal to have favorite child,but open display of affection by your Dad is wrong. Such action tends to tear the family apart,and being the elder,its your duty to hold the family in one piece.

I will advice you talk to him about how you feel, during his visit to your place,to know his stand(funniest thing is that,he might not know his attitude hurts you)m

This is one good reason parents are always advised not to show favoritism to their children at the expense of others because it simply yields bad feelings. If only your father knows the storm and unhappiness he is stirring up in you, he doesn't know and he needs to be informed either by you, your mum or a relation of yours. He holds the key to making it alright and even renewing the not-too good feeling between you and your brother. I saw your post where you said that you can never talk to him yourself but you may be the best person to make him realize this. If you don't want to face him squarely, you can write these feelings of yours down in a letter/e-mail for him (with good choice of words). It may touch him or you can have your mum, an uncle or aunt talk to him so that he can realize how much he is hurting you. I mean you don't have to expect to be treated more specially than others because you are the first but you mentioned that you once poisoned yourself because you never got close to him like a father and child do meaning that there is a void between you two which you yearn to be filled.

If he is made to understand that there exist that gap, he may make an effort to close it and get closer to you. You have to be very careful about the way you feel over your brother's attitude to you because such feelings are dangerous, very dangerous. Stop attributing his behaviours to the fact that your Popsie regards him more and that makes him disrespects you, it can make you feel more hurt over it all and such feelings are capable of driving a person to lengths that they may blink and regret the next minute. You can also tell your father or your mum about your brother disrespecting you, it is their duty as the parents to see to decorum in their family. You don't really have to feel bad about "the sale of the property" issue, you know. Your father is still alive and the property he owns are still his to handle as he likes until he wills it away to his children and they regain rights to own those, I understand your hurt there coming from the angle that your younger brother was given the paper and asked to sell it but that shouldn't bother you. Your father is the one selling his property through the help of your brother.

One more thing, please don't poison yourself again or want to hurt yourself over these feelings okay. Problems are better solved, they remain there if unsolved so why not make effort to get this solved. You and your father moves closer together, you and your brother respects each other more and everybody is happy. How about that?

OP your case is a little similar to mine. However, I would advice you to focus on your dreams and aspirations. Dont mind the guy that said you should get a woman, that would only add to your probs, you need a clear head right now. Focus on your dreams and pretend as if your dad and bro dont exist. Also be prayerful and with time the rejected stone would turn out to be the chief cornerstone. Goodluck.

jaystunt
You have had the benefit of full education paid for by your father but you are still not content.
You say that you "cry like baby" because things do not go your way.
You seem to be a very juvinile person crying and wailing while you brother gets on and does things.
Your father does not have to give everthing to you just because you are first born!!
Because of your attitude he probably sees you as a failure and waste of time, your comments are very feminine and he may suspect you of being a harmosexual Gay boi.
You may get his trust by working hard but complaining on forum like woman and crying will only get you further into trouble.
If you were my son I would throw you out to make your own life!

@OP, maybe you need to dig into how your father married your mother. Many men that marry ladies because the lady got pregnant usually doubt their paternity of the child unless the child has a striking physical resemblance to them. So, OP, how did your parents get married and how much do you resemble your dad physically.

VALIDATOR: @OP, maybe you need to dig into how your father married your mother. Many men that marry ladies because the lady got pregnant usually doubt their paternity of the child unless the child has a striking physical resemblance to them. So, OP, how did your parents get married and how much do you resemble your dad physically.

I aggree.
OP is whining boy who may be boy lover.
No wonder that "father" is suspicious of parentage and favors his true offspring who is hard working man.

I have a lot to say to the OP but I am on my way to a meeting.... will be back to respond.

.

Op...

Do you really need your dad or anyone in order to validate yourself. You should be thinking about making something of yourself and you are hussling for your dad's attention. Let it be. Success is a magnet.

The first and second advise are Good. but for me send them out of your house, hustle well to make your own money and forget papa money. When is time to marry get a Good wife who will stand with you in all things, be independent on your own and forget your family's money. When the First Born is needed they will certainly look for you.

hidden post

Apologies i dint read your whole story, looks too long - but from what i picked with my lazy eyes = = >
When you start earning large, the tune will change.

No parent disregard a bread winner even though he is worse than ibori

I do not necessarily believe in all these seniority cravings. Ignore them and pursue success. Success has many friends!

jaystunt: I am the first born in a family of 6 but I hardly ever get the honour or respect that a first born is entitled to.
I'm what u can refer to as a 'figure head' as my dad who's never scared to show his favoritism to my immediate brother thinks he as the 'real deal', hence leaving me relegated to the background. He(my brother) was not quite good with his books but skilled with his hands, and I was the opposite. My dad is a sucker for people like that but to do it in his home at the detriment of his first child is what I've been grappling with for over 20yrs of my life.

Right from when we were very young my kid bro has been very close to my dad and when I got to secondary school and subsequently the uni, it only made the gap btw him and myself wider. We never got together like a father and child do. I remember poisoning myself in junior high when I just couldn't cope with the situation.

Fast forward 5yrs after college, the family split only (a yr ago). Dad relocated to Ibadan and I and my two brothers stayed put in Lagos but in my apartment. He visits every month, but I see nothing changed in the way he behaves towards me.

Only recently I got to know he's about selling one of his houses out. He gave my immediate brother the papers and the all clear to sell It. When I got wind of the information, I wept like a baby as I never thought he could do that to me.
My immediate brother knows pretty well that dad is on his side and hardly respects me in my own flat. It's even gotten to a stage where I feel like throwing him out. He's such a nuisance this days to me not because I'm jealous but his disregard for me as his senior.

I'm a year older but his attitude towards is dat of an elder brother to his junior. My dad still gets things from me but his loyalty and love rests on my brother.

I honestly don't know what to do to get this depression of me.

Guys how can I stay and lead a happy life amidst dis mess! Pls help!

this is really painful bro,ur broda might have to leave ur house(if u cant cope with his attitude, paranoia might set in and you find urself trying to harm him, just as Joseph's brothers did to him)but in all rely on God to see ur through. your popsy no try at all as per the house matter, not good at all

Sorry uncle, abeg wetin oldest pikin dey gain? Apart from property maybe? Abi you can't work and be self-made? You dey find short-cut to inheritance?

I don't understand this rant o! Na by force say your papa go love you pass because na you hin born first?

Bros, go and work hard. Some people papa don die. And dem no see one single tie, talk less house. Hustle hard, until such a time that your father sees your strides and accomplishments in newspapers and TV, call me B@stard if your dad doesn't call you and say "My SON, i am sooooooo PROUD of YOU!"

pfii: 1. Act like they don't exist.
2. Mind "your" own bizness.
3. Give ur "two cents" only when asked.
4. There's always a place for "Prayer" - the stone which the builders rejected might just be the cornerstone soon. (I've seen it happen)

And you've said it all.

you talk like an eediot, get urself 2geda and strive to prosper, get married enjoy ur life.....can't imagine wasting 20years of my life on someone's affection/love taaaaaa, selling his properties without telling you so whaaat?

AS A MATTER OF URGENCY PLEASE SEND THAT YOUR BRO OUT OF UR APARTMENT WITH SPEED....not fight though...OR ELSE UR TROUBLES ARE JUST BEGINNING!

This is Wat a 20 years old get wen he refuse 2 grow up and move on wit life..


Must u wait 4 Ur father 2 die and inherit his house?

Firstborn wahala don make first page