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by Nobody: 8:30am On Aug 17, 2013 |
7 Likes |
Re: by Nobody: 8:44am On Aug 17, 2013 |
Thanks @cc. |
Re: by biolabee(m): 8:46am On Aug 17, 2013 |
Cool...it all starts with fatherhood |
Re: by k2039: 8:46am On Aug 17, 2013 |
If the father in this situation doesn't affirm her, love her, tell her she's pretty, put his arm around her and give her attention, she often looks for it elsewhere. The only thing she has to bargain with is her sexuality, and she thinks she'll be loved if she gives certain gifts of her sexuality. We know where that leads: he gets what he wants and dumps her, and she doesn't get what she wants, which is love.' Dad, if you've been AWOL, come back to your children, particularly your daughters. Very True. In fact she is very beautiful, afterall it's a combination of mummy and daddy's gene, so why won't I affirm my sweet beautiful brilliant daughters. You can't undo the past, but with God's help you can give your children the future they deserve. But it must become one of your highest priorities. This is even more true, this is actually one of the things people regret on their deathbed. |
Re: by callola: 9:07am On Aug 17, 2013 |
Dats gr8 but some daddies are something else ooo |
Re: by bellong: 9:58am On Aug 17, 2013 |
I want to recommend a book for all parents. "Questions kids ask about SEX, honest answers for every age". By the medical Institute for sexual health. Edited by Thomas Fitch with Melissa Cox. What I like about the book is the practical and real life presentation of events which cut across race. It is not a typical western writing, it meets the moral and spiritual demands of all. They have sections devoted for the two sexes separately. Below is an excerpt from the book. "At the same time, a father's love is primarily one of protectiveness. It's mostly experienced as affirmation and protection as a young woman grows up. The more time a father gives to his daughter, the more he teaches her that she's valuable and that she can have her needs met because there's a man willing to offer his love and affection to her. It's not hard to understand that when a father's love is missing, a young woman will look to other men to meet her relational needs. In doing so, she may become seductive, Flirty, or even sex-ually active at an early age because she desires and needs the protective, affirming love a father gives. The greatest gift a father can give his daughter is attention, affection, and affirmation". |
Re: by greatgod2012(f): 10:13am On Aug 17, 2013 |
@CC and bellong, its all true and IMO, the same thing is also applicable to "mothers to sons" relationship. May God help us all. |
Re: by Nobody: 10:32am On Aug 17, 2013 |
This is a very good topic and may be there are a few things for some men to learn. Fathers should understand they are role models to their children. The first example of a husband or father your children see will be you so you need to understand whatever you do goes a lot way to influence your children's expectations of what a father or husband should be. A few tips here 1. You need to spend more time getting to know your daughters. As much as possible let them lack nothing they need. And also teach them the right principles and the right role models. You dont want Paris Hilton and Britney Spears to be their role models. 2. Find sometime to go to their schools and talk to their teachers. This is very important. Lots of parents while I was growing up did not have a clue what their children were like outside home. Speaking to their teachers is very important to know what they get upto in school. 3. Just dont give them stuff, but be there for them. They need to see you as more than just a provider but also as someone that takes interest in them and in what they do. When I buy toys for my daughters, I fix the toys in their presence. I remember when I bought them a trampoline and I got a friend to help fix it together, they were like wow, daddy is very strong and I also personally supervise them when they are playing. 4. Being there and getting to know them builds trust. They need to trust you and believe in you. Go with them to their parties when possible and get to know their friends daddies too. That also helps. 5. At the same time know when to apply discipline. Your daughters need to see you as an authority figure just like they need to see their husbands as an authority figure. A few tips on how to act as a husband 1. Never hit your wife. You pass a message across to your daughters that it is perfectly acceptable. Some people say girls from abusive homes sometimes marry abusive guys too. It may just be because they think all men are like that because daddy is like that 2. Never cheat on your wife. Again you pass across the wrong message that it is acceptable. 3. If you do any of the two above or anything else wrong, do not blame your wife for it. Remember it is your choice. If you blame your wife again you tell your daughters it is their fault if their boyfriend cheats on them. I know lots of fathers out there who have a good heart but they are very busy. My advice it to create the time especially to go to their schools. Even if it is once a year, take a day off and go see how your children are doing. It would not cost you too much! 5 Likes |
Re: by Nobody: 10:32am On Aug 17, 2013 |
Subscribing. . . ![]() |
Re: by JohnnyPalmer: 11:27am On Aug 17, 2013 |
Fathers can be.... |
Re: by baby124: 12:24pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
I had a dad who loved as intensely as anything. Throughout my life I have never seen him raise his hands, voice or cheat on my mum. He also really really built self esteem and treated us fairly. Now, I can honestly say I was blessed because I am a very strong person because of this. I never met anyone who could kill my self esteem. I had friends who I felt were so weak and do bizarre things for a guy. Very bizarre. I started to look deep and realized I was very fortunate, because o boy, the family situation was just as bizarre. Did I make mistakes, yes, but I got up with my dignity and self esteem in tact. Life is not perfect but parents play a big role in giving kids a good start. I pity kids whose parents behave mentally deranged and therefore treat their families badly. It's like a generational curse and will take strength of the other parent to help them through life. Some parents think being insanely difficult and abusive make them good parents. No, it only makes your sons abusive and your daughters very timid. Raising boys well is also very important. You can stop them being abusive adults by letting them know its not okay to hit their siblings or anyone, except in self defense. It's also not okay to insult at all. Some parents are expert at insults. Why won't their kids be verbally abusive? 2 Likes |
Re: by Nobody: 12:58pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
Nashville: This is a very good topic and may be there are a few things for some men to learn. Fathers should understand they are role models to their children. The first example of a husband or father your children see will be you so you need to understand whatever you do goes a lot way to influence your children's expectations of what a father or husband should be. A few tips here Nothing to add. Great topic CC |
Re: by damiso(f): 1:16pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
So so true about how a father affirms who you are.Me and my younger sis were chatting yesterday about how she kinda hates going for family functions now.This is because she keeps getting annoying innuendos about her bringing home a husband.We were both like all this people would not dare be asking all those questions if my Dad were there ![]() Han that Man built up our self esteem. ![]() Nashville nailed it in his post. I hope all fathers can have that mindset. 1 Like |
Re: by biolabee(m): 1:18pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
Nashville: This is a very good topic and may be there are a few things for some men to learn. Fathers should understand they are role models to their children. The first example of a husband or father your children see will be you so you need to understand whatever you do goes a lot way to influence your children's expectations of what a father or husband should be. A few tips here |
Re: by smartmom(f): 1:20pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
1 million likes CC. Seasoned advice here. Must share in the www.Nigerianparentsforum.com So very important and my hubby and I are very careful to instill this self worth and dignity in our only daughter. Our 3 sons are also being trained to respect and appreciate her too. It is preparing them to learn how to respect womenfolk in their lives too. Kids are very delicate and all we input in them is what they will output as adulthood. It is a very grave and serious duty indeed. |
Re: by smartmom(f): 1:25pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
damiso: So so true about how a father affirms who you are.Me and my younger sis were chatting yesterday about how she kinda hates going for family functions now.This is because she keeps getting annoying innuendos about her bringing home a husband.We were both like all this people would not dare be asking all those questions if my Dad were there I can imagine how your little sis feels. She shouldnt mind them o! as if she doesnt amount to anything without a husband. Its called tactlessness. She should tell them her husband hasnt found her yet. Or that she is still vetting her suitors shikena ![]() |
Re: by Nobody: 1:47pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
1. You need to spend more time getting to know your daughters. As much as possible let them lack nothing they need. Hmmm, this is true. But what can he do if he doesn't have the means to provide? |
Re: by sholay2011(m): 3:09pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
Over sense-making is worrying the posts here. ![]() |
Re: by Nobody: 3:56pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
sholay2011: Over sense-making is worrying the posts here.Hahahaha!!! At least acknowledge the write-up, its gr8. Very good. Thanks for sharing. How can one subscribe madam CC? I lv their style |
Re: by ladygogo: 4:49pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
well said all. A fathers love and attention are important in a girl's life. |
Re: by Nobody: 5:19pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
And for those without a Father neither father figure nko?? Me think we parents should do our best to raise our kids esp let them understand there's consequences for every bad behaviour and they will carry the burden alone if their heads are not screwed on tight. I spoil and at the same time talk sense into my kids.... there're unfortunate kids out there (unfortunate I meant without both parents or even none) and still turn out great. 1 Like |
Re: by bellong: 5:24pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
The mothers of those without fathers can do well to help their children get a male role model (mentor) who can serve as a father figure in their lives. |
Re: by Nobody: 5:26pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
^^ lets be practical here, 'get male role models'... You meant their boyfriends??... who can walk out of their lives unannounced. Or those camouflaged perverts ?? |
Re: by bellong: 5:31pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
^^^ Male role models can be a trusted immediate family member, a teacher with record standing, a leader in the church or mosque whose life is worthy of emulation. |
Re: by Nobody: 5:34pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
bellong: The mothers of those without fathers can do well to help their children get a male role model (mentor) who can serve as a father figure in their lives.Mr Bellong,I beg to disagree with u. Anybody can be a role model irrespective of gender. I grew up w'out a dad and never had a male role model. Never needed one cos my mum made me not to feel the vacuum. I believe there r millions out there like me 2. 1 Like |
Re: by Nobody: 5:41pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
Thanks YPP @Bellong, I still don't trust those people ... Higher % of sexually abused young girls were mostly defiled by family member/role model/godwhatever sorry. Let the available parent do the job , it's not cut out for any gender IMO.... Last time I checked its OUR children. |
Re: by bellong: 5:52pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
You are not getting the point am making. I never said fatherless parents should get desperate for a father figure in their children's lives but where such is available it is highly recommended. The roles played by both gender in the lives of children cannot be over-emphasized. @YPP, Yes, not everybody can have a father figure in their lives but saying that the male gender is not important in the lives of children does not hold waters. I grew up with no father figure too. I thank God that my mother did all she could to make me who I am today with God's help but I know that there was a vacuum she couldn't fill which only my dad could have filled. Your mum did her best but if your dad had been alive, you would know that her best can't equate the roles of a father. In years to come, you will see difference between you and your kids (May God spare their dad to nurture them to maturity) with their dad in their lives. |
Re: by Princesszoe: 7:33pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
Nashvile God bless you beyond measure. I believe we are not only discussing about female children here. Our male children equally need special attention if not more. We are to educate our children morally especially the male ones. Our male children should be tutored on how to control their sexual urges. They should be taught on the necessity of saying no to sex until after wedding. They should be taught of the spiritual and physcial consequences of sexual immorality. They should be taught on the consquences of smoking, joining cultist, roaming around with bad peers, drinking in excess and so on. If sixty percent of parents can influence their male children on moral grounds, many female children will be saved from rape, teenage pregnancy will be reduced, prostitution as a result of lack of money to take care of ones children due to teenage pregnancy will minimize, divorce being caused by infidelity or battery from the male side will reduce, bosses asking their female employees to pull off panties before giving them appointment letter or promotion will minimize and more male graduates who are qualifies for various job positions will be employed, killing for money making will be minimized, robbery and kidnapping will be minimized, above all immorality will reduce. Our male children should be taught with carefulness with ALMOST the same way female children are taught. Tell them to protect their bodies from women that are not their wives. Also not to sleep with any woman that is not the wife. Our male children are stronger sex i.e emotionally, so we are to teach them to be protectors and not destroyers(sexual predators). The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. Teach your male children that as well as the female children. Remember, the children learn more from what we do, they listen to what we say about daddy or about mummy. If they ever hear from mummy or close relation that dad cheated on mum, the dad has started losing. Same goes to mummy. That is why training children is the most challanging issue in the marriage. Let us be guided accordingly. 2 Likes |
Re: by cannonnier(m): 8:53pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw: SORRY. @topic not many children takes their parent as role model,(well, that not necessary)it's old fashion. they would rather like people with great fame. what disturb me here is the abuse of fame. young people take their role models or love being compared to some music artists, you won't like someone with tattoe from head to waist as ur child's role model. it makes more sense to teach your children to learn good beheviour from people and eschew the bad ones. |
Re: by coogar: 9:12pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
biolabee: Cool...it all starts with fatherhood the role of fathers in a child cannot be over-emphasised. sadly, some people think men are just spërm-donors! 1 Like |
Re: by baby124: 11:53pm On Aug 17, 2013 |
jidegirl12: Thanks YPPGbam. Honestly kids with no father figure around are the usual targets for perverts and its mostly happens or comes from family members and friends. Even some fathers are pedophiles how much more a man that is not the father. I guess the mother cooperating with the father is important. I don't think the role of one parent can ever be done by both. The difference is very clear. |
Re: by Nobody: 7:14am On Aug 18, 2013 |
1 Like |
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