So I have a question for the married Nairaland men/women

Do you ever have a crush . . . . an Achilles heel in the form of the opposite sex . . . someone who's not your wife/husband and yet you can't trust yourself in a room alone with him/her !

Does having feelings for someone else mean you don't love your husband/wife

How do you handle unresolved feelings for an ex . . .

joy4anney: Lovely contributions up there. As a single lady in a relationship with a guy with Anger management prob, Baby Mama and other matured minds, what ways would you recommend to live with such partner?

@joy4anney,from ur post, it seems to me u've made up ur mind to live with him(damning the consequence). I would want to know if he hits u at the slightest of provocations or whenever he's in a rage.is he into drugs(or do u suspect he does drugs)? Women for who they are can provoke u to breaking point but that's never an excuse for a man to lay his hand on her. People say 'love is blind' but lovers shouldn't be! If he's in the habit of hitting u then that's a warning sign(scarlet flag) that I think u should consider strongly.ur life is very important u know(if not to u but to ur loved ones). If u think u can cope with it,no problem. Not all that glitter is gold!

Ujujoan: So I have a question for the married Nairaland men/women

Do you ever have a crush . . . . an Achilles heel in the form of the opposite sex . . . someone who's not your wife/husband and yet you can't trust yourself in a room alone with him/her !

Does having feelings for someone else mean you don't love your husband/wife

How do you handle unresolved feelings for an ex . . .

YES O!!

I've got the hots for a couple of actors, one of which is a certain actor on the hit Channel 4 Series called Top Boy. Only thing is I can't ever have him na

Damiso, help me out here... you recorded the entire series 1 and 2 - what's his real name sef??

2nd choice is another actor on Sky Living currently showing the Dracula series...Mwah!!! Oh for that kiss on the neck - so romantic! I even like him better than him appearing as King Henry VIII

Efe, be serious naw
Uju is very serious.
Uju pls don't mind her.

I hvnt had such experience.

But I don't think u can love two at a time. One must be infatuation or s*exual feelings and that if not handled well can explode into something else.

As for an ex, once u r an ex, every other thing about u is completely erased from my system.
New life, new joy and happiness and of course new ikwokirikwo
Old things hv passed away

^^ Who says I'm not being serious here?

Or you're telling me that because they're actors it doesn't count?

So why then does my heart go all flippety-flop when I see Duschane on Top Boy? Or me laying in bed, tossing and turning restlessly when the full moon comes out at night, thinking of mine only Dracula?

YPP 'n Uju, pls help a sister out here!

Ujujoan:
Good . . . then you better don't attempt to conduct same for her!

i have conducted it thrice for her & she passed!

A Pregnant woman says she can only trust the child in her womb . . as for the one on her back, she can't vouch for!

the pregnant woman is right - she doesn't even know the father of the child on her back & the one in her womb. i can see the difficulty in vouching.

@Willy, efemena and CC, thanks for ur response. He does not lay hands/ beat. But he talks out of anger things that can be hurtful at times and then switch off into his own zone

Efemena_xy:

YES O!!

I've got the hots for a couple of actors, one of which is a certain actor on the hit Channel 4 Series called Top Boy. Only thing is I can't ever have him na

Damiso, help me out here... you recorded the entire series 1 and 2 - what's his real name sef??

2nd choice is another actor on Sky Living currently showing the Dracula series...Mwah!!! Oh for that kiss on the neck - so romantic! I even like him better than him appearing as King Henry VIII

Ashley Walters...Him and the other guy were in Kidulthood I think he is a rappers(hubby is always like I don't get your fascination with gang/street life ) I guess its true women kinda like bad boys.

And yeah I agree with Efe, those tv crushes can be something else o .I actually blush when I watch Idris Elba, I don't know what will happen if I meet him in real life. .

As per exes, my most serious ex was a douche bag so there is no unresolved feelings there .I don't think I have fancied any guy in that way since I got married.

joy4anney: Lovely contributions up there. As a single lady in a relationship with a guy with Anger management prob, Baby Mama and other matured minds, what ways would you recommend to live with such partner?

If you don't mind,before I answer I want you to tell me what he has done when angry and what triggers the anger
That is very important
Be very sincere and open please and I and others will give our honest opinion.
Waiting to hear from you

Ujujoan:

Nwanyi a bu sharp babe . .

Honestly that and his ATM pin are the only passwords I need to know!

Very sharp babe
One time a refund check landed in both our names
Fear no gree me forge his signature like my fellow women do,my gal pal was like GABA,just use left hand and sign his name
I need to know how people get access to the accounts
I need advice on that one
My man is ultra savvy with what goes on with his money
He is on the stingy side
If you like blow his mind in the bedroom and his eyes are dim,once you talk about dollars,he is wide awake and latching unto his wallet.
That is one huge flaw he has.he grew up poor and I think that is part of why he is stingy.

damiso:

Father Lord in Heaven,My eyes hurt .But all of una are married women why una dey wonder about other men's yekinis , face your oga's yekini pls .

As for Passwords pins etc, as others have said the only ones I am really bothered about is the bank cards, internet banking and I know those.As has been said knowing those stuff should not be the premise for saying he cheats or not.It should be more a convenience thing.

My Mum and Dad have this old family friend I have known all my life.The man is on his 2nd marriage to someone who should be working for the CIA (she snatched the man from his first wife as she was a member of the household staff don't want to give specifics cos he is quite known in Naija coporate circles). I guess she knows the score .Monitors the man like someone who is crazed, people can't even visit them at home without her suspecting.Do you know this man has another wife(ok mistress) in London? He has phones she does not even know about.He keeps them in people's offices not even his cos she can just show up and start ransacking.In a way I do not pity the man but when my mum paints the specifics its a really pathetic case.So its not about phones and passwords.

That is why I said a man that cheats will cheat no matter what
He could have a phone and email accounts the wife never knows about and communicates with the other woman with that phone
So thinking you have his password as a safety net is pointless.

Baby mama:

Very sharp babe
One time a refund check landed in both our names
Fear no gree me forge his signature like my fellow women do ,my gal pal was like GABA,just use left hand and sign his name
I need to know how people get access to the accounts
I need advice on that one
My man is ultra savvy with what goes on with his money
He is on the stingy side
If you like blow his mind in the bedroom and his eyes are dim,once you talk about dollars,he is wide awake and latching unto his wallet.
That is one huge flaw he has.he grew up poor and I think that is part of why he is stingy.

Lol!

Osisi, you have absolutely no idea how I so...so...feel you on this!

I bet your hubby's signature must be real neat and complicated like mine. So hard to forge even after nearly two decades of married life

My own na real gra-gra writing...no time to waste.

Ujujoan: So I have a question for the married Nairaland men/women

Do you ever have a crush . . . . an Achilles heel in the form of the opposite sex . . . someone who's not your wife/husband and yet you can't trust yourself in a room alone with him/her !

Does having feelings for someone else mean you don't love your husband/wife

How do you handle unresolved feelings for an ex . . .

I was trying to put together a post about exes and FB and social media
Many married women have gone routes they never anticipated ,no thanks to FB and Internet fora
As a rule I don't accept FB friendships from any man I was ever involved in romantically
I have been asked but I have turned them all down
I was engaged to someone and broke an engagement to marry my hubby and that man found me on FB and asked to be friends ,he is now married with children but I declined

It is too dangerous
We all know ourselves and how we are made
There is no man I was involved with that I have bad tales about,they were all very loving relationships that could have been happy unions too
I don't want to be reminded of the things we did and how it was
It is dangerous to do so

I accepted FB friends of this guy I had known from the age of 13 who liked and adored me from when we were kids
He pursued me till I turned 23 when we lost touch,I told him when I was getting married and he wrote one last letter telling me how much he adored me,he is only 2 years older.he writes very beautifully and always wrote me letters though those years.
I don't have my birthday on FB but surprisingly this man still remembered my birthday and wrote the most romantic poem on my FB wall on my BD 3 years ago
When I saw it my heart skipped and I quickly deleted it
I don't hate him ,but I choose to guard my heart and not give people bad impressions even though I did nothing wrong.


Now can a married woman develop feelings for someone else
Definitely yes,it is very possible and it happens
Does that mean you don't love your spouse ,probably not
How do you guard against it?
It is a conscious effort not to go down that part making rules for your self and cutting off that relationship entirely
That's why we need to guard our hearts
It is easier with someone you had a history with rather than a brand new man so keep them at arm's length

damiso:

Ashley Walters...Him and the other guy were in Kidulthood I think he is a rappers(hubby is always like I don't get your fascination with gang/street life ) I guess its true women kinda like bad boys.

And yeah I agree with Efe, those tv crushes can be something else o .I actually blush when I watch Idris Elba, I don't know what will happen if I meet him in real life. :-

Ashley Walters...even the name sounds romatic sef...handsome, sexy dude... I bet he's got baby soft palms too...(sigh)

Dami, who's Idris Elba?

Osisi, sorry for the digression o! A girl's allowed to dream na, abi?

Efemena_xy:

Ashley Walters...even the name sounds romatic sef...handsome, sexy dude... I bet he's got baby soft palms too...(sigh)

Dami, who's Idris Elba?

Osisi, sorry for the digression o! A girl's allowed to dream na, abi?

Idris Elba hmm
My best friend adores that guy and yes she is married
She thinks he is the sexiest man on earth
See his picture attached


I think Barack Obama is very sexy
Whenever I see him on TV there is this smile on my face and when he smiles,Chei
That man was created on a Sunday wallahi rofl
But this is different
I am not looking to sleep with Obama
Liking people on TV is different IMHO
The man di too much sha and my hubby knows I like him and teases me with it

You should be able to play with your spouse
I know he likes Aisha Cesay and loves to see her on TV,he thinks she is very gorgeous and I agree,she is beautiful
It's all innocent
I know he likes big boobs for instance and when we see a woman with boobs I know exactly what he is thinking and sometimes in that play mood our eyes meet and I punch him in the shoulder and we start laughing.
I am not intimidated,he has eyes he is allowed to look
I ain't lacking at all at all

Baby mama:

Idris Elba hmm
My best friend adores that guy and yes she is married
She thinks he is the sexiest man on earth
See his picture attached


I think Barack Obama is very sexy
Whenever I see him on TV there is this smile on my face and when he smiles,Chei
That man was created on a Sunday wallahi
But this is different
I am not looking to sleep with Obama
Liking people on TV is different IMHO
The man di too much sha and my hubby knows I like him and teases me with it

Your BFF's crush is gay . My BFF had a crush for yrs on that Prison Break guy and when he proclaimed his gay status, I laughed at her for months..

Baby mama:

Idris Elba hmm
My best friend adores that guy and yes she is married
She thinks he is the sexiest man on earth
See his picture attached


I think Barack Obama is very sexy
Whenever I see him on TV there is this smile on my face and when he smiles,Chei
That man was created on a Sunday wallahi rofl
But this is different
I am not looking to sleep with Obama
Liking people on TV is different IMHO
The man di too much sha and my hubby knows I like him and teases me with it

You should be able to play with your spouse
I know he likes Aisha Cesay and loves to see her on TV,he thinks she is very gorgeous and I agree,she is beautiful
It's all innocent
I know he likes big boobs for instance and when we see a woman with boobs I know exactly what he is thinking and sometimes in that play mood our eyes meet and I punch him in the shoulder and we start laughing.
I am not intimidated,he has eyes he is allowed to look
I ain't lacking at all at all

Lol! Very true.

I think part of the appeal is knowing they are out of reach.

Nice pic of Idris but Ashley beats him - hands down, by a mile!

Paris-fran:


Your BFF's crush is gay . My BFF had a crush for yrs on that Prison Break guy and when he proclaimed his gay status, I laughed at her for months..

That is a small boy na
To me o
I don't find small boys sexy

Person wey suppose call me aunty
Is that boy there over 25 ?

Baby mama:

Idris Elba is gay?
Are you kidding me?
He actually said so himself?

Lol! My turn to laugh

Baby mama:

That is a small boy na
To me o
I don't find small boys sexy

Person wey suppose call me aunty
Is that boy there over 25 ?

Lol! Osisi, you're funny!

Okay, Wesley Snipes...

Oh yes...sex on legs...

Efemena_xy:

Lol! My turn to laugh



Lol! Osisi, you're funny!

Okay, Wesley Snipes...

Oh yes...sex on legs...

Tua!
An ex convict
A criminal that spent time in the penitentiary
God forbid bad tinz !!
This one get serious comma
No abeg

My oh my!
These ladies r spoilt!
CC will soon come with Vin vicker and 007
May God forgive u all!
*Sprinkles holy water*

Chai! See discussion! And if you see your oga sampling ukwu... Una go give am dirty slap.

joy4anney: @Willy, efemena and CC, thanks for ur response. He does not lay hands/ beat. But he talks out of anger things that can be hurtful at times and then switch off into his own zone

@joy4anney,you should be grateful to God Almighty u have a guy that tells and expresses how he feels when he's angry.that means such a guy might not bear grudge.it's always better when people let off steam when they are angry than keeping mum,seeking vengeance. You'll do urself alot of good by avoiding things/situations that triggers his anger button.whenever he switches off,u have it in u to switch him on...wishing u the best in ur relationship.w

@Baby Mama, in all sincerity, anytin he is angry and we are apart all he does is not to pick my calls and if I provoke him the money he says words that could be hurtful. When together he has never raised his hands. He would just walk out if possible or stay mute

Paris-fran:


Your BFF's crush is gay . My BFF had a crush for yrs on that Prison Break guy and when he proclaimed his gay status, I laughed at her for months..

Idris Elba is gay .
No I don't believe you joor.

Efemena_xy:

Ashley Walters...even the name sounds romatic sef...handsome, sexy dude... I bet he's got baby soft palms too...(sigh)

Dami, who's Idris Elba?

Osisi, sorry for the digression o! A girl's allowed to dream na, abi?

Idris Elba is Luther (a crime show on BBC 1).He also played the lead in the new Mandela movie.His voice, his skin......Pls let me stop .Hubby knows I like him sha same way I know he thinks beyonce is gorgeous.

joy4anney: @Baby Mama, in all sincerity, anytin he is angry and we are apart all he does is not to pick my calls and if I provoke him the money he says words that could be hurtful. When together he has never raised his hands. He would just walk out if possible or stay mute

So why do you call him? Seriously why do you call him? Is he a boyfriend or a husband? I don't get your desperado technique here . Someone is angry and would like to be left alone, let him be naw...why are you suffocating him

Sorry osisi I just couldn't help it

@CC
Say what CC? What is Kama sutra


Idris Elba is not gay, isn't his woman expecting for him ? Damn he is gorgeous... Even Obama told women to give him breathing space in the White House. I cannot wait to watch his Mandela movie.....he was nominated for awards

Nairaland women and hawt celebrities . . . SMH!

Baby mama:

I was trying to put together a post about exes and FB and social media
Many married women have gone routes they never anticipated ,no thanks to FB and Internet fora
As a rule I don't accept FB friendships from any man I was ever involved in romantically
I have been asked but I have turned them all down
I was engaged to someone and broke an engagement to marry my hubby and that man found me on FB and asked to be friends ,he is now married with children but I declined

It is too dangerous
We all know ourselves and how we are made
There is no man I was involved with that I have bad tales about,they were all very loving relationships that could have been happy unions too
I don't want to be reminded of the things we did and how it was
It is dangerous to do so

I accepted FB friends of this guy I had known from the age of 13 who liked and adored me from when we were kids
He pursued me till I turned 23 when we lost touch,I told him when I was getting married and he wrote one last letter telling me how much he adored me,he is only 2 years older.he writes very beautifully and always wrote me letters though those years.
I don't have my birthday on FB but surprisingly this man still remembered my birthday and wrote the most romantic poem on my FB wall on my BD 3 years ago
When I saw it my heart skipped and I quickly deleted it
I don't hate him ,but I choose to guard my heart and not give people bad impressions even though I did nothing wrong.


Now can a married woman develop feelings for someone else
Definitely yes,it is very possible and it happens
Does that mean you don't love your spouse ,probably not
How do you guard against it?
It is a conscious effort not to go down that part making rules for your self and cutting off that relationship entirely
That's why we need to guard our hearts
It is easier with someone you had a history with rather than a brand new man so keep them at arm's length

Tnx Mama Osisi . . . this is very helpful.

yellowpawpaw: Efe, be serious naw
Uju is very serious.
Uju pls don't mind her.

I hvnt had such experience.

But I don't think u can love two at a time. One must be infatuation or s*exual feelings and that if not handled well can explode into something else.

As for an ex, once u r an ex, every other thing about u is completely erased from my system.
New life, new joy and happiness and of course new ikwokirikwo
Old things hv passed away

ikwokirikwo mistress . . .

Meanwhile joke apart . . . I think I'm in love with Jackson Avery of Grey's anatomy.

Anybody trusting me in a room alone with him is tempting satan

That rugged bad boy look is heavenly . . . his smile actually makes my heart skip for real.

He's on my must meet celebrities list . . even if it's just to look into his ever so green eyes just once . . . *faints*