Who am I?

In 2003: I lost;

In 2007: I lost again;

In 2011: I lost woefully again and

In 2015: I will surely and sorely lose again.

In 2019: I’ll contest again, and I will definitely lose: I’ve ALL it takes to lose! It’s in me!!

Hints:
Morbid intolerance—especially the religious and ethnic brands—is my guiding principle. This is the reason I usually soak all my speeches in blood. If I can’t have something, then no one should have it! In other words, it’s either my way or the bokoway!

I’m a retired kidnapper. Recall that I sent my thugs to bring back some fellow from the UK in a crate

I’m a septuagenarian; there is little or no juice left in me.

I hate democracy! Forget that I’m preaching it now—it’s just a means to an end! Remember that as an experienced coup plotter, I ‘supervised’ the ouster of a legitimate government sometime in the 80s

You don’t want to know what I know about Boko Haram! I believe the Boko Haram martyrs that you call ‘idiots’ should not be killed but given amnesty like those criminal Niger Delta militants.

One petulant, small man, who is now aspiring to govern Kaduna State, once described me as PU! I don’t mean Jega’s Polling Units...I mean ‘Perpetually Unelectable’!! Can you imagine that he actually referred to me as General ehm boo-harry-porter, GCFR,PU!

Luckily for me, when I was at the helm of affairs, there was no internet, let alone social media. So there is little or no evidence of the atrocities I committed back then. The nearest to the truth that you’d get would be narratives from those who were adults when I was drunk with power.

For a glimpse of my awkward personality that has turned me to a serial election loser, please refer to Wole Soyinka’s article.

Don't vote for me! I’ll disappoint you with a loss as usual!

This is breath-taking!!!

This is my intellectual property! Permission to reproduce sought and granted!