I was friend with my mother in-law until I and my husband got married. My husband lost his father when he was 5 years old, it has been the mom that takes care of him and the other sibling since then. It all started when she insisted on moving close to where her son lived and my husband couldn't say a thing cause she has always been in charge. We got married and she kept calling to complain about body ache and all that. My husband canceled our honey moon just to make his mom happy, when i complained, he said all matter of things to me, saying i hate his mom and i am a bad person. We flew back home to uyo and found her in our home, cooking and roaming about in her night gown. I wasn't shocked but i was heartbroken and devastated, she gave me a very bad look and later went to her house that night. I call and visit her sometimes but she lies to my husband that i never called or visit her. I couldn't believe my husband believed her over me, all he will say is “you hate my mother and you don't want to see my people”. When i try to be close to my mother in-law again, she would call my husband and tell him a different thing. I am keeping my distance so that she can have her son and not destroy me more than she already have. I am beginning to believe the story about all this evil mother in-law. Does it mean i am into such marriage myself? I have uncles and my grandmother never behaved unruly to their wives, why is mine different, why cant i ever find love. I am shattered help me!

Pray very well. She wil do herself. You self behave like Ruth in the bible.

This is what happens, when you rush into Marriage......

SirWere:
This is what happens, when you rush into Marriage......

Bro, Your post is senseless

"Woman whe no fit born pikin, go say na Mother inlaw"

Sis continue praying while committing her heart to God.Be nice and friendly but no funny familiarity...don't be disappointed or cross with your hubby.....remember he is used to her especially as she was the one who struggled to bring him up.Whenever you want to b angry just chill.Patience and time will solve it....on a lighter mood...how old is mama?she don dey behave like say the great beyond dey knock...she don turn pikin

" pay less attention to her and concentrate on ur home". My worries is ur husband; if he is a mummy's boi and not a grown man; u'll have some challenge...

All in all, concentrate on ur home, and do the much u can

What do you expect from a mother who nurtured her son to manhood all alone. She just wants all the goodies from her son to come to her. And it seems like she seez U as an obstacle, a barrier etc.


My Candid advice is ... your hubby loves his mum very much. But have you tried any distraction like .... Any kids?? These type of mummy boys just need a child to play with most of the time or the risk going back to their mamas.


Try making babies with ur man( since u guys are newly weds) and kip ur r/ship with MIL cordial.

Be the best wife you can be to your husband and maintain arm length relationship with his mum, never be too close nor too far. Time shall tell.

My mother would never be such!

MIL from Hell.

Ehen, if you nurture am from 5years nko? She should have asked the son to marry her instead. Or how was her own marriage life with her late husband?

Don't ever feel your MIL can love you like her child
Big lie
ALL this "she is like a mother to me" they are all BS
am not saying hate your mil,just be neutral stop the too much closeness,when she gets used to it she wont have anything more to say to your hubby
MY STORY
my SIL was getting married so i went to my MIL's house
I was involved in the cooking prep just like everyone present,
cooking,cleaning and others(i wasn't expecting a medal for it anyway)
then i committed a BIG CRIME in their midst
what was the crime?I didn't eat the Egusi soap they prepared.
whenever i take Egusi soap,i always this burning sensation(so uncomfortable) that could go on for more that 12 hours
i was not ready to trade that for a pass mark from my in laws
so i calmly explained to them(if it was my mum,no need for all that))
so i drank tea and went to bed
The next time they saw my hubby,it was that Egusi soup matter they brought up
You wont believe what they said just because of soup even after explaining
If it were my mum,would she be upset? NO
Since that incident i cut off every communication with them and since then no issue of wifey did this or didn't do this

They should give the selfish woman her son back. She should even marry him join. Imagine giving that evil look to the woman after making them rush back from their honeymoon. She's playing power tussles with her son and trying to tell the woman that she can't have him. Imagine the selfishness, like some little kid or a spoilt brat whereas she's a grown woman . No wonder some people wish their mil dead before they move in. Some people just like making life hard. They should give her her son and let her eat him and digest him. Shioor.

So because she raised him she can't give him just six months free for his honeymoon before poking her selfish nose in? Abeg o.

MrsDoctor:
!

Hope you aren't one of those 'me and my husband' type of wife. Its kindah strange that straight on your honeymoon your husband already feels you hate his mother and that you are bad person, as they say, there is no smoke without fire. Check yourself

Be compassionate and understand the woman, don't see her are as just your MIL but as a second mum, treat her as you would yours. Surely if your husband is a rational man, he will see your efforts and believe you.

The bond between sons and mothers is quite strong especially one without the father in the picture. Help foster that bond and include yourself in it instead of trying to make him believe you over her.

rolled:
Don't ever feel your MIL can love you like her child
Big lie
ALL this "she is like a mother to me" they are all BS
am not saying hate your mil,just be neutral stop the too much closeness,when she gets used to it she wont have anything more to say to your hubby
MY STORY
my SIL was getting married so i went to my MIL's house
I was involved in the cooking prep just like everyone present,
cooking,cleaning and others(i wasn't expecting a medal for it anyway)
then i committed a BIG CRIME in their midst
what was the crime?I didn't eat the Egusi soap they prepared.
whenever i take Egusi soap,i always this burning sensation(so uncomfortable) that could go on for more that 12 hours
i was not ready to trade that for a pass mark from my in laws
so i calmly explained to them(if it was my mum,no need for all that))
so i drank tea and went to bed
The next time they saw my hubby,it was that Egusi soup matter they brought up
You wont believe what they said just because of soup even after explaining
If it were my mum,would she be upset? NO
Since that incident i cut off every communication with them and since then no issue of wifey did this or didn't do this

This is the best thing to do most of the time is, they don't see you, they don't see what you have don't wrong. My friend had an experience similar to yours, the inlaws left all the plates for just her to wash, she washed till outsiders thought she was a servant. it was that bad.

Venom104:


Hope you aren't one of those 'me and my husband' type of wife. Its kindah strange that straight on your honeymoon your husband already feels you hate his mother and that you are bad person, as they say, there is no smoke without fire. Check yourself

Be compassionate and understand the woman, don't see her are as just your MIL but as a second mum, treat her as you would yours. Surely if your husband is a rational man, he will see your efforts and believe you.

The bond between sons and mothers is quite strong especially one without the father in the picture. Help foster that bond and include yourself in it instead of trying to make him believe you over her.

Hum, the bond between mother and son, do you wish your mother inlaw calls off your honey moon just 5 days after your wedding?
They haven't been living together so where is the smoke?
Remember they were friends before the marriage don't your think there is a problem beyond the new wife can see?
Let us be logical here, when did the son become a Doctor and how come the woman with so much pain could go to the market and cook, in his house still.
i want people to understand the story before commenting, i like the diversity, it will only make me see my story from another point of view.

I think you believed the evil mother in law stories before even getting married. You portrayed the attitude or showed an intent towards that for your husband to make that comments on your honeymoon.
From your complaints, I honestly do not see anything wrong from what the mother in law did except she is trying to help out, but your already biased mind won't see the good deeds in her actions.

How do you define evil eye? Remember that actions and reactions are always equal and opposite. You don't show disrespect to an elder and expect love in return.
Allow the mother in law sometime to realise that her son is married and well taken care of for her to back out. If you keep on exchanging evil eye, Mum will win because it seems son is more attached to her than the obvious emotional bond that binds you both.

MrsDoctor:


Hum, the bond between mother and son, do you wish your mother inlaw calls off your honey moon just 5 days after your wedding?
They haven't been living together so where is the smoke?
Remember they were friends before the marriage don't your think there is a problem beyond the new wife can see?
Let us be logical here, when did the son become a Doctor and how come the woman with so much pain could go to the market and cook, in his house still.
i want people to understand the story before commenting, i like the diversity, it will only make me see my story from another point of view.

This story is having twists and typical recent nairaland unrehearsed performances. Modify the stories and stop giving us bits and pieces.
Iron out this please. Who and who were friends before marriage? Who is living with whom? Who is in pain?
Are you here for advice or to pass judgements on your actions with your mother in law?

Why is it that only the females always have issues with mother-in-law?

They keep complaining of mother-in-law when they will become one someday.

Yes, there are bad people but most times it boil down to individual's reactions and perceptions of the in-laws. Even the devil can be cohabited with in peace if you understand his weak spots.

The effort and energy most of you females expend in fighting or keeping grudges with mother-in-laws are enough to win them to your side completely if directed positively.

Search yourself first before complaining about mother-in-law.

MrsDoctor:


Hum, the bond between mother and son, do you wish your mother inlaw calls off your honey moon just 5 days after your wedding?
They haven't been living together so where is the smoke?
Remember they were friends before the marriage don't your think there is a problem beyond the new wife can see?
Let us be logical here, when did the son become a Doctor and how come the woman with so much pain could go to the market and cook, in his house still.
i want people to understand the story before commenting, i like the diversity, it will only make me see my story from another point of view.

So if it were your own mother that called in with ill health (which at that time you couldnt have known if she was lying or not if thats what you are implying), would you shrug it off and cross leg since/if you aren't a doctor and continue with your honeymoon or rush down to see how you can help the woman that you have known all your life as the only parent?

If you were 'friends' at one point, why would the son just assume you hate his mom out of nowhere? it makes no sense to me. Come on, its obvious you hate the woman sef.Your tittle even labels her EVIL, just because she disrupted your honeymoon... i pray you never see evil.

You dont like the woman, you wont see anything she does in a positive light.. My opinion, i might be wrong(i doubt).

I will only respect you when you grow up

"prayer and patience will do the work".

Sighs.

How would you settle this if it were your own mother acting up? Handle it same way!

Try and ignore some things, you can't make your hubby love his mom any less. Your MIL is not your rival, concentrate on your hubby. Love him as a wife and allow his mom love him too as a mom.

Respect and love your mil but don't think you can force her to love u back. With time and arrival of children, everything will be fine.

All dis mother in law sef... ah wonder y dey can't allow a woman enjoy der son(husband)...ah won't be surprised if ah hear another story of a woman having an affair with her own son

Venom104:


Hope you aren't one of those 'me and my husband' type of wife. Its kindah strange that straight on your honeymoon your husband already feels you hate his mother and that you are bad person, as they say, there is no smoke without fire. Check yourself

Be compassionate and understand the woman, don't see her are as just your MIL but as a second mum, treat her as you would yours. Surely if your husband is a rational man, he will see your efforts and believe you.

The bond between sons and mothers is quite strong especially one without the father in the picture. Help foster that bond and include yourself in it instead of trying to make him believe you over her.

Yeah right, women should treat MILs as their mum, very well.... I agree..

However, The problem I see here is the husband, he should draw a line. .how can he allow his mum to still be in charge of his life? He's married now please and there should be some kinda boundary. ..

How will the man feel if the wife's mum tells the wife what to do? Abi you think say the woman no dey miss her mum too? Or it wasn't the mum that nurtured her from birth too??

The husband should draw a line biko.. I'm not saying the mum should be out of their lives, there should be some kinda boundary pls...

Reading in-between lines. . . You honestly don't come across as the best of daughters-in-law. You called your MIL evil? Really? I was reading to see the part she put otapiapia in your food to deserve such derogatory name.

You, lady, has got to cool down! You obviously have the "MILs are bad" mentality. Treat your MIL with a little kindness and fairness. She totally deserves it. She raised that man you love and married.

MrsDoctor:


Hum, the bond between mother and son, do you wish your mother inlaw calls off your honey moon just 5 days after your wedding?
They haven't been living together so where is the smoke?
Remember they were friends before the marriage don't your think there is a problem beyond the new wife can see?
Let us be logical here, when did the son become a Doctor and how come the woman with so much pain could go to the market and cook, in his house still.
i want people to understand the story before commenting, i like the diversity, it will only make me see my story from another point of view.

Forget about the call she put through during your honeymoon, could be she was really ill..Don't judge with the fact that she could go to d market, just let that go please... you've the rest of your lives to stay together and 'honeymoons' would be countless. ..

Your husband is the only one that can call his mum to order, trying that yourself would bring resentments or disagreements as the woman will take it as a challenge. . Just talk to your husband and he in turn will talk to his mum...Don't expect his mum to be totally out of his life though, he just needs to set some boundaries, he has his own family now, he should be in charge of his home and not his mum...

Then, on your own side, make sure you treat the woman right, she deserves it.... Calling her evil doesn't make sense, even tells alot about you and how you treat her.. Remember she brought the love of your life into this world..

@OP your MIL is a torn in the flesh. Unfortunately, I don't see any way around this problem except she finds something or someone to fill in the void and emptiness she feels inside she will continue to be an attention seeker.

That your mother in law is a monster in law

You go for honeymoon and mbam out of nowhere she gets sick, you travel all the way to the village to find her
Doing her house chores and not in a hospital bed fighting for her life

To be honest she wasn't in an emergency situation to cut off your honeymoon, very selfish of her.

Did she not have any relatives to call,

Just be cordial to her and keep her at arms length,

Your husband will eventually see his mum is manipulative, just encourage him to support his mom, but you keep a distance.

Shebarh:
All dis mother in law sef... ah wonder y dey can't allow a woman enjoy der son(husband)...ah won't be surprised if ah hear another story of a woman having an affair with her own son

Abi oh, see all these people talking without thinking of the woman. It's her honeymoon and marriage for God's sake! Didn't the mother enjoy her own? Why must she stake her claims at the time she knows the couple ought to be enjoying their lives together. If she was truly kind and unselfish, what stops her from demanding money from her son and taking herself to a hospital? That's how all these old folks are, they like to make themselves liabilities to their children , sake of say, I trained you up to this point. Go abroad, old people even prefer to stay in an old people's home than to cause burden to their children in their happy times. It's only in naija that parents love acting like this . I have a mother and I intend to keep her well fed and healthy but I know my mother wouldn't deliberately ruin a honeymoon, the one and only honeymoon for her daughter in law just because of a childish selfish urge to take her son back.

Believe me, my own mom has suffered a lot from my dad's mom, there is nothing she didn't do to please the woman but grandma wanted by all means a woman that will be her absolute puppet and so she keeps trying to destroy my parents union. All my dad's brothers, she disrupted their marriages, saying they're her sons and she's lonely and nobody can take them from her. Even the one abroad, she put a spell on him, he came back to Nigeria , to the airport without shoes and dressed anyhow, it was after a while that he found out he was living with mommy and had abandoned his actual white wife. So pls nobody should form anything, we know such women , selfish wicked women that don't want the women to taste the honey in their marriage, when we see them.

Krystalxxx:


Abi oh, see all these people talking without thinking of the woman. It's her honeymoon and marriage for God's sake! Didn't the mother enjoy her own? Why must she stake her claims at the time she knows the couple ought to be enjoying their lives together. If she was truly kind and unselfish, what stops her from demanding money from her son and taking herself to a hospital? That's how all these old folks are, they like to make themselves liabilities to their children , sake of say, I trained you up to this point. Go abroad, old people even prefer to stay in an old people's home than to cause burden to their children in their happy times. It's only in naija that parents love acting like this . I have a mother and I intend to keep her well fed and healthy but I know my mother wouldn't deliberately ruin a honeymoon, the one and only honeymoon for her daughter in law just because of a childish selfish urge to take her son back.

Believe me, my own mom has suffered a lot from my dad's mom, there is nothing she didn't do to please the woman but grandma wanted by all means a woman that will be her absolute puppet and so she keeps trying to destroy my parents union. All my dad's brothers, she disrupted their marriages, saying they're her sons and she's lonely and nobody can take them from her. Even the one abroad, she put a spell on him, he came back to Nigeria , to the airport without shoes and dressed anyhow, it was after a while that he found out he was living with mommy and had abandoned his actual white wife. So pls nobody should form anything, we know such women , selfish wicked women that don't want the women to taste the honey in their marriage, when we see them.

Ah just pray ah don't experience such a woman cos it won't be easy for her at all

I couldn't say what exactly came to my MILs mind when she looked at me carrying my son and said
Now you have a son
You will know what it feels like when he's grown and marries
So if you say I am bad, you will see it all for yourself
I was with her for 6 weeks after birth
My mum comes visiting
I rem when his cord went off
Mum being traditional went to buy lantern and all
When my sweet MIL came
She started to shout
I will throw this rubbish away
She can't come to my house to be dictating for me
Throw this thing away or I throw it through the door

Well I I did was just quiet and rem the things she said to me when I carried my boy
Now you have a son
You will know what it feels when married



I am the most accommodating and nice woman any man would have as a wife
Yes I nag
Only when jealous and Hot
I have my faults
But not in anyway will I make another woman feel terrible
Situations like this comes with mummy's boys
But there are mummy's girls
I am one just that she taught me independence, love, acceptance and above all a fighter and a believer.

Sweerie, your MIL aint evil. She is just behaving like most old women do. They crave attention. When you came abruptly back from your honeymoon and met her in the kitchen, did you go to her and ask gently how she was feeling? Or even be pleasantly surprise by her presence?

The best way to handle these kind of women, allow any annoying thing they say pass over your head and try to always remain cheerful in their presence. Turn any jabs to a self mockery in a light hearted way and then change the subject.

For example:
Mama: You don't visit me, my son used to visit me more before he married you.

You: Mama! (Chuckle) Am I not visiting you now? You know your son is now taking care of two women...mama, what have you eaten? OR mama, let me check the kitchen... OR mama, how is your body

It is emotional intelligence and it is the way most men handle their women. So, treat her complaints like you would want your husband to treat yours.