For all those throwing money into fundamentaless stocks, here comes the BEARS!

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell Broke.

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.".

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.


The Simpson's invited their new neighbors the Parkers over to dinner. During dinner Mr Simpson asked Mr Parker what he did for a living.
4 year old Billy Parker jumped in and said

" Daddy is a fisherman!"

To which Mrs Parker replied" Billy why do say that? Your daddy is a stock broker not a fisherman."

"No Mom. Everytime we visit dad at work and he hangs up the phone he laughs, rubs his hands together and says I just caught another fish."


Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"
One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"



Hope Seun no go ban me for posting Jokes here!

@loma
LOL!! Particularly loved the one about B-R-O-K-ERs,

jandbaby:

@loma
LOL!! Particularly loved the one about B-R-O-K-ERs,

@Jandbaby

Howz 'bout you and me kick-off an affair;waddaya say. . . ?

I'll fly over to Seattle Canada. . . .wherever,pronto  .

Say yes,kiddo 

lol (for the 2nd time).

Just let me know when you arrive at canada international airport. BTW you no dey sleep??

e don happen o

FG reverses sale of NITEL

http://www.thisdayonline.com/nview.php?id=103528
http://www.guardiannewsngr.com/news/article01//indexn2_html?pdate=170208&ptitle=FG%20Revokes%20Sale%20Of%20NITEL

Abeg, what exactly is going on with Bagco? When will they get listed? And what is the name they intend to use? Bagco or Nigerian Bag Manufacturing Co?

Now that the FG,has reversed the sale of NITEL(MTEL to me),to Transcorp,I can expect some panic selling from some fellas(I,m actually praying for it),so I can enter @ a little discount from the closing price of Friday.
It's actually now that Transcorp will be attractive to me,what with the cleansing of their board of directors,coming on the heels of a change mgt structure,good corporate governance is bound to sprout.This and many other considerations will put THE NEW TRANSCORP in good stead to attract sound technical partners(I have a feeling Transcorp may re-bid for Nitel,that's if the new mgt re-strategises appropriately).

The revdersal is GOOD NEWS to me

Trust Nigerians. I agree with you about the panic selling. The price is sure to go down for a while, until anotha bit of news hits the papers again. I'll probably by some more as well. I am too sure Transcorp will come back in full bloom within the year.

But guys abeg answer my question now, What's up with Bagco? And does anybody know how I can keep track of ARM aggressive growth fund prices online?

@Nairalanders

Government's reversal of Nitel sale to transcorp is contrary to my recent information. This was that Transcorp will be left with about 15% with the new buyer owning the rest and some shares from government's holding. This would have been a good thing provided the right amount was paid for it.

It may yet be good for the shareholders if the correct sum is refunded to Transcorp swiftly enabling the deployment of the funds in other areas.

It is an embarrassment that a project touted as "100% Nigerian" has failed in this banner venture.

We will now have to wait to see how the moneybags who invested at 1N per 1N share react on the NSE. We will know tomorrow.

Monsieur Napolean, comments please.

Samstone4

This is what i got from tradeinvest


The federal government is looking for a new investor in NITEL and Mtel to improve the companies' fortunes. NITEL is Nigeria's first national telephone carrier and Mtel its mobile arm.

A year after the Transnational Corporation (Transcorp) took over the operational side of the company, both the federal government and Transcorp has agreed to divest a percentage of their equity to a new investor.

According to the government they are looking for a core investor who is an industry player with a focus, technical expertise, managerial experience and financial capacity to turn NITEL/Mtel around.

For more information please contact:

TradeInvestNigeria
Email: info@gan.co.za

msanda:

But guys abeg answer my question now, What's up with Bagco? And does anybody know how I can keep track of ARM aggressive growth fund prices online?

You have to register on this website http://www.armdiscoveryfund.com/ using your IVxxxxxxx number provided by ARM on your receipt of payment, there is also on-line activation instruction on this receipt. Your account will be activated after few dyas/week and then you can start to track your investment. You can also contact your ARM officer to help speed up the activation of your on-line access. note that I gave you the discovery fund webpage but you can still use it for the aggressive fund.

Transcorp is dead!
Even their hotel made a loss during the festive season.
I won't be bothering with it.Good luck guys.

@ All.
Some weeks back transcorp has shown some positive movements which trigger people to slivate including me, but when i contacted my broker he break the egg to me. My dear Nairalanders transcorp is finished. A WORD IS ENOUGH TO A WISE,

blueband:

Transcorp is dead!
Even their hotel made a loss during the festive season.
I won't be bothering with it.Good luck guys.

@blueband, I was even hoping the hotel will help Transcorp. At least using the value of Ikeja Hotels. Na wa o!

Auntie Ndi suppose see this b4 e happen now. Makes me wonder about other coys.

@ Londoncool, Does anyone know the Broker Code for Afrinvest West Africa ?

AFWA

blueband:

Transcorp is dead!
Even their hotel made a loss during the festive season.
I won't be bothering with it.Good luck guys.

My ppl even for a CICO, ensure the coy has some fundamentals such that even in the case of bad news (over the weekend!!!) u can still sleep till Monday Morning and wait for the next result cycle!!!, do u notice that coy on FO2 list for CICO still has some fundamental backing

Sincerely wish u guys the best presently on Transcorp CICO reverse jet!!!

Abu-Maryam:

@ All.
Some weeks back transcorp has shown some positive movements which trigger people to slivate including me, but when i contacted my broker he break the egg to me. My dear Nairalanders transcorp is finished. A WORD IS ENOUGH TO A WISE,

@Abu Maryam,ur broker break the egg,who come make the omelette?
If there is any one that has been Lucky with Transcorp,I'm the one(I  offloaded immediately after the TS was lifted for the first time after the IPO @ about 9.70).My previous posts per this coy in recent time show that after offloading,I've not been impressed enough to re-enter,even when the price started crashing.
However,I maintain that this is the best thing to happen to my plans for Transcorp,let the massive offloading start,then I'll decide when to re-enter.Blueband said the hotel made a loss last year,I KNOW.
What profit have Nigeria wire and cable ,Africa paints etc been making?but we have made money from trading in those stocks.The gates of NIGWIRCABLE may still be under lock and key even as I write,but the price still dey go North Pole.

Anyway,just follow your heart,na now me I dey aim Transcorp,after all,when Africa paints dey 1.01 last year,na so I dey hint pips for this thread say e get something wey go soon move the price up ,so make pips try buy,I no know how many people listen to me,but I offloaded @ 3.67.
So good luck with your decision

Another slow weekend. Thot I could also post something on the lighter side.

Guess who? Hint: Look at the t-shirt.

pumice:

Another slow weekend. Thot I could also post something on the lighter side.

Guess who? Hint: Look at the t-shirt.

Looks like Obama.

@Nairalanders

Government's reversal of Nitel sale to transcorp is contrary to my recent information. This was that Transcorp will be left with about 15% with the new buyer owning the rest and some shares from government's holding. This would have been a good thing provided the right amount was paid for it.

It may yet be good for the shareholders if the correct sum is refunded to Transcorp swiftly enabling the deployment of the funds in other areas.

It is an embarrassment that a project touted as "100% Nigerian" has failed in this banner venture.

We will now have to wait to see how the moneybags who invested at 1N per 1N share react on the NSE. We will know tomorrow.

Monsieur Napolean, comments please.

It was evident Transcorp bit off more than its young teeth could chew with NITEL, and also could have done
better to help its case, but then lets pause for a minute here. . .

- A month ago, NCC supposingly gave Transcorp 6 months to improve MTEL or lose its license
- 3 weeks ago, the Senate in charge of Telecommunication endorsed its transformation strategy
- Just a week ago, the government announced the resolution to dilute both its and Transcorp shareholding
in order to make way for a new core investor and have forwarded the resolution to Yar Adua for approval
- So between last week and yesterday, the minister or FG trashed the resolution and CANCELLED the sale
(so much for due process)?
- Weren't all these respective stakeholders in the same meeting with Transcorp in December?
- Also, what does CANCEL or REVERSE mean? Is it 0% for Transcorp or is it 10% or 15% or 24%?

Finally, how does the government expect to a get a new so called "majority" investor if they planned to still
control NITEL? How can you say another entity "owns" something and yet the government is still calling the
shots on what goes on with NITEL (higher board representation, and other interferences). What guarantee
will the FG offer to the new core investor that the next government will not REVERSE the sale?

Heck, unless the government has a ready buyer (very unlikely if they are invoking their due process) I wonder
where they are getting +$500million to re-pay Transcorp? So does Transcorp still owns 51% until they a find a
new buyer? If that's the case, what is the sense in this latest announcement and how is that different from the
joint resolution that was announced last week? Hey, this is Nigeria, it will be incomplete if there is no confusion.

Did I hear somebody say a $1billion lawsuit again?

orisebawo:

Looks like Obama.

It is Obama. He grew up in Hawaii.

Thank God I avoided Transcorp!

My broker,specifically Cashcraft sold my stocks without my consent.I asked for it to be sold on Monday and by wednesday when they had not sold it,I called my broker and asked them not to sell again.I followed this up with a text and email.I received a trade alert on Friday that the shares had been sold at a loss.

What can I do to reverse this sale.I tire for Cashcraft.First they put me in debt by buying shares I didn't ask them to.Now they sell shares I didn't ask them to.

Is sending an email to CSCS enough to reverse the sale.As I understand this is the reason why we have trade alerts.So brokers cannot sell your shares.HAs this happened to anyone before?How did they deal with it.

I can't wait to get all my money out of cashcraft.It remains the worst broker in the Universe.Cashcraft was definately created by the devil.

More on Transcorp

[url=http://www.reuters.com/article/bondsNews/idUSL1767919320080217
]
http://www.reuters.com/article/bondsNews/idUSL1767919320080217
[/url]

@blueband

I normally do my buying and selling via cashcraft online portal because their human facilitators can be something else. In any case I suggest you contact tradealert and lodge your complaint with them on the misdeeds of them devils.

@Iyke-D, Nairalanders

The link you provided to Reuters cover of Transcorp/Nitel story confirms my original information that Transcorp will retain about 15% stake in Nitel. I suspect that this is the correct position and not the headlined "Reversal" touted.

Let's see what tomorrow brings. Yaradua's "due process" etc

Samstone4

@ioma
those cartoons were hilarious, loved it

Just caught up with this thread. Was on a valentine break and the wife banned the use of laptops/palmtops/desktops etc.
A lot of funny posts in the last 15 pages.
e.g. @rasputinn
@Abu Maryam,your broker break the egg,who come make the omelette?

In respect of Transcorp i stand by my initial comment

kpineo:

transcorp is an ostrich, it might run but can't fly.

Another bullish week beckons.

@ioma,

Thanks for the cartoons.

Iyke-D:

It was evident Transcorp bit off more than its young teeth could chew with NITEL, and also could have done
better to help its case, but then lets pause for a minute here.  .  .

  - A month ago, NCC supposingly gave Transcorp 6 months to improve MTEL or lose its license
  - 3 weeks ago, the Senate in charge of Telecommunication endorsed its transformation strategy
  - Just a week ago, the government announced the resolution to dilute both its and Transcorp shareholding
    in order to make way for a new core investor and have forwarded the resolution to Yar Adua for approval
  - So between last week and yesterday, the minister or FG trashed the resolution and CANCELLED the sale
    (so much for due process)?
  - Weren't all these respective stakeholders in the same meeting with Transcorp in December?
  - Also, what does CANCEL or REVERSE mean? Is it 0% for Transcorp or is it 10% or 15% or 24%?

Finally, how does the government expect to a get a new so called "majority" investor if they planned to still
control NITEL?  How can you say another entity "owns" something and yet the government is still calling the
shots on what goes on with NITEL (higher board representation, and other interferences).  What guarantee
will the FG offer to the new core investor that the next government will not REVERSE the sale?

Heck, unless the government has a ready buyer (very unlikely if they are invoking their due process) I wonder
where they are getting +$500million to re-pay Transcorp? So does Transcorp still owns 51% until they a find a
new buyer? If that's the case, what is the sense in this latest announcement and how is that different from the
joint resolution that was announced last week? Hey, this is Nigeria, it will be incomplete if there is no confusion.
 
Did I hear somebody say a $1billion lawsuit again? 

i believe the bottom line is unless u have big liver (probably meaning there might be a cancerous growth there ie problem with the investment style being used  ), TRANSCORP may be a company u want to steer clear of.
even if its a CICO opportunity, there still for me needs to be some under-pinning fundamental foundation. i work too hard for my cash to throw it away honestly. TRANSCORP and the like are not worth it frankly

Transcorp is going for a bull run this week because the recent government is a great news for this company.It will enable them to concentrate on other areas that can bring huge profit.Public is the greatest enemy of the company.No Shaking ,Transcorp will survive all these problems.