I am sharing this because I want to (hopefully) help somebody out there.

My wife and I started out deeply in love. I remember staying up all night talking, surprising each other with thoughtful gifts, and speaking to
each other in code words. You know the feeling of really being connected? That was us.

But then something happened that destroys most marriages. We had a son who died when he was one week old. And then we had twin daughters, who also died as newborns.

Understandably, my wife became depressed. I coped by immersing myself in work. We ran from each other emotionally.

To be continued...

If you're reading a report about how to save your marriage, you're probably expecting to learn problem-solving strategies, communication
techniques, and insights about gender differences. I have a SURPRISE for you!

The key to renewing your marriage is NONE of those things.

How do I know this? Because I experienced it!

Unlike other relationship experts who approach the topic from a clinical perspective, for me saving and restoring marriages is also very personal.
I've been where you are now. This is why I decided to share my story.

Your situation probably was not so tragic, but something happened. What was it? How did you lose each other? Maybe you can't put your finger on it, but something is definitely not right. That's common too.

I still dey come...

following

For us, after losing 3 children, everything felt different. Instead of talking all night, it was a hard work to talk for a few minutes.

Instead of using our code words, I used swear words. Our relationship consisted of screaming matches and silent treatments.

Somewhere deep in our hearts though, like you, we knew we didn't want to lose each other.

So we made a commitment to work on our marriage. Sometimes I tried and my wife didn't. Sometimes my wife tried and I didn't. We went through different stages of "trying."

What did we try?

We tried the obligatory, "Honey, let me repeat what you said to make sure I understood you correctly." We applied conflict resolution
strategies. My wife learned about Mars and I learned about Venus. We even went to therapy to wrestle with our problems. But guess what.

Nothing changed. Nothing worked.

All the advice (books, pastors, counselors, parents, whatever) asked us to confront our problems. But that just made us feel worse. And fight more.

As long as the "right" way wasn't working, why not be dysfunctional? So we tried to convince each other of our way. You've tried that too, right?
Obviously, that doesn't work.

Then we had a breakthrough.

To be continued...