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bbeautylik:
How did you cope staying with your in-laws (In the same family house)?

Without their child I would not be married, I would not be blessed. My parents are in laws as well I have to find a way to compromise.

Depends on how much space there is but you need to define and respect the boundaries already set!

You must be open minded and remove all previous biases. You should take up certain chores as part of your contribution to the household could be washing plates, cooking or even sweeping depending on the current living arrangements they have for eg there may or may it be a maid.

Offer assistance in the kitchen and also buy foodstuff into the house as often as you can. Don't pry into what doesn't concern you and join in family activities as often as necessary eg family devotion may be important to them.

Keep your visitors to a minimum and try to return from work and outings within reasonable times as much as is within your power. Don't litter the house with your belongings keep them in your room or whatever space is allocated to you.

Be prayerful and wise don't get upset and pick offense at every action! Always give benefit of doubt and remember you're a guest there more or less

hajia..learn to love ur in laws like ur family I beg

Lemme as an indian ,working in my place of work.

[quote author=babythug post=50766837]Depends on how much space there is but you need to define and respect the boundaries already set!

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bbeautylik:
What if you have your own apartment in the same compound? And your father in-law has like 3 wives staying with him. what do you do to win their heart? when you know you father in-laws doesn't appreciate what you do. What if you are an introvert and find it difficult to mix up.

Be yourself, they will get used to who you are.

To me one of the hardest part of marriage is staying with in-laws. You just have to be very meticulous with your actions so as to not get it all wrong and offend them. I pray my future in-laws be nice and open to me.

See, for you to live peacefully with your in-laws you have to be yourself. Do not pretend and try to adjust as in accommodating, don't exchange words with them but quietly tell your hubby what they are doing to you or what you are passing through. I can't pretend to do what I can't do and I try to learn something from them and we are living fine for 7 years now. Though its not easy. Also limit your friends and your outings.

bbeautylik:
How did you cope staying with your in-laws (In the same family house)?

Determine to love them like your parents cos even ur folks have flaws too as nobody is perfect.take your time to study everyone so youl treat them accordingly,go out of your way to please them cos this is the system naija wants even befor we were born so trying to change it wil create problems where there should be none,be patient madam!

yomi007k:


hajia..learn to love ur in laws like ur family I beg

The problem here isn't loving her inlaws. Nothing here indicates she doesn't love them_ some people are just not used to 'crowd'.
Some of us came from very small families, being married into a large one needs some adaptation.

Babythug has said it all.

bbeautylik:
What if you have your own apartment in the same compound? And your father in-law has like 3 wives staying with him. what do you do to win their heart? when you know you father in-laws doesn't appreciate what you do. What if you are an introvert and find it difficult to mix up.

With your own full apartment it's much easier. You'd mind your business even more. Still extend regular courtesies like going to greet them at specific times during the day either early in the morning or evening depending on what's convenient for you.

Occasionally when you cook dish their portion and carry to them! Portion in one large bowl let the most senior wife share.

Still buy random food stuff and share with them.

As per being introverted it's not a problem you don't have to sit and gist unnecessarily just ensure you extend courtesies which I mentioned earlier And you're good to go.

Why doesn't your FIL appreciate what you do? What do you do anyway?

callola:
See, for you to live peacefully with your in-laws you have to be yourself. Do not pretend and try to adjust as in accommodating, don't exchange words with them but quietly tell your hubby what they are doing to you or what you are passing through. I can't pretend to do what I can't do and I try to learn something from them and we are living fine for 7 years now. Though its not easy. Also limit your friends and your outings.

To ensure your marriage and indeed any marriage works well especially as concerns relating with inlaws you WILL require some measure of pretense !!! Imagine you're on a visit to them and you're served eba that you don't enjoy eating will you frown of state that you don't like it because you don't want to pretend?!

Also if you understand that you're literally stuck with your inlaws for life you'd certainly agree that the constant reporting to your hubby will only work for a while what will be best is to find ways to ensure there's peace by your self!!!!

babythug:


With your own full apartment it's much easier. You'd mind your business even more. Still extend regular courtesies like going to greet them at specific times during the day either early in the morning or evening depending on what's convenient for you.

Occasionally when you cook dish their portion and carry to them! Portion in one large bowl let the most senior wife share.

Still buy random food stuff and share with them.

As per being introverted it's not a problem you don't have to sit and gist unnecessarily just ensure you extend courtesies which I mentioned earlier And you're good to go.

Why doesn't your FIL appreciate what you do? What do you do anyway?

Serving him food with one or two meat or fish. serving food which he doesn't appreciate.

Do not panic, you're a Muslim, married into a Muslim family... Learn to relate with your father in law and his 3 wives, so that when your husband decides to get more wives, you'd cope and adjust easily.

babythug:


To ensure your marriage and indeed any marriage works well especially as concerns relating with inlaws you WILL require some measure of pretense !!! Imagine you're on a visit to them and you're served eba that you don't enjoy eating will you frown of state that you don't like it because you don't want to pretend?!

Also if you understand that you're literally stuck with your inlaws for life you'd certainly agree that the constant reporting to your hubby will only work for a while what will be best is to find ways to ensure there's peace by your self!!!!

I will state it o. I won't pretend, I learnt the hard way.
The first time I met my inlaws, I was served pawpaw as appetiser, I hate this fruit. I was still recovering from the pawpaw, she brought goat meat pepper soup, chai_ seems the gods were against me that day.

Courtesy demanded I don't reject the meal, yours truly ate it .

Maybe it was her smile, 'cos normal me won't touch goatmeat/pawpaw with a pole sef. When I got home, in the midnight, I started vomiting, my mum was like 'hey, they never even allow you enter'...lols.

Then she asked, did you eat 'anu ewu'...you can imagine the rest.
Since then, I don't pretend again biko.

PaperLace:


I will state it o. I won't pretend, I learnt the hard way.
The first time I met my inlaws, I was served pawpaw as appetiser, I hate this fruit. I was still recovering from the pawpaw, she brought goat meat pepper soup, chai_ seems the gods were against me that day.

Courtesy demanded I don't reject the meal, yours truly ate it .

Maybe it was her smile, 'cos normal me won't touch goatmeat/pawpaw with a pole sef. When I got home, in the midnight, I started vomiting, my mum was like 'hey, they never even allow you enter'...lols.

Then she asked, did you eat 'anu ewu'...you can imagine the rest.
Since then, I don't pretend again biko.

gbam, when pretending, a time will come when they will find out. I can't eat what I normally would not eat just because I want to please you. I will appreciate it. Most of the prob is when the dil pretend at the first meeting only to change when they accept her.

bbeautylik:
Serving him food with one or two meat or fish. serving food which he doesn't appreciate.

If he expects more than one or two pieces of protein in his food and you can't afford that why not reduce the size of the beef and increase quantity?

Don't cook food he doesn't like now?! Isn't it only occasionally you have to give him food? You said he had three wives abi?