missperky:



Pregnancy how? When we're not having sex at all




Haha, i love what you quoted there

I am speechless.....the only thing in my mind now is for the two of you to see a therapist because this issue is not one sided, we have to hear his reasons also.
just meet a reputable therapist, that should help

N.B I mean the two of you not only you or him.

montezz:

U follow me come here ba?

u know the Business has already started oo

ABOKI9ja:
u know the Business has already started oo

montezz:

that Biz mana

Bad as it may, ur husband is likely addicted to masturbating , the abstenance might have triggered this effect of self pleasure with him. Communicate deeply with him on this cos u re still too young in marriage to be experiencing this.

You should the man during ex i think,,,

Initiate the moves and be on top riding ad let him engage his hands and your boobs

Try other style and position

Not always in the bedroom, you could try the kitchen

montezz:

that Biz mana Babe

I understand that the guy might have issues but this my sister isn't trying at all. She gets angry when she needs to be most patient. You have done the hard part and he has responded lead him on and coach him he will come around. If you are truly a Christian, the options you have are not options a Christian even considers except, of course, it is an abusive relationship.

ABOKI9ja:
that Biz mana Babe

English!

I wonder the kind of courtship you guys pass through because from all indications you too are not discussing like lovers or couples.


All the problems listed above can be easily discussed between you two and you explain and teach him where he's not getting it right.


Forget about your previous experience with your ex and teach your man as most as you can and have enough patience with him .


The way you even always lead him on only to cut the show angrily is enough to make your man get scare of trying to have sex again.



You have unknowingly killed his morale

you seem to be the anger type here am sorry if guess wrong but forget the ego work him up to last stage then angrily went off, aniway if you want the marriage to work its in your hand as for d man,when he gets to cloud9 he will sing for you best tracks

missperky:
THIS POST MIGHT BE A LITTLE DESCRIPTIVE SO I SUGGEST CHILDREN KEEP AWAY.

My less than 1-year-old marriage is on the verge of breaking down. Our lack of intimacy has eaten so deep into the relationship to the point that we are living like roomates and not a couple. We are a very young, sociable, good-looking couple - always laughing and having fun with friends but once the curtains close, we retreat back into our lonely marriage and cold bedroom. Onlookers who see us and know our lifestyle would never suspect that we have this problem.

From day one, sex has always been a difficult process that often results in argument. For the first few months of marriage we both tried to spice up our intimacy but failed miserably each time so now to keep peace, we have resulted to avoiding sex altogether.

Hubby once made an attempt to spice things up by buying intimacy gadgets. When we tried to use them, things went so wrong that we ended up fighting. He then tried to finger me and proceeded to do it through my panties hence shoving fabric up my vajay.. it hurt so much that I went dry instantly. This was the last straw that did it for me that night. He lacks basic skills and I’m tired of teaching him what to do at every stage. sex has now turned into a lecture/debate and I am tired. He lacks basic skills, doesn’t know how to svck nipples, I also hate it when he goes down.. he would be focusing on the hole and not the cliit. I’ve told him with words, even used body language to show him what to do but he is so stuck in his ways.

I’ve also tried to take charge on a couple of occasions; one night, he gave me an erotic massage so I saw it as an opportunity to initiate sex; proceeded to give him a hand-job & his joystick responded quickly but he just laid there being lazy whilst enjoying the action. Things didn’t proceed to intimacy, so I eventually got tired and went back to sleep. Few days later, I gave him a spontaneous bj whilst he was watching football and again he got hard immediately but he just sat there like a log of wood. I eventually got up and left in anger to go nap.

Things weren’t like this prior to being married.. we both had previous sexual partners before marriage and never experienced difficulty in sexual relations. It’s as if marriage changed everything. by the way, we both became stronger Christians just before getting married and to show repentance from fornication, we abstained from sex for over a year prior to our wedding.

Unfortunately, things have gotten so bad now that the thought of sex with him disgusts me. We barely talk to each other anymore. Living like strangers. We’ve gone 2 months now without sex and the way things are going its either someone ends up cheating or one of us walks out of the marriage.

This is serious.
I think you guys need to see a counselor. This kind of stuff is one if the reasons we are supposed to see a sea counselor b4 marriage.
If u both love each other and willing to make things work, I'm sure u will soon overcome this problem. You guys haven't found d right spark yet.
And lastly, be prayerful. It is well my sister.

@missperky:

When you abstain from sex for a long while, you are both like novices especially when you are together and not fantasizing about se.X with each other to remain pure.

What you are experiencing is normal and you both will get your groves back with love and patience (I know). Again, I don't know how long you dated and so your/his preferences might have changed and you have to explore afresh.

That he bought se.X toys to spice your love life shoes he is very open and willing to learn if guided in love.

Go with paperlace's and montezz's posts and see what happens.

God bless your home.

PaperLace:

Things don't progress because you get angry and give up too soon? Or because the dick changes its mind and goes flat?

wow, that was lovely

montezz:

English!

Dear u dont see my Name? I want to start teaching You Hausa and this na part of

From the write-up, I think the OP is trying to rush things with the hubby and gets easily frustrated. I think the 1st solution is to work on your anger. Second, have a great talk with him. Concern less on the actual act and focus on caressing, cuddling etc and make him feel relaxed. He may be having a lot of stuff on his head and you may not be encouraging enuff .

ABOKI9ja:
Dear u dont see my Name? I want to start teaching You Hausa and this na part of

PaperLace:

Things don't progress because you get angry and give up too soon? Or because the dick changes its mind and goes flat?

maybe 'bedmatics instructor' will be a more suitable nick for u than ''paperlace''.Damn! u'll make a better one.







think about it madam!!!

This is a serious issue. Lalasticlala, help a nairalander

Babe! its ur marriage and nobody would fix it for u...advice on what to do can be given,thats if u make use of it. Your mind sef is not in what you are doing,how can u give ur husband bj&u aint aroused... U will keep on persuading him,knw his love language..u have more of the work to do if he is not the romantic type,dnt rush him...keep on telling him how u want it with love,also know how he wants it.. Keep on trying until it is achieved. IF a man is nt complaining abt sex, u need to watch out...

Op, I've been there and I can tell you that all these advice that you( or hubby) be patient, take the initiative, spice things up, lick suck bite etc... It won't work! Simple.
When you abstain from sex unnaturally, you begin to resent your partner. It's like you're stuck in a rut and you blame them for it.
I had this gorgeous ex and sex first few times was incredible. Then she started 'rationing' it, once a week, once in 2 weeks, then once a month. By this time I was constantly angry at her. I would initiate and underneath I would be seething, who the fk did she think she was. If she tried to initiate I would think she was mocking me. So I would follow the motions, shove it in and thrust a few times, she begins to enjoy it, I pull out and say I'm tired. In my mind *Fùck you*
Frankly I don't have a solution because we never worked it out. Long long time ago, and I still resent her.
That's how much forced post coital abstinence fùcks with the male mind.

How could u just get up and leave when u notice he gets hard, it means u are calculating/judging him instead of making love, and he sences it. Madam, yr husbands body belongs to u, so when eventually u get him hard next time, proceed and ride him hard .Next time when u come close to him, he knows u mean business.
The worse thing in marriage u should allow to be tempered with is the bed.
Stop trying to correct him while making love for now. Let it be afterwards.

I think you both need to see a sex therapist. There are many in Lagos. Just Google it or check instagram.there are some people that have a diploma or degree in sexology and human relations. Confide in them they'll give you professional advice. Desist from discussing such issues with pastor, mummy g.o or women church leader,mummy deaconess or whatever. They'll only compound the problem and make you look like a nympho or perv and you'll be a subject of gossip amongst church members

I've realised all this s.u relationships or s.u marriages always have to deal with sexual frigidity and issues. Maybe because they see sex as dirty and sinful before marriage and so the mindset has eaten deep into their hearts that they carry it into marriage that in marriage they still see sex as something shameful and sinful

Meanwhile are you sure you're not having vaginismus and your husband is not verbally and emotionally abusing you because stuffs like these can kill srxual attraction or willingness for sex.

I really advice couples who are planning marriage to have sex so that they don't have to deal with sexual incompatibility because if you're compatible in other areas but you're sexually incompatible you will likely have a lot of friction and cold war

Like Michael Bolton sings "how can we be lovers if we can't be friends, how can we start over when the fighting never ends,how can we make love if we can't make a mess". Bottom line is look inward, outward and deal with your issues. Its not a praying and fasting matter.deal with real issues realistically

Really?

jidobaba:
Op, I've been there and I can tell you that all these advice that you( or hubby) be patient, take the initiative, spice things up, lick suck bite etc... It won't work! Simple.
When you abstain from sex unnaturally, you begin to resent your partner. It's like you're stuck in a rut and you blame them for it.
I had this gorgeous ex and sex first few times was incredible. Then she started 'rationing' it, once a week, once in 2 weeks, then once a month. By this time I was constantly angry at her. I would initiate and underneath I would be seething, who the fk did she think she was. If she tried to initiate I would think she was mocking me. So I would follow the motions, shove it in and thrust a few times, she begins to enjoy it, I pull out and say I'm tired. In my mind *Fùck you*
Frankly I don't have a solution because we never worked it out. Long long time ago, and I still resent her.
That's how much forced post coital abstinence fùcks with the male mind.

@missperky, you both should go see a sex psychologist.
Otherwise watch porn together.
And if that still doesn't do the trick, then spike his drink with a powerful aphrodisiac, ah ahn, ki lan ba ka gan sef?
You guys coming down on her for having anger issues, pls put yourself in her shoes. Or do you think it's easy ni to be denied what you soo loved and craved prior to the house arrest called marriage? Many of you would have gone ahead to throw tantrums and even smash the breakables in the house. Ehn oooo, I know your type.