K

I'm sorry for the troubles.

Assuming that childlessness is the cause of the problem, you must understand and by extension, your husband, that sometimes the inability to bear children is neither any of the spouses faults nor science. And if such, then it is expected of the two to support each other for as long as the problem last. I mean, it is only right and fair, since neither of you created your own bodies, i.e, the power to make children in the real sense of the word.

And then, your husband. I'm afraid there's really little or nothing you can do to change his habit of sex chatting and of course, infidelity. Since it is more of an attitudinal mindset than a cause, perhaps, just perhaps religious exhortations (assuming he believes in one) may be of help.

Lastly, you've done really well in keeping your marital problems to yourself (good thing you said he is not violent). Just keep on pushing--trying both science and otherwise. Also, do not neglect timely communication--heart-to-heart talks. Maybe, just maybe your husband will soon come to appreciate you the more and change for good.

Good luck!

NB: I'm not married sha o.

Kikikikikikik

Hmm , this one is strong

I am not married but I hope what I say would count .

First of all , I must applaud you , you've being a good wife so far(if all what you said is true).Giving him good food , good "acrobatics",talking about everything and not keeping anything from each other (this is my personal favorite,apart from the calls he is hiding).

So far so good , the foundation seems fair enough , so what could the problem possibly be ?, what is the root of the problem , without knowing a problem, a solution can't be gotten .The major suspect in this scenario is the fruit of the womb (which I applaud you again for being a strong woman and going through all that disappointment, you would be victorious soon.sha invite me to chop rice ).

Your honey tomato seems like a good man from all what you said , but sometimes frustration pushes people to do certain things (this is where he needs you, I am not defending him), sometimes we need our partners to "save us from ourselves"...I know you have a lot to deal with already .This is where sharing each others burdens comes in

Everything seems to have being attacked physically (how about spiritually) , do you and him pray together ? , remember that a couple who have taken action on their feet(physical action) and on their knees(spiritual action,prayers) can't be defeated .

This night when he comes back , have a heart felt conversation with him , and tell him how you feel (in a slow calm voice),tell him you need your best friend back,tell him you can't go through this journey alone , but you need him by your side and you would also be by his side.(Dont try to accuse him for anything ), but tell him what you saw(without accusing him , I know its tricky).You can say , "I saw this and this on your phone , but I want you to know that whatever has happened, I am ready to let go of it , I wont say it doesnt hurt me to see what I saw , but our union is more important to me and I want us to start on a fresh tack and not derail, I need you"

"I need you" is a way of rubbing a man's ego, its phsycology ( a good man would change , a bad man would take advantage of it and maltreat you , since you said he doesnt maltreat you physically , this should work)

Try and be involved in his life more , make him involved in yours more , do things that would keep reminding him of why he fell in love with you in the first place .Start doing things together as much as possible .

Above all , NEVER forget to tell God all your problems WHILE trying to resolve things physically , it works for me all the time .

Most importantly , 1 year from now , when your twins comes out , make sure you invite me for rice if not , I would take all my advice back , but I can leave the prayers for you : God bless , you and your marriage .

You're not doing anything wrong. Nothing is wrong with your marriage. Nothing is wrong with your husband. Don't even check his phone. Don't give yourself unnecessary problem. You can sit him down and talk to him about his flirting. It should be gently and heart to heart too. Don't think up anything bad. Keep praying and doing the good things you do. God will bless you and your husband with a child soon.

Cheer up madam It is well


NB: If you get pregnant again, go to the hospital. There's a way they tie the womb below, so the foetus won't come down. Ask your doctor.

Firstly I will recommend you see your doctor to know what happened to you and you can reach me with this number 08161127336 u need some medications to stop the miscarriage and also get you in the right corner and I presume you and your husband might be R+ this can cause you to have a miscarriage u really need to see your doctor ma

joyfulgal, I would say, don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Some men chat that way when they are bored while they ain't necessarily cheating. Concentrate more on the things that matters more which is knowing the root causes of your miscarriages and how to eliminate it completely.

My sister, I have learnt not to make anyone a priority in my life if am not an option to the person. L can answer that question yourself and know where you stand in your husband's life.

Your happiness counts in everything. In this life we only get to live once, so live it to the fullest by being happy...

On another note, it's not just domestic violence that is a form of marital abuse be guided ma. I just want you to be happy, you are worth a thousand smiles cuz u re beautiful and strong. So cheer up ma'am, things will fall in place for you Amen

Biko what the heck is ungodly hours...

X

C

Yyy

Joyfulgal:



Ok thanks. Yes he is n I am R-.

I hope they gave you RHOGAM in your first pregnancy. Please tell me they did . Is this not a case of rhesus incompatibility....oh gawd no

joyfulgal , I edited my first post , please read it slowly and carefully

M

F

Joyfulgal:


Thanks I have gone through it. So emotional right now. All is well. Spiritually we are lukewarm. Fighting it through with God.i know I am not fighting enough. We pray together. I do alnight at home but he doesn't join me. Thanks once more

Don't worry every thing would be fine , I am praying for you .

joyfulgal it is well with you.

From what I've read here you have a good husband and you ain't bad either fulfilling your wife duties, but what is pulling your husband away is that thing that will pull an average African man away -children, I know you will overcome this very soon but in the meantime you have to be patient with dh. Any time you see he's in a good mood you can sit him down and ask him questions, pls never you ask him directly like you have gone through his phone and you are challenging him that might only ignite a fire.
If what you explained there is the truth then pray for yourself and your family, don't assume what is not in your head. Make yourself and your husband happy. If you think he calls and chat those gals in ungodly hour engage him in that ungodly hour so he won't have time for them.

Pls when next you are pregnant which i pray will be very soon work with your doc specially a consultant.

Lastly and most importantly work on your knees, never you underestimate the power of prayers, it works and works

E hugs to you sis, I will be praying for you and hoping to hear the good news soon.

@ Joyfulgal,

I'd like to make my suggestions as practical as possible and I hope it helps. Eight years is a long time to wait and I am basing my suggestions on this.

Remember that your husband is an individual so, he has a mind of his own. Most times, women tend to feel that they're the cause of whatever their husband does or doesn't do but, when you think about it more, you will realize that the choice lies with him. Don't focus on curbing his 'bad' habit / change him - You can't do it, you will only drive him away further. The best you can do, is to pray for him and God that knows where the shoe pinches, will bring about the positive changes you desire in your home.

FOCUS on what you can change. To help you stop being introspective about this issues, you need to find some distractions that will take your attention away from yourself.

Try adopting a child or twins! Children attract more children and they will also serve as a good distraction while you both wait, bringing joy and laughter into your home.

Go get yourself another job! This is also another good distraction for you, you will be too busy to be checking your husband's phones...lol. You will also meet new people which is good.

What this 'distractions' will do for you is that they will place you in a position of REST and keep anxiety at bay.

Don't lose your JOY for any reason. Be happy and joyful at all times, hang around positive and optimistic people. Joy is contagious! Your husband will find the happy you more fun and desirable.

Seek God and ask for his mercies and blessings on your home and He will grant you the desires of your heart.

.

.

T

F

Go and check if he has given you any STD that is making you unable to have children, since he is a flirt.

Joyfulgal:
For matured minds only.

I got married 8 years ago. My husband deflowered me in my final year and in less than a year we tied the knot. I am an engineering graduate. I have worked as a teacher for 5 years but currently not working. I resigned to try some fertility treatments which was successful but miscarried at 14 weeks. Then after a year got pregnant and miscarried gain. Currently trying for a baby and not working . Main issues.

Firstly, my husband is addicted to chatting dirty with younger girls. I saw some of his chats today. Asking for sex/relationship etc. I checked his phones deliberately today because he stays out late, often unknown callers have woken us up at ungodly hours and we usually discuss anything but when I asked whom he was chatting with this morning he didn't say .He is a good husband and not violent. When I noticed he is staying out late,I felt he needed to cool his head off with the issues of not having kids and he needed to cheer up with friends.

Please I need some good advice from married folks that have successfully curbed this bad habit . I need help. In the bed room, I am not doing badly. I satisfy my husband and like I said we discuss everything. I give him good food and he doesn't eat out.
This delay in bearing children is making my decision difficult. Confused, Sad,feel cheated because I have never cheated on him .no man has ever crossed my legs.

I don't really what to discuss this with family or my pastor. Married men/women what am I not getting right. Fertility wise we have tried ivf and iui. He pays for our medical treatment and drugs.

donnaD, wetin you think, your sisters need advice o !

Jupxter:


donnaD, wetin you think, your sisters need advice o !

Hmmm this is strong oo.sumtin is wrong sumwhere.

donnaD:

Hmmm this is strong oo.sumtin is wrong sumwhere.

Talk about dysfuntional families, sup nau, how family? How the event na

Joyfulgal:


I did but not within 48 hours

LAWD!!.The miscarriages will never end medically... You need to see a hematologist. Maybe your husband knew already and is looking for outside help to have kids.
It is well cos every problems has a solution.

Splinz:
I'm sorry for the troubles.

Assuming that childlessness is the cause of the problem, you must understand and by extension, your husband, that sometimes the inability to bear children is neither any of the spouses faults nor science. And if such, then it is expected of the two to support each other for as long as the problem last. I mean, it is only right and fair, since neither of you created your own bodies, i.e, the power to make children in the real sense of the word.

And then, your husband. I'm afraid there's really little or nothing you can do to change his habit of sex chatting and of course, infidelity. Since it is more of an attitudinal mindset than a cause, perhaps, just perhaps religious exhortations (assuming he believes in one) may be of help.

Lastly, you've done really well in keeping your marital problems to yourself (good thing you said he is not violent). Just keep on pushing--trying both science and otherwise. Also, do not neglect timely communication--heart-to-heart talks. Maybe, just maybe your husband will soon come to appreciate you the more and change for good.

Good luck!

NB: I'm not married sha o.

You are not? I'm not too. Pleased to meet you...where are we meeting for valentine? I have a red dress

eniolorunfe:
@ Joyfulgal,

I'd like to make my suggestions as practical as possible and I hope it helps. Eight years is a long time to wait and I am basing my suggestions on this.

Remember that your husband is an individual so, he has a mind of his own. Most times, women tend to feel that they're the cause of whatever their husband does or doesn't do but, when you think about it more, you will realize that the choice lies with him. Don't focus on curbing his 'bad' habit / change him - You can't do it, you will only drive him away further. The best you can do, is to pray for him and God that knows where the shoe pinches, will bring about the positive changes you desire in your home.

FOCUS on what you can change. To help you stop being introspective about this issues, you need to find some distractions that will take your attention away from yourself.

Try adopting a child or twins! Children attract more children and they will also serve as a good distraction while you both wait, bringing joy and laughter into your home.

Go get yourself another job! This is also another good distraction for you, you will be too busy to be checking your husband's phones...lol. You will also meet new people which is good.

What this 'distractions' will do for you is that they will place you in a position of REST and keep anxiety at bay.

Don't lose your JOY for any reason. Be happy and joyful at all times, hang around positive and optimistic people. Joy is contagious! Your husband will find the happy you more fun and desirable.

Seek God and ask for his mercies and blessings on your home and He will grant you the desires of your heart.

I agree! Especially adopting twins! They are the salt of the earth

sisisioge:


You are not? I'm not too. Pleased to meet you...where are we meeting for valentine? I have a red dress

Hehehe... valentine ke? I dey go hustle money jare. Besides, na black cloth I get o.

The pleasure is all mine.

Splinz:


Hehehe... valentine ke? I dey go hustle money jare. Besides, na black cloth I get o.

The pleasure is all mine.

OK, maybe we just pray together tonight...your place, not mine .

X