Vvvvvv

What exactly ar u asking? Ur statement is ambiquous!

Your husband is the issue here. When she told you not to sit by your husband what stopped you from saying no. When she changed the plans what stopped your husband from calling her out on it. I know it is not easy but people with personalities like your mother in law have pretty much always done what they wanted to do. If you want it different for you then you have to say something about it. It might not even occur to her that she is being a nuisance. When you marry your in laws it is not a literal marriage. Te only person you are literally married to is your husband unless of course you decide to ignore the portion of your Bible. Love your in laws but don't let them dictate what happens in your marriage.

[url][/url]⁸@outstrip thanks. I agree this is

Outstrip:

Your husband is the issue here. When she told you not to sit by your husband what stopped you from saying no. When she changed the plans what stopped your husband from calling her out on it. I know it is not easy but people with personalities like your mother in law have pretty much always done what they wanted to do. If you want it different for you then you have to say something about it. It might not even occur to her that she is being a nuisance. When you marry your in laws it is not a literal marriage. Te only person you are literally married to is your husband unless of course you decide to ignore the portion of your Bible. Love your in laws but don't let them dictate what happens in your marriage.

Well said sis!!!
I couldn't have said it any better.

@poster

so when she told you to stand up, u actually stood up?
What was the reaction of your husband?

Have u talked to ur husband about dis? Maybe he knew about da change of plans or he just didnt see a big deal in wat happened. Let him know how u feel about da whole thing. He can save da situation now before it goes beyond wat ur mum in law's doin now.

Your MIL is rude and being so because no one has stopped her. Talk to your husband and make it clear to him that his mother is overstepping boundaries. Do it sooner than later; I can't imagine your MIL walking into your bedroom without permission. That's an outright slap in the face and the insults need to stop before problems arise in your marriage.

@hazureal the pastor had disagreed to do something in the ceremony my husband wanted.
so he reached a compromise with him, my mother in law went and hala the man and changed it, it has put us in a difficult position with the pastor, my husband left things as they were because its what we wanted anyway, ( i think we should have stayed with things as they were to make a point), he shouted at his mum and told her leave him to handle his family the way he wants that she had lived her life she should let him live his etc

@chinesedoll when she wouldn't move he told her to stand and eventually she moved and sat by her husband after hissing at me!

the woman is doing all this under the guise of "you are not Ibo you won't know" this is my problem!!

Bletherer:



the woman is doing all this under the guise of "you are not Ibo you won't know" this is my problem!!

Very good.

@ifyalways
sorry whats very good

Bletherer:


the woman is doing all this under the guise of "you are not Ibo you won't know" this is my problem!!

You seem to know the reason and i still wonder why you complain.
She wants you to know the way things are done and seem to have a big problem with it.
For a young goat to suck from her mother breasts, it must bend down before it can feed. Thats exactly what you should do.
All the same talk to ur husband or better still, talk to her and tell her to give you a breathing space(if you can summon the courage)
Best of luck.

@cantell
is that really how things are done
what if mother actually wants her son to suck from his mothers bosom? the comes a time whem the young goat must learn to be his own goat!!!

i keep bending but it seems my bending makes things worse!
when i tried to prostate and talk she said i was confronting her!!!!
how do ibo girls out there deal with their mothers in law.

Bletherer:

@ifyalways
sorry whats very good

The fact that u know ur actual problem.

---------

Bletherer:

@cantell
is that really how things are done
what if mother actually wants her son to suck from his mothers bosom? the comes a time whem the young goat must learn to be his own goat!!!

i keep bending but it seems my bending makes things worse!
when i tried to prostate and talk she said i was confronting her!!!!
how do ibo girls out there deal with their mothers in law.

I wanted to post an answer to your question but when i read chaircover's comment, i deleted cos she said it all.
Once again, best of luck.

God! I really get annoyed when i read or hear about mothers in law showin dislike for their children's spouses. Anyway, chaircover has said it all. Pls heed da advice and keep being strong. It is well wit you.

This one will be hard to deal with but your husband is going to have to take a stand though his mother will curse and yell she will always love him. I say tell your man to take a stand and send her home to her husband because she is ruining your household. Besides it's your baby not hers you have to make the final decisions as to what happens to your child and not your mother inlaw the sooner you both (not just you) remind her the better.

I think the consensus is quite clear. Your Husband needs to "MAN" up, and stand up to his Mother. I cant stand weak, ineffectual men who let their mothers, or family dictate/control what happens in their households. A Man is supposed to be the HEAD of his household. What part of that does he not understand?

Have you told your Husband about how you feel about all these things? Does he agree with you? Where is his support in all this? I think he has no interest in standing together with you as one. Trust me, a man like this will always chooses his family's side in case of any disputes.

You should have seen this though, as many symptoms of this trait would have presented themselves long before you got married. I bet his family dictated how,where or when you got married.

i keep bending but it seems my bending makes things worse!
when i tried to prostate and talk she said i was confronting her!!!!

Igbos dont kneel or prostate, so you're probably annoying her the more by doing so.

find out how respect is shown in Igbo culture and also try to learn the language and dishes as much as possible. Also get traditional Igbo attire in addition to your own native one.


my two cents- its not easy being in an inter tribal marriage, imo.

Chaircover has covered most of what needs to be said.

though sha even if your husband is the same tribe as you, it doesnt mean there wouldnt be problems at all.

Let me assume that the OP is yoruba because they like to "bend" LOL. How can you try to justify the anger it seems to bring from the mother in law. The mother in law is being abusive. She is not even being subtle. When you have spent your whole life kneeling as a sign of respect how can you then switch overnight. For someone to be offended by someones show of respect means that person just has a mean spirit. I get uncomfortable when little kids kneel to greet me and I tell them that it is not nesassary but being upset because of it is just plain mean. I am all for trying to win them over but not to the point of allowing abusive behavior. It is ungodly and inhumane. Enough of all the stuff about trying to understand that she is from a different tribe.

Bletherer:

@cantell
is that really how things are done
what if mother actually wants her son to suck from his mothers bosom? the comes a time whem the young goat must learn to be his own goat!!!

[b]i keep bending but it seems my bending makes things worse![/b]
when i tried to prostate and talk she said i was confronting her!!!!
how do ibo girls out there deal with their mothers in law.

Because she suspects you are up to something devious and may be diabolical. You don't know that many igbos detest that Yoruba bending because they see it as sheer hypocrisy since many of them bend and kiss your feet yet turn around behind you and curse you out or use juju on you. You don't blame her because that is what they believe whether its true or not and it becomes worse if she actually think you want to use her son and you are trying to showcase your hypocrisy in order to fool her.

Try prayers and patience. She will grow to understand you and trust you.

Also your MIL may also be jealous of you because she thinks you are taking her place in her son's heart. It is natural in many Igbo women who have no man in their lives but she will get over it soon.