Sister In Law - Family (3)

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Sister In Law - Family (3) - Nairaland

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My Mother-in-law Hates Because I Refuse To Call My Sister-in-law "Aunty" / My Sister In Law Slapped Me / HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW TROUBLING YOUR MARRIAGE! (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Sister In Law by oyinda3(f): 5:18pm On Jul 08, 2010

chaircover:

But back to my first post, I enjoy doing things for my family so all this food serving is no big deal to me and I pray for long life to be able to continue to do so. Maybe I enjoy being the "slave" who knows?

nothing wrong with enjoying being the "slave"
even girls in niger who go through genit[size=1pt].[/size]al mutations all love the culture and wish to do the same to their daughters.
same with hijab that some others criticize. many of the women love wearing it n wouldn't have it any other way.
it's all cultural perspective.

for me, hahhaaha i definitely wouldn't enjoy being the "slave" but i understand the perspective of those who do. lol

going back to the OP's question, that's the thing abt marrying someone with a different cultural perspective from urs. you will find out new things you will be shocked by and not necessarily agree with or "enjoy" lol

Re: Sister In Law by 0hsisi: 5:43pm On Jul 08, 2010

iice:

looool touchy
A line is supposed to ensure people get to the food. So i don't see why i or anyone else should rush to get to what one will eventually get to
And i suppose i should have jumped out of line immediately noticing t[color=#990000]here was a humongous man behind me Sorry i wasn't quick enough to realize that a man would rush for the food irrespective of the person standing in front of him. Like i said 'once'. . .i learnt my lesson

I no go die today [/color]

Where was his wife?
Standing in the peppersoup line while the man rushed to the moi moi line before the thing finishes

Re: Sister In Law by 0hsisi: 5:49pm On Jul 08, 2010

oyinda.:

nothing wrong with enjoying being the "slave"
even girls in niger who go through genit[size=1pt].[/size]al mutations all love the culture and wish to do the same to their daughters.
same with hijab that some others criticize. many of the women love wearing it n wouldn't have it any other way.
it's all cultural perspective.

for me, hahhaaha i definitely wouldn't enjoy being the "slave" but i understand the perspective of those who do. lol

going back to the OP's question, that's the thing abt marrying someone with a different cultural perspective from urs. you will find out new things you will be shocked by and not necessarily agree with or "enjoy" lol

You couldn't possibly be serious
Please don't send out the message that all things are kosher as long as it's culturally accepted
That is very wrong and damaging,setting women hundred years behind what people have fought for.
There was a time women were listed as property owned by men and could be inherited at the death of their husbands
It was an accepted norm,still is in some societies
Please be careful the things you write down,these pages will still exist long after you and I
Some things are wrong,don't be afraid to label them as such

Re: Sister In Law by Romeo4real(m): 5:56pm On Jul 08, 2010

@Ohsisi-
My first reactions was to reciprocate the insults, but as I have chose not to drag myself down to your level and shall be magnanimous on this occasion.
I could tell you your Husband is a small livered wimp, and certainly not the leader of his home for giving in to your bullcrap – but I won’t. I could also tell you he is NOT man enough to stand up for what HE wants – but again, I won’t.

What is telling however is that you equate my wife to be a slave because she serves me my food. And yes she does clip my toenails whilst I’m swallowing Eba – the same way I give her a foot massage whilst she is watching CSI on TV. As you have already alluded, these behaviour is alien to you and your poor husband, the same way the concepts of treating each other like Kings and Queens are alien to you.

Resisting the urge to turn this into a chest beating contest, it is extremely immature of you to ASSUME that you are the only one here with 15yrs + of marriage experience. The same can also be said of your inclusion of Eph 5:21, where Paul is speaking to the church at Ephesus as a whole, whilst gamely ignoring Eph 5:22-25, where Paul speaks categorically and specifically to Husbands & Wives.

And please explain this fallacy to me. How can you quote Eph 5:21(Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ)regarding this issue, then deny you said you said your Husband should submit to you? Does that even begin to make sense to you? I guess it does.

Re: Sister In Law by chika98: 6:02pm On Jul 08, 2010

Romeo4real:

@Ohsisi-
My first reactions was to reciprocate the insults, but as I have chose not to drag myself down to your level and shall be magnanimous on this occasion.
I could tell you your Husband is a small livered wimp, and certainly not the leader of his home for giving in to your bullcrap – but I won’t. I could also tell you he is NOT man enough to stand up for what HE wants – but again, I won’t.

Romeo
You said you weren't going to reciprocate with insults and there you are. That isn't a very nice thing to say Mister.
Can we not drag this bit of the forum down to insults please!

I will say though Cute that you'd do her toes whilst she watches CSI grin

Re: Sister In Law by 0hsisi: 6:04pm On Jul 08, 2010

Romeo4real:

@Ohsisi-
My first reactions was to reciprocate the insults, but as I have chose not to drag myself down to your level and shall be magnanimous on this occasion.
I could tell you your Husband is a small livered wimp, and certainly not the leader of his home for giving in to your bullcrap – but I won’t. I could also tell you he is NOT man enough to stand up for what HE wants – but again, I won’t.

What is telling however is that you equate my wife to be a slave because she serves me my food. And yes she does clip my toenails whilst I’m swallowing Eba – the same way I give her a foot massage whilst she is watching CSI on TV. As you have already alluded, these behaviour is alien to you and your poor husband, the same way the concepts of treating each other like Kings and Queens are alien to you.

Resisting the urge to turn this into a chest beating contest, it is extremely immature of you to ASSUME that you are the only one here with 15yrs + of marriage experience. The same can also be said of your inclusion of Eph 5:21, where Paul is speaking to the church at Ephesus as a whole, whilst gamely ignoring Eph 5:22-25, where Paul speaks categorically and specifically to Husbands & Wives.

And please explain this fallacy to me. How can you quote Eph 5:21(Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ)regarding this issue, then deny you said you said your Husband should submit to you? Does that even begin to make sense to you? I guess it does.

e be like say the man don drink acid
Romeo abi na Romanus
please carry go
you can pound her head in tonight,which one consain me
Who knows how many times she's "fallen down the stairs" or "bumped into the wall" for serving lumpy amala
I hear you broda

Re: Sister In Law by chamotex(m): 6:10pm On Jul 08, 2010

iice:

looool touchy
A line is supposed to ensure people get to the food. So i don't see why i or anyone else should rush to get to what one will eventually get to
And i suppose i should have jumped out of line immediately noticing there was a humongous man behind me Sorry i wasn't quick enough to realize that a man would rush for the food irrespective of the person standing in front of him. Like i said 'once'. . .i learnt my lesson

I no go die today

Some Nigerians do not follow the 'line' rule especially when it's about food. cheesy

If you see the way old men and women jump out of their seats and rush for food when the host announces that food is ready.
You would think their lives depended on it. grin

Re: Sister In Law by 0hsisi: 6:13pm On Jul 08, 2010

chamotex:

Some Nigerians do not follow the 'line' rule especially when it's about food.
If you see the way old men and women jump out of their seats and rush for food when the host announces that food is ready.
You would think their lives depended on it.

and what do the wise ones do?
send their loving wives to be trampled upon grin

Re: Sister In Law by chamotex(m): 6:16pm On Jul 08, 2010

0hsisi:

and what do the wise ones do?
send their loving wives to be trampled upon

Maybe that's why it might be better to let the women do the serving . . . ?
At least they wont be as aggressive as the men grin

Re: Sister In Law by 0hsisi: 6:24pm On Jul 08, 2010

chamotex:

Maybe that's why it might be better to let the women do the serving . . . ?
At least they wont be as aggressive as the men

It's true O
maybe that's what my broda Romero was driving at
preventing violence at the goat meat table ,but he should have been plain
I couldn't read in between the lines
I have changed too
From now on I must serve all the husbands in the party single-handedly grin

Re: Sister In Law by chamotex(m): 6:26pm On Jul 08, 2010

0hsisi:

It's true O
maybe that's what my broda Romero was driving at
preventing violence at the goat meat table ,but he should have been plain
I couldn't read in between the lines
I have changed too
From now on I must serve all the husbands in the party single-handedly

Now, marry me! cheesy

Re: Sister In Law by chika98: 6:42pm On Jul 08, 2010

Chamotex wan marry everybody

Re: Sister In Law by chamotex(m): 6:51pm On Jul 08, 2010

chika98:

Chamotex wan marry everybody

Chika baybee . . . you are know you are the only one for me.
My first . . . cheesy

[size=2pt]p.s - babes that will serve u at a party are scarce mehn[/size]

Re: Sister In Law by oyinda3(f): 7:03pm On Jul 08, 2010

0hsisi:

You couldn't possibly be serious

no i wasn't 100% serious.
i definitely don't condone such but ppl have the right to live their lives as they wish. cheesy

Re: Sister In Law by chika98: 7:12pm On Jul 08, 2010

chamotex:

Chika baybee . . . you are know you are the only one for me.
My first . . .

[size=2pt]p.s - babes that will serve u at a party are scarce mehn[/size]

Shey U never hear sey I no dey do Forum flirting aka Forum love?

Babes No go serve just anybody o! You have to be husband to be or hubby to get that sorta treatment

Re: Sister In Law by OYINKANSOW: 1:11am On Jul 09, 2010

Women serving men is a cultural thing where I come from (Yoruba). Maybe because women are better at handling food and presenting it nicely and also generally anything food (cooking or serving) is seen as a woman's specialty. Women will take the time to pick as many pieces as possible and the best for their husbands cheesy

There is nothing wrong with it. So far the man is not commanding the woman like a servant. Also, several Yoruba homes I know have special chairs,plates and cups, etc for the father of the house.

And some people do get offended if you sit on their husband's seat or mistakenly use his plate, etc. The father always get served first whether he is around or not and the father must always eat the best. Nothing wrong with this.

But it is not common to everybody. Some homes are freer so to say. That said I think it is NOT compulsory. But if the man likes it or culture demands it, it is advisable. On the Bible issue (for people that are xtians), I will say that reciprocity is what the Bible is trying to pass across about love. There is no benefit in serving a man who cannot serve you (except you are trying to convert him).

If you pamper a man then you can expect to be pampered in return. To whom much is given much is expected. Though one person is likely to outdo the other(most likely the woman).

A clock needs two hands to function, one cannot work alone as there will be no time. For the two hands to be clean, the left must wash the right and right must wash the left.

The Bible says to the man, you must love your wife, won't the woman love her husband too? Abi how many men will want to marry a woman that does not love them but is only interested in money, or in becoming a Mrs to avoid the cultural stigma of spinsterhood? And it says to the woman, you must respect your husband, won't the man respect her too? The main thing is reciprocity, nothing wrong with husbands and wives loving and respecting each other.

But as the head of the home, the man needs special respect in order to assume his authority because there cannot be two captains in a ship lai lai. The ship go sink. One must lead, one must follow and it has nothing to do with slavery.

After all if the Bible asks us to submit to outsiders out of reverence for Christ, how much more our wives if we truly love Christ and are ready to sacrifice anything including our egos and pride for Him?

Christ had no ego thats why He died N.A.K.E.D. on the cross for those who hated him, those unborn and those who may not accept him or be able to reciprocate. He laid down everything.

How many men quoting scriptures can die like that for their wives? Because the Bible said love your wife LIKE Jesus did for the church and gave His life. Thats why a lot of disciples could lay down themselves to be torn into two,flogged to death, imprisoned , etc for the sake of the gospel.

In an ideal situation , husband and wife should be trying to outdo each other with love. But the reality is it is not easy. Sometimes only God deserves the highest love in our lives, the type you do with careless abandon, like I don't care whether you love me, I just love, loove, looove, loooove you

The thing I don't understand is why some men live/survive/exist on women's respect. Whether she serves you or not, are you not still the head?Why do men need women to respect or validate them (I mean like master-servant) before they can feel happy? Maybe I am wrong sha.

Anyway the universal and biblical golden rule is do unto others as you want others to do unto you since spirit has no gender, there is no male or female spirit. You serve him, he serve you in kind or in another way. My 2p grin

@poster , Leilah carry go, keep serving and treating your husband like your lord till you grow old and I trust he will treat you likewise wink

Re: Sister In Law by oyinda3(f): 1:49am On Jul 09, 2010

OYINKANSOW:

Also, several Yoruba houses I know have special chairs,plates and cups, etc for the father of the house. And some people do get offended if you sit on their husband's seat or mistakenly use his plate, etc. The father always get served first whether he is around or not and the father must always eat the best. Nothing wrong with this.

u must be lying out of ur nose.
I'm yoruba and i've never heard of such in my entire life!!!! shocked

now do you mean father or husband. i'm confused. even still, that's all very bizarre

Re: Sister In Law by iice(f): 2:43am On Jul 09, 2010

0hsisi:

Where was his wife?
Standing in the peppersoup line while the man rushed to the moi moi line before the thing finishes

Ahahahaha you no go kill me grin

I just had a mental image of the man rushing for moi moi grin

chamotex:

Some Nigerians do not follow the 'line' rule especially when it's about food.
If you see the way old men and women jump out of their seats and rush for food when the host announces that food is ready.
You would think their lives depended on it.

But their lives depend on it naw. . .the older ones will not get any food, if they don't get a head start or enough sprint in their steps tongue

Re: Sister In Law by Nobody: 2:45am On Jul 09, 2010

chamotex:

Some Nigerians do not follow the 'line' rule especially when it's about food.
If you see the way old men and women jump out of their seats and rush for food when the host announces that food is ready.
You would think their lives depended on it.

Re: Sister In Law by tpiah: 2:58am On Jul 09, 2010

Also, several Yoruba houses I know have special chairs,plates and cups, etc for the father of the house. And some people do get offended if you sit on their husband's seat or mistakenly use his plate, etc. The father always get served first whether he is around or not and the father must always eat the best. Nothing wrong with this.

true, actually, in some homes.

oyinda.:

u must be lying out of your nose.
I'm yoruba and i've never heard of such in my entire life!!!!

some families do it.

you serve the dad first, and use special china or silverware.

the chair thing isnt exclusive to yoruba men though.

Re: Sister In Law by Romeo4real(m): 11:58am On Jul 09, 2010

@Ohsisi -

you can pound her head in tonight,which one consain me. Who knows how many times she's "fallen down the stairs" or "bumped into the wall" for serving lumpy amala

This is so juvenile and low rent! I am now a wife beater because my wife serves me food? I will let this one slide.

@chika98 - Whilst it is commendable for you trying to restore order on the forum, i think some balance and fairness would be in order. I don't see you highlighting other posters insults and unfounded accusations.

Re: Sister In Law by chamotex(m): 4:12pm On Jul 09, 2010

iice:

But their lives depend on it naw. . .the older ones will not get any food, if they don't get a head start or enough sprint in their steps

True . . .otherwise they will use seniority.

I remember a day after church service, the youths gently queued for food and had the head start over the adults.
The adults realised that the food just might not go round since they were far behind, so they all started yelling "All the youths, form another line here" (behind them). grin

The power of food.

Re: Sister In Law by afrobaby(f): 4:27pm On Jul 09, 2010

My sister in-law will never allow you use her husband's special/dedicated plates and cutleries, she claims that's the way she was brought up by her parent. She is from rivers while we are yorubas. I had a funny experience with her one day. When myself and my younger sister got to her house one day, after my sister finished cooking, my sister went to the kitchen and started serving the meal. Surprisingly, "our wife" walked into the kitchen and was like, oh, no, don't use that plate, it's for my husband, I can't allow anyone use it, not even daddy(that is my daddy, who is her father-in-law). I was so annoyed that I heard to tell her that what she said was wrong, and for saying that, I will use that plate to serve my own meal. Immediately, she went to her store and brought out another set of plate, and said, I will no longer use this again, I will be using this new one for my husband.

Though I was annoyed, but as a christian, there are some things you just have to overlook.

But I told my oldest sister so that she can advise or warn her as she may deem necessary, she need to caution her, cos if she does the same thing to any of my other sisters who doesn't take nonsense or to any of my half-siblings, she may not be able to face the consequences.

SOME SISTER INLAW HAVE FUNNY ATTITUDES

Re: Sister In Law by tpiah: 4:32pm On Jul 09, 2010

^^isnt her husband your brother?

so what's the problem if she's treating him specially in his own house?

Re: Sister In Law by Nobody: 10:14pm On Jul 09, 2010

Re: Sister In Law by Leilah(f): 10:59pm On Jul 13, 2010

I ALWAYS service him all the time exept at buffet type thing cos I thought that was whole idea of a buffet 'eat all YOU can eat'

ANyway, now I know and I learn different things, some are alien but some are wonderful. You guys have better reasoning at times.

thanks, Leilah.

Re: Sister In Law by Leilah(f): 11:07pm On Jul 13, 2010

Romeo I'm not Christian, and I did not insult anyone. Its was a buffet we all work and contribute. A party is a party I suppose I should have known to serve him in their way. I serve my husband every nigerian meal (well most) that you can think of. Cos gave up making pastas as he wouldnt eat them. So all I cook now is Nigerian food and hubby tells me I can cook even better than some women that are natives. I respect that he is the head of the household, I never try to domineer him (I'd be Killed) I am quiet I usually go to work come home maybe go shopping we very rarely go to social gatherings now. But at least I will know the next time,

Pls Romeo do not brand all white women are useless trash that cant butter a slice of bread cos u will be surprised. Some of them b'come very interested in learning how to cook for their husbnads and some even go to great lenghts to.

Re: Sister In Law by Leilah(f): 11:11pm On Jul 13, 2010

Re: Sister In Law by Romeo4real(m): 8:18pm On Jul 15, 2010

@Leilah -

Pls Romeo do not brand all white women are useless trash that cant butter a slice of bread cos u will be surprised

Leilah, I have not branded anyone "useless trash" on this thread, or anywhere on this forum for that matter. Why would i make such a sweeping, overarching judgement?
I have dated "white" women before, and can confirm they all went to great lengths to learn Nigerian cuisine and cook for me - in fact, far, far more than any Nigerian girl i had ever dated before that. Anyway, well done. I wish you all the best in your relationship. I know we are not the easiest to live with.

Re: Sister In Law by WhiteOne(f): 2:19pm On Jul 16, 2010

Easy!

Greet you husband first thing in the morning and first thing if you or he enters the house.
Bring him his food on a tray, when he is hungry.
And make sure he has something to drink.

Wash his cloths and do the cooking.

And give him some children.

Re: Sister In Law by WhiteOne(f): 2:34pm On Jul 16, 2010

Funny !!!

My mum always made sure my daddy had his food on the table, when he was hungry and she always cooked for him.
When we went for a Barbeque, it was my mum who brought the food on the table.

Or it was me!

When my daddy had friend over my mum brought them beer and sandwitches or soft drinks.

When we where out to a friends house or the football club had a function, my mum baked cakes or made food to take along.

My daddys sister, would have told her of, if she did not do all those things and my Mother told her sister in low of for not doing those things . . .

But ONE of them is Nigerian, they are all White and from Europe !!!!

Why always everbody write the african culture is the only onw, which demand those things.

I would get a kick in my butt if i do not serve my husband, my mother, my grandma or the brother of my mother.

And they same goes for my children, if they do not serve me or there dad.

Re: Sister In Law by WhiteOne(f): 2:48pm On Jul 16, 2010

Mutter of course you can comparing a Nigerian function/party with a German Function like a foot ball or tennis club is holding a Sommerfest ect. !!!

And by the way.

Papa have his own seat in the living room and Mama, too. And the children have to give this seat up, if Papa or Mama enter the room and Mama have to stand up, when Papa requst his sit back, only the sofa is mostly free. If Mama will Papa a blanket and a cushion, if he requests them.

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