You’d love to be the one who walks over to the good-looking person on the other side of the room and strike up a conversation. You’d love to be the guy who knows exactly what to say to get the girl to notice him. You want to be the girl that can turn every head and doesn’t miss a beat whether it comes to someone asking you out or you being the one who does the asking.

It’s not as easy as all that, not even for the ones who make it look that easy. Everyone feels a bit of nervousness when they approach a stranger for the first time. Whether it’s someone you know in passing or someone you’ve just met, there’s that faintly ill feeling in the pit of your stomach. The difference between you and the guy or girl who’s doing what you want to be doing is that they grab their confidence by the neck and carry it with them.

That curious feeling in the pit of their stomachs is the challenge to be overcome, not the intimidator holding them back. The hardest part of getting over shyness is working up the nerve to actually ‘talk’ to the other person, whether it’s to engage them in conversation or ask them out. The fear of rejection is potent and while it might seem easier to stay home or avoid those opportunities where you might have to talk to someone you don’t know, then now is the time to grab the bull by the horns.

You can take a few different approaches. Build a persona that helps you overcome those first, terrifying minutes of conversations. It can be your secret identity that is designed to just handle that initial engagement. Think positive and be confident in this persona because people will see that confidence and silly as it sounds, feel that positive vibe coming from you. That vibe does attract other people. Haven’t you ever noticed that people seem to flock to the smile and the laughter? They want to have a good time too.

If you are still nervous about the possibilities, try to just not care. If you approach a woman or a man with a nonchalant attitude; one that says, ‘hey, I’m just hanging out’ you are more likely to pique their interest because they want to interest you. Believe it or not, other people see it as a challenge when you don’t care whether they have something of interest to say or not. They want to be the one who interests you.

Finally, the next time you go out whether it’s to a party or a bar or just a friend’s barbecue, bring a buddy with you. Bring someone who’s going to be there supportively whether you manage to catch someone’s eye or not. They can help you choose who to approach and what to say. The hardest part for anyone is to actually make the first move and start the opening gambit of the conversation, once you are over that bridge, it’s all downhill from there.