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Sounds like your friend is hurt which is understandable. Any advice would be self-evident. She already knows what she has to do. Now she just needs the strength to move forward. I would face the fear of moving forward to the healing process. Hopefully she is not afraid of being alone for a while. She will probably harbor fears of trust, cause of the parent thing. Yuck - more baggage, so work on that also.

All I can say is that he's probably sending them chat messages as well.  Put the ignore button on him forever. And this is a very good example of why rotten apples never fall far away from the tree. Beast.

oyinmama:

HI ALL, A FRIEND/COLLEAGUE ASKED THAT I PUT HEER STORY IN TO GET YOUR INPUT, SHE WOULD HAVE USED HER OWN USERNAME, BUT SHE JUST REGISTERED TODAY AND IS YET TO GET HER ACTIVATION MAIL, SO HERE GOES,
I came across nairaland thru a colleague, and she suggested getting the views of nairalanders on my present predicament.

I have been dating O for the past year, and over that time, there have been several trust issues arising, these usually arise when I come across text messages from different girls. I guess as expected, he usually denies the girls and tells me that they mean nothing to him. He’s introduced me to his family, as I have and to the best of my knowledge, he plans to marry me; at this point, let me add that he’s my first lover, and goes as far as to insist that if I ever got pregnant, he’ld be overjoyed, there was a time I suspected that I might get pregnant and took Postinor, and he was really furious about it.

Last week, I went to visit him and spend the night, and was driven to check his text messages, lo & behold, there were yet again several messages from about four different girls, indicating that he was in serious relationships with them all. I copied the girls phone numbers down and left him early the next morning after telling them that I was through with the relationship and never wanted to have anything to do with him again. He kept calling me all day, but I didn’t pick his calls.

During that day, under the guise of being his cousin who he had told about his girlfriend, I called three of the girls, who all confirmed that they were in serious relationships with him ranging from two to six years, to make matters worse, they had all met his parents and family and were planning marriage with him as well….it was at this point that I told them that I was also his girlfriend, and that there appeared to be at least four of us seemed to be in the same situation. It appears that all the girls started calling him then, and all hell was let loose, so he stopped calling for the rest of the day.

This was last week, and presently he’s travelled out of the country and keeps initiating chat messages whenever he sees me online, which I keep ignoring. In my mind, it’s all over, I’m not sure I can trust anyone else. Its almost unbelieveable, cuz this is a guy I see practically everyday, with whom I’ve made so many future plans.
I would appreciate your thoughts on this as well…, thanks

I'm amazed!

What kind of parents does he have who would welcome diffrent women into their home as their son's wife to be? This is unbelievable.

The guy is a hopeless womanize who will get what is coming to him someday.

Meanwhile, being in that relationship is not healthy for you so if you are thinking of going back, I'd advice you to forget it.

Really pathetic, what can I say, than to tell your friendto forge ahead, though it may be hard, but it is the best decision she can ever make

Thanks all for your responses thus far, they have further re-enforced what her head's been telling her, as against her heart unfortunately. Your comments are really appreciated,

Painful and totally humiliating.
Bad enough that he was cheating on her in such a nasty way but she just has to put an agonising end to the situation or go on living in agony with him.
The fact that his family members are aware makes this case even more disastrous. Imagine having in laws like that.
In almost all cases when a man cheats or abuses a woman he always turns around to apologise.
So most people think anyway.
But the reality is that it is not an apology. What this man is actually saying is come back so I can do it again, this time I have practice.

My guess is that this bad guy may be finding it difficult to impregnate a girl and is trying to load the first out of the four.

1 He takes them to his parents.
2 He gets furious when you take postinor.

Do we still need a soothsayer to foretell the future of this certified awkward relationship?

I'm rest assured that there's no issue hence you or your friend's decision is to bid this nymph fareware and forge ahead.

But d only area im not clear with is this; How come u haven't seen or know any of these ur counterparts b4 now since you claim you see this ur guy pratically everyday?

^^^^the guy is probably a very smooth operator, may have 3 rooms rented in different parts of town.

invisible!:

^^^^the guy is probably a very smooth operator, may have 3 rooms rented in different parts of town.

LOL

Moralistli:

Do we still need a soothsayer to foretell the future of this certified awkward relationship?

I'm rest assured that there's no issue hence you or your friend's decision is to bid this nymph fareware and forge ahead.

But d only area im not clear with is this; How come u haven't seen or know any of these your counterparts b4 now since you claim you see this your guy pratically everyday?

I think she's as unclear as u are on how the guy ran things, and i'm guessing that he scheduled visits to his many babes at different times of the day? she says that's one of the reasons it was so hard to actually believe all the things he was up to, and therefore believe his usual stories [sub][/sub]lies before.

This guy sounds so much like my ex, I wasted 6 years of my life on my ex he always denied the other girls, until one night one of the girls got hold of his phone and rang me from it, i didn't get to take the call but there was a voice mail, when i played it for my ex he was still denying it, Tell your friend to move on they are better guys out there than the one she is dating,

@poster
this guy's game was very simple. he dated the first one and probably spent quality time with her everyday and, as time went by, they saw each other less often thus him having free time for the second one. when the second one became a routine too, he got a third one and so on.

as for his parents, it could either be that the girls are introduced as a simple galfriends (not all parents believe that any gal they meet is to get married with him) or simply that since they all were at different time then the parents probably didnt think he was still dating the first ones. they probably met the first one 6yrs or so ago and then the second one 4yrs or so and so forth.

come on, its a no brainer BUT the only problem is that he was surely having unprotected s e x with all of the gals (not safe at all) and since he kept them all on a "leash" and wanted her to keep the pregnancy, i guess his "gun" is firing blanks!

your friends should definitely move on with her life and forget about all the phoney plans they made together. she should take this "adventure" as an experience as she can clearly see that this guy (and probably his family) cannot be trusted, lied through his teeth right to her face  and played her like Ronaldo on a football.

the evidence are concrete before her, she needs no lawyer to defend the guy again. She is the judge in her case life. either move on or marry a cheat for life.

^^^^sometimes marrying a cheat can be fun, ask some women. They say its boring to stay with a man who is not inventive, who is predictable with the missionary style and who is not interested in 'dirty' pre-intimacy. Men that stray learn all these and more and are ready to tickle their wives with what they keep learning from new partners, abi?

^^^^you make no sense at all!!!!
so men who dont cheat dont have bedroom games?! men who dont cheat are not inventive?! ROTFLMAO

if you believe that a cheat is more present in the bedroom than a husband then you are surely dreaming.
they all the same, go ask the gals that the poster's bf was dating for 6 yrs if he is an acrobat in the bedroom. i truly doubt it.

individual are either boring or great in bed . . . . . . . . . also, the longer people are together, the more confident and relax they are thus not making the extra effort to shine in bed any longer. THATS the reason/difference between the two not infidelity.
its all about appreciating the cootie cat you've been banging for yrs rather than running to the next available one at the first sign of boredom. its your job to make that cootie cat special (or at least share that new toto together)!

these gals dont stay because of bedroom game (although some may), the only reason these women stay on is because they dont want to admit that all these yrs are gone to waste (their words not mine) so they keep that tiny hope that he will marry them and HANG ON.

invisible!:

^^^^sometimes marrying a cheat can be fun, ask some women. They say its boring to stay with a man who is not inventive, who is predictable with the missionary style and who is not interested in 'dirty' pre-intimacy. Men that stray learn all these and more and are ready to tickle their wives with what they keep learning from new partners, abi?

by their writings you shall know them

Give the guy some credit men, the guy could run 4 business and manage them well without mixing their accounts. By the way he runs the four babes, he can run a conglomerate.

invisible!:

Give the guy some credit men, the guy could run 4 business and manage them well without mixing their accounts. By the way he runs the four babes, he can run a conglomerate.

Invisible, which can of conglomerate does he want to run that way? The conglomerate that clashes and he will eventually to abroad? My broda him, and his family are failure of the highest order.

invisible!:

Give the guy some credit men, the guy could run 4 business and manage them well without mixing their accounts. By the way he runs the four babes, he can run a conglomerate.

this guy is the worst possible businessman and he definitely doesnt know what it takes to run a business. just like a businessman who has an exclusive deal to sell his product to only ONE company but then sells it to others even though his contract says he cant. what kind of business ethics is that?!

in business(just like relationships) your reputation is your greatest asset, when people dont trust you, then you can only pack up and leave.

^^^^ you have a contract to sell to one company and you sell to four, and none of the four companies knows about each other. This guy will be making good profits in the real world. This is aggressive marketing techniques to me.

yeah, none of the company know about each other FOR NOW but eventually they will all do. the catch IS: what are they gonna do about it when they finally bust your "side business ventures"?!

depending on what kind of people you're dealing with the question is A) will they just squash it, forgive you and let it slide?! B) will they burn your business down? or C) will they burn your biz and come after you next?!

this biz is only good if you want to take the short term profit and run but if you keep on doing what you do as a long term investment, eventually they will bust you out.

Ask the guys that licenced Nospetco, Uphenry, Insight if they feel bad after their business went bust. The customers were happy and were being paid regularly and they never found out the companies had no licence to collect deposits. They made more profits in two years than some companies in 20!

The gentleman in our story is getting away with his ways because the girls are/were happy. He is to be commended for trying the impossibe. So many blokes will get caught in their first attempt to cheat, that's not good. Be the best of what you are, even if it have to be negative.

^^^^^lol. fair enough, if thats how you see it. i hope you feel the same way if/when you realize that the gal you expect to marry has been cheating on you all along. . . . . . . . . "being the best at what she was" as you so well put it.

cheating is only"good" if all the participants know what they are getting out of the deal. a cheater is like a 419 criminal,they promise you the moon and cant deliver but yet run away with what they were after.

your idea that since the gals are happy then cheating is "good"is completely distorted because what you fail to understand is that this gal will make life decisions based on that fake illusion of happiness, this gal will change her attitude towards life because of you, she may plan her future differently because of you AND THEREFORE one day she will realize that it was all a waste of life/time/energy because you had no guts to let her know that it was only a b00tycall. BE A MAN AND STAND FOR WHAT YOU ARE!

btw: i dont know who Nospetco/Uphenry is but, of course, any cheater will never feel bad about their deed, just like most 419ers or any criminals wouldnt, BUT ask the people they cheated how THEY feel.
just googled Nospetco and supposedly investors lost billions of Nairas, do you think the people who  lost their money feel happy about these criminals?!?!?!?!?!?! LOL

You are preaching me? Or the girls that spread out their legs because someone took them to a tourist visit to see his toothless grannies in the village? This guy knows what he is after and he got it in the end. It is one thing to make promises and another to keep them. The girls walked in with their eyez wide shut and should get the blame, not the fast guy who knows exactly what he wants. But on the other hand, two can play that game, the girls enjoyed the company, the thrills of togetherness, the sexual prowess, the trip to see the grannies and much more. What is to say they won't elect to do it all over again?

My woman can never cheat on me, I am much too clever for that. If she does then I dump her fair and square and will not come to moan in NL.

invisible!:

You are preaching me? Or the girls that spread out their legs because someone took them to a tourist visit to see his toothless grannies in the village? This guy knows what he is after and he got it in the end. It is one thing to make promises and another to keep them. The girls walked in with their eyez wide shut and should get the blame, not the fast guy who knows exactly what he wants. But on the other hand, two can play that game, the girls enjoyed the company, the thrills of togetherness, the sexual prowess, the trip to see the grannies and much more. What is to say they won't elect to do it all over again?

My woman can never cheat on me, I am much too clever for that. If she does then I dump her fair and square and will not come to moan in NL.

That's what you think!

@invisible!
are you saying that any person who gets cheated on DESERVES it simply because they were not "sharp" enough?!
I, for one, would give the benefit of the doubt to anyone and will only judge them or "sharpened up" if they do me wrong or act suspiciously. i cant go around life thinking negatively about everything that "seems" right. what kind of a sorry life would that be?!

i guess, you fail to see my point. what i am trying to say is simply that the act of cheating/infidelity is wrong, however you wanna look at it or however good it may make us feel at the time.

as for your gf, she may not be cheating because you are supposedly "sharp" but for the sake of argument, if she was cheating on you, would you feel that "its all good because you felt good at the time that you were together?!" really?!

Maybe I should start scrolling my fiance's phone.