My Lord, Tell Me Where To Keep Your Bribe?
By Niyi Osundare
A poem by the renowned Nigerian poet


My Lord

Please tell me where to keep your bribe?

Do I drop it in your venerable chambers

Or carry the heavy booty to your immaculate mansion


Shall I bury it in the capacious water tank

In your well laundered backyard

Or will it breathe better in the septic tank

Since money can deodorize the smelliest crime


Shall I haul it up the attic

Between the ceiling and your lofty roof

Or shall I conjure the walls to open up

And swallow this sudden bounty from your honest labour


Shall I give a billion to each of your paramours

The black, the light, the Fanta-yellow

They will surely know how to keep the loot

In places too remote for the sniffing dog


Or shall I use the particulars

Of your anonymous maidservants and manservants

With their names on overflowing bank accounts

While they famish like ownerless dogs


Shall I haul it all to your village

In the valley behind seven mountains

Where potholes swallow up the hugest jeep

And Penury leaves a scar on every house


My Lord

It will take the fastest machine

Many, many days to count this booty; and lucky bank bosses

May help themselves to a fraction of the loot


My Lord

Tell me where to keep your bribe?


My Lord

Tell me where to keep your bribe?


The “last hope of the common man”

Has become the last bastion of the criminally rich

A terrible plague bestrides the land

Besieged by rapacious judges and venal lawyers


Behind the antiquated wig

And the slavish glove

The penguin gown and the obfuscating jargon

Is a rot and riot whose stench is choking the land


Behind the rituals and roted rigmaroles

Old antics connive with new tricks

Behind the prim-and-proper costumes of masquerades

Corruption stands, naked, in its insolent impunity


For sale to the highest bidder

Interlocutory and perpetual injunctions

Opulent criminals shop for pliant judges

Protect the criminal, enshrine the crime


And Election Petition Tribunals

Ah, bless those goldmines and bottomless booties!

Scoundrel vote-riggers romp to electoral victory

All hail our buyable Bench and conniving Bar


A million dollars in Their Lordship’s bedroom

A million euros in the parlor closet

Countless naira beneath the kitchen sink

Our courts are fast running out of Ghana-must-go’s*


The “Temple of Justice”

Is broken in every brick

The roof is roundly perforated

By termites of graft


My Lord

Tell me where to keep your bribe?


Judges doze in the courtroom

Having spent all night, counting money and various “gifts”

And the Chief Justice looks on with tired eyes

As Corruption usurps his gavel.


Crime pays in this country

Corruption has its handsome rewards

Just one judgement sold to the richest bidder

Will catapult Judge & Lawyer to the Billionaires’ Club


The Law, they say, is an ass

Sometimes fast, sometimes slow

But the Law in Nigeria is a vulture

Fat on the cash-and-carry carrion of murdered Conscience


Won gb’ebi f’alare

Won gb’are f’elebi**

They kill our trust in the common good

These Monsters of Mammon in their garish gowns


Unhappy the land

Where jobbers are judges

Where Impunity walks the streets

Like a large, invincible Demon


Come Sunday, they troop to the church

Friday, they mouth their mantra in pious mosques

But they pervert Justice all week long

And dig us deeper into the hellish hole


Nigeria is a huge corpse

With milling maggots on its wretched hulk

They prey every day, they prey every night

For the endless decomposition of our common soul


My Most Honourable Lord

Just tell me where to keep your bribe.


* Large, extremely tough bags used for carrying heavy cash in Nigeria


** They declare the innocent guilty

They pronounce the guilty innocent

Prof. Niyi Osundare

What a pathetic article by the professor!

It is similar to endorsing jungle justice on a criminal.

Due process must be followed in fighting corruption.

Shame on the prof!!

Who is this Apc poet that buys fuel for #145 And still shouting Next Level.


Niyi Osundare is Mad

We wont succumb to blackmail.This stupid tactics wont work.The APC is trying to cow the judivcciary and that will never be allowed to stand.There is not even the tiniest shred of evidence the CJN received or demanded bribes.It is not even amongst the charges so what exactly is he ranting about?

This poem was written by Niyi Osundare in October 2016. Onnoghen wasn't the CJN.

The OP, like many of its ilk, are agents of the well known government of propaganda promoting false equivalence.

There has been a directive on their propaganda groups to promote this poem by Niyi as focused on the CJN.

Be guided accordingly.

The Nigeria judicial system is the biggest headache of this country.
As for the poem, it doesn't matter when it was written What matters is the message. If an Ibori can be convicted (not in Nigeria for sure) why not an Odili

PaChukwudi44:
We wont succumb to blackmail.This stupid tactics wont work.The APC is trying to cow the judivcciary and that will never be allowed to stand.There is not even the tiniest shred of evidence the CJN received or demanded bribes.It is not even amongst the charges so what exactly is he ranting about?

. I have seen what some of these judges do firsthand. It's really a big burden on us as ordinary citizens. Truth is there's nothing like a free and independent judiciary in Nigeria. It has never been and will never be. The curruption there is, maybe, the worse you can think of in this country. If not for our manipulated judiciary we wont have any of the so called leaders of today close to the corridors of power.
I do not feel for any judicial officer who is under the spotlight because they are doing the bidding of someone other than their tormentor. This is a fact.

ogmask:
The Nigeria judicial system is the biggest headache of this country.
As for the poem, it doesn't matter when it was written What matters is the message. If an Ibori can be convicted (not in Nigeria for sure) why not an Odili. I have seen what some of these judges do firsthand. It's really a big burden on us as ordinary citizens. Truth is there's nothing like a free and independent judiciary in Nigeria. It has never been and will never be. The curruption there is, maybe, the worse you can think of in this country. If not for our manipulated judiciary we wont have any of the so called leaders of today close to the corridors of power.
I do not feel for any judicial officer who is under the spotlight because they are doing the bidding of someone other than their tormentor. This is a fact.

Sorry! Those people you are trying to have a decent conversation with are stone-cold bigots! They will never reason with you

As long as they are concerned, once you have an issue with Buhari and APC, they will support you fully, regardless of the substance of the issue at stake.

The new problem anyone who want to go against social malady will face now is not even from people in the highest places. It's from people at the lowest elm. Imagine the disgusting comments people are posting on this poetry. The work of Prof. Osundare there is written to people in the judiciary and not to one person in particular.

Meanwhile, why should it be the work of the masses to defend allegedly corrupted elites?

This thread should be taken down. It is misleading as the poem was not just written, neither was it directed at the CJN in particular!!