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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / The adventures of Mikuz (5591 Views)
The Adventures Of Akpors Weekly Video Series / THE ADVENTURES OF AKPORS Season 2 / THE ADVENTURES OF AKPORS [ The most anticipated episodes 9 & 10 finally out] (2) (3) (4)
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 11:15am On Aug 21, 2012 |
Killing English 1. Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette... ? " 2. Class teacher once said :" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!" 3. one Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America.." 4. "..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.." 5. don't..laugh at the back benches...other wise teeth and all will be fallen down..... 6. It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said " why is fan not oning" (ing form of on) 7. Teacher in a furious mood... write down ur name and father of ur name!! 8. "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college" 9. My manager started like this "Hi,I am Madhu, Married with two kids" 10. "will u hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF" 11. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE" 12. Chemistry HOD comes and tells us... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter" 13. Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father 14. "why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!" 15. Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand?? 16. Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away" 17. Once Teacher Told "If u Talk So Loudly I Will Stand Uping U" 18. teacher to students : don't spit outside, the understanding people will suffer 19. i have 3 daughters, all are girl. |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 12:02pm On Aug 22, 2012 |
A Girl About To Make Tea. Opened Fridge Couldn't Find Milk, So She Removed Her Dress.... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Changed Her Clothes, went out & Bought Milk From a Shop. May God help ur dirty mind. 1 Like |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by swtchicgurl: 7:43pm On Aug 22, 2012 |
nice! |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 4:58pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
swtchicgurl: nice! Types of people on FACEBOOK 1)The PREACHERS: These are mostly single men/ladies who act 'holy' & only updates bible verses on Sunday. 2)The CONFUSED: Married today,Engaged tomorrow next day dey ar in an open r/ship. 3)WEATHER FORECASTERS: Updates mostly when it rains..cold,its hot in Abeokuta. 4)The TRAVELERS : ..today-Ilorin here i come..tomorrow Abuja hear i come..next day lagos hear i cum... 5)The UNHEALTHY LOT : stomach ache,headache,b ackache ..Abeg FB is not a clinic!! 6)The LIARS(Major type) : Lie abt age,Marital status and use ridiculous names lyk Rihana ...Beyonce,lil wayne etc etc.. 7) WITCHES : they always like status abt death,sickness DRUNKARDS: This are the funny types,and they update there status mostly on friday night keep the ball rolling..... |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by Nobody: 5:42pm On Aug 23, 2012 |
mikuz: nice one though this Nairaland |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 12:12am On Aug 24, 2012 |
AKPORS AND TEACHER Teacher: Who is the president of Nigeria? Akpors: I don't know ma Teacher: U nid to focus more on your studies Akpors: please ma,can i ask u a few questions Teacher: Yes,go ahead Akpors: Do u knw Rita? Teacher: No Akpors: Do u knw Joy? Teacher: No Akpors: Do u knw Kate? Teacher: (Angry):Hell no! who ar all these pple and why do u ask? Akpors: You nid to Focus More more on your Husband. |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 12:08am On Sep 01, 2012 |
I got an email from Facebook saying I complain too much. They want to change my status question from "What's on your mind?" to "Now what?" 1 Like |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 8:10pm On Sep 05, 2012 |
TOP 10 SINS COMMITTED ON FACEBOOK 1. You buy some cheap underwear frm bend down select.. (Okrika) & on facebook you write: "I love Gucci underwears"....God is watching you* 2. You're a married man with 2 kids & on facebook you always claim to be single ...God is watching you 3. You're 21 yrs old & you're dating a woman of 64 yrs old and your facebook updates says "can't wait to see my baby." ... Is that your baby or your mum?...God is watching you 4. You're are drinking ice water & you update "I'm drinking Johnny Walker on the rocks or Champaign" ....God is watching you 5. You're in the house watching super story on NTA but your update on facebook says “Watching EXPANDABLES 3 at the cinema” ...God is watching you 6. You sell recharge card's by d road side & you update your status on facebook as "had a long day in the office" God is watching you* 7. You are waiting for okada at ur Area Round-About & your facebook update says “stuck in traffic jam ..thank God for the air conditioner in ma car" ...God is watching you 8. You are using some fake chinese techno phone with 3 sim cards and you update your status"My laptop is slow"....God is watching you* 9. You are staying in Nyanya and you update your status "Chilling at home in Maitama ..... God is watching you 10. Your real name is Chinedu or Danladi and on facebook you call yourself Nigga Jay Zee, Big Rick Ross, Young Money Wayne,Cash Money Drake.......God is watching you. |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 11:09am On Sep 13, 2012 |
A rich man's son who was classmate to Akpors told him dat most adults are hiding at least one dark secret & dat this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying,"I know the whole truth." So Akpors decided to go home & try it out. He got home & as he is greeted byhis mother he said,"Mama, I knowthe whole truth." His mother quickly hands him N500 & said,"Just dont tell your father." Q...uite pleased, he waited for his father to get home from work & on arrival his greeting to His father was"Papa, I know the whole truth"His father quickly took him aside & gave him N1000saying"just don't tell ur mother" wow! Amazed by dis, he ran out to meetd gate man saying"I know the whole truth"d gate man quickly dropped d padlock & embraced him really tight n said" thank God say u don know say na me be ur Papa.....!! NEMESIS is wen u submit ur answer sheet wit ur expo inside... RACISM is wen a white iphone costs more than a black one... LONG THROAT is wen u take a girl out on a sunny day & she orders 4 a hot plate of pepper soup... A WITCH is dat girl dat eats nkwobi,fish peppersoup, shawama, suya, kilishi,chicken , chips & burger, drink smirnoff,farouz & wen u take her home she says "sorry i'm on my period"... OVERSABI is wen u're eating salad wit a girl & she ask "honey,dis food no done"... ? OLODO is wen u're in a plane wit a girl & she says "honey i'm hot,can u pls wind down d window"...? A HUNGRY CHILD is dat kid dat sees u eating & says "my mummy said i shldnt take food frm strangers"... A STUBBORN CHILD is dat kid dat wakes up in d middle of d nyt wen daddy & mummy ar havn a gud tym & says "mummy i want 2 piss Now; |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by shakara4u(m): 1:18pm On Sep 13, 2012 |
mikuz: Husband texts to wife on I LAFF SMALLL |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by Nobody: 3:22pm On Sep 13, 2012 |
Boooooooooooring |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 3:38pm On Sep 13, 2012 |
godjohnson: Boooooooooooringsorry for the loss. Take heart. |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 7:44am On Sep 24, 2012 |
STINGY:Boy: I love you girl and I want you to be my babe.Girl: I accept but no sex because I want to keep my body for my future husband.Boy: No problem but don't ask for money because I want to save it for my future wife.Question: who is stingy? |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by shakara4u(m): 8:57am On Sep 24, 2012 |
you ran out of adventures abeg more jare |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 10:36am On Dec 01, 2012 |
A touching story that happened in China scroll down to read it.. . . . . . . . . . . .are u still scrolling down? . . . . . . . . . . . . . なだや羅やわマヤなた 名棚や探したい以下対する 目指し回友 人目指し差が愛する なたさるかなだ羅山な滝さやかあ な�� � やマ ヌらは坂花やま あ傘話 間に魚玉� ��らはがやわまぁ 花 や なたまやかあさらやわはさたなは や なたきたなよ�� � いさは 早見たか あやバ カにかわ鼻高� ��なわ谷中 あ 名はさな たかなあかさやなやまな たあかさなや帆 な肉違い�� �耶 Really a touching story!!! Cried after reading this... When we get more on the story, we'll let you guys know. 1 Like |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by Ruqaya(f): 3:37pm On Dec 01, 2012 |
hmmmn really interesting |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 10:41am On Dec 02, 2012 |
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A GIRL AND A WOMAN: »A Girl searches for a rich man »A Woman searches for a caring and loving man »A Girls envies those who move ahead and hate the players »A Woman shares their knowledge and help others move ahead by not hating the players but teaching them the rules to the game. »A Girl measures her man's worth by the weight of his pocket. »A Woman measures her man's worth by his level of Wisdom and the fear of God, and how disciplined he can be towards his finances. »A Girl breaks up with silly excuses »A Woman has endurance, knowing that everything happens for a reason »A Girl thinks about present »A Woman thinks about the future of you and herself »A Girl loves to have many guys going after her »A Woman knows the law of demand (Cheap things have high purchasers) »A Girl takes relationship affairs outside »A Woman solves the problems within herself and her partner »A Girl demands for money to buy make-Ups » A Woman demand for money to fulfill her plans »A Girl gets hurt by one man and makes all other men pay for it. »A Woman knows that, that was just ONE man. »A girl is "learning"...A woman "knows" »A Girl will read this and get an attitude. »A WOMAN will read this and pass it to other women |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 10:42am On Dec 02, 2012 |
www.Five years into their marriage, Akpors & his wife have had five children. Akpors decides to see the doctor to discuss family planning & doctor recommends condom use... Akpors returns to the doctor after about 9 months, complaining that his wife has been delivered of twins! Doctor asks, "Did you use cd at all?" Akpors: YES, I did. Doctor: Ok, pls how do you use your cd? Akpors: I use it with water, just like paracetamol, abi I dey make mistake? The doctor fainted! |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 12:48am On Dec 04, 2012 |
A man built a room with 250 blocks and later turned it to a school,with him being the headmaster. Whenever his students offend him, he would tell them to go and give the wall 50 punches. Two students (Musa and Akpors) offended him on a day, after his orders, Musa started punching the wall. He was crying heavily but the headmaster did not tell him to leave until he finished the 50 punches. He told the second guy Akpors to go and do like wise Akpors: rubbish. Headmaster: for saying that, its now 100 punches for you. Akpors: nonsense. Headmaster: now 200 punches. Akpors went towards the wall, as he gave the wall a punch (gbooooo), a block fell down from the wall. Headmaster: what's that. Akpors: nothing...Gbooo oo(another block falls). Headmaster: you can go and sit down. Akpors: that would be total injustice, the other guy finished his punishment, i also want to finish my own...gboooo,gbooo,gboooo (bloc ks falling down). Headmaster: i said go and sit down. Akpors: that would be cheating on the other student...gbooo ,gboooo,gbooo (blocks falling down). Headmaster: can't i instruct you, am i not old enough to be your father.? Akpors: for mentioning my fathers' name, i've increased my punishment to 250 punches. The headmaster knelt down. Headmaster : my good son,take it easy, i know this building is already going down, but please pardon the foundation. |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 8:30pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
At Abu's mothers burial, Abu is serving everyone but has ignored his best friend Akpors Akpors: hmm Abu, dont forget that my mother will also die oo 1 Like |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by Nobody: 8:34pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
this your adventure is outdated now try consulting my oga @ the top |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 9:26pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
Akpos went to a native doctor and requested to know how bright his destiny would be. The native doctor drew a circle with a white chalk and another circle with a black chalk. After that, he placed a dead millipede on the floor and asked Akpos to watch carefully. He said he would recite some incantation to make the dead millipede start crawling. He told Akpos that if the millipede crawls into the white circle, it means that his destiny will be bright but if it crawls inside the black circle, it means his destiny will be dark. Finally he started his incantation and the dead millipede started crawling. When it got in between the two circles, it turned and started crawling towards the black circle. Akpos watched and immediately it was about entering the black circle, Akpos picked it and gently dropped it inside the white circle. The native doctor who got furious asked Akpos why he did that, Akpos replied; i won't fold my arms and watch my destiny crawl into darkness because my destiny is in my hands. |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 9:28pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
~vicky~: na you sabi . . . |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 10:24pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
A new element added to PERIODIC TABLE: . . Name:" Girl Symbol:" Gl Atomic weight:" Don't even dare to ask.. Physical properties:" 1. Boils at any time, .. 2. Melts when handled with love and care, .. 3. very bitter when mishandled. Chemical properties: .. 1. Very reactive, .. 2. Highly unstable, .. 3. Possesses high affinity to gold, platinum, diamond, branded clothes and other expensive items. Nature: 1. Money reducing agent.. .. 2. Volatile when left alone.. Occurrence:". .. Mostly found infront of the mirrors |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 11:45pm On Mar 23, 2013 |
ABBREVIATION CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE. Man: I'm GEJ. Wife: u'r kidding. Our President is GEJ(Goodluck Ebele Jonathan) Man: I mean i'm GEJ - GOING on EMERGENCY JOURNEY! Wife:*smiles* Oh! u're not serious! What kind of journey are u going on? Man: OBJ Wife: To meet Obasanjo!? Man: No. It means ON a BUSSINESS JOURNEY. Wife: Oh! Man: IBB Wife: Babangida? Man: I'LL BE BACK Wife:*smiles* Man: Till then, i'll ACN. Wife: u want to join politics!? Man: i'll ALWAYS CALL ur NUMBER. Wife: Hmmm Man: while i'm away, PDP with our love Wife: What!? Man: PLEASE DON'T PLAY with our love. Wife: u know i won't. I'll BRF. Man: what has Lagos state governor got to do with all this!? Wife: *smiles* I'll BE RIGHTEOUS & FAITHFULL! Man: I trust u. Wife: FOOL ! Man: *surprised* whaaat!? Wife: FOR OUR OVERWHELMING LOVE ! |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 12:34pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
Boy drops girl at home, he puts his hand on d wall by d gate for support, leans towards her BOY : Can I kiss you ? GIRL : Not now, I'm at home. BOY : Please. GIRL : No. BOY : You were too sweet in bed today. GIRL : Waoh! you too, full of energy. I could not believe we had for rounds. BOY : Let me kiss u good night. GIRL : Someone may be watching, they still think I'm a virgin at home. This goes on for ten minutes, then girl's brother appears at the gate and says "Dad says whether u kiss him or not its your decision, but tell that bastard to remove his hand from the intercom button, everyone at home is listening to your conversation" |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 1:45pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
Akpos,his son & his wife were having dinner when suddenly arm robbers broke into thier house,akpos wanted running away but he said to himself dat if he run's away,he might be killed so he freezed himself & stood like an image..the arm robber ordered for money but they did not have money,so d arm robber looked at d image,then turned to akpos wife & said: Arm robber: take a look at such a beautiful image you have in ur house,but you dont have any money.infact i'm going to destroy dis image. *sets his gun,point at d image (akpos) and was about to shoot.* Akpos: (screamed out!)please dont shoot,i am d image of God. Arm robber: so here you are,i have been praying to you to give me job but you dont want to answer my prayer..so today since i have d oppourtunity of seeing you,i will not let u escape..when you get to hell,explain to them why u did not want to give me a job. *about to shoot* Akpos: (screamed out again!!) abeg..abeg,i am d image of akpos..i no wan die! |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 4:12pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
Dog & Bone, Girls & Money, Guys & Sex, Police & Bribe, Pastors & Seed, Native Doctor & Fowl, Monkey & Banana, Terry G & Weed, Jim Iyke & fight, Jonathan & committee, Boko Haram & Bomb, 2face & pikin. 1 Like |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 6:48pm On Mar 24, 2013 |
HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR PHONE IS MADE IN CHINA ; 1. It gets full after 3 minutes of charging. 2. The phone has TV, Touchscreen, Nail cutter, firelighter etc. 3. Text message can be written with a toothpick. 4. There are some spelling mistakes e.g NokLa, blackderry, i- porn, samswag etc. 5. When an aeroplane passes by it records"one missed call". 6. When a big truck hoots; it records "charger connected". 7. When a Chinese man passes by you it says"one Bluetooth device found. Research still on, we will update you with the rest later. 2 Likes |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 1:00am On Mar 25, 2013 |
A drunk guy was with his girlfriend ina cinema and suddenly, he fell asleep.After a while, he woke up and started screaming 'MY PENIS, MY PENIS, MY PENIS'! All the people in the cinema were surprised at the guys behaviour. He continued, 'Where is my penis? Someone has cut my penis and my nuts! Oh God what have I done to deserve this?' The embarrassed girlfriend said 'shut up,you idiot! Your hand is in my panty'! |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 12:36pm On Mar 25, 2013 |
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students:"Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Ofego?" Ofego: "Abeg, I won go piss, i dey come." Teacher:"That would be rude and impolite!!! Teacher: "What about you Ajiri? How would you say it?" Ajiri: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Teacher: "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you Akpos, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" Akpos:"I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope you'll get to meet after supper. " The teacher fainted!! |
Re: The adventures of Mikuz by mikuz(m): 3:25pm On Mar 25, 2013 |
Two guys drinking at a bar... Guy 1: Do U know my father is a doctor? Guy 2: wow! My father is a doctor too! Guy 1: Asare is my last nAme! Guy 2[excited]: Omg! My surname is Asare too! Guy 1: Am 23 years old Guy 2: wAt? Get out of here [lafing], am also 23 years old.. Guy 1: Don't tell me dat U're born on the 14th of August, and U went to OWASS! Guy 2: yeah! I was born at 14th August...tell me am dreaming bcuzI also went to OWASS.. [They both cried, and hug each other] Akpors sitting next to them asked the Bartender, "What' s wrong with these 2 guys? The Bartender answered, dont mind these stupid boys, they are Dr. Asare's twins and they are very drunk. |
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