Gotten all the advice I need and no further advice needed before it will land on FP
I really appreciate all the wise and mature responses.
Thanks everyone

Cannymama:
Hello ladies and the few reasonable men on nairaland (not the female-bashing ones please ), I need your candid advise on this.
My husband is on nairaland, hence the reason I created a new moniker for this.


After I paid for the flight, I told my husband to reimburse me with 50% of the cost and he agreed. My undoing was to tell him to pay me in Canadian dollars when we arrive Canada instead of asking him to send the money immediately. I didn't think this would be an issue because since he moved to Canada, I usually would have settled the kids school fees before he would reimburse me. Most times, I don't even remember to ask but he still refunds me.

About 2 weeks before our flight, the airline sent me a promo to pay about 1300 usd extra and get upgraded to business class. I thought that was a good deal and went for it. Especially because of Covid that was already spreading internationally at the time and the fact that the total journey was about 33 hours. Also, I checked the prevailing cost of business class flight and compared it with our deal and found out that we were getting the value at literally half the price.
I didn't tell my husband because I knew he'll discourage me and because I also knew I wasn't going to ask him to pay for it. The way I live my life, if I can afford comfort, I go for it. I worked very hard for my money and I try not to feel guilty for spoiling myself or my kids occasionally.

While on the plane, we took pictures and sent to my husband and of course from the pictures he knew it wasn't economy. When we also arrived in Toronto and he picked us up at the airport, he saw the business class tags on our luggage and asked if we flew business and I explained how we got the upgrade to him.

A month later, I opened an account and asked him for the refund of my money and he gave me 200 dollars out of 1900 and  said he doesn't have money yet. Meanwhile, a few days earlier, he logged on to his internet banking and called me to show me something on the page and I saw his account balance. I was even teasing him that he's a rich man o and asking why he would leave all that money in his checking account rather than putting in an investment account.

I didn't come to Canada with much foreign currency, the few I had, I withdrew from my Nigerian domiciliary account and I had been spending a lot from that account. Bulk of my money was still in Naira.

About a month later again,  I asked him for the balance, he still said he doesn't have it, I reminded him of his account balance and he started saying because he chose to be transparent with me I'm using it against him. Excuse me, aren't spouses meant to be transparent to each other? He also said I shouldn't pressure him to pay because I went against his will to book an expensive flight when there was a cheaper option. I was shocked.

Please, I need your advise on how I can get my money back from my husband. What I find painful is that he has the money but doesn't want to pay. It's over a year now. 

Also, reasonable men , please advise me if from my narration, I have wronged my husband in any way. If you think I have, please point it out in a respectful way and advise how to make amends.

Thanks for reading.

All i will say is if asking for the money will not make you have peace in your home... Please, let it go. I can understand how it feels knowing he has the money but it is better to rest the matter to avoid the works of the devil. You will surely make much more than that flight money in coming months when you secure a job.

NB: You have bot done anything wrong but, it would have been better if you had told your husband about the business class before paying for it since you mentioned transparency in your dealings with him.

I would have made a 3rd class in the university if I could read this write up.

The length alone is scary.

Can someone please summarize for me in 3 sentences.

It's often times difficult for a spouse to believe or accept that he/she is indebted to the other. It appears more like being indebted to one's self.

You haven't done anything wrong madam and it is a good thing that you can do without getting the cash back.

For next time sake I'm going to let you in on a secret on how to get your money plus an extra back from a spouse.

When he/she might have forgotten about it all, just say :

Honey abeg find me so so amount to complete so so thing I go give you back so so time.

Make sure say the amount wey you request pass the amount wey him dey owe you small incase na spouse wey sabi price well well make e no go short pay you.

When him go wan ask you back based on my above formula, una go come realize say FG no fit owe CBN and vice versa in the real sense of it and before you know it, e go become matter wey una go take dey tease each other and spice up una marriage.

I wish you guys well.

I don't know your husband, i'll only say this,...

From your write up there, I think your husband is one of those calm guys that doesn't believe in talking too much (correct me if am wrong),

You bruised that man's Ego when you went against his wish and payed business class.... Men don't take it lightly when you bruise their EGO, that's why some Men react Violently when their Ego is bruised,
while some like your husband prefer to deal with the person in a silent emotionally torturing way, ..... if you doubt me, why do you think your husband showed you his account balance and has still refused to Give you back your money .

Oya tell us the truth, I'm sure you've been having Sleepless nights because of that money ,.... Go and Sincerely apologize to your husband about going against his wish via the Flight incident and watch the Magic happen.

HacheNoire:
I would have made a 3rd class in the university if I could read this write up.

The length alone is scary.

Can someone please summarize for me in 3 sentences.

Oga to Slap you dey hungry me

The man seems selfish to me. Your husband is stalling because his children flew business class? 200dolls is not even up to half of the initial rate without the upgrade I'm not going to type what I intend saying because it would not be nice. Since you have no job in the abroad why is he still allowing you foot bills? I hate cheating seriously. No matter in what form it comes. I don't tolerate it.

Please dust your CV and start job hunting, you can see that both of you are not on the same page. Open your eyes o

Seems like you didn’t read the story. He wasn’t against the business class because he didn’t even know about it.
And that’s not the part of the fare she’s asking him to pay.

DaddyRochie1642:
I don't know your husband, i'll only say this,...

From your write up there, I think your husband is one of those calm guys that doesn't believe in talking too much (correct me if am wrong),

You bruised that man's Ego when you went against his wish and payed business class.... Men don't take it lightly when you bruise their EGO, that's why some Men react Violently when their Ego is bruised,
while some like your husband prefer to deal with the person in a silent emotionally torturing way, ..... if you doubt me, why do you think your husband showed you his account balance and has still refused to Give you back your money .

Oya tell us the truth, I'm sure you've been having Sleepless nights because of that money ,.... Go and Sincerely apologize to your husband about going against his wish via the Flight incident and watch the Magic happen.

OP stop asking him for the money. . Too bad he promised and changed his stance later but It’s money you spent on your family. I’d let it go if I were you.

Also since you’re not working yet, shouldn’t the family expenses be on his income for now until you settle into a job?
I would encourage that you guys go back to having a joint account like you did in Nigeria since that worked well for your family. If he says no, then you guys have to come up with a sharing formula as to who finances what .

You can’t carry the same financial responsibility as him when you’re not working.

see ehn, what i'm more concerned of is the fact you wrote that your husband is on nairaland and you created a new account so that he won't know you brought your family problems here. my question: is Your Husband That Daft To Not Know This Is His Family Affairs Brought To the Public?

Thanks everyone for the wise responses.
I think I now have the advice I need.

Shedrack777:
see ehn, what i'm more concerned of is the fact you wrote that your husband is on nairaland and you created a new account so that he won't know you brought your family problems here. my question: is Your Husband That Daft To Not Know This Is His Family Affairs Brought To the Public?

I have no response for you.

Na who go read this textbook you carry put for here?? Na wa oh.

You for kuku write book begin sell to tell ur story na. See higher education kinda story

He probably meant to refund it when he agreed to but for one reason or another, isn't able to. I know you said you've seen his account balance, but if you're not yet working, I reckon he's the one taking care of the bills in the home.

You should stop seeing it as "your" money. When spouses start seeing things that should be "ours" as "mine", it creates problems. It was money spent on yourself and the kids you have together in order to be together as a family, so see it as such: money spent on your family/for your family, and let it go.

aroundtheearth:
He probably meant to refund it when he agreed to but for one reason or another, isn't able to. I know you said you've seen his account balance, but if you're not yet working, I reckon he's the one taking care of the bills in the home.

You should stop seeing it as "your" money. When spouses start seeing things that should be "ours" as "mine", it creates problems. It was money spent on yourself and the kids you have together in order to be together as a family, so see it as such: money spent on your family/for your family, and let it go.

the lady is selfish. The post is all about her self, her kids and her money. She’ll create problems for that man in Canada.

Carchoice:
the lady is selfish. The post is all about her self, her kids and her money. She’ll create problems for that man in Canada.

You're not a truthful person and it's so sad that you can say something like this about a woman who has been more than a hundred percent supportive of her spouse and wants the best for them. Why are humans like this? So you're saying she shouldn't raise eyebrows when she noticed her spouse who she's been totally transparency with suddenly becomes shady and is trying to play a fast one on her just because he came first overseas? I bet if she was the one who stayed back abroad to work while the husband came over later with the kids she'd do a blueprint of her salary for him. You sound like an ungrateful entity who would not appreciate anything good someone does. I'd be watching your handle from henceforth.

veave:


You're not a truthful person and it's so sad that you can say something like this about a woman who has been more than a hundred percent supportive of her spouse and wants the best for them. Why are humans like this? So you're saying she shouldn't raise eyebrows when she noticed her spouse who she's been totally transparency with suddenly becomes shady and is trying to play a fast one on her just because he came first overseas? I bet if she was the one who stayed back abroad to work while the husband came over later with the kids she'd do a blueprint of her salary for him. You sound like an ungrateful entity who would not appreciate anything good someone does. I'd be watching your handle from henceforth.

lol. Sorry my post didn’t go well with you. But you should know we all can’t think and reason the same way. Everyone to his/her opinion. That’s the same reason the OP and her husband are having this issues. Difference in opinion and idealogy.


Also I don’t expect anyone to do me good. Higher Expectations from her husband is also the reason OP is here for advice. I hope you get it now?