I always apologize first even when I'm not wrong just for peace to reign... Amongst my friends, siblings and the likes.... Now that I am married I still do it too... So I would like to know if it's a good thing or I should not apologize first sometimes....


I am not a coward or anything I just like everything and everywhere peaceful......

no!
don't apologize when you are innocent.

but you should 1st of all, check thoroughly and be sure of your innocence

You must have heard the saying that "evil exist because good people do nothing". Its the same thing in a different way. If you always apologise when you're not wrong, you incentivise evil, and contributes to its continuation. You're also succumbing to the triumph of wrong over right.

It's a good strategy for short term conflict that won't matter in the long term (e.g, apologising to a fellow passenger), but not with those that you're in with for the long run. It gives perpetrator no ideal standard to live up to, rewards their bad behaviours, and inevitably makes all of you suffer uselessly.

It depends. Sometimes, you could apologize first when you are not wrong but please don't make it an habit as the outcome could be worse when the other party sees it as an opportunity to exploit (manipulate) you.

[s]

Lamanii22:


I am not a coward or anything I just like everything and everywhere peaceful......

[/s]

If the others don't want peace, why should I?
Nobody has the monopoly of violence.

I like violence because it usually makes everyone understand their boundaries & stick to it knowing fully well what will happen if they don't.


Rubbish

I understand doing that comes from a place of trying to avoid conflict and making peace reign. In the long run you end up with resentment and pent up anger built up in you and that's not good for ur mental health. Apologising first without addressing the issue is only a temporary solution anyways, all that bottled up emotion will definitely spill over when it's time. My take; call people out calmly on their bullshit and move on. No need creating a scene or arguing..if they apologise fine, if they don't, good for them.

that is how it should be.

Lamanii22:
I always apologize first even when I'm not wrong just for peace to reign... Amongst my friends, siblings and the likes.... Now that I am married I still do it too... So I would like to know if it's a good thing or I should not apologize first sometimes....

I am not a coward or anything I just like everything and everywhere peaceful......

That’s your personality so keep being who you are. There are people like you everywhere. Also people do that abroad a lot so it’s a mature thing to do

Maybe it's a personality trait, you're agreeable and aviod confrontation. If it doesn't effect you and you don't become resentful then I'd say carry on. But if it's putting you out or making you feel some kind of way then stop it.

I'm stubborn and I don't enjoy peace at my expense so I fight for my rights and I give people their rights. If I do you wrong then I will be the first to say I'm sorry but if you do me wrong and you don't fix it then we're going to have problems until you do right by the situation and I think if it becomes a habit then I will abandon the relationship. Life is hard enough without you adding your issues to my plate.

socialmediaman:


That’s your personality so keep being who you are. There are people like you everywhere. Also people do that abroad a lot so it’s a mature thing to do

LOL! Which abroad do people let others take advantage of them for the sake of peace? What's mature about being a doormat?

Bola146:
that is how it should be.

No, it isn't!

I did all that...yet nothing come out....we still parted ways... marriage no be do or die affair...when a lady has too much ego na wahala

socialmediaman:
That’s your personality so keep being who you are. There are people like you everywhere. Also people do that abroad a lot so it’s a mature thing to do

It has absolutely nothing to do with personality. I too used to live that way for the longest as I thought it had something to do with following the part of peace/least resistance, but I was wrong.

I no longer do that since I have come to realize the foolishness of that lifestyle.

Double0h7:


LOL! Which abroad do people let others take advantage of them for the sake of peace? What's mature about being a doormat?

They’re not necessarily pushovers, they’re the people you call diplomats. When did apologizing first mean agreeing to everything and everyone? Think about the person you want to see as the customer service manager of your bank.

Lamanii22:
I always apologize first even when I'm not wrong just for peace to reign... Amongst my friends, siblings and the likes.... Now that I am married I still do it too... So I would like to know if it's a good thing or I should not apologize first sometimes....


I am not a coward or anything I just like everything and everywhere peaceful......

If you continue to apologize to people even when you did not do anything wrong, people will take you for granted.

Has anyone ever apologized to you after offending you?

Kobojunkie:
It has absolutely nothing to do with personality. I too used to live that way for the longest as I thought it had something to do with following the part of peace/least resistance, but I was wrong.

I no longer do that since I have come to realize the foolishness of that lifestyle.

My apologies if you think it’s foolish and has nothing to do with personality… but I see nothing wrong with apologizing to be polite and keep the communication channel open

@ Lamanii22 If the language I used up here is you, then keep being who you are. Of course people in our part of the world are very rude and sometimes very opinionated yet clueless, and in fact you don’t do this in a motor park, but it’s a mature way to communicate. You’re a very good candidate for a communications or customer service role in an organization

Lamanii22:
I always apologize first even when I'm not wrong just for peace to reign... Amongst my friends, siblings and the likes.... Now that I am married I still do it too... So I would like to know if it's a good thing or I should not apologize first sometimes....


I am not a coward or anything I just like everything and everywhere peaceful......

You can't run away from troubles, so if you realy want peace all the time even when it's not your fault, keep apologising

But don't make yourself a mumu button

socialmediaman:
My apologies if you think it’s foolish and has nothing to do with personality… but I see nothing wrong with apologizing to be polite and keep the communication channel open

There is everything wrong with it as it. I think one of the other posters has explained how it is on par with incentivizing wrong doing and denying those you apologize to the opportunity to properly deal with the error of their actions.

I observed this myself on numerous occasions, and eventually had to carefully consider the consequences of my actions in order than I can become a better person instead of someone who always let's things slide for the sake of peace.

Kobojunkie:
There is everything wrong with it as it. I think one of the other posters has explained how it is on par with incentivizing wrong doing and denying those you apologize to the opportunity to properly deal with the error of their actions.

I observed this myself on numerous occasions, and eventually had to carefully consider the consequences of my actions in order than I can become a better person instead of someone who always let's things slide for the sake of peace.

If you've taken a personality test before, you may have seen a question like "i'm always the first to apologize after an argument". Some people are like that, but it's also a commendable attitude, and that's a quality I look for when hiring for positions like customer service. The only place where it's not ok to apologize first is a place where apologizing is seen as weakness, where rudeness is seen as maturity, where everyone knows everything and argues about everything they know little or nothing about

socialmediaman:
1. If you've taken a personality test before, you may have seen a question like "i'm always the first to apologize after an argument".

2. The only place it's not ok to apologize first is a place where apologizing is seen as weakness, where rudeness is seen as maturity, where everyone knows everything and argues about everything they know little or nothing about

1. The question you refer to has nothing to do with what the OP is here pointing out. Being the first to apologize is completely different situation from apologizing when one has not done any wrong to begin with.

2. As for your statement in bold, I don't know about that. I don't see anything wrong with apologizing first so long as one has in fact committed a wrong. Again, what is wrong here is she states she apologizes when she has done no wrong at all.

Lamanii22:
I always apologize first even when I'm not wrong just for peace to reign... Amongst my friends, siblings and the likes.... Now that I am married I still do it too... So I would like to know if it's a good thing or I should not apologize first sometimes....


I am not a coward or anything I just like everything and everywhere peaceful....

This is how life should be...E go shock to know this is the secret you are using to keep your home together without too much stress..

Apologizing first doesn't makes one a coward, what projects a coward is not speaking up even when in the midst of oppression.

Keep being who you are...It could be more of the reason Your hubby made you his final bus stop.

Lamanii22:
I always apologize first even when I'm not wrong just for peace to reign... Amongst my friends, siblings and the likes.... Now that I am married I still do it too... So I would like to know if it's a good thing or I should not apologize first sometimes....


I am not a coward or anything I just like everything and everywhere peaceful......

Eventually, you will be taken for granted because he knows that whatever offence he commits, he doesn't have to take responsibility and apologize. I mean, he has a wife who apologizes even for him.

Munzy14:

This is how life should be...E go shock to know this is the secret you are using to keep your home together without too much stress..

Apologizing first doesn't makes one a coward, what projects a coward is not speaking up even when in the midst of oppression.

Keeping being who you are...It could be more of the reason Your hubby made you his final bus stop.

Would you have told her all that if she were a man?

At first, I wanted to tell her There’s no point trying to change, so keep being who you are , then I realized that that would be cowardly and taking the easy way out. Forget about what she says about not being a coward (no offense).
She has to learn to put her foot down and stand up for herself, otherwise people will take her for a fool.
Nobody who offends her will ever make the move to apologize.
They will take her for granted (if they don’t already).

You only looked at it from the angle of a wife. Anything to be at peace with her husband.
What about her relationship with others?
How would you as a husband feel if your wife cannot stand up to others for herself, not to talk of to stand up for her children?
Would you always be there to defend her?
Would you want a wife who would always apologize to you and everyone just for “peace to reign”? Even when it’s no fault of hers?
Can it be said that she has a mind of her own?
She’s probably the type that cares too much about what people think.
She probably worries when she thinks others are mad at her.
She has to learn to stand up for herself when necessary. It takes courage.
It is very important as a woman to know your right.

KillIgbohoN0W:
[s][/s]

If the others don't want peace, why should I?
Nobody has the monopoly of violence.

I like violence because it usually makes everyone understand their boundaries & stick to it knowing fully well what will happen if they don't.


Rubbish

Maddo! Biko comrade... Violence is a bad thing....

Mariangeles:


Would you have told her all that if she were a man?

At first, I wanted to tell her There’s no point trying to change, so keep being who you are , then I realized that that would be cowardly and taking the easy way out. Forget about what she says about not being a coward (no offense).
She has to learn to put her foot down and stand up for herself, otherwise people will take her for a fool.
Nobody who offends her will ever make the move to apologize.
They will take her for granted (if they don’t already).

You only looked at it from the angle of a wife. Anything to be at peace with her husband.
What about her relationship with others?
How would you as a husband feel if your wife cannot stand up to others for herself, not to talk of to stand up for her children?
Would you always be there to defend her?
Would you want a wife who would always apologize to you and everyone just for “peace to reign”? Even when it’s no fault of hers?
Can it be said that she has a mind of her own?
She’s probably the type that cares too much about what people think.
She probably worries when she thinks others are mad at her.
She has to learn to stand up for herself when necessary. It takes courage.
It is very important as a woman to know your right.

Zukwanuikeeeeeeeeee..

This is who she is...I am sorry isn't cowardice na..It is even a sign of being bold.

Some people will offend you, blackmail you and even oppress at the same time and Will never say sorry.They are the real cowards taking the bully way.


In some homes, the man is usually first to apologise, would you say such men are weak? No o kwa ka udo chie Eze.

Hapucha violence, onwehu kwa ebe eji ya aga o.

Even, it is her own defence mechanism...She can offend you, and rush to apologise, by then you will be weak to take action....Mgbe ahu o wu o meri be onye ahu?

That she apologises first, doesn't mean she can't stand up for her rights..o nwere ike ya wuru di after quarrels and fights ka o ji asi sorry sef

You miss the second paragraph in that my comment you quoted...guo ya ozo.

Facing same thing now
Always apologising even when he or she is the one at fault.
I just like doing it for the sake of my peace of mind
But how I wish I can stop.

Lamanii22:
I always apologize first even when I'm not wrong just for peace to reign... Amongst my friends, siblings and the likes.... Now that I am married I still do it too... So I would like to know if it's a good thing or I should not apologize first sometimes....


I am not a coward or anything I just like everything and everywhere peaceful......

It is not good. You are inadvertently destroying the meaning of the word "sorry" by apologising when you did no wrong. I don't believe all the motivational bs saying you should say sorry even when you did no wrong. You are also inadvertently patronizing bad behavior in the name of seeking peace.

Munzy14:

Zukwanuikeeeeeeeeee..

This is who she is...I am sorry isn't cowardice na..It is even a sign of being bold.

Some people will offend you, blackmail you and even oppress at the same time and Will never say sorry.They are the real cowards taking the bully way.


In some homes, the man is usually first to apologise, would you say such men are weak? No o kwa ka udo chie Eze.

Hapucha violence, onwehu kwa ebe eji ya aga o.

Even, it is her own defence mechanism...She can offend you, and rush to apologise, by then you will be weak to take action....Mgbe ahu o wu o meri be onye ahu?

That she apologises first, doesn't mean she can't stand up for her rights..o nwere ike ya wuru di after quarrels and fights ka o ji asi sorry sef

You miss the second paragraph in that my comment you quoted...guo ya ozo.

I ma ihe no n'uwa wu give and receive.

Mana when you only keep on giving giving giving to others, others will keep on receiving receiving receiving from you without ever thinking of giving.

I asked her if anyone had ever apologized to her after offending her, she avoided the question.

Justkatty:
Facing same thing now
Always apologising even when he or she is the one at fault.
I just like doing it for the sake of my peace of mind
But how I wish I can stop.

Understand clearly the consequences of your actions and then work towards abandoning that which is a rubbish approach to issue resolution.

"I am sorry" is meant to be offered as a form of an apology, not for your existence as a human being, but for wrongs you commit against your fellow man.

Mariangeles:


I ma ihe no n'uwa wu give and receive.

Mana when you only keep on giving giving giving to others, others will keep on receiving receiving receiving from you without ever thinking of giving.

I asked her if anyone had ever apologized to her after offending her, she avoided the question.

Okwa asi blessed is the one that gives, than the one that receive..

I were ndidi soro uwa, I ga ahu na uwa di soft..

Na people dey take their hand spoil this life..

This could be who she is..How I wish all couples can adopt this pattern, marriage will be a place everyone will be dreaming to be.

I am sorry is one of the best statement in life..If not, the number one sef.

O kwa my neighbour anyi na ya nor na november last year, ka a gara ili ya na nwunye this morning..
Nnwaanyi a noro wuru trouble nyere ma di ya, umunne di ya, umu nne nke ya...Everybody.

Di ya anwuo, nwaanyi ejiri aka ya na ga ahazi olili di ya...Aru ka aru na ala Igbo..

Nwaanyi ji aka ya na aga azu nnama eji eli di ya O ga chaala lota..few days ya slump o, within one hour ya wuo onwu...

Ya wuru mgbe nwaanyi nwere trust issues with everyone...Onwehu ihe nor n'uwa o.

Patience, joy and happiness wu ihe eji eso uwa.

One of the ways to not appear weak is to never apologize unless you are wrong or unless life and property is involved.

Only apologize when you are wrong.