You did well.abeg...

But if I were you, I'd have confronted her face to face and ask her if she really stopped her daughter....

Cuz kids of nowadays ought not to be trusted 💯

Sonnobax15:

Karo how you dey?

Ginaz:


but if she needs something from me she sends same children to come to me right? I don't want to go into great details what I did for them and plans i intend to do for them. they don't have chairs in their house, they use bench. I have 4 sitter leather chairs , I was thinking of giving her one the same day the daughter told me what her mother said.

There was other things that happened. I had a quarrel with someone it got heated and drew crowds. this my so called friend came and was begging my opponent to be calmed while she totally ignored me. it was when I called her on phone she then pacified me.

I went to see her one day and she told me she went to beg the woman the next morning. I was like what ? did I ask you to do that? while she never visited me to discussed the issue or hear my side of story till date.

I'm feeling weird that she doesn't take me as a friend as I take her to be.

My second point corroborates the instances you just narrated. She just can't face you eyeball to eyeball. She feels belittled before you. Remain kind to them but do that from afar and be watchful too because such resentment can lead to jealousy.

On the other hand, observe and see if advice on empowering herself can help her. If she is the type of person who can be guided to achieve things, then factor out what you think she can excel in and if possible help through it.

But in all, do your best and leave the rest for the owner because most people out there are entitled, ungrateful and wicked.

Ginaz:
■ but I should run errands for them abi? who eats the food i sent them ingredients to buy? ordinary to buy tomatoes and fish to cook food they will end up eating is now a crime abi??
■ If they help wash plates they used in eating or sweep house is such a big crime right? on top me that entered kitchen to cook for them.
■ I swear the mother can't do such for my kids the way I treat hers with care. abeg get out my front ... I don't have your time.

1. If giving them food is too much for you, you don't have to do it at all. Something tells you you seem to be forcing yourself into all these things you claim you do for them.

2. No one is saying they can't wash the plates they used in eating. What I said is you cannot send them on errands— outside of your house which they came. You can send your own kids but not other people's kids since they are, again, not your wards.

3. So because she can't do the same for your own kids then makes it OK for you to send her kids on errands without her permission? Do you hear yourself at all?

ahnie:

Karo how you dey?

I balance oh big sis

Waxup na??

Ginaz:
■ which friend goes to beg on behalf of their friends without hearing from the friend ? without showing concern too for the same friend ? who ignores a friend while gives attention to the person making trouble to her friend?
■ and you want me to believe she's genuine for me right? kobokunkie move on abeg.. your reasoning dey vex me

I never understood that culture of begging but I know it seems to be what adults do on behalf of other adults and no one seems to complain much of it so I have no real comments on that.

2. I am here wondering why you think you are a "genuine" friend to your friend.

Offpointng:


I did this and that for her, Oga shut up.

If na ur children dem dey send anyhow like that, u go like am? You feel entitled to it cuz you gift them things??

You're Rude and she should even be the one to cut you off

.

na her children, I am not dragging her children but she shouldn't send them to me again. that's all I'm saying. whenever the children comes to me I'd send them back home. message that they don't move past the street, in change of the money I give them to buy something for themselves so who is losing more ? I'm the one losing more.

Offpointng:
■ I did this and that for her, Oga shut up. If na ur children dem dey send anyhow like that, u go like am? You feel entitled to it cuz you gift them things?? You're Rude and she should even be the one to cut you off

Kobojunkie:
I never understood that culture of begging but I know it seems to be what adults do on behalf of other adults and no one seems to complain much of it so I have no real comments on that.

2. I am here wondering why you think you are a "genuine" friend to your friend.

what has she done for me that has benefited me in this friendship ? nothing! so who has been more caring to he other ? right from secondary school I've been the caring one. no be today

People can only be friends when they have similar values and shared interests. That she was your childhood friend doesn’t mean she has to be your “adulthood” friend. People change… that’s life… no big deal!

Learn the lessons and move on.

20 friends cannot be friends for 20 years!

Ginaz:
■ what has she done for me that has benefited me in this friendship ? nothing! so who has been more caring to he other ? right from secondary school I've been the caring one. no be today

So, the friendship hasn't benefited you at all since secondary school, then why have you been holding on to it? To make yourself feel good by claiming you are better than her? Or what?

Kobojunkie:
So, the friendship hasn't benefited you at all since secondary school, then why have you been holding on to it? To make yourself feel good by claiming you are better than her? Or what?

you asked a question and I answered you, then you would go and twist it to your own distorted level of devishlish thinking to suit your narrative.

I'm not answering you again, don't ask me any more questions. your record of prolonging arguments has not been broken by anyone. even if you have to sound silly and ask the most useless questions to gain points you would continue forever so I don't have your time.

I don't have any more answers to suit your narrative. You will find more luck in digging the desert for water than you would in getting any more response from me.

Ginaz:


you asked a question and I answered you, then you would go and twist it to your own distorted level of devishlish thinking to suit your narrative.

I'm not answering you again, don't ask me any more questions. your record of prolonging arguments has not been broken by anyone. even if you have to sound silly and ask the most useless questions to gain points you would continue forever so I don't have your time.

I don't have any more answers to suit your narrative. You will find more luck in digging the desert for water than you would in getting any more response from me.

That woman is not your friend. If I were you, I would be wary of her. If you must help, do so from afar and make sure her kids no longer come to your house for any reason.

eniolorunfe:
People can only be friends when they have similar values and shared interests. That she was your childhood friend doesn’t mean she has to be your “adulthood” friend. People change… that’s life… no big deal!

Learn the lessons and move on.

20 friends cannot be friends for 20 years!

That's what I've been thinking. even the children I do drive them to go home cos they like coming to my house a lot. so it's not I'm using them as I want.

If they can assist me to run small errands what's bad? is life not give and take?

why do they feel they're entittled to me but I can't ask them to assist me buy tomatoes.

Don't we all send little kids on small errands like "buy me Maggie or salt "? we were sent errands when we were small nobody complained.

Ginaz:
■ you asked a question and I answered you, then you would go and twist it to your own distorted level of devishlish thinking to suit your narrative.
■ I'm not answering you again, don't ask me any more questions. your record of prolonging arguments has not been broken by anyone. even if you have to sound silly and ask the most useless questions to gain points you would continue forever so I don't have your time. I don't have any more answers to suit your narrative. You will find more luck in digging the desert for water than you would in getting any more response from me.

Isn't this your own word...

Ginaz:
what has she done for me that has benefited me in this friendship ? nothing! so who has been more caring to he other ? right from secondary school I've been the caring one. no be today

How did I twist that?

I am not your problem here.

GabrielYulaw:


That woman is not your friend. If I were you, I would be wary of her. If you must help, do so from afar and make sure her kids no longer come to your house for any reason.

they no longer come to my house. I told them that day i will no longer call them for anything. it's all good. she is calling me but I don't want to pick her calls. she should leave me alone.

I don't want to be around her kids or her

Why not talk to the mother before concluding and blocking her number? Most importantly, try to think of the kind of aura you unleash around her. This I believe might help you see things from a clearer perspective.

GboyegaD:
Why not talk to the mother before concluding and blocking her number? Most importantly, try to think of the kind of aura you unleash around her. This I believe might help you see things from a clearer perspective.

she never spoke to me about not sending her children message so why should I speak to her about it?

I'm just wondering the other things she might be saying behind my back. I don't give bad aura o.. atleast to my best knowledge. I'm the one who usually tell her I don't care about her house.

Ginaz:


they no longer come to my house. I told them that day i will no longer call them for anything. it's all good. she is calling me but I don't want to pick her calls. she should leave me alone.

I don't want to be around her kids or her

Good. Face your business make she face hers.

Edit 1: By the way, this is not the first time I am hearing a case like this. Poor people, especially in Nigeria can be extremely arrogant, short sighted and stupid, even at great cost to their well being. I can never understand it.

One of them is currently trending because she went back to her abusive ex, with the ex only coming back when told the woman was getting monthly allowances. The said allowances was coming from a therapist who was helping the woman and her child get back on her feet. So, the therapist stopped giving money monthly when informed that the abusive ex and the aforesaid poor lady were back together, with the poor lady now saying the therapist was just being jealous and intent on breaking her marriage to a jobless and very much unrepentant ex.

Most times when you help poop people, you get nothing but abuses. They will go behind your back to mock and insult you and then form innocent when confronted. I have never understood what they gain from biting the hand that feeds them.

Ginaz:


she never spoke to me about not sending her children message so why should I speak to her about it?

I'm just wondering the other things she might be saying behind my back. I don't give bad aura o.. atleast to my best knowledge. I'm the one who usually tell her I don't care about her house.

Wasn't the bolded the reason you blocked her number? Do you know the daughter might have misinterpreted what the mother said? In fairness to her, you should at least ask her otherwise, you never saw her as a friend.

You might not know but the fact that she felt uncomfortable whenever you visited could mean so much in terms of the aura you release. For you, it might be you just been you but to her, it might be an overwhelming feeling that makes her feel less You might tell her you don't care but the way it is said/how it is perceived too matters. Rather than stop going to her house, should you find yourself in a similar situation, learn to make the person feel more relaxed by discussing it with them. I know we are not used to having such conversations however, I have learnt it is good to hold some conversations no matter how awkward as it helps bring out the best in/of situations.

In conclusion, hear her out. You don't even have an idea why she is trying to reach out.

ahnie:
Just learn to mind your lane and keep them at arms length,nor be everybody dem dey do good for.

The truth's she's not comfy with you around her and judging by her situation.
It's Gon hurt you for few days,trust me you Gon be fyne dear.

thank you my isoko sister. I don leave her and her children

I just don't like this idea of sending other people's children on errands. Nothing causes friction between friends than one sending the other's child(ren) on errands. That you assist your friend from time to time doesn't mean it's a ticket for you to order her children about. It will start looking like you're looking down on them.

This OP is something else, so because you are helping them means they should be at your beck and call? truly nothing is free in freeland, very petty Op, see how she's mentioning all she has done for them as if she was forced to do it, see the way she's even defending her disgusting behaviour, na wa.

dominique:
I just don't like this idea of sending other people's children on errands. Nothing causes friction between friends than one sending the other's child(ren) on errands. That you assist your friend from time to time doesn't mean it's a ticket for you to order her children about. It will start looking like you're looking down on them.

I've left her na. why is she now calling me? same children that wakes me up in the morning from bed when I'm asleep and I'd attend to them?

it's ok to feel it's her children but what about the discomforts I've been through for them but I never nag about it? not like I call the kids daily to run errands for me cos they go to school. I don't send them message 24/7.

If someone does something for you, is it bad if you reciprocate in any small way?

Fountainofyouth:
This OP is something else, so because you are helping them means they should be at your beck and call, truly nothing is free in freeland, very petty Op, see how she's mentioning all she has done for them as if she was forced to do it, see the way she's even defending her disgusting behaviour, na wa.

Pls just go away. it's easier to Judge when you don't know where it pitches me. I was helped by a friend , I do things for her like sweeping her house before she comes from work, making sure things are in order. on her marriage day I became a maid working nonstop just to please her on the big day as a way of being extremely thankful for all she has done for me.

You're feeling too big allow your kids assist somome who has been supportive to you, but you don't want to let the person leave you. what's the point ?

I'm a very humble person and I'd continue to be so. I'm happy she felt I'm disturbing her children. I've left them.

The lesson I've learnt from this is how important for one to have children in this life. my heart goes to the childless women, I pray God give them children of their own cos omo.. who no get pikin go suffer for this life no be small.

Ginaz:


Pls just go away. it's easier to Judge when you don't know where it pitches me.I was helped by a friend , I do things for her like sweeping her house before she comes from work, making sure things are in order. on her marriage day I became a maid working nonstop just to please her on the big day as a way of being extremely thankful for all she has done for me.

You're feeling too big allow your kids assist somome who has been supportive to you, but you don't want to let the person leave you. what's the point ?

I'm a very humble person and I'd continue to be so. I'm happy she felt I'm disturbing her children. I've left them.

The lesson I've learnt from this is how important for one to have children in this life. my heart goes to the childless women, I pray God give them children of their own cos omo.. who no get pikin go suffer for this life no be small.

Madam, you are not the first person that has helped people before neither will you be the last, it is not an achievement, it is an act of selflessness to get nothing in return, genuine help is not a give and take situation, do not expect anything because you helped people, you are not humble, you are arrogant and entitled, you feel because you help people, they should answer you in quick haste and without hesitation when you call, imagine calling a mother on phone to send one of her kids to you to run errands, like say na your maid, very belittling, what happen to your legs? Can't you run your errands yourself whether it is near, far, or the streets? She was nice to just say okay, if na me I go over blast you regardless of your help. The effontery to do that is because you feel they are at your mercy, meaning your help and care is not genuine, it is from a place of servitude, you demand a lot in return which is very bad

Your first bolded, I don't know why you feel the need to tell us that story, so because a friend helped you, and you choose to serve and worship her, that means people you help MUST also serve and worship you abi? Is that what you're trying to insinuate and expect from that woman? You feel you're her human god because you helped her abi? Who thinks like this in this 21st century? That's a silly mentality, very silly, disgusting and stupid thinking.....let me stop here

The last bolded shows how extremely petty you are, you sound like those street gossips that when told to narrate her side of the story, she'd twist things for people to sympathise with her, what has being childless got to do with a mother's preference on her own children? Why do you feel threatened and pained by that all of a sudden? People have pointed out your fault here, yet you feel you're right, why do you choose to be blind to your own faults?

Ginaz:
■ Pls just go away. it's easier to Judge when you don't know where it pitches me. I was helped by a friend , I do things for her like sweeping her house before she comes from work, making sure things are in order. on her marriage day I became a maid working nonstop just to please her on the big day as a way of being extremely thankful for all she has done for me. You're feeling too big allow your kids assist somome who has been supportive to you, but you don't want to let the person leave you. what's the point ? I'm a very humble person and I'd continue to be so. I'm happy she felt I'm disturbing her children. I've left them. The lesson I've learnt from this is how important for one to have children in this life. my heart goes to the childless women, I pray God give them children of their own cos omo.. who no get pikin go suffer for this life no be small.

If we are to follow the formulae that you outlined, then the one who ought to pay you back for your kindness is the mother of the kids, and not the kids themselves.

Ginaz:


I've left her na. why is she now calling me? same children that wakes me up in the morning from bed when I'm asleep and I'd attend to them?

it's ok to feel it's her children but what about the discomforts I've been through for them but I never nag about it? not like I call the kids daily to run errands for me cos they go to school. I don't send them message 24/7.

If someone does something for you, is it bad if you reciprocate in any small way?

The thing is you feel since you assist them from time to time, you have earned the rights to send her children on errands. She feels it's because of the help you render to them is the reason you want to turn her children to your helps. There's nothing wrong with sending kids on errands once a while, we also ran errands for adults as kids but calling your friend to send her child on errand looks somehow. I can't imagine calling anybody to send their child(ren) on errands. It's very belittling tbh

Fountainofyouth:



Madam, you are not the first person that has helped people before neither will you be the last, it is not an achievement, it is an act of selflessness to get nothing in return, genuine help is not a give and take situation, do not expect anything because you helped people, you are not humble, you are arrogant and entitled, you feel because you help people, they should answer you in quick haste when you call, imagine calling a mother to send one of her kids to you errands, like say na maid, what happen to your legs? Can't you run your errands yourself whether it is near, far, or the streets? The effontery to do that is because you feel they are at your mercy, meaning your help and care is not genuine, it is from a place of servitude, you demand a lot in return which is very bad

Your first bolded, I don't know why you feel the need to tell us that story, so because a friend helped you, and you choose to serve and worship her, that means people you help MUST also serve and worship you abi? Is that what you're trying to insinuate and expect from that woman? You feel you're her human god bevause you helped her abi? Who thinks like this in this 21st century? That's a silly mentality, very silly, disgusting and stupid thinking.....let me stop here

The last bolded shows how extremely petty you are, you sound like those street gossips that when told to narrate her side of the story, she'd twist things for people to sympathise with her, what has being childless got to do with a mother's preference on her own children? Why do you feel threatened by that all of a sudden? People have pointed out your fault here, yet you feel you're right, why do you choose to be blind to your own faults?

you must be very stupid. I mentioned my friend to show you I'm not an arrogant person. this girl moved heaven and earth for me, all I did for her is not enough to show how appreciative I am.

I'm not feeling like a god over anyone and I would never do that. Loyalty is a character I've learnt early in my life which has benefited me.

I have stayed with a friend for 7months. I reduced myself to a housegirl , both the senior daughters and her mother was sending me errands left and right I never complained but when I left , I was gifted 500k and the senior brother gave me 100k cos they came from a rich family and my family is not rich o. imagine if i had felt too big to run errands for them, would I have benefited? does it mean their love isn t genuine? I got admission into school, dem still help me. infact my parents didn't pay school fees.

see even davido get loyal men wey dey follow am and enjoy from the loyalty. comot pride from body for this life cos you never can tell where your help will come from. Tinubu became almost like a slave to the north to gain power.

I'm a loyalist to the core and I've benefited from it. One mama i dey always dey around , she owns a plaintain farm. I don't buy plantain in the market cos once I call mama she sends me all cos I've paid my dues.

As for calling my friend to send her child to me, we call on phone ok? when she wants to send her child to me she would call to know if I'm home. so we talk on phone for quicker access.

well I've left them so it doesn't look I'm turning them to my slaves or feeling big for them but I want her to stop calling me. I am not interested in any friendship again.

As I am here, I'm a girl- girl to a lot of older people and it's benefiting me. I will never raise shoulder in my life. where I am today in life is as a result of humility and God's grace.

Ginaz:


but I should run errands for them abi? who eats the food i sent them ingredients to buy? ordinary to buy tomatoes and fish to cook food they will end up eating is now a crime abi??

If they help wash plates they used in eating or sweep house is such a big crime right? on top me that entered kitchen to cook for them. I swear the mother can't do such for my kids the way I treat hers with care.

abeg get out my front ... I don't have your time.

Wow! So you want the children to clean your house too! Let me tell you; Yes! It’s a crime for them to wash your dishes, and run “errands” for you.

A mother is protecting her children and you’re here ranting about why you should be able to exploit them! You sound predatory! It’s disgusting! They were living just fine before you came in to their lives and they will be fine when you see yourself out.

Ginaz:


I've kept my distance o. do you know this same daughter i wanted to send message has never eaten fried egg with bread and tea? I personally prepared breakfast for her and we ate together with her own fried eggs. I didnt share it so she would experience how delicious the meal was.

Infact the thing pain me cos God knows all my heart's intention is good. wenti be message wey you come dey provoke for me?

me that enters my kitchen to prepare food for your children to eat, I even give you join. I don't have sense abi ? or I'm a mugu right?

Abeg keep your yeye fried egg to yourself.

Just because of the little help you provide for a fellow woman in need..... that's why you want to convert her kids to your slaves. And the arrogance you exude is irritating You're not God! That woman has been surviving before you came to that area, and God will always make ways for her.

Calling her on the phone to send her kid to you for errands is insulting. But I guess you're doing that cos you feel you earned that cos you provide fried eggs

dominique:


The thing is you feel since you assist them from time to time, you have earned the rights to send her children on errands. She feels it's because of the help you render to them is the reason you want to turn her children to your helps. There's nothing wrong with sending kids on errands once a while, we also ran errands for adults as kids but calling your friend to send her child on errand looks somehow. I can't imagine calling anybody to send their child(ren) on errands. It's very belittling tbh

we talk on phone. she would call me to know if I'm at home that she's sending her child to get something from me. we usually talk on phone for quicker access .most times I'm not home and she may not be at home too.