Efemena_xy:
You sound quite bitter

Sagamite:

Look, I am a very, very smart guy. I am extremely intelligent and have a ridiculous level of prescience.

Trust me when I say: You are really going to have a miserable future in terms relationship.

That is not an insult or provocation, that is a pure fact from the pesonality you exude.

Go and write it down in your diary that that Sagamite told you this on the 12th of April 2012, so you can refer to it when it downs on you in middle age and the future looks dim and non-existent.

jennykadry:
What is normal? Define normal? You are trying to tell us here that it is normal for a man to make his wife look and feel unattractive, undesirable and unwanted? You people are forking kidding me. Why would a man be so "look" conscious like that? Fire is burning in his house and instead of getting the fire extinguisher to quench the fire, he is busy talking about his wife's clothes and shoes.

If her clothes are decent enough, that man needs a psych attention ASAP

Bawss1:
There is no man alive with red blood in his veins that will not consider the looks of his wife as very important. So many men have indeed based the choice of their life partners on this quality alone, a fact, though not recommended, that suggests the very high pedestal that this quality is placed. Anybody who says a woman's looks is secondary is being hypocritical. I say this not to encourage the trend of superficiality that results from an exaggerated consideration of physical beauty but I feel it is very necessary that girls and ladies owe it to themselves to maintain a sense of beauty ALWAYS.

This will probably sit with some as being chauvinistic but that's a risk I'm prepared to take.

michelin89: Your husband sounds like one of those men who like to criticize when

1. they can't/won't do anything to improve or help out.
2. they are nothing to write home about themselves.

They are control freaks and usually cowards; they act like that when

1. they are tired but don't want to end it, so they try to push you to the limit
2. you are fast growing ahead of them (career or education wise) and criticizing you helps them limit your ego (they think you are developing). They try to instill insecurity into you, so they'll look like the best thing that has ever happened in your life.

My dear, na ur husband, so a first step would be confronting him and making sure he realizes he's offending you whenever he makes those remarks. And always demand his apologies. Don't let him take you for granted and don't whine or cry whenever he hurts you; you just prove he is succeeding in winning you.

Be strong and be confident.

Sagamite:

Why does that sound bitter?

Why does it not sound like an eye-opener of what he wants in life?

Or is that just another senseless use of words to force him to be a "real man", the type that lives his life to make women happy while he gets little in return?

Sounds bitter. Be responsible and marry. Stop being selfish and share your life. All stewpid words to satisfy your female wish. Anuofia!

Sagamite:

Look, I am a very, very smart guy. I am extremely intelligent and have a ridiculous level of prescience.

Trust me when I say: You are really going to have a miserable futurein terms relationship.

That is not an insult or provocation, that is a pure fact from the pesonality you exude.

Go and write it down in your diary that that Sagamite told you this on the 12th of April 2012, so you can refer to it when it downs on you in middle age and the future looks dim and non-existent.

maasoap: This woman has been cooking for him for the part six years, and probably before they married. He just realised now that her food is not spiced enough. Six good years of sex, he just realised that the woman lacks sexual prowess.

Sagamite:

Because men's attraction is based on looks.

His approach suggest one of 2 things to me:

1) She herself picked an arse to marry.

2) Or she has had a vile attitude to the point he is insensitive to or careless about her emotions.



No min jenny.

She thinks life is about "real men", that say meaningless, brainwashed things to please women.

Sagamite:

Look, I am a very, very smart guy. I am extremely intelligent and have a ridiculous level of prescience.

Trust me when I say: You are really going to have a miserable futurein terms relationship.

That is not an insult or provocation, that is a pure fact from the pesonality you exude.

Go and write it down in your diary that that Sagamite told you this on the 12th of April 2012, so you can refer to it when it downs on you in middle age and the future looks dim and non-existent.

newcreatio: frankly sis...the fault is both of you. You are both most likely missing the godliness element. Try it.
Additionally, you both need not just counselling, but therapy.
Lastly, your husband should wake up and stop being such a fool and you too watch your character and improve.
Divorce, is the way of fools. IT IS NOT AN OPTION.
You took an oath, a covenant, a swear, a promise that it is TILL DEATH.
This is what you swore on foolishly years ago. All men are the same. All women are the same.
Someday, they each will misbehave and complicate things.
What you need, both of you, is the GOD element.
Marriage can never be better than the two people in it.
Don't add marriage to the list of items at which you failed in life. School you managed to make it through. Don't fail in this one.
3 kids? You have reached a point of no return since the 1st child. A 2nd child sealed it all. 3rd one, we have nothing to discuss.
Best thing you can do for yourself right now, is to stop making him the center of your happiness.
Turn and face church, make Kingdom expansion your hobby. While you are busy doing it, God will visit him and call him to order.
But remember, while doing your kingdom thing in Christ Jesus, let your character and tongue be tamed by the Holy Ghost.
You will be happier sooner than you prepared.
We (men) are all assholes.

Chrisbenogor:

Sometimes I wonder if this is rocket science to understand.

dasparrow:

..........And she will find another man. Marraige is to be enjoyed and not endured. I don't know why Nigerians are such wicked people. How are we sure the man she is married to is whom God wanted her to marry? Why are Nigerians such sadists? You want her to raise kids in an unhappy home? what rubbish!

Chrisbenogor:
Speak for yourself brother.

Sagamite:

No na, they understand, they just think that "real men" would not be attracted to a woman based on her looks

A "real man" should ignore their biological set up and marry a women that has a good personality and can select nice handbags, sunglasses and shoes.

ayo jango: Divorce is good,its borin seein d same face of someone u hate,samething I went thru wit my wife I did not only stop makin lov to her,I did not let her c my unclothedness.its not by force to live togeda

dasparrow:

..........And she will find another man. Marraige is to be enjoyed and not endured. I don't know why Nigerians are such wicked people. How are we sure the man she is married to is whom God wanted her to marry? Why are Nigerians such sadists? You want her to raise kids in an unhappy home? what rubbish!

Sagamite:

Like the thousands of divorce women with kids looking for another man willing to commit to them?

charles316:

what kind of advice is this? u think u are an iron lady? You will realise that you just know how to talk.

OP,the truth is that u women dont learn. Like ronke said,he is seeing other women and comparing them with you. he is probably not happy with ur looks. have u gained so much weight? i can bet my life that u have. just look at how our single ladies have grown out of shape not to talk of someone who has had 3 kids. The truth is dat giving birth isnt a reason to be out of shape.Look at yourselve and do something.

queensmith: Lol you ladies are very funny.

What does it profit me if the op follows my advice? Its her life.

Its not actually abt marriage vs divorce, its about happyness vs misery, no body should place their value or happiness on a situation that can very well change, and you shouldnt teach your children that either.
You say breaking the family up, what is being broken? The bond between a miserable wife and her abusive husband? Is that the situation people are soo desperate to save?

Its funny nobody has even said she should divorce him by all means. Its the people that insist she should stay by all means that are busy defending thier stand. Obviously because you all know how senseless the information you are giving is.

If you made sense you won't be soo afraid of these 'cabals' spending every post trying to convince the op.

If anything the 'stick with you horrible husband' club are the ones in horrible marriages, it has become normal and they want to know others are doing it too. Every woman has her priorities we are not all the same.

Its likely the op works out her issues anyways because it doesnt seem that major, but im marvelled at the level of insecure women and men we have here labelling people with alternative views homewreckers. How are we wrecking the home when the husband is the one out there misbehaving? Is he tidying the home in that case? Get over yourselves!

maasoap: This woman has been cooking for him for the part six years, and probably before they married. He just realised now that her food is not spiced enough. Six good years of sex, he just realised that the woman lacks sexual prowess.

ronkebp:
Naturally people get tired overtime from doing the same thing over and over again.

ronkebp:
You are right, that some women let out their frustrations on their husbands, for example last sunday, I was so ffrustrated, had too much to do, my job, my school work, my home, my kid, myself, my hubby, I was so mad at the situation that I was moody all through, that day,my hubby kept asking me what was wrong, I was too overwhelmed to voice anything out, he just let me have my peace and I gradually left that mood, almost ruined my Easter though.

queensmith:

Dear lawd! Lol.