RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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Ramatu, Parts 1 To 51 (updated) / Ramatu..parts 1 To 44 / RAMATU series parts 1 to 43...merry xmas (2) (3) (4)
| RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by bingbagbo(m): 6:51pm On Jul 17, 2012 |
PART ONE Back in the days at Onitsha, i stayed behind Mallam osumanu's house. Mallam osumanu had this fine daughter Ramatu. Ramatu was sooo pretty i couldnt resist her so i had to propose to her. I proposed to her finally but she told me she couldnt date a christian. . .  PART TWO Now, when i realised i couldnt get this hot babe for " dinner" i consulted my good friend pele.Pele gave me a master plan. I knew Ramatu always sat under one big acacia tree beside their house to pound yam. With the aid of friends and sympathizers, i dug a huge pit under the chair under the tree, scraped a whole through the chair and covered the pit with roofin sheets and sand. i did it sooo cleverly that, you wouldnt notice it. . PART THREE IT was evening and ramatu came under th e tree to pound yam.My rod was already inside the hole soooooooooo hard. she sat right on it, omg it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sweeeeeeeeeeeeet she began moaning and felt very sleepy.i did it like i was maaaaaaad grinRamatu's mother noticed her asleep and asked " why are you sleeping ramatu?" she replied " i have exams to write tommorrow" PART FOUR Now this went on and on and on but Ramatu never knew i was the one behind her excitements. Anytime she saw me in town, she wouldnt even greet me and all that. so one hoooooooooot afternoon, Ramatu came under the tree to pound yam. She sat on my thing, and i began the to and fro movement. this time she was enjoying it too much so she fell asleep and left the yam unpounded. Her mother was sooo angry and came to the scene. She insulted and beat up Ramatu for sleeping and drove her off the seat though Ramatu was reluctant at first. So her mother, Mrs osumanu sat on the seat to pound it herself. . PART FIVE Now mrs osumanu sat firmly on my thing. i began the to an fro. she was speechless for a while. Ramatu was watching jelously. mrs Osumanu started moaning " Ramatu thats why you sleep ooo" she said this several times and Ramatu was very angry at her mum.60 minutes later, mrs Osumanu left and there was a quarrel between her and Ramatu. I went there after gone to change my self to ask why they were quarreling and they all said it was a small family matter, so i left. . PART SIX Now one hot afternoon, Ramatu returned from school. There was some yam to be pounded, she went for them eager to come and pound but just as she was about to leave the kitchen, her mum grabbed the yam from her and shouted " didnt you see someone is ready to pound these yams?" This started a quarrel. They quarreled and fought and quarreled over who must pound the yam till Papa Osumanu himself arrived home. " why are u quarreling with Ramatu?" he inquired There was no answer and from there, there was complete silence. I was eagerly waiting in the pit for my "lunch"  Before i realised, there was someone one the seat. i began smiling in the pit and moved my "rod" through the whole. But it hit one hard thing, " snake!!!"Papa osumanu got up from the seat and yelled. i came out from my pit and took to my heels. PART SEVEN Now two months later, i was passing by the Osumanu's house and noticed something strange. Ramatu was pregnant. mrs Osumanu was also pregnant."wow!, these are my babies" i thought. But how do i claim Them? since nobody knew i was the one behind all the "pounding escapades" i consulted the oracle at Onitscha and the oracle told me if i wanted the babies, i must bring two testes of a tortoise, a monkey's rib, one live crocodile, my landlord's early morning urine and two bottles of shnapps. it kept me wondering. . PART EIGHT Now i left the oracle, and for two weeks, i still couldnt get some of the items the fetish priest asked me to get.So i went back to him and told him.He suddenly got up from his seat and yelled at me "you either go and bring those items or you go madddd!!!".I was shivering, soooooooooooooooo much scared.where would i get testes of a tortoise, a monkey's rib, a live crocodile, and all that.so i told him i was no longer interested in claiming the babies any longer but he again yelled "you must get the babies nowwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!" i was so so so so frightened, so i again asked him if i couldnt pay everything in cash and he replied "now you are talking" He brought out one big leaf which he said was the calculator of the gods, made some incantations and said everything would cost 5000naira.I begged for a reduction so he did his incantations again to beg the gods to reduce the amount.When he finished he told me the gods had been angered by the reduction request so they had increased it 10 000 naira. i fainted. . . .. . . .. RAMATU PART NINE Now hours later, i regaine d conciousness and finally agreed to pay the said sum to the gods. Ileft for the house and was thinking how to raise the 10000 naira. i finally had an idea. In the night, when it was around 11pm, i tip-toed to baba issa's pen.Baba issa had sooooooo many goats with odour.I looked through and so this faaaaaaaaaaat one.i grabbed it by the left leg and wanted to bleat so i wrapped my hankerchief and put it in its mouth.it was very heavy, i managed to carry it to my house. Next day, i heard an announcement that a goat was missing.I went to baba issa's compound and lots of people converged there expressing their worries and sympathy about the theft.one man uncle mike saw me and asked "have you heard about the theft?" i said " oh!, hmmm, na only Allah go punish whoever stole this goat ooo".i expressed my condolense to baba issa and left.That same day, i saw a poster on the street with the missing goat's picture with an inscription "missing, find him and get a handsome reward".I laghed throughout the night. Now when it was 11 pm, i left my house again and tip-toed to baba issah's pen with my sack and torchlight. i looked through well well and saw another fiiiiiiiiine goat. i grabbed it by the legs, it was bow-legged, covered its mouth and pushed it into my sack. RAMATU PART 10 Now within three days, i had stolen seven goats from baba issa's pen and was still thirsty for more. so as usual, it was 11pm and i took my sack and left for baba issa's pen. it was until i got to the site that i realised i had left my torchlight in the house. i decided to forget about it and make way for my 8th booty. i looked through the pen and saw blurred images of various goats.i spotted an unusually fat one so did the sign of cross and entered the pen. i grabbed it and carried it on my head since it was toooooooooooo fat. the moment i stepped out of the pen i experienced one haaaaaaaaaaaard sharp slap on my right cheek so i dropped the booty.it was a human being i was carrying. my body's temperature rose abnormally so i took to my heels with the guy giving me one hooooooooot chase. i was sweating like a pregnant fish and the guy was still chasing me with usual chants "thief, thiefoooo!!!, thief, thief " waking up everybody to join me in the chase PART 11 Now almost everybody in the vicinity was awake chasing. they finally caught me, and i swear i cant forget the beatings that night one guy i felt his punches soooooooooo much was pozo, the painter.The only good news about the beating was that, because it was dark nobody really recognised me. i was sooooo weak and tired so fell unto the ground and pretended to be dead,.this made them hold on for a bit and by the time they realised, i took to my heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels RAMATU PART 12 now soon it was morning, so i headed straight for my mirror and looked at myself.gosh, i was no different from a boxer that had been knocked down in the 6th round. i already was hearing discussions from the compound about how a thief was caught in baba issa's house.my landlord oga lukeman was sooo excited about the news "but why dem no kill am," he kept screaming "you want make them kill your papa?" i thought hours later, i stepped out of my room to go get a bath.now when everyone saw my deformed and miserable state, they wondered.oga lukeman querried "bin, since when did you become eppileptic?" "na u sabbi ooo!" i reply am after taking my bath, i headed staight to the oracle as i had gotten the 10 000 naira price. everybody that saw me on the way couldnt recognise me because i was deformed via the beatings. soon i was at the oracle and the priest was wearing an unusual frown.he said the gods were angry due to the delay. . . RAMATU PART 13 so i knelt down n apologized to the gods so they accepted my offer.the priest made some incantations n gave me some powder n said "go to their house now n claim your babies" i was so excited, so i made straight for the osumanus house.i saw so many people converged in the house, so i asked wat was happening when one albino guy told me ramatu and her mum had both had a miscarriage! i fainted.i woke up the next day at the hospital with my friend pele sitting beside me RAMATU PART 14 Now pele gave me the news that mrs Osumanu had kicked the bucket and papa Osumanu too had kicked the bucket after fainting. Ramatu was the only surviving member of the family though she also miscarried. the news made me very very sad, though my "thing was very hard and standing" Pele came from the doctor's room and said my bill was 1500 naira, my GoD HOW WOULD I PAY.. . In the afternoon, when pele had gone home, a nurse entered my ward and was just moving around. i looked left, looked right, grabbed her , pushed her unto my sick bed and forcibly "gave it to her" At first she was crying "please stop what u r doing, please stop what you r doing " but when i began stopping she changed her cry to "please do what you are stopping, please do what you are stopping" she enjoyed it soooo much that she fell asleep.i removed her dress and put it on RAMATU PART 15 Now because of the nurse's attire i was wearing, i escaped from the hospital without paying the bills. i remember giving one hoooot slap to the old security officer who tried to interrogate me. i was getting close to my house when i spotted a painter on a ladder climbing to the fourth floor of a six-story building. i finally recognised him.it was pozo the painter who gave me some hoot slaps the other night. i shook the ladder several times and finally saw him descending from the skies crying out loud He hit the ground and i saw his skull splitting into pieces. i looked right, looked left, there was no one coming so i took to my heels RAMATU PART 16 I woke up next morning on the whole of Onitsha was mourning. mr and mrs osumanu were all dead.Pozo the painter was also gone. People kept speculating the cause of pozo's death. i was thinking about what to do to the priest who had taken my money and still couldnt get me my babies. i finally devised a plan. i sharpened my machette and made for the oracle,.when i got there, the priest was eating egusi and pounded yam.the moment he saw me he smiled and said "hey, my son you are welcome ooooo" i removed my machette and he took to his heels. i gave him one hooot chase with my machette. . . . RAMATU PART 17 STill chasing the fraudster(priest) with my machette , i just saw one okada knock him down.i retreated straight to the oracle.i entered the secret room and saw the scary looking object revered as god.it was a carved wood with a black painting.i carried it into my bag, pissed all over the place n left for the house. soon i was in my ròom so i pushed the bag under my bed n rested on the carpet. it was around 2pm and i slept.i had a dream where i was being pursued by so many dogs RAMATU PART 18 One dog finally caught me.it chewed off all my nyansh and kpekus.it was about time for the scary looking dog to eat my nyansh when i woke up.i was sweating and panting, i checked the clock and it was 8pm.all of a sudden, i heard a noise from under my bed, "take me back, take me back, take me back".i hurriedly jumped off my bed and rushed out of the room with full momentum.it was after i stepped out of the room i realised i was naked and erect RAMATU PART 19 The noise from under my bed woke everybody up on the compound.My landlord oga lukeman also came out wearing just boxer shorts.they all asked me why i was running at that time but i only asked them to enter my room and see for themselves.Totaling about 20 people all entered my room, and they could stay for even a minute, they all began screaming and attempted escaping, but a stampede occured at the door and almost everyone was on the floor.funny enough, i saw my landlord oga lukeman lying helplessly on the wife of the plumber.oga lukeman though was scared and crying yet was moving his waist up and down RAMATU PART 20 It was getting 12 o'clock midnight, and a crowd had converged at the house.They all could hear the sound coming from my room, "take me back, take me back, take me back" this time with echo.it was then a guy claiming to be a man of God devoted himself to go and get whatever was making that noise,.He brought out his bible, spoke some tongues and entered my room.Most women amongst the crowd were praying.till then i realised i was still erect and at this time i was having serious abdominal pains.two minutes later. . .watch out for part 21  |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by Homar(m): 9:22pm On Jul 17, 2012 |
Bin dont keep me in suspece abeg knack us d tory at least from 21-30 abeg . Biko . |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by bingbagbo(m): 10:02am On Jul 18, 2012 |
Homar: Bin dont keep me in suspece abeg knack us d tory at least from 21-30 abeg . Biko . homar, dont worry, i am going to release part 21-40 soon , just watch out!!  |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by Nobody: 2:43pm On Jul 18, 2012 |
that was nice. Do not keep us waiting. |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by bingbagbo(m): 9:45pm On Jul 18, 2012 |
morufoye: that was nice. Do not keep us waiting. well it will all depend on my sponsors. . .i am still in talks with glo and mtn to support me to shoot th e ramatu videos before the end of this month  |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by slimchi2k2(m): 3:40pm On Jul 19, 2012 |
bin bin bin bin bin presido i almost die, this guy u are very funny |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by Nobody: 4:30pm On Jul 19, 2012 |
Mehn! Diz is 9ce, kip it up guy |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by slimchi2k2(m): 7:36pm On Jul 19, 2012 |
presido bin,am waithing for part 21 pls sir abeg tory us |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by bingbagbo(m): 11:19pm On Jul 19, 2012 |
slimchi2k2: presido bin,am waithing for part 21 pls sir abeg tory us no problem my lord  |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by slimchi2k2(m): 2:33pm On Jul 20, 2012 |
still waithin presido pls |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by bingbagbo(m): 5:06pm On Jul 20, 2012 |
slimchi2k2: still waithin presido pls it wont be long at all, just keep your |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by ikechukz(m): 1:21pm On Jul 21, 2012 |
Interesting |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by Lisa1: 3:33pm On Jul 21, 2012 |
Good point  |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by bingbagbo(m): 1:25pm On Jul 23, 2012 |
Lisa1: Good point WHAT POINT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT  bush pig!! |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by EFULEFU1(m): 11:01pm On Aug 07, 2012 |
you dey try bin |
| Re: RAMATU PARTS 1 TO 20 by Yeske2(m): 8:41am On Aug 08, 2012 |
This kind cut and join story sef, never believed i wasted 5mins of my life reading this. Mtcheew. |
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