algood:

Thanks. u really answered my question and iquite appreciate that word, for sometime and not a permanent stuff.
Well, i happen to leave my career to stay with my kids , though not voluntarily but the situation warrant it.

My husband income isnt that much to take care of us, but we are doing fine sha oh, i was having guilt within me, that leaving my job to stay at home, is it a good decision or a bad one,
thanks to your statement of leaving ones career for a while to take care of the kids , to a certain level then resuming back.

Thank you so much.

i was thinking along the line of getting a less demanding job or profession to go into.

ChiefS:

Under Ideal condition for the woman:

Career
Marriage
Children

However everyone hardly finds himself in an ideal condition.And everyone's case is different.There are people that got married late and desperate to have kids in time.If the career will affect it in anyway they may decide to reverse the order.Also in severe cases where there is no one to take care of the kids and its necessary for the woman to leave her career for sometime and raise the kids then the future of the kids should be given piority.

Thanks. u really answered my question and iquite appreciate that word, for sometime and not a permanent stuff.
Well, i happen to leave my career to stay with my kids , though not voluntarily but the situation warrant it.

My husband income isnt that much to take care of us, but we are doing fine sha oh, i was having guilt within me, that leaving my job to stay at home, is it a good decision or a bad one,
thanks to your statement of leaving ones career for a while to take care of the kids , to a certain level then resuming back.

diehard:

There is nothing wrong in buying your friends property. What may be wrong is, if your friend asked for help and u refuse to help instead offer the choice of buying his property. Come to think of it most people hardly look at the other side of helping their friends. what if u help him with money and he refuse to pay back, that may compromise your friendship.

I always have one rule for my friends (unwritten and unspoken rule though) if i can't trust you with money there is a limit to our friendship.

I think there is 100 and more things wrong in buying a ''best friend '' property.

Money sometimes create problems in between friendship, but as a closed and best friends, u guys must have gone thru thick and easy times together, they must have known each other limits.

Practical example, assuming best friend is in need of money to do something urgent, and at that moment he or she is broke, comes to you, swallowing his/her pride that i have some of my properties for sale e.g. refrigerator, cooker, home theatre set e.tc. so as to be able to get money to help himsslef out of the mess he his.

what do you do, start buying the properties, or rather help in looking for an alternative, maybe to laon him some but not all and ask him to look for others somewhere else, if he sell his property to an unknown person to you without ur knowledge fine, so be it.

On the other hand the problem encounter is getting the money back, as a true friend indeed , he/she should return the money imediately they are done, but in most cases they will capitalise on the fact that after all its my friend money and will not want to return it back.

A similar example i encounter is this, i have to give out half of my salary back in Nigeria to a friend who is desperately in need, but as today i have not gotten my money back.

The rule i set formyself is, i only loan people money or assist friends if i know i can spare the money.
because immediately the money is off my hand i assume is as good as gone.

As a best friend i will be willing to do anything to help he/she out of the mess they are in financially without buying properties and putting my mind off the money.
it can be paid back or not.

this yoruba adage says (owo lo ba oju ore je)
meaning money breaks firendship.

Cadet:

[size=3pt]As if we women don't go enough trouble living with you men! Now it's your turn[/size]


@post
Talking to a mad woman is like talking to a wood! That's all am saying!

i think that statement is unfair, you dont know what this guy must have done to warrant the threat.

he didnt go into details, he only said what is hurting him, am so sure, ifthey go to court and dig dip into the matter, the guy will be at fault.

Bomi:

Recently I discover my entire clothes in my box were torn as if acid was pour on them. I am married with a very jealousy wife. I recently enrolled for an MSc programme which keep me busy! only to discover my entire clothes were drench in acid what should I do please we a married with two girls

can u enlighten us more on what must have lead to this, then we will know where and how to really tackle the case.

columbus71:

i have recieved my Dangote flour cert, my Japaul cert (but my address was miss spelled), my 1st bank cert. awaiting for access Bank.

please what about the refund talked about, based on over priced

thanks

i don't think its a good idea , its better u help out financially if you can than capitalizing on his need to get his valued properties.
there is this popular song by KSA (atori laiye to ba fi si waju ati fi si eyin)

meaning the word is a cain, it moves front and back.
u can never tell when you will need a favor from your friend too.

try and help him, returns his property of keep it, and tell him or her, u only loan him the money

My bedroom,

there is where i setup my mini office, thats where i read, surf the net, pray to God,

Listen to music , play with my kids sometimes, thats where i am on naira land.


the second place is the sitting room,listen to music and watch cartoon with my kids forcefully

well i don't really like kitchen because i dont love cooking,

visit when my kids needs to eat, and when hunger is knocking on my door.

Too bad

i believe thats a warning sign for you

My advice to you is to try and find out what is the real problem, why she has to do that/

Knowing the root of a problem can also leads to a solution.

I guess thats should be her first time of doing so,u guys married based on love,

Take her out, and give her a nice treat, then find out what the problem is.

is not only you who is at risk here, the little angels are too.

anger is not good, one would have commit the anger before realizing what he or she has done.
Just try and sort things out, and pray.

there is nothing or nobody God can not change.
including you.

Only God knows what u must have done to her that will result in that action.
u men can drive women crasy sometimes.

yinkuso08:


I agree.

thanks.

Hope others can share there views, this has throw more light to what am trying to portray.

My use of english did not clear issues well

I too don become Obama be dat oh,
( wrong use of words)

if i happen to be in your shoe, i wont go unless i got an invitation.

Though sometimes the preparation can be demanding, but try and take one more bold step on getting the invitation , and if it fails , then cath fun on that day.

your presence doesnt really make a difference, since its not a close pal to you.

first and fore most where u legally maried?

If No is your answer, i think u still have your life , u can call it a quit and move on with life,
if yes, i guess u have to start all this paper work if you are really not interested in the marriage anymore.

But the most important thing his this, biblically he his not your husband.

the first wife he has is the legitimate wife.


so its a hard situation, but your best bet is to quit if you no longer intersted than enduring

My secret got to die with me,
if i say it, am gonna wound people who love me most.

so got to be secret, between me and baba God

Have pleaded for forgiveness from Baba God.

so just between the two of us

D-reloaded:

I can't picture myself in such because I don't intend of beoing with an immature slowpoke. Why would someone tell someone to leave a job if they are barely making enough for him and his wife talkless of children. Typical Nigerians I suppose

No sane person would want to be part of a single income household in the year 2008.

Btw I don't understand your last question, are you implying that a person aka "woman" that works isnt considering the "welfare" of her children?

thanks for your response, i quite angry with you, its definitely Nigeria mentality.

My last question is this, if in a situation like that, as a woman considering the welfare of your kids, is it better for the woman to stick to her welfare so as to be able to take care of the kids, or forgo are job so as to stay with the husband income, hoping for a change tomorrow for the sake of preventing the kids growing in a broken home

let me make it more complicated, its easy to arrange it that way if every things seems going fine

In the scenario of a couple, with kids , the wive is doing prety well than the husband, and there is problem in the house that can lead to seperation

the husband says its either the wive stick to his job or manage whatever he made, which might not be sufficient for the family.

in that situation, which come first

pls picture urself in that situation and if it were to be u , do u put ur kid first and stay in the marriage?

r do you put your kids welfare first and check out of the marriage by staying with ur career, or do you forgo career and settle with the husband income for a better tomorrow

hello guys,

marriage, ur career and the kids which of this three do u think needs the highest priority, going by the hussles in marriages, couple with the economic situation.

hi all

please i learn that dangote flour made some refund based on being overpriced and allotment as been done.

can someone enlighten me on what is happening, though i have told my folks who i asked to hep monitor to check out for me.

Thanks.

hi everyone,
please i have not gotten my certificate for dangote flours.

please i dont have a cscs account, is it possible for my allotment to be paid in my current account i filled in the form, or is it a must i have to open a cscs account.

please for anyone outside the country and investing in stocks in Nigeria, how best can i go about it.

Thanks

ayinba1:

Before I had kids, I thought it was real gross but when I started having kids, no one asked me to. I did it with pleasure

tpia:

are people equating sucking mucus out of their child's nose with showing love?

if there are other ways to remove mucus from the nose, why stick to only this one?

Am just wondering.

I dont beleive we are trying to equate sucking mucus out of kids nose with showing love, its just the fact.

U love ur kid, u can go extra miles to make sure ur kids are comfortable.

i mean , if u have a child of less than a yr, who doenst understand catarh, the kids is cold, he cant breath well due to mucus on the nose, what do you do in that situation, u gat to help the kid, by removing it with your mouth, it doesnt had to u or deduce you, this is your kid u gave birth to.

so should any parents feels he she cant do it, especially mothers , if we can carry them in our tommy for 9months , go thru labour pain to have them , then why should we find it difficult to remove mucus from our kid nose.

i do it, and am happy to see my kid sleeping there after, my husband cant do it, he feels somehow just as some people said, he bought the the mucus extractor.
thats what he use to remove mucus for our kids nose, i use it too, since there is an alternative to using my mouth, but if we outside and the kids has cold or catarht and we are not with mucus extractor , i remove it with my mouth.

Thanks for the info

needlelady,

just call the family now, to extend my sympathy.


Please keep us posted as event goes on, lets know what we can do to be of help.

I can feel the pain the woman is going thru right now.

I and my family we remember the Oyewole's in prayer,

God will meet all her needs and stand by her during this trying period of her life in Jesus name (Amen)

Ojo a ji na si ra oh.

WIll give a call to sympathise with her.

The simply truth is , we live in mens world.

thats what i have come to realise, and the more women realise that the better it is for them and dealing with Men and husband egoism in general.

i have read all the post, this is a very critical decision to make, three people are involved, yourself, the husband and the children.

the people that should come first are the kids, there future.

Naija isnt has bad as we taught for the average people.

Coming back to Nigeria and not coming back doesnt really solve your problem.

First and foremost i think your husband need to work on himself and his ego.

Try look for a job at least something to keep u guys going pending the time u find your root.

Am happy that u have ur papers, try and make sure that the kids has papers, think of a trade or a handskill job u can do in niga.with time things will sort itself out.

for the sake of the kids , ur marriage is very important, try and take a break go home with the kid, have fun with your man, u guys should plan and reason together, i think sacrificing for the kids worth it.

dont give up on working on his papers, who knows things can turn around and ur husband too should forget about travelling and get something doing.

i have a similar case with you , but its the other way round.

my husband was in the state studying while i was in 9ga.

i was doing pretty good as a structural engineer, i have to pay all the bills, our son school fees, the house rent, even my inlaws, i take care of my mother in laws too .

i send money to him too, when i got my visa to come here, i wanted to be visiting but when i got here, my husband no way i got to stay with him,

its really frustrating i must confess, living a different live , mincing spending because of bills, we cant even send money home.
i was face with two option
1. is either i stay
2. i go back to my job and forget about marriage.
well its men ego ,they always want to feel in control.

well decide to stay because of my kids and there future.

with time things will sort itself.
am back to book, reading for gre to enable me enroll for my masters.

life is all about time, there is time for everything.i have seen people going back home and they make it better than here.
i will love you to go home on visit (have it at the back of ur mind its either u are staying or coming back) if ur kids are citizens or have papers make it more easier for there own future.they can go back and school.

the most important things of all is to pray for open heaven and pray for your husband to secure ajob.

ur prayer and presence and good sex can change things in ur favour
mark my word

i think in your own interest , its better u tell ur uncle the truth, because who knows tomorrow.
u might be in need of something and ur uncle might use the present or anyone use the present to judge the future.

I can understand why u helped your friend, but if i were u, i wont put mind in the money again, because its better for you to put off your mind in something u are not sure off and be able to focust on what is yet to come.

Tel them the truth, its good, its biblical, and also boost his trust and confident back.

if u cant face him directly, pick the phone explain the situation to your mum.

trying to help a friend , and covering up, u are hurting other people including yourself.

so be smart!!!!

well, i never had a step mum but my husband has and always tells me, life would have been more better for him than this if not for his step mum.

The woman almost kill him, everyone knows she is a witch, killed her own children when she could not lay hand on the other children after killing the ones she can, before the mother and the siblings knew christ.

its a long story i do feel for him, and always beg me and tell me that i should please no matter what, make sure this marriage never fails because he cant expose his kids to what he passed thru.

going back to the question of what u can do to win your father back, i think u should not waste ur time with that, the best thing u can do for yourself is to forgive him, assume he his not existing and look for a way of building yourself, and teach your siblings how to catch fish, dont feed them fish, teach them how to catch it too, so that u guys can be something out of nothing and share ur testimony with others.

One thing i learn about life is, u are responsible for urself, parents have influence, but u wont stand before God and being excuse, u have to stand for your self.
Get closer to God, expect the unexpected and work harder, teach ur younger ones how to catch fish so that they too can feed others and teach them how to catch fish.

Ur life is in your hand, not in your fathers hand or ur step mother

I dont think there is anything to be worried about, NIgerians are not the worst people on earth.

Its true the homeland security people have a final say in who enters there country at the port of entry.

I was told same when i was travelling for the first time to US on F2 Visa with two kid.

I was scared as well with the way, it was painted that getting visa is not automatic to entry.

I have a one way ticket.

At the port of entry the only thing the officer said when i handed my passport and the kid passport to him, was oh am on study and i said nope, its my husband that is studying.

Thats all , and we did entered.

If your friend is going on a bussiness visist, he should no how much he should have for the kind of business he want to transact, also he should be able to answer questions correctly just has he was asked at the consular officer .

I am proud of my Nigeria passport, I dont think the passport is the problem but the individual holding passport.
I applied for Drver License here, i dont have social security number, but the only thing i can present is my passport, which i did

So if your friend doesnt have any skeletal in his cupboard , he should not be nervous but proof he knows what he his in the state for.

all the best and remain

Going for a seminar, well to be candid with you, u have a 50/50 chance. its a either yes or No.

There is no crime in trying.

Document doesnt really matter at the america embassy, sometimes u might not even spend up to 1 min and the consular will tell you sorry , not qualify for a non imigrant visa.
The truth of the matter is , pray very hard, if you have to fast, please do so.

I will also advice you to go early, so as to go in on time, in the morning time there brain is still fresh and not yet upset for un forseen reasons, also they might still have not exceed there quota for the day.

I will also advice you to look staight into the eyes of the consular , answer the question u are asked, dont jump or start telling stories.

Try and make the interview a lively one.

From my personal experience, the first time i went i was denied visa, that was my first time of apearing at an embassy, am going on F2,
the lady asked me just four questions and said i am not qualified.

the next time i went, which was last yr Nov. i got the same visa i was denied, not just only me with my two kids

i wasnt expecting to get it, i just went with all my documents, simple outfit but looking good and very attractive.

i spent roughly an hour with the consular officer, from one question to another, picked me on my last time question, ask me when i got pregnant, when did my husband come, when did i have my baby, even my husband visa has expire, i was bold calm and was discussing with her, the atmosphere was tensed but God helped me to be able to change the mood that we even chat and laugh. at the end of the day she gave me. am in Us now.

There is nothing impossible, one thing i believe his out of all aplicant going for interview some people will be given and some will be denied. Do your home work well , if the conference is in your field, ur company or someone is sponsoring you, its possible but if no one is sponsoring you, u are going on your own.My dear pray for miracle to happen.

well, the fact still stands, there is nothing like equality in gender, men are men and women are women, we are form from them so we cant change the rules. for those for us who are highly educated we compete with our husband most times and challnege there authorities.

i keep my document because its my basic right to do so.

we should try and get one fact, there is no law in Nigeria, the law maker are the law breakers.
women seeking permission from there husband is a law in Nigeria which does not exist in the minds of Niigeria citizens.
anything goes here so far you have your money.

mammaput dont get me wrong, we all have our rights and dutie in the home.
but there is nothing like equity in gender,so far you can give your body to a man and maries him, so what is the big deal about a consent except there is hidden agenda to it, and also u can get or fabricate consent letter if you wants to get it without a consent letter from the main man. no be Nigeria.

black mamba, i wouldnt know if you are married or not , i guess you are a male right? its people like you who ends up with the egoism of being a man and wants to be in control of the affairs of the house.

am not out of my mind but thats just the fact, but we all run away from simple truth.
all we keep saying is, oh shit, what a nonsense, thats a bullshit, why wil i need my husband consent.

but you all know how to get things from your men in a very cool manner.

for those who are not married in the house dont get carried away with the "absolute nonsense"
most of them knows how they get things out of their man.
we all run different home, so dont compare your home and man withsomeone else or what some will say here.

i still maintain my stand, its no big deal

okay then,
wishing u all the best

tonn, its not a job interview he is refering to, he is refering to visa interview at the america embassy.

in this present age and time, will someone want to abort after six month of pregnancy,

it sounds unbelievable, anyway my advice for her since she can not take necessary precautions to avoid unwanted pregnancy, aborting the child right now should not be an option,
he who beats the drum should be ready to dance to the tune.

if she tries to abort of have an induced labour she stands a chance of 50/50.she is going to take two lifes if she dies she goes with direct flight to hell.
if she decides to keep the baby , no one can tell the good luck the baby will bring for her.
if there is life there is a hope for a better tomorrow.

provided she is determined to change her llife and desiny for better.
its never too late so far he is willing to retrace her life and give a meaning to it.

i really feel for the unborn child,
she should have the baby and give it out for adoption if u cant strugle to keep him/her.

if she lives to tell the story of abortion or having the child,please try and zip up,
u can do without sex, and if she cant let her protect herself.family planning is there?

hi,
there is no pattern or any rehearsal for interviews at the embassy.
all you need do is be calm, listen and answer whatever u areasked, dont tell stories and dont appear desperae.

it is well

good luck