Stats: 3,187,282 members, 7,932,169 topics. Date: Monday, 26 August 2024 at 07:57 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Chenzee's Profile / Chenzee's Posts
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A FOOL AT TWENTY might not give you what you expect English and grammar wise, plot, setting etc. Please pardon me, coz am not Englishically buoyant. It is subject to constructive criticisms. Thanks for your viewership. EPISODE 1 I was just strolling on a fateful Saturday afternoon. My team (Chelsea) was having a match by 3:00pm; and since it was around 2:15pm, and Chelsea was the only big team playing at 3:00pm (Liverpool was earlier trashed 3:1 by an impressive Everton side in a Merseyside derby), I knew there will be enough space for my buttocks even if I arrived late (but I wouldn't dare miss setting my eyes on the starting lineup) I briefly stopped to buy sugar-cane from a vendor. Me: "Nawa-nawa rake" (how much is sugar-cane?). Vendor: "Talatin ne Oga" (Oga it is #30 for each) Me: "A'a, ni zan saya biyu Hamsin" (No, I will buy two for #50). After much bargaining, he finally succumbed to my pricing/bargaining prowess. Vendor: "Toh kawo hamsin din" (okay bring the #50) I hurriedly brought out a sad and shabby looking #50 note, folded it twice (to prevent him from noticing the rough terrains at least until am long gone) and handed it to him with a suspicious smile. He gave me the sticks ( they were so thin that they could be mistaken for a set of drum sticks) Vendor: "Kai Oga, wannan ta yage" (Oga, this note is torn). I had already started pleading with him to accept it coz it's the only one I have ( I never dreamt of giving him the #100 in my pocket, because those guys in the viewing center will never accept any torn note even if its the shadow that is torn. and I needed to watch the next match by 5:30 pm) when a hilux van halted in front of us, and a heavily built man (should be in his late 50s) landed approached us and asked the vendor; Man: "Nawa duka" (How much is all) The sugar cane man had to ask again in disbelief. The man responded " nace nawa ne duka, ko Kai kurma ne "( I said how much is all, or are you deaf?). The man looks to be in a haste. The vendor started counting but made a mistake while counting, no thanks to the nervousness mixed with excitement that sent shivers to his spine. He can best be described as someone who just inherited madness from his ancestors at that moment. " Kana bata min lokaci fa" ( You are wasting my time), the man thundered with his vindieselike voice that almost paralyzed the rickety sugar-cane table, and almost made me take to my heels. I was about thanking the vendor for accepting my poor #50 note with series of meandering edges ( even though he never told me he would accept); when a soft voice accompanied by a fresh breeze, rang the sweetest note into the tympanic membrane of my auditory apparatus called ear. My ear lobes had to re-adjust their direction to receive better signals with the help of my cranium (skull). 1 Like |
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selfwife: That was harsh.... So sorry dear 1 Like |
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MariaLavina:Lol...Noted |
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MariaLavina: Wooooow....You are so sincere and I love that...You will make a good wife or you are already one. |
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Most ladies' unending complain (I believe it is set in their brains by default) is " He is very stingy, I can't date him", " he is tight fisted", He is akagom" etc. Thorough investigation should be carried out on the sole reason behind his inability to dispense the needed cash. I believe it is either 1. There is insufficient balance in her account or 2. The machine is temporarily unable to dispense in this case. I'll explain later. Do you blame the ATM? No doubt, there are some men that are out there who are really as economically stingy as "Arsene Wenger" (tributes to him). But at the same time I can gladly say research has shown that 90% of men can dispense the last cash in them at the slightest show of affection...And if they realise she really loves them, they even go extra mile to reciprocate ( giving her their ATM card etc.) Let's be realistic. I consistently spend on a lady, but she goes to the market to buy things for herself, She has never thought of buying the least expensive thing she sees will fit me. and we have been dating for more than 2 years....Will you continue spending? I very well know that I am a side guy, probably " Mugu 10" ( A go wise na) It goes on and on and on....Men are logical. I said I was gonna explain (1) and (2) above. 1. Having insufficient balance in her account (I.e she has typed in more than what is in her account) means she expects so much from a guy whom she doesn't really love. So she only loves him with her lips. 2. being temporarily unable to dispense here means falling for a guy who is probably struggling (hustling) to hammer/blow. Or a student who comes from a poor to average family ( Not that financially buoyant) and expecting him to foot your bills. He doesn't have much to take care of you that moment doesn't rule out the fact that he will have later..etc. The bottom line is, love him truly and you wouldn't have to remind him to take care of you. NB: For married couples; give him his nuptial/conjugal rights also. Improve the way you do it (even if it means surfing the internet) and he will shower you with so much love. and he will never come home late. |
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kiddoiLL: My brother, you really passed through alot...I believe that stuff really challenged you to be better...And thank God you didn't opt for suicide coz I wudnt have learnt wat I just did now... I also thought of suicide at one point...I stood on a road waiting to be knocked down by a car...But as d vehicle was approaching me, I ran out of the road...I was constantly reminded of how useless I was... Thanks a lot. 45 Likes |
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I often times hear some parents gladly say " This/that is my favourite child". Some parents will tell you that their preference for that particular child is because: He/she is my only male/female child. He/She is more brilliant than the rest. He/she looks so much like me. He/she is taller than the rest. He/she is more industrious. He/she is obedient. He/she does my bidding etc. He is a man...(Igbo kwenu...Kwezwenuoooo!!) I grew up in a ghetto where most houses are not fenced, rented apartments were in a " face me I face you" compounds containing nothing less than 20 separate rooms housing 20 separate families. In such areas what we call "family secrets" were no secrets at all. You see a particular child in a family despised and beaten at the slightest provocation, while the other child is pampered. A child is ostracized in another family you wonder if he/she is a member of that family. This makes them go to play grounds and schools feeling rejected and dejected, wearing sad countenance, they never socialize with their pairs etc.... This later leads to drastic academic, moral, social and emotional failures. We are humans. And we all vary. You unconsciously tend to like one of your children more than the other, and sometimes you just can't help it... My take on this is; Even if you prefer one to another: 1... Don't let them know (Don't Tell it to their hearing). 2. Don't show them (I.e love them equally and punish equally). 33 Likes 2 Shares |
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earthsync: Lol...I give up trying to explain...You win... |
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earthsync: It's too early to thank God for keeping me alive? I don't think so.. |
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jesusjnr: I had an accident precisely on the 28 of Nov, 2017...I almost died..... Uptil now I haven't recovered from the injuries I sustained but God still kept...That is MERCY. Why can't you people understand now... Am not celebrating any one's death ....Oga, I know why am thanking God. |
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paxonel: Mercy is not getting wot u deserve (punishment for sin, which is death) while grace is getting wot you do not deserve ( All of us deserve to die..." For the wages of sin is death" Romans 6:23) The ordinary man sees the things of God as folly...Izoryt... |
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BluntBoy: I love your point.... This is constructive Thanks.... Wish you same bro... 1 Like 1 Share |
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ifex370: Noted... Might I remind you that the undeniable aim of this post is not to remind you of God's blessing but for sober reflection and a reminder of God's Mercy and Grace. And for those that see death as a failure....Uve missed it...Paul says "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain" Philippians 1:21...It only becomes failure if the person dies as a sinner...Are your ways right with God ![]() |
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Haba now....So nobody is ready to tame his/her konji.... Izoryt |
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dominique: Lol....If that's the way you interpret it, then I think you need to ask the Holy Spirit for clearer interpretation ma'am....No offense |
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Chenzee: Thank LORD for Life. |
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Yes. Someone just passed away, some one is taking his/her last breath. I am still alive. Am I better of than those that have left or are at the moment transiting this earth? NO GRACE AND MERCY OF GOD...Don't misuse it in 2019... I had an accident, more than one year now. I sustained several injuries, both internal and external including a "brachial plexus injury". I had already said my "last prayer". it's a surprise that am still alive now. Though still haven't completely recovered, but I thank for His mercy. Thank you lord. |
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Chenzee: It won't be easy sha....But with God by my side, I'll conquer konjilitis. |
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If the only prerequisite to making it to and through 2019 is to avoid sex except with your spouse....Who can boldly say he/she would be able to tame that konji till 2020? In other words; I feel I owe my life and everything to God for faithfully keeping me to the end of 2018. One of the ways I want to reciprocate His kindness is to abstain from fornication/adultery all through 2019....It's a challenge....Who can boldly padlock his/her kongilitis till 2020... WHO |
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SACI: Really d best coz I guess I've gotten masef a wife already |
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momove4real25: U look gorgeous and mature....Like to hook up with u ooo 1 Like |
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I love proverbs or wise sayings so much, that I couldn't help but to take note of these beautifully crafted ones. You might have come across some of them. Just read, decipher their meanings and add yours below. 1. A diamond never loses its value because of lack of admiration. 2. The same sun that melts the butter also hardens the clay. 3. He who fetches firewood infested with ants should not complain about the visitation of lizards. 4. There are no short cuts to the top of a palm tree. 5. If you see a rat running into a fire, then it is definitely running from something hotter than the fire. 6. Where cats are hair dressers, rats always move around with unkempt hair. 7. Where a cock/hen is the judge, cockroaches will always be guilty. 8. You never know the importance of your anus until it is infected with a boil. 9. You never know the importance of a well until it is dried up. 10. Happiness is like a perfume, you can never rub it on others without rubbing it on yourself. 11. Fun is like a good beer, it is rarely enjoyed alone. 12.Success Is a ladder you can't climb with both hands in your pockets. 13. Life is a bicycle, you never fall until you stop pedalling. 14. When you are surrounded by vultures, try not to die. 15. Never throw away your old pot because you have bought a new one. 16. Before entering a house, know who your neighbours will be. 17. Pray for good harvest, but never stop hoeing. 18. Never test the depth of a river with both legs. 19. Do not laugh at those who are drowning when you are yet to cross a river. The last item is more of a motivation. 20. Forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more. There is no revenge so sweet as forgiveness. If you want to be miserable, hate somebody. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you. PLEASE ADD YOUR PROVERBS BELOW[b]I love proverbs or wise sayings so much, that I couldn't help but to take note of these beautifully crafted ones. You might have come across some of them. Just read, decipher their meanings and add yours below. 1. A diamond never loses its value because of lack of admiration. 2. The same sun that melts the butter also hardens the clay. 3. He who fetches firewood infested with ants should not complain about the visitation of lizards. 4. There are no short cuts to the top of a palm tree. 5. If you see a rat running into a fire, then it is definitely running from something hotter than the fire. 6. Where cats are hair dressers, rats always move around with unkempt hair. 7. Where a cock/hen is the judge, cockroaches will always be guilty. 8. You never know the importance of your anus until it is infected with a boil. 9. You never know the importance of a well until it is dried up. 10. Happiness is like a perfume, you can never rub it on others without rubbing it on yourself. 11. Fun is like a good beer, it is rarely enjoyed alone. 12.Success Is a ladder you can't climb with both hands in your pockets. 13. Life is a bicycle, you never fall until you stop pedalling. 14. When you are surrounded by vultures, try not to die. 15. Never throw away your old pot because you have bought a new one. 16. Before entering a house, know who your neighbours will be. 17. Pray for good harvest, but never stop hoeing. 18. Never test the depth of a river with both legs. 19. Do not laugh at those who are drowning when you are yet to cross a river. The last item is more of a motivation. 20. Forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more. There is no revenge so sweet as forgiveness. If you want to be miserable, hate somebody. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you. PLEASE ADD YOUR PROVERBS BELOW[/b]I love proverbs or wise sayings so much, that I couldn't help but to take note of these beautifully crafted ones. You might have come across some of them. Just read, decipher their meanings and add yours below. 1. A diamond never loses its value because of lack of admiration. 2. The same sun that melts the butter also hardens the clay. 3. He who fetches firewood infested with ants should not complain about the visitation of lizards. 4. There are no short cuts to the top of a palm tree. 5. If you see a rat running into a fire, then it is definitely running from something hotter than the fire. 6. Where cats are hair dressers, rats always move around with unkempt hair. 7. Where a cock/hen is the judge, cockroaches will always be guilty. 8. You never know the importance of your anus until it is infected with a boil. 9. You never know the importance of a well until it is dried up. 10. Happiness is like a perfume, you can never rub it on others without rubbing it on yourself. 11. Fun is like a good beer, it is rarely enjoyed alone. 12.Success Is a ladder you can't climb with both hands in your pockets. 13. Life is a bicycle, you never fall until you stop pedalling. 14. When you are surrounded by vultures, try not to die. 15. Never throw away your old pot because you have bought a new one. 16. Before entering a house, know who your neighbours will be. 17. Pray for good harvest, but never stop hoeing. 18. Never test the depth of a river with both legs. 19. Do not laugh at those who are drowning when you are yet to cross a river. The last item is more of a motivation. 20. Forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them more. There is no revenge so sweet as forgiveness. If you want to be miserable, hate somebody. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you. PLEASE ADD YOUR PROVERBS BELOW. 1 Like |
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Am learning alot..Thanks.... I guess my friend got some little tidying he needs to do before d wedding abi? |
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elsom: What's ur use....Coz I think ur visiting this thread is useless since u don't have anything to say |
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MannieA: I think I like you pieces ooo.... Thank God am still looking for a wife., |
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Am loving this..... ![]() I luv ppl esp ladies dat r being realistic and not sentimental/ feministic...Such ladies should email...Lol.. I guess the long & short of this is to teach her ( in a catering school ooo)....Is it? 1 Like |
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Oboooooooooiiiii....I've not seen any lady post against ladies who don't know how to cook ooo....Or better still challenge them to learn ...Lai Lai...It's only preaching luv luv luv abi....Izoryt.... 3 Likes 2 Shares |
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Coming back from an energy sapping job and dashing into the kitchen is seriously out of place and unfair from that wife.. ![]() I think it's better she enrolls in a catering school and beg the instructors to treat her as a special student with intense training and lots of homework and spanking ASAP...Coz I love food, not just food but specially prepared delicacies.. ![]() 14 Likes 1 Share |
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I can vividly recollect, during my university days how beans(cowpea) and garri were so popular in the male hostel. Meanwhile, provision shops prefer to stock more than half of their shops with indomie (noodles) without any sceptism. These shop owners know very well that these noodles will be devoured completely by none other than those in the female hostels. A friend of mine visited his girlfriend come fiancee several times in her house, and was always welcomed with garnished noodles and chilled soft drinks. It continued for their two years of courtship. Anytime he asks why she isn't cooking any other food, she says it's because she has been busy all through the day. If he tells her to cook a special delicacy, she spends the whole day cooking and then serves him with a delicious and palatable rubbish (tasteless meal). I told him that I can only marry a woman who can cook exceptionally well, and can also cook meals I can't cook (especially my traditional meals). I told him that I will be so proud to invite anyone to my house. They ( My friend and his fiancee) are preparing to get married soon, though they haven't fixed a date yet. I need your candid and unbiased advice. Thanks. 11 Likes 2 Shares |
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Sorry ooo no offense intended....If you had followed the reading carefully you would have noticed I said I left the office around 7:15 pm... The security outfit were the Police....But remember that anyone can ask you to open your car trunk for different reasons...if you feel reluctant to come out then just be vigilant... As for the place...it can happen every where and everytime.. |
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I travel on daily, weekly and monthly basis. I get to my destination safely and with less or no hitch at all on the road. I was supposed to be involved in a ghastly motor accident. God averted it without letting me see it.. Nevertheless, I arrived safely but I was too busy and could not kneel down and say a word of thanks to God...God takes care of about 7.4 billion people on this earth but still had time to make sure that all my journeys from infancy till now were successfully safe. What did I do for God. Sometimes I travel long or short distances to commit different atrocities and come back safely. God saw me but still allowed me return. He allowed me to come back not because He couldn't do anything, but He's still giving me a chance to repent. I was born a Christian so that the light in me could shine and illuminate for other non-believers to see and come to Christ. but I drifted away from his loving presence. My lifestyle is supposed to be a sweet fragrance that will draw others to Christ but I have failed. I was born a Muslim ( which is not my fault). I continually pray several times a day asking Allah to "show me the right path". Little did I know that the Christians which I have been told to fight against can easily lead me to this path I seek which is "Jesus Christ" ( and Jesus said to him, I am the way,the truth and the life: no man cometh unto the Father except through me..John 14:6) also called "ISA". I lost my dad in a plane crash. My mum is down with stroke and hypertension due to the demise of my dad. All the family businesses that have been helping us foot our bills crumbled. I had to drop out of school. At that time I thought God doesn't exist. I was furious with God...Then something happened.... |
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