OP,

please do what would make you happy. if you think you can be happy with his cheating during your marriage, and you believe he loves you regardless of the cheating, then you might as well continue the relationship. but if you cannot be happy in such a situation, or if you'll always be insecure about it, then it's not worth your while. there's no need to sacrifice your happiness for his, or in order to look right in the society. it's hard to believe that this many guys think it's normal to cheat. but then, we are entitled to our own opinions.

i eat twice on most days, but i drink coffee several times.

maybe the girl truly isn't hungry, doesn't like the food there, or doesn't feel comfortable. maybe she's just into junk food,

the only reason i would pretend not to be hungry is if i don't have enough money on me. and then i wouldn't even ask for ice cream, either water or nothing at all. otherwise i eat what i want, how i want.

as much as i'd like to say i'd do nothing or just accept it right away, i won't. with a friend i can be very casual about it, cos i really dont have a problem with homosexuals. but with my sister, i'd nearly go crazy with worry. at first i would be SO angry & maybe even hostile to the gay partner. i might hate the partner, but i could never hate my own sister. eventually i would calm down and talk to her, pray for her and just hope she sees reason. my concern would be based on homosexuality being a sin, so i don't see any other way to handle the issue than praying for her & talking to her. at the end of the day, it's every individual before God.

i don't think you should be too concerned about your husband's relationship with his mum, you must have seen these things during your courtship. anything you do to stop it might be considered as an attempt to tear them apart, and might backfire. just make sure you & your husband have quality time which you enjoy alone. if his relationship with his mum doesnt take anything away from yours, and he isn't pushing you away, try to include yourself in their play. getting really close to the mother might help, if you can build a mother-daughter relationship with her you'd fit right in.

thanks pleep

ermm,

please what exactly is 'Almajiri'? is it a hausa tribe or a group like boko haram? i've seen it in several threads all over NL, just want to be sure of what it really means

^^^even if she's shallow enough to sack him for refusing to shake hands, it's unlikely that he would get sacked for washing his hands. so maybe he has to bear the smelly touch for a while, and hope that his regular hand-washing would send her the message. . .

he doesn't have to shake hands with her, he should just let everyone know he's not comfortable with shaking hands and stuff like that. he should wash his hands thoroughly if/when she touches him without feeling guilty.  i'm not into shaking hands (or touching in general) myself. most people around me know and are a lot less touchy with me.

seriously, people need to learn to wash up after these things. it's really not fair to others.

MzDarkSkin:

D-Sense perhaps. Tyra Banks did a test by putting hidden cameras in public restrooms and found that women wash their hands less often than men. I ALWAYS wash mine, however I cannot tell you how much it NEVER ceases to amaze me to see women leave the stall after using the bathroom (ESP. AFTER NUMBER 2 ) and then leave. They look me right in my face as they head out as if to say "yea I am a nasty bissh and what?". no shame.

what's number 2?

Akinagirl:

Thats why women should squat when they go to the public toilets. Even your friend's house or families house, anywhere that you can not vouch for the cleanliness of the bathrooms.

As for what people deduced from the story. yeast infection, Coliform SPP and staph,  these are not sexually transmitted infections.

squat on the toilet seat?!?!  why would  you want to stand on someone else's toilet seat? it's rude, better not to use it at all.

it's not advisable to do it deliberately, but if it happens accidentally it's not the end of the world.

i don't agree that children raised by single parents fare worse academically or morally. it's children who don't have enough attention/supervision that fare worse.

she sounded quite contrite when she was interviewed about the episode afterwards. people make mistakes, and it's not fair to judge her whole life/character by one mistake. it's very unlikely that her husband doesn't know about the BBA scene, not with the number of aprokos in nigeria. the guy knows her better and thinks she'll be a good wife.

generally i consider food edible as long as it tastes/smells/looks normal.

i rarely store cooked food in the freezer cos i mostly cook one meal at a time. but on the few occasions that i freeze cooked food, i consider them edible (and fresh) until whenever i eat them.

what i store forever is raw food, particularly chicken/meat. i almost always cook them after the expiry date. i've frozen meat, chicken & fish for up to 3 months, they smelled, looked & tasted normal afterwards. sometimes i store them in the fridge, and after a week or 2 they start to spoil.

gorimapa all the way!

I don't see laundry as a problem.

I'll do it myself if I have a washing machine. It wouldn't take much more effort than I'd need to do only mine.

hand washing & ironing are not my strongpoints, but we'll employ someone to do them.

Ikenna351:

Its so unfortunate and shameful the way and manner our ladies are becoming fake. God! I hate that with passion. Why on earth would you consider an African, who happens not to flow well in another tribe's language inferior? Wonders shall never happen. Anyway, the disease most of our ladies suffer from is MENTAL COLONISATION. What a disgrace to your root. Why not question God why you were brought into this world by a Yourba, Igbo, Hausa, Ijaw, Ghanian, etc. Most of you Ladies cant even make a straight simple sentence in their Tribal Language, yet you are not ashamed of your self for been a failure to your root, people that made you to exist.

Is English Language what will make your husband to be faithfull to you for the rest of your two lives together? Will English make him a loving husband, who adores you more than his own mother that gave him breath through God? None of you will understand all these until you get married, then you will know what it takes for two individual to live together and live happily ever after or live in regrets for the rest of their lives because of useless decisions they made in their lives just so to impress others. You live your live for others, just to impress them , you lose the most precious thing God has design for you to have, a loving partner, which we all desire.

I might not know how to speak english fluently today, but tomorrow, I could be the President of the country, representing the whole country in the International Arena. I dont blame guys that use some ladies and drop them like rags because they deserve to learn through the hard way.

Ikenna.

it's true that language proficiency isn't a sign of a faithful husband, still it is important in a relationship. especially if it means a lot to one partner.

we might not be english, but english is our official national language. for many of us, it's also our first (and sometimes, only) language.

it's not just about impressing others, you need to be able to communicate comfortably with whoever you're dating.

i would choose a city guy over a village guy, i shouldn't even have to think twice. if i were a guy, i think i would go for the city girl too.


i guess most village girls have always looked forward to coming to the city and living like the girls there. so if you go to the village in a bid to avoid city-girl lifestyle, you might just be getting a girl whose goal is that very lifestyle you hate.

if the village girl doesn't make the transformation to city girl, she'll embarrass you a lot. if she does try to make that transformation, the result could be disastrous. remember the Jennifa movie.

what if she passes on some village habits to your kids?

googles:

yes i know[b] some samsung phones are better dan BBs but can they ping ? no, [/b]so all phones are not the same

same way city girls are knowledgeable dan them village chics, yet they cant be classified as the same 

with a cross platform messenger, yes, some can.

in 2000. i was 13, had just finished SS1, and i'd been playing games and learning to type all holiday. i wanted to learn to do more, so my dad got this MS Office tutorial cd. i think i only learnt to draw on Word & Paint, and i always used to make nonsensical drawings. one day i was in a family friend's office, he's an artist and was using his computer for much more than word processing (unlike my dad). i was very interested, so he showed me some of his designs. he told me about other stuff people do with computers, and said he would show me things that would be more relevant to me.

days later, he took my sister and me to a pretty big cybercafe somewhere around unilag. it was such an experience. we were there for about 2 hours and i spent most of the time playing games, and making random searches on google. a unilag student helped me open my first email address, and we exchanged emails there. it was soo cool!

i went back to school shortly afterwards and didn't use the internet again for at least 1 year. i ended up forgetting both the email address and password, but i didn't stop talking about the cybercafe experience.

Jeez, nairaland is full of so much hate these days. it's either nigerians vs. ghanaians, nigerians in diaspora vs. nigerians @ home, yoruba vs. ibo. to top it all, these threads make the front page.

i really hope these sentiments aren't carried into people's daily lives.

tpia@:

90k is over a million naira per year.

for a beginner. And might not even include locum.

that's chicken change?

or do you mean 90k per annum [which seems very unlikely]

as per your cousins making big money elsewhere- i thought everyone keeps harping on the sorry state of and lack of jobs in nigeria.

so what are we to believe?

for all the time he spent in university, and the hours he works i don't think 90k/month after 3 years is enough. of course it's a lot for some people, but not everyone can live on that.

as per the other cousins, it's not like they're making 'big' money, just much more than 90k for those with 3 years experience. and the reason i said healthcare is the worst is because in the other industries, there are more high paying jobs. if you have connections and can work hard, it's possible to get good paying jobs in banking/oil & gas/telecommunications etc. but in healthcare it's mostly the top level jobs that pay well.

what to believe? read around the career section, talk to drs/nurses/hospital workers and their mates in other industries and compare the salary growth. then you can decide what to believe.

tensor777:

That's just myopic. The key issues were in fact skill and knowledge, application of that knowledge and skill towards solving a specific practical problem and the organization and resources that would bring the project to a successful conclusion. Its not just about money. Ignorance remains the greatest impediment to progress in the rural areas.

did the canadians bring the borehole drilling equipment from canada or did they use a nigerian drilling company? if you really believe the stuff you wrote up there, then you've lost touch with nigeria. you should go and find out how things work in the rural areas.

what's myopic is looking for 'positive' and ignoring the glaring issues staring the nation in the face.

tensor777:

In any case is what he mentioned not much more positive and useful than all this senseless whining and moaning you have been doing here?

i wonder if you realize how immature unprovoked attacks are, especially in a faceless community like this.

like i said to another poster, there's no need to take these posts personal. we're all nigerians, and we all partake in the country's gains & pains. more importantly, i've not had a post directed at you before this.

we're here to air our views and you're going to see a lot of posts you disagree with. learn to deal with them without being overly sensitive.

buzugee:

relax there my friend. my purpose of posting those pics is to serve one purpose, and only one purpose, to show all these naysayers that nigeria is a beautiful country to live in. all this doom and gloom from you guys is skewing the true picture of what nigeria really is. and that is a very vibrant country with numerous potential. all those people who are suffering in nigeria ? they need to carve out their own niche. stop waiting for someone else to do it for you. t[b]here are several villages in naija where they are crying that they dont have water and all their kids are literarily dying of thirst. whose fault is that ? well in all those villages, some teenagers from canada via the peace corp and NGO, went to those villages and dug a borehole and VOILA?? decades of thirst and dying fromt thirst was resolved in 30 minutes by a couple of teenagers from canada. so who really is to blame ? the people who are unresourceful or the govt ?[/b] see nigerians in nigeria are only using a minuscle portion of their brains and i can guarantee you that if these people used a nice chunk of their brains ? the thing that makes millions of white and chinese and other foreigners  troop into nigeria for on a daily basis ? they will eventually see those opportunities too. only then can nigeria be great. nigeria is a country that needs to be built from the ground up. not from the top to the bottom. people need to take responsibility for their lives. this is the internet age. just yesterday i posted a link on how to make a DIY solar panel by yourself. this will eliminate your light problems. you have to be resourceful to survive. nigerians as a whole are not resourceful people. we always like the easy way out. therein lies our problem. naija is a paradise waiting to explode. do your part. fill in the gap. make una siddon there dey collect worthless masters and phd for bragging rights

those pictures are not my reality. i am 'suffering' abroad like thousands of nigerian expatriate. so get it right now  

surely, you know that the bottomline of the borehole issue was money and not skill. the canadian teenagers had funding, the villagers didn't. this is basically the same issue people are complaining about. the villagers could have protested all they liked, money could have even been allocated towards the provision of water, but at the end of the day the money would have been used to build a mansion for the local government chairman. it's the same story all over again.

the foreigners coming to nigeria are mostly coming to work in multinational companies, in positions that are largely reserved for expatriates. those coming to invest come with more money than the average nigerian has. many nigerians studying abroad try to get jobs as expatriates so they can earn so much more than they would as residents. there's only so much DIYs as one can do. it's not easy to be a government to yourself and still hustle for a living.

70% of nigerians are supposedly living below 1 dollar a day, that's hell on earth. let's just be thankful that we're not like them, but we mustn't thumb our noses down at them. to imply that they remain poor because they are unresourceful and lazy (mentally or otherwise) is derisive. nigeria might be a paradise waiting to explode and full of opportunities, but how accessible are these opportunities to the people on the lowest rung of the social ladder.

i would raise them the same way, i.e. give them the same kinds of duties, and have the same level of expectations. of course, this would have to be tailored to their personalities.

with regards to age though, i guess i would raise them differently. i don't expect a young child to handle the same types of responsibilities as his/her older siblings.

Blazay:



Of course genders are different. Is this not obvious?
There are some general things you should teach all children regardless of their genders.
Then there are some things you should teach the different genders of children respectively.

1. Girls are different from boys because they are more emotionally vulnerable.
2. Boys are different from girls because they are more physical and predatory.

When I discuss certain things with my wife, I make her understand what she needs to teach our daughters. The need for self-confidence and the maintainance of a healthy self-esteem. More importantly, the need for self-respect. When it comes to our sons, the same rules apply but she would defer such matters to me since only a real man can raise a male child.

The most important thing to teach a male child is the respect for his mother. If he gets that in his head, he would make a good man for any woman and the world in general.

Unfortunately, most men do not respect the women they are married to, so I do not expect them to teach their sons a thing or two about life and human relationships.

Now, coming to girls. The first point of contact with a man for any little girl is her father. If this relationship is tarnished in anyway, she becomes damaged for life.

these distinctions in roles and attitudes of each gender are mostly based on the society/family. not all girls are emotional and not all boys are predatory; these aren't entirely inherent traits, they have a lot to do with the upbringing. so for those who would like their daughters to be emotionally strong, and their sons to not be predatory, it's best not to pass those ideas to the kids at such young ages.

about only a real man being able to raise a male child, i beg to differ. i know several guys who were raised by single mothers for various reasons. and about a girl being damaged for life if her relationship with her father is tarnished, it's not a rule. while it does seem that way for some girls, many girls grow up fine in such situations.

kids learn so much from other sources than their families from their pre-teen ages. though the tendency is for kids to follow after the parent of the same sex, there are many kids who grow up to hate certain traits of their parents.

i can't believe someone actually said he should be sentenced to jail with hard labour.

there are entire districts in lagos that are being terrorized by armed robbers and the police isn't doing much to stop the criminals. there are all sorts of criminal activities they could spend their time on, but they have time to prosecute the boy who snapped them. many people have been locked up in jail for years without a trial, and they have time for something this trivial. i think they just want money, and the boy would pay them all off if he is wise.

even if it is truly illegal, it's hardly a criminal case and so he should get a fine and not a jail term.

ishit4body:

GL.

How do you know i took it critical about me? I dont get it.

well, your posts have been quite fiery. they imply that you're taking the criticisms about the country as if they were directed at the people living there.

we're all nigerians, we know that the country has serious issues, and we all feel bad about it regardless of our countries of residence.

ishit4body:

What is the meaning of taking something personally?

That phrase is always mis used, as in this case. What is the meaning?

you're taking something personally when you interpret someone's comment/action as if it's critical about you.

i don't know how often that phrase is misused, but in this case i'm saying you shouldn't get so worked up about these comments because critical or not, they reflect the posters' personal views & assessments of their lives and their country. so basically, even though you're nigerian, don't take the criticisms as if they were directed at you, rather see them as directed at the critics' own country.

ishit4body:

Some people talk about this abroad thing as if they are the first to be there and after them there wont be any?

Shio.

Why not just close your eyes to everything Nigeria then? Some of them even still make money in the same Nigeria, and have their families in the same Nigeria, why not kill them or send them all to gaol so that we will know you got nothing to do with the scum called Nigeria?

and at best, what are you doing on this Nigerian forum, created for Nigerians and friends of Nigerians?

Are you not an hypocrite then?

You dont miss Nigeria, Nigeria dont miss you- its a two way thing.

don't take this issue so personally.

there's a difference between not regretting moving abroad, and not missing nigeria. nigerians have the right to not miss nigeria, it doesn't mean they hate the country. even if one were to hate nigeria, it wouldn't stop them from being nigerians.

besides, there are people living in nigeria who never have anything good to say about the country.

Missy ★ B:

That's why we are here to tell you what it is, and not what you think it is.

You do not have evidence, but mere assumption.
Have you asked yourself : What if she didn't moan but made a like sound and I misinterpreted it? What if she actually moaned because she was touching herself but too shy to tell me?    

Why don't you want to give her the benefit of doubt? Has she given you reasons to think she's cheating, prior to this time?

my thoughts exactly.


@ poster,
call her and tell her what you heard, listen to her explanation before you make a rash decision.

buzugee:

personally i got nothing against people picking where they want to live but dont come on here espousing the virtues of abroad while denigrating naija because i have seen it all and i can call you out on it. lets not talk down on our country. its is ours. this is the corner of the world where we can fully let our hair down. nigeria we hail thee, our old and native land, though tribe and tongue may differ in brotherhood we stand  

true, it's bad to talk down on your country. but the OP asked if people regret moving abroad, and there's nothing belittling about having no regrets. what's wrong in someone preferring the life he is living in one place over another? i don't like it when people go abroad and have only negative tales about nigeria either, but this constant bashing of those in diaspora is also annoying.

buzugee:

having said that, i know someone personally who works for etisalat in nigeria and makes 50 million naira per annum. i think he is a managing diirector. he used to live in america but returned to naija 5 years ago

the potential to earn so much is the main reason i would love to work in nigeria. but the truth is those jobs are relatively few compared to the number of job seekers. i know many young people (in their 20s) who are earning so much already, but they all schooled in the UK or USA and more importantly had connections. many companies show a preference for nigerians who study abroad over those who study in the country. the average nigerian graduate would never get a 10 million/annum job no matter how hard they work. many people here are trying to make it seem like those who aren't millionaires in nigeria are lazy. i'm surprised at that because this is the first time i'm hearing such sentiments. i know a few nigerians who are doing pretty well abroad, but most of the rich people i know live in the country. and from what i know, the factors that helped them the most were: luck, prayers & connections. not that they weren't hardworking, but generally we need much more than hardwork to earn a good living in nigeria. many doctors, professors, military officials spend years serving the country and have nothing to show upon retirement. they struggle to get their pensions, their kids don't get admission preference or scholarships. in fact, their children could be edged out by children of any nigerian in diaspora, who might have never served the country but has money to give as bribe.

it's quite ironic that those who earn the most in nigeria spend a good percentage of that money abroad. and i'm not just talking about holidays, or importing their furniture from europe, or doing all their kids' shopping abroad. but also private healthcare abroad and expensive tuition fees abroad, and not just in UK & USA but everywhere else even african countries too. for the most part, the ones who earn much are in private service and don't do much else to contribute to the country except through their taxes. many people who put their lives into service (public service medical personnel, teachers, military officials etc.) live in, or just above, poverty. those nigerians in diaspora who have good incomes usually invest in the country and pay taxes also. doctors & nurses based in america go to rural parts of nigeria and offer free services annually.

nigeria is a wonderful place to live for the very rich, and a good/okay place for the comfortable. but for the poor, it must be hell cos there are no benefits and their kids suffer a lot. if one has to clean streets/mortuaries they are better off doing it abroad, if they would be able to send their kids to free schools and get food stamps or something. if you're poor you have to create circumstances that would provide better opportunities for your kids in the future.