DrMaths:
Nairaland is one funny place where people come to read latest happenings and to cool off. The most interesting part on the forum are the comments, where you get to read other peoples view on a particular matter and either respond or contribute. Now, the juicy parts of the comments are the hilarious ones, some of the comments are so funny, you can even crack a rib while laughing.
Personally, i prefer scrolling through comments on nairaland than buying ticket to attend comedy shows.
Thus, the following list came from closed observation on some of the most used cliche or slangs (as the case may be) that appear as comment on nairaland threads.
From the list to the greatest
Leggo
15. Iranu Abasa
Ever since Lil kesh used it in a song, nairalanders have decided to to partake in it. its mostly used when describing things that are unpleasant .

14. Have you Blame GEJ Today
This one is mostly found on threads where Lai Mohammed is relating the present Economy crisis to the immediate past administration

13. Who U EPP
Who dollar Epp, Who Pilgrimage Epp, Who Bleep Don Epp. Olamide surely gave nairalanders a comment kick starter.

12. End Time
End Time Baby, End time Girlfriend, End Time Pastors, End Time data Plan, End Time Mod. Just name it, naliralanders will End Time It.

11. GEJ My Hero
Temitemi started this campaign sometime last year, till date it still rocks on any thread where GEJ is being Exaclted.

10. Wasteners
I'll Pass

9. IPOB Youth
On nairanland, any monicker that support PDP or is Anti-the present administration is labelled an IPOB youth.

8. Change the Change
you see this on threads where it seems as if the wailers are winning the war.

7. Ugandan Brothers
I'll Still Pass

6. Lala and Snake
You will surely see this one on any snake thread that hits the frontpage. i fear for those moniker that use this one sha , if not because Lalasticlala is gentle, imagine if it was someone like Jim Iyk that is Lalasticlala.

5. Guess Who Is Wailing?
This one comes up when a well known Supporter of the Ruling party starts wailing. Some will even go as far as warning other Wailers not to give Wailers Form to the Repentant Soul.

4. Pictures You Will Relate With
This One Started As a child's Play until Smellymouth and Susan404 started adding spices to it. Even Photoshoot used it as a campaign strategy during the Mr Nairaland Competition.

3. Kenya and sex related news Be Like
And picture of the man with his two index fingers pointing forward will do the magic.

2. Afonjo Brothers
Still Passing!!!

1. I Came Here to Check Names
I present to you the "NAME CHECKERS ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIA" (NCAN).
This one is found on virtually all the threads that hit the frontpage on nairaland these days. The good thing about the monikers that used this one is that they have branches everywhere in the universe, included Mars and Jupiter.

Add Yours
Source: Drmaths

menh.. u get mouth

Betanwa:
Although its sexy, e dey fear me bad bad

yes i cn date dem

owukpa:
According to an eyewitness, a baby, which was reportedly aborted, was seen this morning in a polytechnic in Benue state.

http://www.idomavoice.com/2016/08/newly-born-baby-with-umbilical-cord.html

why are some doctors nd women wicked....

if dey were all aborted dis way will dey ever b here...

wat a world of pains..

rexericx:
You see
Don't over select, don't underrate






Source: J&H

shits and mistakes hapns...

its normal to miss ur luck

ericuzor:
By Naomi Uzor
Speaking at a stakeholders’ meeting organised by the Lagos Chambers of Commerce and Industry, LCCI, on CST bill which seeks to levy nine per cent on subscribers for the use of the various communication services, Shittu said the outcome of deliberations on the bill would form the basis of his advice to the President.

The services include voice call, SMS, MMS, Data usage from telecommunication service providers, internet service providers and Pay TV Stations.

He noted that introduction of new taxes without harmonising existing ones would put pressure on the country’s tax system thereby making it unattractive to investors.

According to the minister”This may also be counter-productive in the long run for our targets on broadband penetration. Our ICT Roadmap gives fresh impetus for implementing existing policies and reviewing any that is inimical to the growth of the sector. My focus on any tax regime will be to align any process that will stimulate the economy and also ensure that the tax system is efficient by widening the tax net. It is also to create an effective framework for tax compliance to protect the poor and vulnerable in the society who nonetheless have to use telecoms services for social inclusion and financial services.”

He said that the government’s efforts at increasing its revenue made the bill worthy of consideration.

“I have been reliably informed that the projected earnings from this effort is over N20 billion every month, which is an attraction to the government for funding our budget deficits. I must be quick to say that this government has a human face twined around its decisions,” Shittu said. The minister said that the government would provide an enabling environment for the ICT and telecommunication sector to thrive through the enactment of relevant legislation.

Mrs Nike Akande, President of LCCI called for a friendly tax environment especially in view of the difficult business environment.

“We know that the government is seeking to diversify its revenue base in the light of dwindling oil revenue. But it is also true that the private sector players will like to see an investment friendly tax environment, especially in the light of the prevailing high cost of doing business in the country. It is important to balance these two positions.”

Mr Bimbo Atilola, Chairman, LCCI Taxation and Commercial Law Committee said that the bill negated the principle of neutrality in taxation, as it would affect consumers’ behaviour through reduced spending. He appealed that the passage of the bill be suspended to allow for rapid growth of the telecoms sector, in line with the Nigerian National Broadband Plan.

“If the bill must be passed into law, NASS should make the telecoms sector exempted under VAT Act and the rate reduced from nine per cent to five per cent. There is a need to protect the ultimate interest of the final consumers of the service,” Atilola said.

Mr Taiwo Oyedele, Partner, PriceWaterCoopers said that the N20 billion monthly projected revenue from the bill was unrealistic and based on assumption.

According to him, increased taxation will reduce the consumption pattern of consumers, lower investment in the sector, thereby translating to reduced revenue.

Mr Teniola Olusola, President, Association of Telecommunications Companies of Nigeria (ATCON) said that their members were overburdened with multiple taxation.

He urged the government to discontinue the bill, adding that it would reduce inflow of FDI into the sector, reduce subscribers level of data consumption and affect contribution of the sector to GDP. Engr Gbenga Adebayo, President, Association of Licensed Telecommunication Operators of Nigeria (ALTON) said that the bill if passed into law would retard the growth of the sector.

Source: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2016/08/nigerians-pay-9-tax-calls-sms-mms-data-others/

i work i pay tax
i sub for dstv, dem colect tax
firs i pay tax
my car i pay tax


even mtn i dey pay tax cos dem dy colect my credit nd data bundle lik say i owe dem


nw una wan colect tax if i load nd i make call...



the thunder wey go fire una as una start dis tax colection stil dey do press up dey wait for una...

mosalab:


http://www.vanguardngr.com/2016/08/named-dog-buhari-trader/
Photo: The embattled trader, Chinakwe.

no wahala e gud

dre11:




http://dailypost.ng/2016/08/04/43-year-old-man-allegedly-assaults-father-rapes-mother-edo/

proverb 20 20

blazeahams:
am not interested. You gat no network speed. fix it

seriously dey r one of d best... bt ita jus dat mkst areas were u use glo becomes slow.... like here in warri delta its fastest even airtel no fit beat am

lordoddy:


More at: http://www.fullgist.com.ng/2016/08/glo-releases-new-data-plan-3gb-for-500.html

e go beta....

Islie:

A 21-year-old man who wanted fast money has been arrested after he attempted to behead his friend for rituals.





http://opera.pulse.ng/gist/fast-money-21-yr-old-man-in-soup-for-attempting-to-kill-friend-for-rituals-id5337220.html

i c... wat a worlld.. lookn for fast money wen u av alot of exuberance to work hard and make your pay.. wat a fool

ReviewTechNG:


Source: www.reviewtechng.com/moyinoluwa-adeyemi-just-built-yoruba-watch-face/

good sense of innovation

Naijapopular:
Senator for Kaduna senatorial district Senator Sheu Sani said Gowon became the head of state in his thirties.
He tweet, You became a Head of State while in ur early 30s,should we at d parliament lower d age of contestant 4 presidency?

https://mobile.twitter.com/shehusani/status/760931318301618176?p=v


http://www.naijapopular.com/2016/08/you-became-head-of-state-in-your-early.html?m=1





http://www.vanguardngr.com/2016/08/became-head-state-accident-history-gowon/

isokay

AzontoGhost:
he should go and ply his trade in America then.

this is why americans are far beta dan us

annnikky:



http://www.pmnewsnigeria.com/2016/08/02/doctors-forget-towel-inside-patient-after-surgery./

nma pls look into dis mater.. minister of health make sure u penelise dem well

mifavour:
so in a space of 2011 to 2016, God so blessed my family.
This is our story... we were five in d family, three girls and 2 boys until God called my elder brother home in 2012... Kai it was a great shock! who wan come console each other... my eldest sister(adanne) married in 2011 and has two kids.. my immediate elder sister(also a nairalander) went down that road in 2013 and has two kids too ... then in 2014 November I did the same.. God has also blessed us with a son.. (hubby's a nairalander...he actually introduced me) leaving my Twin Bro alone.... it actually did hurt shaa.. separation no easy ooo.. and so we're in 2016 and my Ejima...my personal person... my other half.. the one I love like mad and my fight mate(we shaa used to fight ooo) is going down that way.... my family's overjoyed....


God has used 3 awesome sons-in-law and a fab daughter-in-law to wipe my parents tears....

God be praised....

nice photos... bt am sure mine will b a wow in peooles mouth... God bless dem

dre11:



http://www.vanguardngr.com/2016/08/18-yr-old-girl-killed-body-parts-missing/

wat a world

tosin400:
[img]http://2.bp..com/-ZLOPYyHfeSc/V5t5B9jFLlI/AAAAAAACoWg/BZf4fRoYa7IOW-F75og1WQTrKQ97YTdTwCLcB/s1600/tiwa.png[/img]


Tiwa Savage has denied joining illuminati after she performed last week at the One Africa Music Festival, ending her performance with a sign which depicts illuminati. In a new video, the Nigerian singer, who is now being managed internationally by Jay Z’s ROC Nation denied the sign, saying to her it is only a SHAPE OF A DIAMOND and she just did it not really know the meaning, so it’s no illuminatti sign.


A lot of Nigerians where surprised after watching the video which showed her fingers in the air with the sign.

Some were however fast to say, Jay Z is allegedly a member, so they are not surprised, he has dragged Tiwa into it.


Source:http://www.flexygist.com/2016/07/29/tiwa-savage-denies-joining-illuminati/

its her tin joor...

its normal.. get rich or die struggling....
y die poor wen u cn b famous

[quote author=chie8 post=48014804]Asari Dokubo's wife Alhaja Zainab Asari Dokubo who died in road traffic accident was buried on July 28 at Odi community.Her husband Asari Dokubo and others were present at the burial.

See photos below

Source: http://www.trezzyblog.com/2016/07/asari-dokubos-wife-alhaja-zainab.html[/quot


his first wife is much alive its his second who is dead.. the first wife name is mujahidat daba dokubi asari.... here is wat she post on her face book wall....

pls my dear friends on Facebook I'm hale and healthy and not dead it's my mate who died in a ghastly motor accident. Hajia Zainab Douye Dokubo-Asari. may her gentle soul rest in the bossom of the Lord ., Adieu my sister.

project8:

Suspect, Godwin Onwuneme Udu, has been
arrested after hacking into a bank's mailing
system and stealing the sum of GH¢25,000.

The suspect identified as Godwin Onwuneme
Udu was nabbed at Haatso, Ghana on July 19,
2016 after his hacking stunt.

Assistant Superintendent of Police (ASP)
Eugene Nyavor , deputy director in-charge of the
Unit disclosed that the bank's management,
name withheld, was responsible for Udu's arrest
before handing him over to the police.

The suspect is alleged to have transferred the
cash from a customer's account, into his
personal account in a different bank. Udu had
been arrested on his way to withdraw the
money.
Udu is revealed to have been operating with
other gang members and have reportedly been
involved in another fraud case which is being
investigated by the Documentation Fraud Unit at
the police headquarter in Accra.

ASP Nyavor, said that the bank had flagged the
transfer, mounting surveillance which
inadvertently led to Udu's arrest.

The ASP went on to urge other banks to bring in
experts who would be in charge of monitoring
their control systems, saving them from any
other financial losses.

"Bankers must also ensure that they get
authorization from customers before huge sums of
money are given out, even when the bearer has a
check book."

The suspect has been charged for stealing and
will be arraigned before the court soon enough.

http://pulse.ng/gist/nigerian-man-arrested-for-hacking-into-banking-system-stealing-gh-25-000-id5323664.html

wen we go wise up... if na america nw... den go employ d guy to work for either fbi, cia to help battle crimes ...

MY FELLOW NAIRALANDERS AND YET TO BE NAIRALANDERS AND PASSERBYES...

PLS LETS JOIN HANDS TOGETHER AND RESTORE NIGERIA TO THE BETTER LIVING AND WAY IT WAS...



PLS LIKE MY PAGE ON FACEBOOK, SHARE IT AND ALSO REBROADCAST IT FOR YOUR FAF TO DO SAME.... PAGE NAME IS RESTORATION YOUTH NETWORK ON FACEBOOK...


STOP THE HARDSHIP AND LIVE WELL UNDER A GOOD GOVERNANCE AND LEADERSHIP....


ONE NIGERIA BETTER PEOPLE ONE NATION..



RESTORATION YOUTH NETWORK.......... BE INFORMED LESS YOY WILL BE DEFORMED....

THANK YOU.

Rise04:
Life is full ups and down; some labour restlessly from young age to old without being able to enjoy life. Those who work smart only earn little. Don't you think i should yield to akoogun brotherhood who promise wealth and fame without shed of blood?

in this life av learned nd known dat notin goes for notin... also nothin is free even in free town...

so tell me.. wat is akoogun brotherhood a about.. wat does it take to b in d brotherhood... nd how many has d brotherhood made famous nd wealthy....

good mroning. y fellow nairalanders.... what am abt to post now may bring about criticism and praisals.. well they are all welcomed...


my name is jack.... my monicker is jok3r....

i studied nautical science Ond and maritime and business transport management HND in a marine school....
am done with studies... as a mater of fact my convocation comes up next month sat 20 aug 16..... well thats by the way...
i have done my marine papers. so am using this mediym to plead with marine companies, nairalanders who can help out that are hiring, or seeking crew to work onboard to please help me out.. am a deck cadet and yet to gain sea term....


thank you

jjwilliams:


Is metro tv available in Lagos?

.

yes everywhere in naija

kachris:
Ngtag Blog bring to you the top 6 celebrities bedroom. Go through them and tell me whose bedroom is the best.


[img]http://4.bp..com/-oZDulN_5Iyo/VnK28oq4ENI/AAAAAAAAg1g/vbWTbhTwJxg/s1600/ay-bedroom.png[/img]
1. AY Makun's room


[img]http://4.bp..com/-db5WC8dyHS0/VnK2-Qmwz6I/AAAAAAAAg14/UYIAQobwA0E/s1600/e-moneys-bedroom1.png[/img]
2. E-Money's room


[img]http://2.bp..com/-nRRR0P7o2U4/VnK27OnkzYI/AAAAAAAAg1E/8dSC-0ZNhP4/s1600/Peters-bedroom.jpg[/img]
3. Peter Okoye's room


[img]http://1.bp..com/-wy6nUCw7b-8/VnK29a9wNDI/AAAAAAAAg1s/pnDkGkbYH6Q/s1600/tekno-bedroom.jpeg[/img]
4. Tekno's room


[img]http://4.bp..com/-WAkubsQfx6s/VnK2-x6fRaI/AAAAAAAAg18/3LtZcGItrGs/s1600/wizkid-bedroom.jpeg[/img]
5. Wizkid's room



[img]http://1.bp..com/-xkpz71mXpQk/VnK2__OgnoI/AAAAAAAAg2Q/ToRF6gH7dxw/s1600/yomi-casual-bedroom.jpg[/img]
6. Yomi Casaul's room

Which of the bedroom do you like?? I prefer yomi casaul...


Source.... [url=http://ngtag..nl/2016/07/meet-6-nigeria-celebrity-bedrooms-that.html?m=0[/url]

yomi

Larry66:
I am about to buy a tv decoder am considering Strong i.e Mytv, metro, star time and gotv my target is to watch live matches.

plz advice with possible football channels and cost of acquisition.
thank u all

go for metro tv... out of 7 live matches u must watch 5....

its nt up to 18k to get decoder nd antena

monthly sub is 3500


u gt to watch ur fav lik mbc 2,4, max
hbo, akpos tv, movies metro, cnn, bbc, aljezera, church chanels, documentary, kids chanels etc nd more up to 69chanels and all of d 69 works for u

ChangeIsCostant:
Kudos are in order for this young man -a Corps member who has been specially recognized after fabricating an effective driver training workshop -where one can learn how to drive without necessary being in a vehicle. His work was inspected and by the Director General of the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC), Brig-Gen. Sule Kazaure, BOI's Waheed Olagunju and other NYSC officials.

Source; http://www.nationalhelm.net/2016/07/corps-member-hailed-by-nysc-after.html

bro u no serious u ti k drivin is lik a toy abi... wen person len for house him no enta road to sabi driver to conquer fear wetin him lean na

NigeriaBam:


[b]Source: http://www.nigeriabam.com/2016/07/new-infinix-hot-s-x521-fully-confirmed.html?m=0

how sweet... so u want me to troway my infinix hot 3 for dis hot s abi...


shebi if na calls nd sms dem go stil go no b so

NigeriaBam:


[b]Source: http://www.nigeriabam.com/2016/07/new-infinix-hot-s-x521-fully-confirmed.html?m=0

how sweet... so u want me to troway my infinix hot 3 for dis hot s abi

dainformant:
"For those still hustling and struggling, just keep doing what you know how to do best and success will locate you". A young man identified as Richard can attest to the following statement after luck smiled on him due to his raw talent. The 17-year-old prototype designer got employed by an Abuja-based businessman and entertainer -who spotted him on the road recently...See below;

Source; http://www.nationalhelm.net/2016/07/abuja-based-businessman-employs-17-yr.html

isokay.....

Equiano:



http://punchng.com/ogun-teacher-caught-sexually-abusing-pupil/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

end is near

juuvi:
Guys please check out this new Android Logo Quiz app I built.

"Naija Logo Quiz" lets users guess the logos of Nigerian Companies or Companies operating in Nigeria.

A truly Nigerian app that showcases the brands we have in Nigeria.
This app also has an option of redirecting users to the website of brands .
Truly educational as this will help Nigerians and Foreigners becomes more aware of our brands.

You can download via this link https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.frenzin.naija
I will appreciate your downloads, ratings and feedbacks.

Cc
Seun
Lalasticlala
Ishilove
Semid4lyfe
Obinoscopy

lemme download am

Abyolah:
this used to be just a personal practise painting (i play with when less busy)... but "something" came up and i had to rush it to meet up with d deadline...would have really loved to touch it more but sometimes you just have to let go..
Size: 18"*24"
Medium: Acrylic on canvas
Year: 2015

NB: no scaling involved!
*Edited*

nice