Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,224,258 members, 8,058,186 topics. Date: Tuesday, 21 January 2025 at 12:44 AM

Kasieze's Posts

Nairaland Forum / Kasieze's Profile / Kasieze's Posts

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) ... (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (of 25 pages)

Romance / Re: Pampering Of Guys/Ladies In Relationships-isnt It Disastrous? by Kasieze(m): 8:48pm On Nov 11, 2014
Below is how Nigerian Churches will become in 2030:

PASTOR: Praise the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Halleluyah!

PASTOR: Can we please turn our iPads and Kindle Bibles to Exodus 20:1. When you’re done, kindly switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon… Please have your debit cards ready as we shall now collect tithes and offering. You can connect to the church WIFI using password Lord99087 and as for the renovation donations, you’re welcome to contribute via EFT or mobile banking. The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the iPads beep and flicker.

CHURCH SECRETARY: This week’s meetings will be held on the various Whatsapp groups so please don’t miss out! Wednesday Bible teachings will be held................................... http://www..com/view_joke.php?id=331 continue
Family / Re: Where Are The Majority Of True Nigerian Men? by Kasieze(m): 8:48pm On Nov 11, 2014
Below is how Nigerian Churches will become in 2030:

PASTOR: Praise the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Halleluyah!

PASTOR: Can we please turn our iPads and Kindle Bibles to Exodus 20:1. When you’re done, kindly switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon… Please have your debit cards ready as we shall now collect tithes and offering. You can connect to the church WIFI using password Lord99087 and as for the renovation donations, you’re welcome to contribute via EFT or mobile banking. The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the iPads beep and flicker.

CHURCH SECRETARY: This week’s meetings will be held on the various Whatsapp groups so please don’t miss out! Wednesday Bible teachings will be held................................... http://www..com/view_joke.php?id=331 continue
Romance / Re: Man Buys 99 Iphones To Propose To His Girlfriend; She Says No (Picture) by Kasieze(m): 4:24pm On Nov 11, 2014
Funny man; A man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested, “Give him some water, it will help.” Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, “Commot from here, if na. ........... http://www..com/view_joke.php?id=326 continue
Jokes Etc / Funny Man Joke by Kasieze(m): 4:22pm On Nov 11, 2014
Funny man; A man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested, “Give him some water, it will help.” Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, “Commot from here, if na. ........... http://www..com/view_joke.php?id=326 continue
Jokes Etc / Hahahahaha Just Can't Stop Laughing by Kasieze(m): 7:20pm On Nov 05, 2014
4yr old girl walks-in
while her father is
dressing in the
bedroom . She looks at
his privates and points
at his ?? and asks "Dad what's that thing
between your legs?"
Dad replies "I don't
know". She goes to
kitchen and finds her
mom "Mom what is that long thing between
dad's legs?" her mom
instead of explaining
things to her she replies
"I don't know"
A week later when her mom was coming from work
the lil girl ran to her and
says "Mom you refused
to tell me the name of
that thing between
dad's legs. I have finally figured it out on my
own IT'S A........................ http://www..com/
view_joke.php?id=308
Family / Re: Are You Sexually Compatible With Your Spouse? by Kasieze(m): 6:51pm On Nov 05, 2014
Akpos and his gang kidnapped some
musicians on their way from airport
to the downtown of warri in a bus..
But unfortunately akpos boss who 'll
give them price tag was not around..
So akpos gave him a phone call.. And
the following conversation took
place:-
Akpos: hello oga
Oga: akpos how now?
Akpos: we don catch a bus with full
of nigerian musicians. But i no know
how i go take price them.
Oga: tell me their names and i go tell
u the price.
Akpos: okay eemm,, dbanj and 2face
Oga: thirty million naira each.. last.
Akpos: okay then naeto-c and banky-
w
Oga: twenty-twenty million naira last
Akpos: okay then wizkid, davido,
olamide and iceprince.
Oga: twenty-twenty million naira
Akpos: ehemm.. Then style plus.
Oga: who be that?
Akpos: the guys wey sing "four years
don wakka....................... http://www..com/view_joke.php?id=307

1 Like

Family / Re: Are You Sexually Compatible With Your Spouse? by Kasieze(m): 6:38pm On Nov 05, 2014
DAD: Akpos, if Mr John asks after me, tell him I'm not
around. How will you tell him when he comes, cos i know
you are funny? AKPOS: When he comes, I will say my
daddy said I should tell you he is not around. DAD: Idiot!
Just tell him, he is not around. Ok!? AKPOS: Yes daddy.
[When Mr John arrived...] MR JOHN: Akpos, where is ur
daddy? AKPOS: He is not around. MR JOHN: When is he
coming back?................... http://www..com/
view_joke.php?id=306
Jokes Etc / Akpos The Naughty Boy by Kasieze(m): 6:37pm On Nov 05, 2014
DAD: Akpos, if Mr John asks after me, tell him I'm not
around. How will you tell him when he comes, cos i know
you are funny? AKPOS: When he comes, I will say my
daddy said I should tell you he is not around. DAD: Idiot!
Just tell him, he is not around. Ok!? AKPOS: Yes daddy.
[When Mr John arrived...] MR JOHN: Akpos, where is ur
daddy? AKPOS: He is not around. MR JOHN: When is he
coming back?................... http://www..com/
view_joke.php?id=306
Jokes Etc / Akpos Caught Red Handed by Kasieze(m): 5:22pm On Nov 04, 2014
Akpos caught red handed
Akpos, a married lawyer, had sex in his car and forgot
the girl’s panty on the car seat. His wife found the
panty in the back seat and tore it apart screaming
“What is this”? “What is this”? Akpos calmly
replied, ...................... http://www..com/
view_joke.php?id=299
NYSC / Re: NYSC 2014 Batch C House by Kasieze(m): 7:00am On Nov 04, 2014
if u where posted to Niger state and u want to redeploy to any other state of ur choice please call this number 08037573770
NYSC / NYSC Relocation by Kasieze(m): 6:56am On Nov 04, 2014
if u where posted to Niger state and u want to redeploy to any other state of ur choice please call this number 08037573770
Jokes Etc / Funny Akpos Tips. U Can't Miss It by Kasieze(m): 9:18pm On Nov 03, 2014
1) TEACHER: Akpos, what do you call a person who
keeps on talking when people are no longer
interested?
AKPOS: A teacher!
2) TEACHER: How do we keep our school clean?
AKPOS: By staying at home!
3) TEACHER: Draw a diagram of bacteria. [Few minutes
later] Akpos: Here it is sir. TEACHER: Where? You
haven’t drawn anything Akpos: Sir, can you.................
http://www..com/view_joke.php?id=294
continue
Religion / Re: Is Sexual Desire A Sin? by Kasieze(m): 9:13pm On Nov 03, 2014
1) TEACHER: Akpos, what do you call a person who
keeps on talking when people are no longer
interested?
AKPOS: A teacher!
2) TEACHER: How do we keep our school clean?
AKPOS: By staying at home!
3) TEACHER: Draw a diagram of bacteria. [Few minutes
later] Akpos: Here it is sir. TEACHER: Where? You
haven’t drawn anything Akpos: Sir, can you.................
http://www..com/view_joke.php?id=294
continue
Properties / Re: Dangote Cement Now 1000 Naira Per Bag (Plus VAT) by Kasieze(m): 9:06pm On Nov 03, 2014
1) TEACHER: Akpos, what do you call a person who
keeps on talking when people are no longer
interested?
AKPOS: A teacher!
2) TEACHER: How do we keep our school clean?
AKPOS: By staying at home!
3) TEACHER: Draw a diagram of bacteria. [Few minutes
later] Akpos: Here it is sir. TEACHER: Where? You
haven’t drawn anything Akpos: Sir, can you.................
http://www..com/view_joke.php?id=294
continue
Romance / Re: What Most Dudes Are Guilty Of.. Where Do you Belong ? by Kasieze(m): 1:19pm On Oct 30, 2014
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver,
and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my
mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed
as the kid continues to yammer on, "If my dad was a
rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The
kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when
finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum
and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and
says.................. http://www..com/
view_joke.php?id=272
Jokes Etc / The Bus Driver by Kasieze(m): 1:10pm On Oct 30, 2014
A little kid gets on a city bus, sits right behind the driver,
and starts talking loudly, "If my dad was a bull and my
mom a cow, I'd be a little bull." The driver gets annoyed
as the kid continues to yammer on, "If my dad was a
rooster and my mom a hen, I would be a little chick." The
kid goes on and on with all the animals he knows, when
finally, the bus driver yells, "What if your dad was a bum
and your mom was a drunk?" The kid smiles and
says.................. http://www..com/
view_joke.php?id=272
Jokes Etc / Teacher Testing Akpos IQ by Kasieze(m): 10:52am On Oct 27, 2014
Teacher wants to test Akpos IQ Teacher: Akpos what is
a period? Akpos: I dnt knw the meaning sir, but I am
very sure it is very dangerous Teacher: why Akpos?
Akpos: Because when my sister sais that she didint see
her period for 5 months, my mum......................... http://
www..com/view_joke.php?id=248 continue
Celebrities / Re: Mercy Johnson-okojie Vs Tonto Dikeh: Who Is A Better Actress? by Kasieze(m): 10:03pm On Oct 26, 2014
Latest conversation between Ebola and HIV

EBOLA: Hallo Hallo
HIV: who be that na?
EBOLA: Na your bros ebola dey talk o!
HIV: hw far nah? Longest time. Where u dey?
EBOLA: my man, naija people wicked o o o o!!
HIV: how nah ?
EBOLA: them don pursue me comot from naija.
HIV: Hahahahaha!shebe I dey tell u make u calm down
that time, u just dey do initial gra gra like say na only u
waka come.
EBOLA: chei! Na mistake............................ http://
www..com/view_joke.php?id=246 click to
continue
European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) / Re: Manchester United Vs Chelsea (1 - 1) On 26th October 2014 by Kasieze(m): 9:59pm On Oct 26, 2014
Latest conversation between Ebola and HIV

EBOLA: Hallo Hallo
HIV: who be that na?
EBOLA: Na your bros ebola dey talk o!
HIV: hw far nah? Longest time. Where u dey?
EBOLA: my man, naija people wicked o o o o!!
HIV: how nah ?
EBOLA: them don pursue me comot from naija.
HIV: Hahahahaha!shebe I dey tell u make u calm down
that time, u just dey do initial gra gra like say na only u
waka come.
EBOLA: chei! Na mistake............................ http://
www..com/view_joke.php?id=246 click to
continue
Jokes Etc / Latest Conversation Between Ebola And HIV by Kasieze(m): 9:55pm On Oct 26, 2014
EBOLA: Hallo Hallo
HIV: who be that na?
EBOLA: Na your bros ebola dey talk o!
HIV: hw far nah? Longest time. Where u dey?
EBOLA: my man, naija people wicked o o o o!!
HIV: how nah ?
EBOLA: them don pursue me comot from naija.
HIV: Hahahahaha!shebe I dey tell u make u calm down that time, u just dey do initial gra gra like say na only u waka come.
EBOLA: chei! Na mistake............................ http://www..com/view_joke.php?id=246 click to continue
Romance / Re: A Guy I Like Seems To Be Ignoring Me. by Kasieze(m): 10:06pm On Oct 23, 2014
akpors n his gal
GIRLFRIEND : (Low Voice) Sweety, last night I had a
dream about you. AKPORS: (excited) Oooh, Tell me
Something Honey. GIRLFRIEND: I dreamt we were on a
bus when suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the
river. Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still
swimming and searching for someone. AKPORS: (with
love): Oh, definitely, I was searching for You.. Right?"
GIRLFRIEND: (Frowns) NO, You were shouting,.............
http://www..com/m/view_joke.php?id=232
continue
Jokes Etc / Akpors And His Girl by Kasieze(m): 9:53pm On Oct 23, 2014
GIRLFRIEND : (Low Voice) Sweety, last night I had a
dream about you. AKPORS: (excited) Oooh, Tell me
Something Honey. GIRLFRIEND: I dreamt we were on a
bus when suddenly the bus lost control and fell in the
river. Everyone swam to save their life, but you were still
swimming and searching for someone. AKPORS: (with
love): Oh, definitely, I was searching for You.. Right?"
GIRLFRIEND: (Frowns) NO, You were shouting,.............
http://www..com/m/view_joke.php?id=232
continue
Celebrities / Re: Davido Shows-off His Beautiful Sisters On Instagram by Kasieze(m): 5:42pm On Oct 21, 2014
Akpos was coming back from school singing out loud and dancing like nobody's tuckshop...his parents was wondering why Akpo was so happy..and decide to ask him.. PARENTS : my son i have never seen you in this mood for while....Any good news to share..? AKPOS : mom and dad next year you wont be...................... http://www..com/m/view_joke.php?id=212
Jokes Etc / Funny Akpos by Kasieze(m): 5:33pm On Oct 21, 2014
Akpos was coming back from school singing out loud and dancing like nobody's tuckshop...his parents was wondering why Akpo was so happy..and decide to ask him.. PARENTS : my son i have never seen you in this mood for while....Any good news to share..? AKPOS : mom and dad next year you wont be...................... http://www..com/m/view_joke.php?id=212
Health / Re: W.H.O Has Officially Declared Nigeria Ebola Free by Kasieze(m): 3:12pm On Oct 20, 2014
A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed. The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised. That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble. Moral of the story..................... http://www..com/m/view_joke.php?id=203 click to continue
Jokes Etc / See Marriage Prayer by Kasieze(m): 2:58pm On Oct 20, 2014
One church for naija dey do singles convention. Di pastor raise prayer point sey all di singles should pray for dia hearts desires. Na im wan sista begin pray “oh lord, I no wan marry short man, Holy Ghost , I no wan marry short man, Angel Gabriel if you take eye see short man wey dey come my side use holy ghost fire bind am” E come be say one short man dey beside di sista dey pray im own sey ” oh lord, you know sey I be short man but I be billionaire”. Immediately di sista hear the word ‘billionair’ prayer com change. She begin pray say “oh lord!...................http://www..com/m/view_joke.php?id=202 click to continue
Jokes Etc / Akpors Good Samaritan by Kasieze(m): 8:50am On Oct 16, 2014
AKPORS GOOD SAMARITAN

Mary lost her BB Z10....
She decided to call the number
to see if the
thief would be nice enough to
pick the call.... She dialled the number and a
deep voice
answered d phone
AKPORS: Hello,...who is dis....
MARY: its me, the owner of the
phone u are using.
AKPORS: oh, thank God! i have
been looking
for you since
MARY: Really? Lookin for me?
you want to return the phone?... thank u!
AKPORS: hell no, i want to..................... http://.com/m/view_joke.php?id=181 continue
Sports / Re: NFF Sack Keshi, Pick Amodu As Replacement by Kasieze(m): 8:36am On Oct 16, 2014
Sleeping dude

A guy slept very hungry
and saw bread in his dream, he
took it and
started eating it in his dream.
After he finished
eating it, he saw a coconut and
decided to eat it
too but he didn't see a knife to
cut it. So he
decided to use his teeth only to
receive a................> http://.com/m/view_joke.php?id=185 continue
Jokes Etc / The Worst Application Letter by Kasieze(m): 8:33am On Oct 16, 2014
THE WORST APPLICATION LETTER

Dear Sir,

APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT
I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant.

Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly.................. > http://.com/m/view_joke.php?id=183 continue

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) ... (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (of 25 pages)

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2025 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 45
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.