rockstarB:

I read that part, does that mean your wife doesnt share bills? Even the tiniest one.
You're passing a wrong message. Whether a woman takes her husband surname or not, she will still share bills.
He who finds me finds a good thing and obtains favor from God

When I married my wife, there was nothing like "Sharing bills" but believe me she was also doing her own part to keep the family going.

Along the line, she adapted and started contributing financially too. Most especially when our children were to attend college.

Today we are retired but I still run some businesses to keep the family going and keep me busy.

As for the other lady in my post, she was telling me that "She won't kneel or change her husband's surname after marriage. She boldly called herself a feminist".

I laughed and schooled her on the contents of true Feminism.

This person doesn't know anything about our history as Africans.

The history behind African Traditional Marriage.

She doesn't even know that what we call "White wedding is not applicable to us as Africans as it is also a traditional marriage ceremony for Brits, Americans etc. It was adopted as part of the marriage rites by enthusiastic Africans who I believe lost their identity due to colonialism. So anything Western was best as it promotes class dichotomies etc.

She has no money to sponsor the wedding.

She still believes that a man should pay a "Bride Price" for her. That's against the values of true Feminism.

Because Europeans, Americans and Brits don't pay a Dowry for their spouses.

rockstarB:

It is you that needs to have a inept understanding of what you wrote. You said a woman that isnt ready to take up surname should be ready to share bills, since according to you and the conversation you had with your friend already made such woman a feminist. And feminist should live up to their names.
Does that mean women that do take up their husbands name are free from sharing bills?

May Heaven help the man who ends up with you.

Where did I write such?

Didn't you read where I said "MY WIFE DIDN'T TAKE UP MY SURNAME BECAUSE WE AGREED NOT TO"?

THAT IS ALMOST 40 YEARS AGO.



Woman, this is the last time I will reply you. You better reread what I wrote for better understandig or stop talking to me.

I am not your usual Nairaland Male.

I don't talk because it's convenient. I advice based on my Experience in marriage and relationship issues.

rockstarB:

Women that bears their husbands name do spilt bills too. I dont think this has anything to do with bearing his surname or not.

The ability to read and comprehend is truly divine.

Cheers!

My People,

My wife never dropped her maiden name for mine.

It was our collective decision considering the stress attached to it as Africans and Diasporan's.

But what I don't understand here is "Are women trying to impose it on men in this age"?

Listen, we are Africans at last.

I once told a frustrated African Feminist that if she doesn't want to bear her husbands name or Kneel for him on the day of their traditional Marriage as she has decided, then she should tell her parents not to demand for a bride price on her wedding day.

And she should live up to her decisions of being a feminist by splitting the marriage bill, living expenses and mortgages into 2 equal parts. Because that's the reality of true Feminism.

Guess what? She couldn't speak any further.

Cheers!

AlexF:
Just recently (last 2 weeks), my girlfriend broke up with me and gave no tangible reason, we have been planning to get married. I kept pestering her for the real reason she broke up, she just keep on saying the relationship is not going to work out.
Just yesterday evening, I asked her again, she said she broke up with me cause my best friend always beats his wife and I would also end up beating her when we get married. I don't know how she got to know my friend beats his wife, but does that mean I would also be hitting my wife when we get married. I have never been a violent person, I am so disappointed with her, we having been dating for long and she doesn't know who I am.

Listen my boy,

Whatever she told you about your friend beating his wife is a blatant lie.

She actually met someone much better than you (As she feels).

The truth is, she hastily left you for the new man because she felt she was going to have it all. But right now, the truth is starring at you in the face. The grass is not greener at the other side.

She is hoping you will press further and reassure her that she will be fine if she eventually returns back to your arms.

Believe me, most young females do this without remorse. It's like a strategy.

If you ever accept such indicisive woman back into your life, you will forever regret it.

Let's look at it this way.

So because her best friend once cheated on her spouse is an assurance that it will not work out between you both?

or

Because her mother couldn't grow a business or birth a male child, then it's an assurance that such fate will befall her?

or

Because non of her family members ever travelled overseas, then such fate will befall her despite all it takes is a visa, plane ticket and decision to move?

I hope her folks will learn to analyze topics without sentiments before they comment.

Cheers!

.

.

[s][/s]

CodeTemplar:
Blood of APC! So your forefather who couldn't advance you technologically or discover crude oil for you is the one that died for you.

Same forefathers that will ask for pepper soup ingredient when cancer patient is brought to them is what you are backing.

Whatever you assume or concluded is primitive science, was actually the root of whatever you enjoy today as advance technology.

Did you see any of your ancestors doing those things you mentioned?

Because you were told that Mungo Park discovered the root of the Niger doesn't mean it's true.

Get Educated!

hoopernikao:


Yes it cannot be hidden, that singular truth, that Christ died for the sins of the world including you and I.

Suit yourself.

I guess your ancestors died in vain. Since Christ who lived in faraway Isreal died for your sins in Africa.

The truth cannot be hidden for long.

Apination:

Stop throwing that illiteracy word around because it's obvious you have zero idea of what it means. Human knowledge is very limited, so stop priding yourself in it, and it's not as if you are an authority in the said field you are making reference to. There are things you would never understand no matter how hard I try to explain it to you because you have subscribed your mind to the feebleness of empirical knowledge

You can cry me a river if that will help your present mental state.


Cheers.

Apination:

He never said he had medical issues, he spoke of neglect and a lack of love from childhood which ultimately made him go into his shell and withdrawn. Even an extrovert under such condition could end up in such a state, and talking to a doctor or seeking whatever medical advise isn't an assurance that he will feel any better. You didn't suggest any possible solution on the issue but like a rabid dog high on shit looking for who to attack came to look for who to attack. You need to take to the medical advise you are proposing first because it's obvious you are psychologically imbalance

What do you know about human psychology and psychotherapy?

What do you know about depression being a mental disorder?

Obviously your mind is limited within the bounds of religion and your immediate environment.

When you have financial and employment challenges, you leave the church and run to Nairaland.

But when faced with a minor or major mental disorder, you encourage the vicitm to listen to "Frank Edwards song". No doubts, there are special songs for this kind of challenge, but not the one you recommended.

I wont engage you further. You will be alright someday.

Cheers

Apination:

Listen to this song "Drop it at my feet" by Frank Edwards and then seek Jesus. You cannot help yourself,neither can anyone here on nairaland for the void you feel can only be filled by the Holy Spirit. This isn't a case of being an introvert, Do not give up, your destiny is yet to be fulfilled and I know it's bright. The battle you are fighting is not yours it's the Lord's.

This is not a case of "Being an Introvert"

You cannot help yourself, neither can anyone here on Nairaland

Can you hear yourself talk?

If only you realise that your pastor, imam, religious leaders also seek medical advice and treatment both here and abroad, you will weep for how many years you lived in ignorance.

No one on Nairaland can help him but you ran to Nairaland believing that someone here can help you with a job.

How you religious folks think is something i cannot comprehend.

Cheers

DanseMacabre:


Lol I don't know what you wrote up there. I'm just saying that it will be difficult for an average Nigerian to trust to meet with you or someone from you, just as you asked the OP.

I don't have any problem with your posts, in fact they even 'contradict' your moniker.

Good day.

Well, i understand you now. I have done business with many Nairalanders (I buy from them) but they don't know it's the Kingsatan they always criticize .

Anyway, i was only going to give him the address to my facility. He wouldn't be meeting me but other professionals who will attend to him.

An Average Nigerian is either Christian or Muslim and they both have one thing in common. A Satan that causes misfortunes.

Meanwhile within their folks, they still kill themselves and as usual, they blame it on "Satan".

It's extremely dificult to reeducate an Average Nigerian. Especially on religious matters. So it's best to live and let live.

Moderator OAM4J and Mynd44 save a life by sharing this post to the frontpage.

DanseMacabre:



How you expect to be taken serious by right-thinking individuals with your moniker is mindboggling.

A right thinking individual who is not lost to religious bigotry and truly educated would take me serious.

Everybody doest have to be a CHRISTIAN, MUSLIM, HINDU, BUDDHIST, SHINTO etc.

If you are truthful to yourself, you will realise that those who practice your chosen religion have done you more harm in life than others who don't practice that religion.

Stop being stupid on the internet my son. Open your mind to new knowledge. Ask questions if you are confused and make your choice based on conviction.

Have you seen me attack any Christian or Muslim before?

There is no need for that.

I read the Bible, Quran, Hadith etc

My boy, your current predicament gives credence to this statement, "When the marriage fails, the children suffers".

I am so sorry you are going through all these. You have lost your self esteem due to the situation surrounding your birth and your father's attitudinal changes.

I believe he flogged and scolded you into introversion. He totally destroyed your self esteem.

If you were in Abuja, I would have refered you to my NGO. We help depressed people and others with mental challenges free of charge.

But I want to tell you something son, you are close to healing.

I have seen your case over a million times but for you to SPEAK UP, then you are close to healing. You only need follow up.

One thing that happens is that you cannot talk to anyone about your problems because those close to you are the major reason why you developed that problem.

Now that you have spoken up, i wish someone here could take it up as a responsibility to call you, while another visits you and rebuild that self confidence.

Don't give up son. You are close to winning the fight.

I love you.


"Addendum"

I challenge some people here to call this young man and encourage him just for humanity sake.

To you my son, if you don't mind, please drop your phone number (Temporary) and geographical location.

Someone close might visit you (Must be a public place for a start) and build a relationship with you.

You need all the help and support available now.

ogene70:
Great insight sir ,
I have always said same to my Nephew never to marry a lady who has no means of income , it mustn't be a white collar job but at least having something other than sex to contribute in a marriage, marriage is far beyond child birthing and sex in 21st century ...I grew up seeing my Aunties and sisters helping out their husbands financially and even building houses of their own, so why should we end up with ladies who have nothing but overrated sense of entitlement.

My wife may not have been giving me money but the little contributions at home and selling my ideas to people around her has brought us so much financial fortunes, she's a perfect wife for modern day Nigeria...I lost my job in 2015 and I start my business exactly same year , 5 years after and we are far better than we were when I was employed and that's because she stood by me and gave her unflinching support( the entitled ones would have abandoned me and moved on).

On another note, kindly permit me to share this great insight on other platforms, at least it will help our ladies understand better.

God bless your home. Please do share with others.

Cheers!

Lalasticlala and Mynd44, please take to front-page so others can have their say on this subject.

Dyt:
Never ever
I mean never settle for an entitled man

As a man, a father and a grandfather. I have lived life to an extent and this is my view on this subject.

The previous thread was simple and concise, "Never marry a woman who has no means of income".

But that is the truth!

Gone are the days when people marry "Obiageri's" according to the Igbos.
Back then, things weren't this bad. Considering the family setting in those days, women had no other role than to cook, birth, raise children and clean the house.

So their parents prepare them for marriage, teach them how to cook, satisfy a man and raise children. They also spend alot of time grooming their hairs, taking care of their skin (Some parents send their children to fattening rooms) and waiting to get married.

When we got married, we married to keep them at home and show off to our friends. Only a few of us married because of love. Some of our partners were not our choice but our parents.

So when you marry, your wife and children should always reflect your wealth and networth. Most especially, YOUR WIFE.

I repeat, back then things were not this bad and everyone knew their roles.

But in today's world, so many things have changed.

Women should bring to the table as much as they expect from the man.

Raising children costs alot of money and shouldn't be the responsibility of the man alone.

So many marriages have crashed on the alter of poverty or "One stream of income".

We must learn to tell ourselves the truth always.

Back then, you don't spend so much to raise a child. If he or she wants to go to the community school or follow the white man's way of life, you send them as a punishment. But those humble and loyal sons, follow you to the farm and when they come of age, you give them farmlands and wives if possible. But that's not the case anymore.

Apart from formal education abroad, I also encouraged my children to learn sellable skills. One of my son is a fashion designer and that is what puts food on his table in the UK. His college degree only reflects on his call cards.

I told this to my children (Daughters inclusive) never to marry a man or woman who has no verifiable means of income.

Money is needed to run a home in the 21st century. Alot of money!

We no longer live in mud houses or drink from pots.

As for "Entitlement", I think every couple should have that mentality depending on the context.

The man is entitled to his wife's emotional commitment. She is his wife and this also applies to the man.

I am tired of typing.

To be truthful, i warned my son's against mingling with an average African woman. They simply don't want to know the truth. They hate the truth with Passion and that is why true feminism failed woefully here.

In the Diaspora, most men who want peace of mind avoid African women because of their "Entitlement Mentality" and how exploitative they are.

Many of these women don't work but enjoy proceeds of child support from numerous partners. You think it's a coincidence? No it not. It was deliberate.

They just want to seat at home, get fat, enlarge their butts and walk up and down the street like a pussy cat that resides in Buckingham Palace.

Should I talk about Nigeria, where you meet an average Nigerian lady and realise that;

1. She is a college graduate because a "Man" sponsored her in school (Both of them are no longer together as a couple).

2. She has a roof over her head because a "Man" made that available (She has no intention of marrying him).

3. She uses the best smartphone because a "Man" bought it for her (Just another random man).

4. She has clothes on her body because a "Man" gave her money for shopping (Obviously he is "One of those mugus".

5. She has food on her table because so many men send her money.

This same woman has no other skill but sexual skills. The only thing she can offer is "Sexual Intercourse", "Birthing Children" and "Companionship" but she expects the man to "Mark her birthdays with a brand new Escalade", "Buy her parents a new house and train her younger ones in school". Is that not exploitation?

This same woman hates her mother inlaw because she sees her as her rival. Anyway, women have always hated themselves from time immemorial, don't get moved when you see them shout in solidarity, it's just for a few seconds.

When asked about their contribution in the relationship or Marriage, some will say "I birthed children for him". But that's your natural default woman!

Even if you sleep with a sexually active mad man, you will get pregnant and birth for him.

Some will even say, "I satisfy him sexually. I gave him my body and soul". But that is same thing you did with your numerous ex lovers.

According to Pastor Sam Adeyemi, he said "If a woman does not help her husband financially, then how else does she want to help him".

In this age and time, it takes two adults who have a verifiable means of income to build a healthy family.


Cheers!

olukaygold:

Thanks for your insight,may God increase your knowledge. Like I said earlier,we need to come into agreement before any transaction is made. That's how online business is done esp Rice business. I agreed my own part of mistakes, but calling me out and dragging me up and down calling me thief is what I cant take,never...And he kingsatan called himself old man,old man with fish brain

My boy, when i correct i correct with love. Remember I asked you to post photos of past successful transactions, secondly i asked you to include your address.

Do you realise that you are selling rice? Such commodity should be in a warehouse or a store.

Do you realise your mistakes at all?

This is not like general electronics. Even at that, they still add photos, location, prices, brand etc

I agree that I was a bit extreme with my rebuke. But its because people are growing dishonest by the day.

People no longer feel any remorse when they defraud others.

Parents, Media, Neighbors and priests who should be the center of morality encourage "Yahoo Boys".

I am only trying to contribute my quota. At least from Nairaland where I spent alot of my retirement days.

This Fraudulent Activities needs to stop.

Lastly my boy, Learn to do business genuinely. Learn a thing or two from my open rebuke.

You call me a fish brain, I agree.

If my fish brain can live this longer, then it's worth celebrating.


Goodbye

emmalux2:



THIS MAN IS AN ORATOR , MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER AND NOT PREPARING THE INNOCENT FOR HEAVEN. GOD DELIVERED ME FROM THAT ASSEMBLY, I CANT CALL THAT BUSINESS CENTRE A CHURCH. NO HOLINESS IN HIS CHURCH, I WORKED THERE AS A MEDIA CREW. DAILY MANNA THAT AT ONE TIME ATTACKED PEOPLE THAT rebuke WOMEN WEARING TROUSERS. THE HOLY GOD IS NOT IN THAT CHURCH. HE KNOWS HOW TO MAKE THE GULLIBLE SOW SEED. HOW CAN WOMEN BE ALLOWED TO ENTER INTO A CHURCH WITH SEDUCTIVE DRESS, ARTIFICIAL HAIR AND BEAUTY AND TROUSERS WHEREAS DEUT 22:5 TERMED THEM ABOMINATION?

How everyone suddenly forgot his sexcapades with the lady that recorded his voice calls amazes me.

Till today I have that voice recording in my hard drive.

How people listen to a man whose command of English is very very poor but yet his writing skills are almost perfect is what marvels me. Is that not hypocrisy? Is that not a dual personality that needs to be interrogated?

When pastors commits sin, it's a mistake.

When their members commits sin, it's SIN!

God appeared to you? Which God does that?

Anyways, continue decieving the gullible.

Christianity, Satanism, Buddhism, Hinduism is not the problem.

The problem are the shepherds!

olukaygold:

Let me start from this, you said you're old man,but you lack sense,I could deduce that age is just a number,just common sense you no get,now back to the matter,na your relative I scam abi that made me Yahoo boy,you called me a thief,which of your family belongings do I thief,I said it before,you're just old with no brains. No one here,I repeat no one can say I scam him/her on this forum.and all my goods get receipt. You're old for nothing.

Listen my boy, show me a thread where you sold out an item on Nairaland and i will delete my posts.

Show me receipts of your past transactions, quoting the monickers that patronised you and I will delete my posts.

Show me where a genuine businessman advertises and requests for "Pay on delivery" without testimonials, past successful transaction history, store or warehouse address, list of available products or brands in stock.

You reaction alone sold you out.

I repeat, refrain from Illicit transactions.

There is dignity in labour.

olukaygold:

God punish you and your family, your family shall weep over you this week,even if you no die,na bad things go dey befall you henceforth, you shall not progress in all your endeavours.

With your reaction, you are obviously a Hopeless Yahoo Boy.

Guess what? you are insignificant my boy.

Go and learn a trade and refrain from Illicit transactions.

There is Dignity in labour.

I will continue exposing your nefarious activities untill you all change for the better.

You are a thief! And until you change, I will continue to treat you like one.

Listen, even if I die now, I die fulfilled. I am an old man. My youngest child is a college graduate and all my children are Diasporans and doing well.

I have nothing to loose. I am not afraid of death because I have lived a good life (To an extent).

But your end is certain. If you don't change, you will die Shamefully as I have said.