Please can we start making some concrete suggestions here? This is not critic but it hurts me thinking about the child.
Queenafric please can you find out for sure if the mother does not want the child. It would not be fair on the child if she ends up being merely a source of income and the story will end real nasty.
That is why the suggestion of involving the police is not absurd. In any case you need to get some authorities or organisation or a lawyer involved if funs start flowing because the family might turn back and attack you.
If the family does not want the child another option is an adoption. Gosh you were really right she is extremely small.
Poor child, I live too far away I would have considered adopting her if the option arose

OP -
I missed you chaircover
It was real rough coping with the kids , work and the new baby.

In your own words write something special about her and get it framed. Don`t use the standard words but make it a bit personal mentioning events that took place in your life and how she stood by you.
If distance does not lie between you, spend the day with her and take her out.

Please are we in 1012
There is no need to get so rude.
My dear what happened to you can happen t any woman and you do not deserve the insults flying here.
I wish God can give you the courage to say yes to life.
What are your reasons for wanting to terminate the pregnancy?
You need to overcome your fear and approach your family.

crap

I would like to help.
However it is very important , that this child remains with her Grandmother but goes to a special school.
Is that possible?
I strongly believe the woman loves her grandchild but poverty is crippling her.
Queenafric can you find out more about this grandmother. How many kids does she live with and is she a loving grandmother. What she said about the child was merely said out of frustration but my heart tells me she cares because the child is with her.
When she sees that the child is a source of blessing I bet you she is going to make sure she does not go crossing roads again

No there is no such law. This is abuse of power and corruption. Your friend ought to petition it. This is a case of two consenting adults.
There is so much evil in the world not because there are evil people but because the righteous keep quiet.  

Thanks WHAT, every help is valuable.

Gosh what a day spent was awake till 3 in the morning making meat pies for the seminar. This ,morning again by 5 to make puff puff.
Its all for the international women`s day and this year we have the topic food culture as well as facilitating integration amongst women of different nationalities.
Wish me luck this is strange grounds for me. I would have been totally comfortable if the topic were in my field.

Debrief, thanks you are a darling. I will certainly get back to you as soon as I have time. This is very important to me. There is so much I can learn from you that is not written in books or in the internet. This will be of help with my kids,

Its okay I understand. I was actually thinking of an arena that was more private but without revealing our identity, hence I wrote more private.
I felt you could answer some questions for me because of your northern background. I did not want to ask them here.

Debrief, I actually was indecisive about it but since I do not hang out there just felt I should try it here. I am confident I will get enough tips.
You have helped me a great deal.
With pointers I can do my own research.

Off topic - how can I contact you in a more private arena? I think we have some things in common?

Thank you that was helpful.
But I also need to know about food and ceremonies. Like the new yam festival. Kola nut and how it is broken. Tmean I do have some idesa but I am just blank kind of now.
How is food served in the various parts of Nigeria. Do families eat together.
What kind of food is given to a pregnant woman or a woman that just gave birth?
Please i really need help even if it is just hints to remind me or get me thinking in one direction.

WAVixen the part about the man eating the Gizzard is new to me and I would really like to have more examples about what food is reserved for men and women and maybe what children are allowed to eat and not eat.

What about table manners. Is it talking allowed while eating or is it impolite.

Does inviting a friend to eat have any special meaning? -Someone told me it was like entering into a covenant. I must admit I hardly gave this aspeckt of our culture much thought.

Also rituals associated with food, like praying or saying thank you to parents.

Then things like praying to the deities or ancestors, using Alcohol, kola etc.

Please if anyone can just touch on even one aspect I will be grateful.  I have to e prepared by tomorrow.

I need to give this talk on Nigerian eating culture.
I want it to be informative but not too academic. It should be interesting and easy to follow. This is part of an integration project. I really need some hints. issues like how food is eaten, what kinds of food are taboo. Food and the cultural relevance.
Gosh I have to give this talk on Thursday and I am in no way prepared.
I

DEBRIEF YOU ARE A WOMAN WITH CHARACTER
I apologise you did not deserve that.

It just occurred to me that you might be reacting to the pregnancy tabs. Do they contain iron?

I have this problem with iron too. Once I take it I keep throwing up and my stomach is all messed up. so I have to leave it out and enure that I eat the right food to give my body what it needs.
I felt I was imagining it but my doctor assured me it does happened to some people. However you cannot afford to do that if you exist on only akamu.
When you get pregnant, you might wish to join a pregnancy forum, it`s very helpful.

debrief

To set the record straight, am not here for advice on how to save or remedy the situation. I only want to hear peoples view.

Get it -your advice is not needed.

AND

Stop being patronising and if you must be objective.
Why don`t you advice her to stop being rude to people who are giving her exactly what she asked  for- THEIR VIEWS

There is no problem with repeating wonderful moments .
Even after 20 years she would be so proud that you never missed out on it. That would make the impact even more tremendous.
It really is so touching that all are waiting to see what her husband will do this year, speaks volumes for you.
Your wife is a very lucky woman and since she stood by you all these years, I do not begrudge hr she really deserves you
It is simply motivating to hear of such things, it gives hope and inspires.

Simlechic sorry i OBVIOUSLY touched a raw nerve there!!!!!

If your husband has a problem keeping his 'rod' from dangling, be rest assured some men don't.

Now is the above just a former staff/MANAGER  You protect his integrity more than yours. One would think i referred to your husband.

we areee getting warmer

You sure are right about reliving my past, like most others here I grew up in Nigeria and the societal decadence was all around and did not leave me unaffected. In my past there was the first boom of private banks and customer /INTER STAFF -with-manager relationships and this still exists today.
Young women with nothing in their skull or degrees totally alien to banking, lure men to the banks, earn a fortune and then go head to marry.
No problem with that but give the poor Man his respect and "RETIRE" when you marry.

NOW CALM DOWN, TAKE A DEEP BREATH, SWALLOW THE TRUTH AND BE A GOOD GIRL.   

SIMPLE

Go there personally and thank her for standing by you all these years. all the above are super ideas.
You need to say the words yourself and possibly public.
That would touch her.

interpersonal relationship
Since when does it belong to interpersonal relationship to stop a car, go into a bank and , "sorry you lost you job,

You asked for views you got them and they are all basically in the same direction.
maybe you are just interested in hearing your view .
Well anyone that gives you that is not helping you.

mirob, I am not judging her!!! please come off it.
Look we all know how totally morally decadent the society has become and a middle aged respectable family man can also be a lay about dangling his rod in all directions. So words do not change facts the just present them falsely or accurately.

When you have a past and get married, you need to be very focused on gaining your partners trust.

Heartburn is very unpleasant. Eating only Akamu does not help. You need to eat healthy food. Avoid too spicy food and pepper, also citrus.
Most important - small portions spread over the day help.
ALSO- do not go to lie down immediately after a meal. You need to move around.

ot , i meant pot.

Not comprehending
My dear the plan was made well in advance to have this encounter. The opportunity on that particular day was the only sporadic thing about it.
Remember that there are so many being laid off. Is that how you stop your car and go empathise with them all.

And since you ask, I do not trail my husband neither does he trail me because we have never given each other room for suspicion. Your relationship with your former boss is inappropriate and I bet your husband suspects you might have been having an affair with him for longggg,
You husband is not mad about you stopping in the bank but whom you stopped to see.

When people start getting mad I know I am getting warmer.

There are things one does not because it makes sense but because it makes the other person happy.

On my way from Firstbank last week, I saw that he came around to his bank (Eco/Oceanic) and stopped by to empathise with him. My husband called while I was there, we got talking and he asked where I was which I told him. That was the beginning of the problem

Simplechic, again contradiction in your second post.
You did not go to the bank for business as usual but because you noticed the mans car there. So this was a planned visit. You went there to empathise with him, as you put it.

The recent lay off in Eco/Oceanic Bank affected someone who happened to be an ex-staff of my bank. He was actually the Branch Manager where I reported to as a new entrant. He later joined Ecobank until the termination of his job recently.

Your description of the man speaks volumes for someone who can read between the lines.

Thirdly, why was your husband angry that you were in that particular bank? Maybe he has his suspicions.
You do not have to prove your innocence in Nl but to your husband.

May her soul rest in peace. I have been following the story but sadly have been guilty of the sins of omission. , may God forgive me.

Your story does not sound straight forward and raises suspicion. I can understand your husband.
If he is offended why do you not apologise.
You would have been hurt too if it were the other way around.
Assure him of your good intention and that you did not mean any wrong. Let him know it would not haen again and you did not mean to offend him.
Is it so difficult to apologise?

Agiboma, have you tried giving him a teddy he needs a toy he can hug. hen children have too many toys they also do not know where to start from and cannot concentrate on one. what I do with my kids is to get them a special playing zone. It may be a blanket I put on the floor in any room I go and I always try to go back and sit there with him. Children also love these little bright coloured chairs and tables. Sometimes it is even a baby tub with a pillow in it. One of my kids loved playing inside big cartons. I would put a pillow in it and push him from one room to the other where i have to be. he would play in there with his toys.
With kids you need to get innovative and experimental. It never seizes to amaze me how kids can be fascinated by some things you would never come on. there are kids that would leave their expensive toys and have more fun banging on a ot with a spoon at that age.

For such questions you need to talk about something that is actually positive.

Example. I once forfeited on taking karate lessons to have more time for my exams, today I realise that sports is very important for a healthy state of boy and mind.
That show that you are ready to sacrifice to achieve goals but also realise now you are older the importance of having a healthy mind and body.
Do not mention anything that shows a weak point as regards the qualities you need for the job.

How does your SIL come in . I am confused.
If he is against the registry marriage start with the traditional one. With time the other one will come.
I do not like the word control, could it be that you want to have control over the man yourself?

emmatok I was not being evil. Sometimes in our bid to help we end up doing more harm.
The children have got some sunshine back into their life, her leaving would only make it dark again.
Quite a few women end u in a childless marriage.
I see her in one sense as being lucky. THe man is not putting pressure on her. Most women without kids have that as their greatest burden. The man and his family can get pretty mean when it does not work out.
I also do believe that the man would love to have a child with her. As a man he would know that the woman needs her own child to be contented.
Being mature and with kids he is probably not pushing it with as much zeal. Besides he could just be scared of her walking out on him.

Poster on a serious note. You need to talk to your husband with maturity and love. Assure him that you love him and the kids and that you have this desire to have your own child, to taste motherhood right from the womb. He should help you do what he can to fulfil this dream.
If he tries all he can and it does not work out you have to accept your faith.
Do not go pushing your husband into debts if you love him.
I know women who have no kids of their own but their step children love them and take care of them in their old age.
There was a case even where there was enmity when they were young but then the father died too and the step mum aised them all alone without having her own child. She could have gone and remarried but she stayed for the kids. Today those children soil their stepmum and treat her like a goddess.
Life is very unpredictable, you never know from where your blessings come.

Now you know better
, and the kids loose another mum.

Is it all about sex
Let her first learn to write maturely.
I am still trying to decode the symbols