nice & cool.

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wow...... so nice.

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Some people are just plain stupid. How is it blood money? The bank gave it to you [on loan], with the intent of retrieving it after the tenor expires. A so-called MOG says it is blood money - and you believe him?

Now, you go pay both the capital and interest and have nothing for it.
Next time, use your brain.

MB: Not to say that all MOGs are bad o, but this one is a dupe.

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sounds nice

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good to know.

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Someone just said in another thread that the guys have been executed this morning by 12:00AM [Nigerian time].

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nice. I like this.

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Can someone please educate me 'cos I seem to be the only one who cannot find what the problem is with the photo.

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I don't understand some people here. Is that part of his Job Description? Why would she order him to carry her handbag? As her boyfriend, houseboy or wetin?

Today, it is 'carry my handbag'. Tomorrow, it will be 'wash my car'. Next tomorrow, 'wash my panties'. Next week, 'prepare my lunch and serve me in bed'

PS: Can you imagine? It's even her makeup kit?
OP, guy raise your head high abeg. You did nothing wrong jare.

this is a toyota highlander.

oya, what prize do I win for guessing correctly?

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Just a reminder that CRIME DOES NOT PAY.

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proudly Aquarian

About the Company
AFRINTECH NIGERIA is a young, but dynamic ICT company.
Our Services include:
Website Design + Hosting,
Graphics Design + Printing,
Enterprise Cloud Computing
Internet Service Provision
ICT Training & Certifications

INTERNS NEEDED:
1. Accounts
Intern will handle the financial records (Income & Expenses) in one of our units.
Intern MUST:

a) have an OND in Accounting from any Tertiary Institution (preferably, but not limited to Polytechnics).
b) be good with computer software applications such as Microsoft Excel or Quickbooks. If not, be willing and able to learn fast.
c) live close to D-Line area of Port Harcourt.

2. ICT
Intern MUST:
a) be knowledgeable with Microsoft Office suite, CorelDraw Suite and/or Adobe Photoshop.

Interns must submit Resume to careers@afrintech.com not later than 28 February, 2015

PROPERTIES FOR SALE IN RIVERS STATE

1. 44 plots of land at Omoda, Aluu, Ikwerre L.G.A close to Greater Port Harcourt City Development Authority [Near the Adokiye Amiesimaka stadium]. Asking price: 800k per plot.

2. 50 plots of land at Umuechem, Etche, Rivers State very close to Igwuruta, Rivers State. Asking Price: 600k per plot.

3. 40 plots of land at Omoda close to Omoahunwa, Aluu, Ikwere L.G.A., Rivers State. Asking Price: 800k per plot.

4. 4 plots of land (Suitable for Filling Station, School, etc) along Airport Road from UNIPORT, Rivers State. Asking Price: 5M per plot.

5. 4 plots of land (Suitable for Residence, School) Aluu / Rumuekini Line Road, Rivers State. Asking Price: 2.5M per plot

6. 10 plots of land near Greater Port Harcourt, Rivers State Asking Price: 2.5M per plot.

For any enquiries, you can call Joshua on 08091018746

kilokeys:
same Aluu?
bros.. dash me sef.. i no collect

There is a parcel of family land at Omoda, Aluu, Ikwerre LGA, very close to Adokiye Amiesimaka Stadium [the one newly constructed by the Rivers State government] at Greater Port-Harcourt City axis. It measures up to 44 PLOTS.

1 Plot sells for 800K.
If you need it or know someone who does, please call me on 08091018746.

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Registration is now ongoing.
For enquiries please call: 08037971139; 08091018746

Registration is now ongoing.
For enquiries please call: 08037971139; 08091018746

Registration has already Commenced.
For more enquiries, please call: 08037971139; 08091018746

Registration has already Commenced.
For more enquiries, please call: 08037971139; 08091018746

Registration is now ongoing.
For enquiries please call: 08037971139; 08091018746

Registration is now ongoing.
For enquiries please call: 08037971139; 08091018746

HIGHLIGHTS
• Advanced Microsoft Access 2013 Course.
• Course holds for Two (2) days [3 Hours daily]
• Dates: Thursday 5th – Friday 6 February, 2015.
• Venue: 32 MBONU Street [opposite OldSpice Restaurant], D-Line, Port Harcourt, Rivers State.
• Certificates will be presented upon course completion.
• Course manual will be provided upon Registration.
• Conducive learning environment.
• Certified & Experienced Tutors.
• Course Fee: N10,000

DETAILS
Students with no prior database experience will acquire expert skills to use, create and manage MS Access 2013. This instructor lead, hands-on course provides lectures, lab exercises and assignments that are designed to provide students with applied skills.
Students will learn best practices to design database systems with the latest version of MS Access. They learn to create custom and sophisticated forms and reports, as well as work with basic MS Access macros.
By the end of this course, successful participants will understand the MS Access 2013 approach to relational database management.
 

COURSE OUTLINE
• Introduction
• Course Overview
• What Access Is
• Access Grows Up
• The Future of Access
• Access Alternatives

Database 101
• What a Database Is
• Database Types
• Database Organization
• Understanding Tables
• Understanding Data Types
• Primary Key Basics
• Understanding Indexes

Database Design 101
• Database Design Options
• Understanding Normalization
• Understanding Relationships
• Relationship Types
• Understanding Integrity

Getting Started with Access 2013
• Access Database Objects
• Installing Access 2013
• Creating a Database
• Access Interface Tour
• Database Backups

Working with Tables
• Creating Our Database
• Datasheet or Design
• Creating Tables
• Data Types
• Editing Table Structures
• Date/Time Formats
• Using Input Masks
• Deleting Rows
• Required Fields
• Adding a Primary Key
• Creating an Index
• Deleting a Table

Access Relationships
• Identifying Relationships
• Design Meets Relationships
• Creating Relationships
• Managing Relationships
• Viewing Object Dependencies

Data Retrieval
• Understanding Queries
• Access and SQL
• Query Types
• Creating Queries
• Make Table Queries
• Understanding Join Queries
• Union Queries
• Top Queries
• Distinct Queries
• Query Filters
• Append Queries
• Delete Queries
• Data Management Options

Data Forms and Reports
• Understanding Forms
• Why Use Forms
• Using Auto-Forms
• Using the Form Wizard
• Forms from Scratch
• Design or Layout
• Working with Controls
• Setting the Tab Order

Using External Data
• Data Here and There
• Exporting Data
• Importing Data
• Data Linking
• Data Linking Example

Access Gets Friendly
• What SharePoint Is
• A Budding Relationship

Enquiries:
08037971139;
08091018746

COURSE HIGHLIGHTS
• Microsoft PowerPoint 2013 Course.
• Course holds for two (2) days [3 Hours daily].
• Dates: Thursday 5th – Friday 6th February, 2015.
• Venue: 32 MBONU Street [opposite OldSpice Restaurant], D-Line, Port Harcourt, Rivers State.
• Certificates will be presented upon course completion.
• Course manual will be provided upon Registration.
• Conducive learning environment.
• Certified & Experienced Tutors.
• Course Fee: N10,000

DETAILS
Microsoft PowerPoint has become an industry standard for efficiently communicating information to an assembled group of people.

Expected Participants:
• Business Executives
• Sales & Marketing Representatives
• Other Office Workers
• Students

Microsoft PowerPoint is full of features which allow you to present information in a concise and exciting format. Most presenters, however, only scratch the surface of all that is available when creating a PowerPoint presentation. This course will enable you create professional and captivating PowerPoint presentations.

COURSE CONTENT

Get Started
• Open and Close a Presentation
• Save a Presentation
• Work with Accounts in PowerPoint
• Create a New Presentation
• PowerPoint Views

Work with Text
• Type Text on a Slide
• Format Text
• Work with Bullets and Numbering
• Line Spacing and Alignment
• Create and Use Tabs
• Cut / Copy / Paste

Advanced Text Options
• Create WordArt
• Import Outline Text
• Create Columns of text
• Work with Hyperlinks

Work with Slides
• Insert and Delete Slides
• Import Slides from a Presentation
• Reorder Slides in a Presentation
• Add Headers and Footers
• Organize Slides into Sections

Themes / Layouts / Slide Master
• Explore Themes and Variants
• Work with Layouts
• Reapply Slide Layouts
• Work with Slide Backgrounds
• Explore Slide Master and Layouts
• Format a Slide Master
• Customize a Slide Layout
• Use Two Slide Masters

Work with Graphics
• Insert a Graphic
• Modify and Correct an Image
• Capture and Insert a Screenshot
• Crop an Image to a Size or Shape
• Compress Graphics
• Create a Photo Album
• Format a Photo Album
• Work with Photo Albums

Charts and Smart Art Diagrams
• Insert a Chart
• Format a Chart
• Create a SmartArt Graphic
• Add Images to SmartArt Graphics
• Create an Organization Chart

Tables and Worksheets
• Create a Table
• Type Text in a Table
• Insert and Delete Rows and Columns
• Navigation and Selection in a Table
• Format a Table
• Insert an Excel Worksheet

Drawing with Shapes
• Insert and Format a Shape
• Use Connectors
• Draw Curves and Freehand Lines
• Arrange and Group Shapes
• Flip / Rotate / Align / Distribute
• Use Alignment Guides
• Make Custom Complex Shapes
• Create a Simple Drawing

Multimedia Objects
• Insert a Sound File
• Configure Audio Playback Options
• Insert a Video
• Format a Video
• Edit a Video
• Movie Bookmarks and Posters

Transitions / Animations / Actions
• Add a Slide Transition
• Animate Text
• Animate an Image
• Animate a Chart
• Animate a SmartArt Graphic
• Use the Animation Painter
• Use an Action Button
• Display a Hidden Slide

Prepare Your Presentation
• Spell Check a Presentation
• Different Presentation Methods
• Rehearse Timings
• Make a Self-Running Presentation
• Create Multiple Shows
• Security & Passwords
• Print a Presentation
• Optimize a Presentation
• Check Accessibility
• Create Speaker Notes
• Create Handouts

Make a Presentation
• Make a Presentation Live
• Presenting on a Different Computer
• Tools to Use at Presentation Time
• Using Presenter View
• Distribute a Presentation
• Broadcast a Presentation
• Make a Video of a Presentation

Working with SkyDrive
• Introducing SkyDrive
• Save and Open SkyDrive Files
• Work in the PowerPoint WebApp
• How to Use SkyDrive

Put It All Together
• Create a New Presentation
• Add the Text
• Add the Images
• Add Other Objects
• Configure the Slide Show
• Make the Presentation

Conclusion
• Course Wrap Up

Enquiries:
08037971139;
08091018746

HIGHLIGHTS
• Advanced Microsoft Excel 2013 Course.
• Course holds for three (3) days [3 Hours daily].
• Dates: Monday 2nd – Wednesday 4th February, 2015.
• Venue: 32 MBONU Street [opposite OldSpice Restaurant], D-Line, Port Harcourt, Rivers State.
• Certificates will be presented upon course completion.
• Course manual will be provided upon Registration
• Conducive learning environment.
• Certified & Experienced Tutors.
• Course Fee: N10,000

DETAILS
These days, any managerial or analyst role requires that you work with data. Excel remains one of the most powerful and easy to use tools when it comes to crunching data. Learning Excel in a proper, structured way can not only help you save time, but it will also help you become better at your job.

Microsoft Excel is the standard spreadsheet application for both the business world and personal use. Our Advanced Microsoft Excel 2013 course will teach you basic to advanced features of Excel. The course also offers real, practical benefits in the general use of spreadsheets; making your spreadsheets more accurate, reliable and interactive.

We have thoughtfully designed the course to equip you with knowledge and techniques that you will be able to use over and over again to not only make your own spreadsheets better, but also to enable you to help your colleagues and solve their Excel problems.

Expected Course Participants:
• Accountants
• Data Analysts
• Financial Experts
• Book Keepers

COURSE CONTENT:
Getting Started with Microsoft Office Excel 2013
• Navigate the Excel User Interface
• Use Excel Commands
• Create and Save a Basic Workbook
• Enter Cell Data

Modifying a Worksheet
• Insert, Delete, Hide and Adjust Cells, Columns, Rows and Worksheets
• Search for and Replace Data

Performing Calculations
• Create Worksheet Formulas
• Insert Functions
• Reuse Formulas

Formatting a Worksheet
• Modify Fonts
• Add Borders and Colors to Worksheets
• Apply Number Formats
• Align Cell Contents
• Apply Styles and Themes
• Apply Basic Conditional Formatting
• Create and Use Templates

Printing Workbooks
• Preview and Print a Workbook
• Define the Page Layout

Managing Workbooks
• Manage Worksheets
• Manage Workbook and Worksheet Views
• Manage Workbook Properties

Creating Advanced Formulas
• Use Range Names in Formulas
• Use Specialized Functions
• Use Array Formulas

Analyzing Data with Functions & Conditional Formatting
• Analyze Data by Using Text and Logical Functions
• Apply Advanced Conditional Formatting

Organizing and Analyzing Datasets and Tables
• Create and Modify Tables
• Sort Data
• Filter Data
• Use SUBTOTAL and Database Functions

Visualizing Data with Basic Charts
• Create Charts
• Modify and Format Charts

Analyzing Data with PivotTables, Slicers & Pivot Charts
• Create a PivotTable
• Analyze PivotTable Data
• Present Data with Pivot Charts
• Filter Data by Using Slicers

Working with Multiple Worksheets and Workbooks Simultaneously
• Use 3-D References
• Use Links and External References
• Consolidate Data

Sharing and Protecting Workbooks
• Collaborate on a Workbook
• Protect Worksheets and Workbooks

Automating Workbook Functionality
• Apply Data Validation
• Work with Forms and Controls
• Work with Macros

Applying Conditional Logic
• Use Lookup Functions
• Combine Functions
• Use Formulas and Functions to Apply Conditional Formatting

Auditing Worksheets
• Trace Cells
• Search for Invalid Data and Formulas with Errors Watch & Evaluate Formulas

Using Automated Analysis Tools
• Determine Potential Outcomes Using Data Tables
• Determine Potential Outcomes Using Scenarios
• Use the Goal Seek Feature
• Activate and Use the Solver Tool
• Analyze Data with Analysis ToolPak Tools

Presenting Your Data Visually
• Use Advanced Chart Features
• Create Sparklines

Enquiries:
08037971139;
08091018746

HIGHLIGHTS
• Microsoft Word 2013 Course
• Course holds for three (3) days [3 Hours daily].
• Dates: Monday 2nd – Wednesday 4th February, 2015.
• Venue: 32 MBONU Street [opposite OldSpice Restaurant], D-Line, Port Harcourt, Rivers State.
• Certificates will be presented upon course completion.
• Course manual will be provided upon Registration.
• Conducive learning environment.
• Certified & Experienced Tutors.
• Course Fee: N10,000

DETAILS
Microsoft Word is one of the most widely used pieces of software on the planet – and this course can help you unlock its potential.
In this Microsoft Word 2013 training class, students learn advanced techniques, such as working with tables of contents, footnotes, and endnotes, adding comments, tracking changes, comparing and combining documents, creating envelopes and labels, using Mail Merge, protecting documents, etc. This class is for Word 2013 on Windows. By the end of this course, participants will be able successfully create, edit, print and manage good-looking documents.

COURSE OUTLINE
Getting Started with Word
• Identifying Components of the Word Interface
• Creating a Word Document

Editing a Document
• Navigating and Selecting Text
• Modifying Text
• Finding and Replacing Text

Formatting Text and Paragraphs
• Applying Character Formatting
• Aligning Text Using Tabs
• Displaying Text as List Items
• Controlling Paragraph Layout
• Applying Borders and Shading
• Applying Styles
• Managing Formatting

Adding Tables
• Inserting a Table
• Modifying a Table
• Formatting a Table
• Converting Text to a Table
• Sorting Table Data
• Controlling Cell Layout
• Performing Calculations in a Table
• Creating a Chart

Managing Lists
• Sorting Lists
• Renumbering Lists
• Customizing Lists

Inserting Graphic Objects
• Inserting Symbols & Special Characters
• Adding Images to a Document

Controlling Page Appearance
• Applying Page Borders
• Adding Watermarks
• Adding Headers & Footers
• Controlling Page Layout

Proofing a Document
• Checking Spelling & Grammar
• Other Proofing Tools

Customizing Formats Using Styles & Themes
• Applying Document Themes

Using Images in a Document
• Resizing Images
• Adjusting Image Appearance
• Integrating Pictures and Text
• Inserting & Formatting Screenshots
• Inserting Videos

Creating Custom Graphic Elements
• Creating Text Boxes and Pull Quotes
• Drawing Shapes
• Adding WordArt & Other Text Effects
• Creating Complex Illustrations with SmartArt

Controlling Text Flow
• Controlling Paragraph Flow
• Inserting Section Breaks & Columns
• Linking Text Boxes to Control Text Flow

Using Mail Merge
• The Mail Merge Features
• Merging Envelopes and Labels
• Creating a Data Source Using Word

Collaborating on Documents
• Modify User Information
• Share Documents
• Compare Document Changes
• Review a Document
• Merge Document Changes
• Review Tracked Changes
• Coauthor Documents

Adding Reference Marks and Notes
• Adding Bookmarks & Hyperlinks
• Insert Footnotes and Endnotes

Simplifying and Managing Long Documents
• Insert Blank and Cover Pages
• Insert a Table of Contents
• Manage Outlines

Securing a Document
• Encrypting a document with a Password
• Restricting Document Access

Using Macros
• Automating Tasks Using Macros
• Create a Macro

Enquiries:
08037971139;
08091018746

Did you just say that Seun Osewa of Nairaland is a School dropout? Really? I didn't know that.

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We are a fast growing Technology Enterprise with head office in Port Harcourt, Rivers State.

Due to the diverse products and services which we deliver and the need for expansion, we are in search of talented, dynamic and resourceful young undergraduates in Engineering, Mass Communication, Marketing and Social Sciences in doing his/her 6months or 1 year Industrial Training with our company.

Intern MUST be computer literate
Interns who live in Port Harcourt will be given more preference.

Interested persons should send his/her Resume to careers@afrintech.com. Deadline is 30 January, 2015

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About the Company
AFRINTECH NIGERIA is a young, but dynamic ICT company.
Our Services include:
Website Design + Hosting,
Graphics Design + Printing,
Enterprise Cloud Computing
Internet Service Provision
ICT Training & Certifications

INTERNS NEEDED:
1. Accounts
Intern will handle the financial records (Income & Expenses) in one of our units.
Intern MUST:
a) have an OND in Accounting from any Tertiary Institution (preferably, but not limited to Polytechnics).
b) be good with computer software applications such as Excel or Quickbooks. If not, be willing and able to learn fast.
c) live close to D-Line area of Port Harcourt.

2. ICT
Intern MUST:
a) be knowledgeable with Microsoft Office suite, CorelDraw Suite and/or Adobe Photoshop.

Interns must submit Resume to careers@afrintech.com not later than 30 January, 2015

Experienced it for the first time last year and have had it for 2more times.
What I did:

I got to a pharmacy and bought one drug called paraffin (moyo abi Moro brand). It is a syrup. I gulped about 3 teaspoonfuls. I also bought another drug called ducolax. It is usually yellow in colour and took 3 tablets at once.. Works like magic every time.

That was the how the pain stopped.
Sorry for the pain.

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Hello friends!

Are you a young graduate, done with NYSC, but yet to find a good job? I have good news for you.
Do you run a Business Enterprise and need intelligent young graduates as interns in your Business? I have good news for you.

There is a Graduate Internship Scheme [G.I.S.] designed by the Federal Government to provide jobs for young and older graduates. The objective is to attach young graduates to reputable businesses all over the country where these young graduates can learn and improve their job skills. The internship period is 1 full year.

Each intern [young graduate] that signs up to this programme is paid a monthly stipend of 30,000.

This programme has run for more than 1 year, but surprisingly, not many people know about it. I run a business enterprise myself, and I can tell you that my business has benefited from this scheme, because I have received and groomed some interns since 2013, some of which now work with me as full staff while others got the experience they needed and moved on to bigger firms, so I am convinced that this is not a scam.

The interns [young graduates] are NOT required to pay any money whatsoever to anybody for any reason. All they need do is apply on the G.I.S. website.

Companies that need interns to groom are also encouraged to request for interns using the G.I.S. website.

I hear that the JobFair (interview) date for interns in Port Harcourt for 2014 is sometime within the month of November 2014. I also heard that the application deadline for interns and business enterprises is fast approaching. Whether as a Business Enterprise or a prospective intern, if you need this stuff, please make hay while the sun still shines.

Please pass this message to your friends and Business Associates who you think might need this opportunity, using your social media channels: FB, TWITTER, BBM, Whatsapp.

To apply as an intern or a business enterprise, please log on to: www.wyesurep.gov.ng

www.wyesurep.gov.ng

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Our Company is looking for a good accounting intern seeking to undergo his/her SIWES internship program.
Candidate must have completed his/her OND program from any good Polytechnic.
Candidate must be extremely good in book-keeping activities, and be open to learn new things.
Candidate must bring his/her Resume and SIWES letter to 32 Mbonu Street, D-Line, Port Harcourt on or before Friday, 31 October, 2014.

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