Greetings to all,
I was in a long distance relationship and my girlfriend living back home recently dumped me.
According to her I've been too possesive, jealous and impatient for the one year we've been together.
I live in Toronto and she in Abuja so I would always call to find out how she was doing and when she sounded like she was in a car or with friends etc I would ask where she was and what was going on. She would get so annoyed. Sometimes I call at 5 or 6 in the morning(Abuja time) and she would yell at me.
Sometimes I would yell back at her. I have had one other girl not in a long distance relationship tell me this and was dumped as well. Am I really having a possessive and jealous problem with relationships?
This time I do not want to let this Abuja girl go because I'm so in love with her, so I've been calling since six days ago she dumped me for more than five times a day and lots of text messages. She does not reply any but picks my calls and talks well but when ever I try to talk about how we should carry on the relationship and that I will change, she repeats; IT IS OVER. She talks to the end of each conversation and picks up the phone even when I call ten minutes later.
Her family is behind me though, and have asked me to come over to talk things and promised everything will be OK.
I even cried on the phone twice on the following day after she'd dumped me.
One other thing is I called lots of friends and relatives to plead on my behalf as well and asked lots of questions like whether she was seeing someone else. One cousin admitted that she had been seeing one other man even before I met her and that they were still going out together but no signs about marriage even as the man is more than 35 and has a good job and the lady 26 and doing her youth service. When ever I confront her with this, she would ask me to carry on talking to the cousin saying that I trust the cousin more than herself. She denies she has been seeing someone. I have also spent lots of money on her and have shown that I am really interested and ready to marry her.
Do you think she will come back or is she gone for ever?

Look my guy am gonna be real honest with ya- just dont be mad.

Look for starters, lon distance relationships are not the ideal thing but thats another chapter.
You say she is 26 and how old are you?
How long have you dated?

You say she leaves in Abuja - omo you are definately at a disadvantage here.
Stop waisting your time and move on with your life. SHE DONT WANT YOU BACK.
Why wont she pick your calls when you are ringing her phone?

She is just too young and too fine for the stress you putting her through, you even controlling her movements all the way from Toronto? Now thats amazing.

She has had enough of your ass- stop asking the family to beg her - do you ant her o come back outta pity? Common my guy you should have some pride.

SHE DONT WANT YOU AND SHE AINT COMING BACK - STOP CALLING HER AND SAVE YOUR MONEY, LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE IN YOUR VICINITY.

AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR POSSESSIVE NATURE.

Thanks Adeboo, I'm 32 and am really looking forward to marrying this girl. I thought checking on her all the time was a way of showing I'm concerned. Anyway she has mentioned she will let me know soon whether to come see her or not.
She is actually polite and happy when I call. Don't you think she wants to give me one more chance to see if I would change? Don't you think there are lots of other things about me that she admires/likes?

Baby, dont be fooled.

Let me paint you a pic - am dating someone, and this person is the so called love f my life, he lives in another country and asks if he should come over and see me - and i say i will let him know?

Does that sound like someone i wanna be with?
No it doesnt.

Let me be a bit mushy now - let her go, if she is yours she will come back to you but if you force her back by getting her friends and family to speak with her, then she will only be with ya  outta pity and trust me that marriage will not be the made in Heaven @ all.

Give her space, dont call her - its hard i know but remove her number from ur phone and wrie it down on paper and hide it somewhere so you wont call her.

Trust me you need to give her a break.

She is only 26 and she is just starting to live her life - dont choke her, free her.

Thanks Adeboo!

@ highveld

Thats the thing about matters of the heart, sometimes you wish you could take a journey into the person's heart and back, to see what they really felt

but i guess thats one of those things that defines the word "impossible"

we always take decisions and actions based on what we feel, what we see and what we believe, the rest we leave to God.

Dearie, you have tried, i mean as in tried well well. Any girl will be lucky to have a guy like you, but guess its either not the time for you two yet, or she's absolutely not meant for you.

Love is a good feeling but atimes it sucks, situations when i feel like that are when one party loves someone and the love is not returned. Remember you can't force love.

You have done everything possible to win back the love of this girl and all to no avail, i really think its time you stepped back a bit just like Adeboo said. Yea you're supposed to fight for love, but they also say that too much of everything is bad
You have done everything human, going further will no longer be called "love" but disclaiming your "human right to dignity"

sweetheart, what is yours (the water meant for you) will not pass you by, but till then you now have to lie low. You've shown her in every way possible that you love, so please let her show she wants it and appreciates it

if you go into marriage with her based on these circumstances, mark my words: you'll be a slave in your marriage and you'll only end up regretting. Now is that the kind of picture you wish on yourself?? i guess not

Her refusal to see all the love you have for her, do you think it owes to the fact that she's not the girl for you?? and that your own girl is still out there waiting for you to sweep her off her feet?? well that is something time will tell

If this girl is meant for you, come rain, come sunshine, she will definitely come back to you without you having to kill yourself.

I've always loved this saying that goes: God holds the heart of a king in his hand, so if she is yours, not even she herself can stop it from being or happening

and now say after me: LET THE PERFECT WILL OF GOD BE DONE _amen

@ cuteass


the relationship expert has spoken!!!

manntee:

@ cuteass


the relationship expert has spoken!!!

LOL

the relationship expert has spoken!!!

for real oooo

Free:

for real oooo

dearie, where have you been?? i've missed you, honestly

Highveld na wa for you o!

highveld:

Greetings to all,
I was in a long distance relationship and my girlfriend living back home recently dumped me.

First point: long distance relationships work ONLY when the two parties are 100% commited to stick by each other through thick and thin. Dont waste your time. When you're out looking for someone else please make sure she's close to you. Women are more likely to stick with someone they can see, touch and hang out with.

highveld:

I live in Toronto and she in Abuja so I would always call to find out how she was doing and when she sounded like she was in a car or with friends etc I would ask where she was and what was going on. She would get so annoyed. Sometimes I call at 5 or 6 in the morning(Abuja time) and she would yell at me.
Sometimes I would yell back at her. I have had one other girl not in a long distance relationship tell me this and was dumped as well. Am I really having a possessive and jealous problem with relationships?

The warning signs that your relationship is heading for the rocks is when your girl begins yelling at you. I begin to re-evaluate a relationship from the very first signs of disrespect. A relationship entails a certain level of respect from BOTH sides. I will NEVER raise my voice at a woman and i expect her to give me the same respect.
when a woman begins to yell at you, your place as the leader of that relationship is waning and it is time to pack your bags and leave.

highveld:

This time I do not want to let this Abuja girl go because I'm so in love with her, so I've been calling since six days ago she dumped me for more than five times a day and lots of text messages. She does not reply any but picks my calls and talks well but when ever I try to talk about how we should carry on the relationship and that I will change, she repeats; IT IS OVER. She talks to the end of each conversation and picks up the phone even when I call ten minutes later.

The girl is doing you a favour by picking up your calls. Dont let it get to the extent where she finally yells at you to stop calling her. The handwriting is on the wall, read it! IT IS OVER. Move on, life does not revolve around a woman, pick up whatever pieces of your life are left and let go of the past. You've only been together one yr and you're finding it so hard to let go. What if you had been dating for 5 yrs? Would you kill yourself?
Calling her 5 times a day plus text messages is not doing you any good, the girl is busy sitting there lapping up the undeserved attention while you starve urself to death.

highveld:

I even cried on the phone twice on the following day after she'd dumped me.

Crying over a woman?  
Is she the only fish in the river? No woman is worth crying for, save your tears for the woman who really deserves it. For each time you shed tears on the phone, your stature diminishes in her sight.

highveld:

Do you think she will come back or is she gone for ever?

She's gone for good. Let it sink in.

@ cute-ass

i've been hiddin from U
n' ur long speeches

davidylan:


First point: long distance relationships work ONLY when the two parties are 100% commited to stick by each other through thick and thin. Dont waste your time.

that is so true, i don't believe the fact that all distant relationships are bound to fail sooner or later, cos like everything in life, i believe that with the right attitude, mind and mutual love, understanding and oneness nothing is impossible

davidylan:


Women are more likely to stick with someone they can see, touch and hang out with.

please get rid of the generalization i refuse to be served with the same spoon as all when i know what i'm made of

whatever happened to "some" in your dictionary?? what is a close guy to me when my heart is all the way with the other guy regardless the distance

Free:

@ cute-ass

i've been hiddin from U
n' your long speeches

how ungrateful, after you learnt the act, you now condemn it?? human beings and their ungratefulness sef

this cute-ass na wa o. After you post the wind is knocked out of my sails.

Yep i agree, but you cant help but generalize sometimes when you observe certain trends. It's hard to keep a girl when u're not there and there are tons of other guys she sees everyday, you wonder if at some point she wont be tempted to just move on with someone who is probably better than you are and is available. I do agree that some women are made of a different mould though, nice to know u're one of them.

cute-ass:

that is so true, i don't believe the fact that all distant relationships are bound to fail sooner or later, because like everything in life, i[b] believe that with the right attitude, mind and mutual love, understanding and oneness nothing is impossible[/b]

Na wa o . . . i wish you lived in my backyard.

davidylan:


Yep i agree, but you can't help but generalize sometimes when you observe certain trends. It's hard to keep a girl when u're not there and there are tons of other guys she sees everyday, you wonder if at some point she wont be tempted to just move on with someone who is probably better than you are and is available. I do agree that some women are made of a different mould though, nice to know u're one of them.

thanks for that. and yes ooh i'm not just claiming, i'm positive that i'm one of them lol. But the truth is that even though what you said is true to a point, some girls with their boyfriends close still cheat, so what is their own excuse??

we just have to hope for the best to run into the right person because unless that, you might still be floating when you think you're sailing

davidylan:

this cute-ass na wa o. After you post the wind is knocked out of my sails.
Na wa o . . . i wish you lived in my backyard.

how do you know i don't live in your backyard, give me your adress, who knows??

errr emmmmm _coughs no you don't live in my backyard. only a garage is there. 

@Highveld
Look here bro'. i feel your pain. If this girl does not change her attitude, please MOVE ON ! This girl is in Abuja and from all inidications, those girls in Abuja are not really trustworthy. They are easily corrupted by the money bag politicians. I had a fiancee that served in Abuja and by the time she finished her service, she has made a 360 degrees change. If this girl has pushed you to be suspicious of her or if you her seeing the signs of unfaithfulness in her, then you need to let her go b/4 you allow her to mess with your heart. If she truely loves you, nothing you do will be too much. I know you feel like "i'm 32 and i need to get married now". Bro' take it easy and take your time. It is better to be late and get it right than rush into it and get it all wrong. Don't let the age and marriage thing put pressure on you. You are man and there are always young, mature and serious girls out there, who will reciprocate your love and affections. Give that girl a space and let her do all her yanga till she lose a good man that truely loves her. Woman like that ends up with an idiot, where she belongs ! Take your time and search for your true soul mate. Trust me there are many good girls out there. Because a failed courtship is far better than a failed relationship. Goodluck bro'. And also remember to pray about it very well.

you are one funny man - of course she still wants you - go for it man - dont be a solocious pert.

Jay Baby, Are you serious about what you are saying?
Cut Ass and the rest damped the whole situation.
The Abuja girl has been picking my calls with lots of happiness excepting when I blow up the conversation.
One thing I want evryone to know is that I've always been sturbborn even on my parents and all women do have a problem with me.
If I move on now the next wont be better. I really want to stay and beg for forgiveness then nurse this relationship.
She acts well sometimes and is a quiet christian fellow.
Please help sincerely.

@ highveld, are you merely looking for "advice" that tells you to "go up to ramothgilead and conquer" or the real truth?

When a girl says "IT IS OVER", it will take a mountain to make her change her mind. She must have given it a lot of thought before coming out that strongly.

@highelv
If you are having problems with all women, then what you need now is a relationship therapy and not a marriage. Please get help and don't subject these women to any uneccesary marital woes !!!

Daviddylan, But the girl talks so softly like she wants to say please come back on the phone.
As I said the brother has invited me to come over to Abuja so that everything can be corrected.
Remember there are times when I also show the best LOVER BOY qualities.
I may be letting down someone that could potentially be mine forever if our ways are just corrected.
The misunderstandings and yelling is the only problem we've faced and I fully understand all relationships have their own problems.
Please help,

Leave the poor girl alone. She is just trying to be nice. We need more amicable break-ups in this world.

Seun has said it all. . . she's trying to be nice. don't push your luck. Sorry but a lot of us are not as persistent because sometimes its just not worth it. Trust me, it hurts to lose someone u love but one day u'll look back and thank God you took it up your chin.
Leave her, move on.

She's yelling at you after less than a yr, what will she do in 5 yrs?

Daviddylan I mentioned I may have caused the whole downfall because I started the yelling in the first place. I get drunk and say terrible things or I turn to follow every move she makes while I'm far away.
Would you want to talk to her perhaps?

Cute Ass, Are you still online?
Please go through again and say something.
I would really want you to talk to the girl in question. You are the best.

highveld:

Daviddylan I mentioned I may have caused the whole downfall because I started the yelling in the first place. I get drunk and say terrible things or I turn to follow every move she makes while I'm far away.
Would you want to talk to her perhaps?

After talking to her she'll never pick ur calls again.   just kidding.

Like sweet T said perhaps your first priority now would be getting help urself. It doesnt seem you are ready for a commitment. At 26, i wont be surprised she's choosing to leave you. A guy who is fiercely possessive, jealous, is a drunk and yells is not a woman's idea of a perfect mate.

Thanks Davidylan, That's what I'm trying to say, I believe I have changed and have not taken a beer since she dumped me and am willing to show her that I've changed.
Remember she dumped me last saturday night after I've watched manchester beat blackburn at a bar then returned home to call and yell at her.
She's the only one I want and I do really love her.
And as I said the way she talks to me on the phone doesn't seem to make me think she is trully gone.
She may be putting me through hard times like she did last November to make me really get down to change.
What next?

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST[/b]I JUS HAD TO MAKE MY POINT CLEAR

[b]@highveld

darlig, you know one characteristics of blind love?? being in denial and always wanting to see the positive side of it

now i know you have the "jealousy and possessivee" quality like you and the rest say but who on earth is without faults? no one, absolutely no one

if this girl really want to be with you, believe me,  it wouldn't have been a factor to break up with you

and yes maybe she wants you, but still dearie, you have to give her the chance and time to make up her mind, you've begged her in everyway humanly possible and the honest truth is that i don't see what she's saying, reason enough to break a relationship when you're in love with somebody, you give all you can to adjust to the person, the person's faults become more or less almost impossible but this girl wants you to change you, and nobody who loves you would not be ready to meet you half way or compromise

but regardless, if you continue pestering her the way you're doing you might sooner or later becone annoying and a pain in the bu tt, both to her and your co-beggers, now you wouldn't want that, would you??

i've always said, in fact its right at my signature space, that its better to loose your pride for the one you love than to loose the one you love because of pride but you my dear you've forsaken all your pride, infact what you're loosing now is no longer your pride, but your sanity

you want to know something?? my cousin have always been mad at me cos 1 fault i have is that when i don't like a guy, i don't know the best way to say it. I continue being nice until the guy at last becomes hurt and thinks "why were you now leading me on and making me believe this and that""

i don't do that intentional, its a fault. Now what if thats her own case??

what girl would be annoyed by her boyfriend calling her often?? she must be a rare spechie ooh and if that is her definition of possessiveness, then she needs an oxford dictionary. An average girl would be upset if the bf didnt call as often as possible, she would feel he didn't care and esp. when in your case its a distant relationship.

If this girl loves you i am positive in this: SHE WILL COME BACK but for a while, let the lying dog lie.

Nobody is saying it might not be the two of you, but there is a saying that you don't know what you have until you loose it, give her a some breathing space and see what happens, give her a chance to want the love

For your sanity, you might even travel to Nigeria, cos your case is getting beyond the "phone-conversation" one ooh, you need to see her, and be able to decide to either fosake all others for her or move on without her.

When you see her face to face, believe me, you won't need a fortune-teller to tell you if this gold is your oryou should look in another compound

I wish you luck either with or without her, just know this that any gil that has you and doesn't apprecite you is neither worth you nor deserve you.

cute ass are u written a story or somtin?? ahan! lol

highveld:

Cute Ass, Are you still online?
Please go through again and say something.
I would really want you to talk to the girl in question. You are the best.

For such a guy like you, i don't mind doing anything to help.

and maybe, just maybe talking lady- to lady might help solve the problem.

So how do i do that??

lalaboi:

cute ass are u written a story or somtin?? ahan! lol

@ lalaboi
who asked you??

Thanks so much my sister Cute Ass.
i'M SERIOUS i WANT YOU TO TALK TO HER.
There are times when I've gotten annoyed as well and do not call her for a day or two and the next day she calls.
So I believe if I don't call for a couple of days, she will call.
I tell you the truth she talks in aniticipation these days after the dumpimg when I call and tells me to take care of myself and good nite and all that stuff rather than other girls who wont pick the phone when they dump you or will drop off even before you say goog-bye.
Is it possible you write me on djtikwell2000@yahoo.com and WE'LL TALK ABOUT how to call her?
Thanks.