Meeting the parents

By Jayne Usen

March 22, 2011 12:09AM

Every woman looks forward to the day when she will be swept off her feet by that ‘man’ who totally adores her. She basks in the euphoria of her new found romance and when he ‘puts a ring on it’, the deal is almost signed, sealed and delivered. From this stage plans begin in earnest for the ‘big day’.

As young girls, my friends and I often discussed marriage and one topic that always found its way into our conversations was the ‘dreaded witch mother-in law’, no thanks to Nollywood movies in which the likes of Patience Ozokwu aka Mama Gee perfectly depict the atrocities committed by wicked mothers in-law.

In those discussions, we would pray to meet the right mother-in-law when the time come for us to be married. One that would be a mother to not only to her son but her daughter in-law. I remember a friend, who I choose to call Rita here, go on and on about how she would “show the witch pepper” if she ended up with the bad mother-in-law. Rita would go as far as wishing her prospective mother-in-law dead before her marriage if the woman would be a thorn in her flesh and we would laugh at her jokes. But it seems fate granted her wish, as her eventual husband turned out to be an orphan.

I have come to realise that I am a prospective mother-in-law and who knows if my would-be daughter-in-law would be wishing me dead before I meet my grandchildren?

The first meeting

While guys are often panicky meeting their future fathers-in-law, especially since they always have their way around the mothers, girls on the other hand are excited about meeting both prospective in-laws. Any lady who is sincere enough, will reveal that she prays to meet a good mother in-law.

If you are not excited about meeting your fiancé’s parents for the first time, you must remember that meeting his folks is a crucial moment in your relationship and there is a need for you to make a good first impression. A friend of mine says “meeting the parents means pretending to be a saint. You have to be a miss Goody Two-Shoes when meeting the parents. If you do the wrong thing, they may persuade their son you are not right for him. After all he is their son”.

Naturally, a woman introduces her lover to her parents earlier in a relationship than a man would because women talk more openly about their lives to their parents.

Men, on the other hand, are less likely to talk openly to their parents so introducing a fiancée is a monumental step that indicates they take the relationship seriously. While it is important to impress them, remember that his parents are no different from other people you have met in your lifetime, so just be yourself.

Being yourself

I remember when my husband and I had to make the trip to meet with his parents for the first time. As much as I was excited about meeting my future in-laws for the first time, I was more concerned about whether or not I would be well received.

Although I had met with some members of his extended family as well as his siblings and we seemed to get along, I felt it was a totally different thing getting to meet his parents. As the day drew closer, I began to think about the hairstyle which would perfectly scream “house wife material” and the outfits showing that I am “trendy but decent”.

After worrying about my appearance for two weeks, I thought to myself one night, why I should bother so much about putting up a fake appearance all through a three day visit, when I will not be able to pretend for a life time? So I decided to be myself.

From my experience, one advice that comes handy is “be yourself”! You must realize that your in-laws also recognize the significance of the first meeting and will scrutinise throughout the period. However, do not let this intimidate you especially since you have won your fiancée’s heart and there is really no reason for his parents not to feel good about you.

Understand that it is quite normal for them to scrutinize you because they cannot help it after all you are ‘taking away their son’ but also know that being yourself is the best way to survive meeting his parents. If you have been true to yourself in your relationship with your fiancé then he already approves of your personality and character traits so don’t be afraid to let the real you shine through when meeting his parents.

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