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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd (11393 Views)
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Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:21am On Apr 09, 2011 |
dayokanu: Papi i'm far away in the caribbean, i guess that is why i was told to go to the beach with my "immature opinions" |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:22am On Apr 09, 2011 |
fstranger3: true, for you, which i doubt. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by fstranger3(m): 7:23am On Apr 09, 2011 |
tpiah!: Hey Tpiah, do you have a Ph.D? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:28am On Apr 09, 2011 |
^^do you? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by fstranger3(m): 7:29am On Apr 09, 2011 |
tpiah!: No I dont. Do you? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nekai(f): 7:30am On Apr 09, 2011 |
Make him see that if you get your PhD now then you could work part time (writing, teaching a class a few nights a week, ect.) while still raising a family and bring in more income than working in a shop. Also, even though a business can be a lucrative investment, it's better to think big. Maybe you guys could save the money you are bringing in after obtaining your degree, and open up a larger shop after a few years. Win-win for everyone. With the proper start up capital, you guys could hire someone to manage the shop and even turn one shop into 5. The sky is the limit. You will have time for your career, and motherhood, especially since someone else runs the shop(s), and your hubby is happy because he has his 'housewife'. An education is a great priority, but when you join with your husband you must come together and compromise. Reason with him. It will be hard to get your degree after the babies come. It would be a great feeling to be able to make the same money working part time, as you would if you were working full time without your PhD. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:34am On Apr 09, 2011 |
fstranger3: yes, i have one in typing. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by fstranger3(m): 7:36am On Apr 09, 2011 |
tpiah!: How come? Does that make you sad? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:37am On Apr 09, 2011 |
He says our children and home will suffer if I work since we plan to live in Lagos. he spoke the truth, since you'll have to rely on a multitude of househelps and nannies there. anyway, be sure to come back later with the happy ending of how he agreed to your request and everything is now A-ok. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:37am On Apr 09, 2011 |
fstranger3: do i sound sad? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by xynerise: 7:38am On Apr 09, 2011 |
@op. Dont make a mistake you will regret. Phd is not happiness |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by fstranger3(m): 7:39am On Apr 09, 2011 |
tpiah!: Kinda! Is there anything you want to talk about? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nekai(f): 7:39am On Apr 09, 2011 |
Unfortunately Tipah you are right, some immature guys consider 'educated' women off limits. Having too much education and independance is seen as a bad thing. If you have your own home, car, and all that they think you will be stuck up, or feel superior to them. Hopefully the OP doesn't have a fiance like that. Real men see an educated woman as an asset, not a threat. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:40am On Apr 09, 2011 |
fstranger3: ^yes. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by fstranger3(m): 7:41am On Apr 09, 2011 |
Nekai: Like me, hun? Are you single and searching? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:41am On Apr 09, 2011 |
Nekai: i'm just looking at the high numbers of highly educated black women without husbands or even reliable dating partners. the brothers would rather go for a lower educated non-black than otherwise. all that stuff about angry black woman, etc. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:42am On Apr 09, 2011 |
Nekai: So true |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by fstranger3(m): 7:43am On Apr 09, 2011 |
tpiah!: There is no correlation between those two factors. Or is there? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:44am On Apr 09, 2011 |
sadly, there is. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:45am On Apr 09, 2011 |
so, what were you saying about therapy again? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by fstranger3(m): 7:48am On Apr 09, 2011 |
tpiah!: There is something wrong with the way you approach issues Tpiah. It seems you have some pent up anger that manifest randomly, often without external prompts. The OP is a Nigerian, living in Ibadan. She is not an AA in Philadelphia. The whole angry black woman shitz has got nothing to do with us Nigerians. And, NO, Naija men arent intimidated by strong/well educated Naija women. Abiola married women above his station and there are other examples I am too lazy to dig up right now. So get a grip Tpiah. You are losing touch, going senile perhaps. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 7:55am On Apr 09, 2011 |
@ fstranger ^^cut out the insults if you dont mind. lets have a sane discussion here without you going gaga. 1. i'm speaking of what i've heard from the horses' mouth-namely nigerian men. Not just one man, or two, but more than five. 2. the angry black woman stereotype has gone viral long before now. Even here on our dear nairaland it's repeated often and often and often and often and often [you get the drift]. Ad nauseaum. 3. Abiola did not marry women above his station financially. The women may have been educated but they depended on him for their wealth. I dont even think his first two wives were that educated anyway. 4. speak for yourself and let those of us who know something about the workings of yall's minds, give the general picture of what lies there. i dont see the loudest shouters here asking for educational qualifications before offering to bang anything moving. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nekai(f): 7:58am On Apr 09, 2011 |
fstranger3: Sadly there is. It's called the success penalty. http://www.csss.washington.edu/Papers/wp33.pdf An excerpt from the paper, entitled 'Does Education Really Disadvantage Women in the Marriage Market?': One recurring theme in both the media and in academic research is the “success penalty”, or the disadvantage career success poses to women in the marriage market. For instance, Sylvia Hewlett reports: “the rule of thumb seems to be that the more successful the woman, the less likely it is that she will find a husband or bear a child. For men the reverse is true.” Maureen Dowd followed up on Hewlett’s work in a series of New York Times columns last year, stating in one: “Men veer away from ‘challenging’ women because they have an atavistic desire to be the superior force in a relationship” Several letters in response to the Times column support the perception that success disadvantages women’s prospects for marriage. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by fstranger3(m): 8:11am On Apr 09, 2011 |
Nekai: Did you read the paper beyond the introduction? The Paper pretty much disproved your assertion, No? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 8:16am On Apr 09, 2011 |
Q: What is motivating these women? Is it giving up on finding a husband? Is it a backlash against tradition? http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/232162/does-back-plan-work-kathryn-jean-lopez |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 8:19am On Apr 09, 2011 |
Is female empowerment killing romance? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nobody: 8:20am On Apr 09, 2011 |
Anke Domscheit-Berg of Microsoft Germany, who has stories of past would-be boyfriends fleeing after seeing “director” (of government relations) on her business card, put it this way: “Success is not sexy.” http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/01/world/europe/01iht-letter.html |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by dayokanu(m): 8:21am On Apr 09, 2011 |
tpiah!: There is a world of difference, Banging someone doesnt mean you would marry them. Many men would queue up at brothels t bang hookers, doesnt mean they would marry anyone of them hoes |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nekai(f): 8:33am On Apr 09, 2011 |
In the OPs case it's not really applicable, but many women who could go farther educationally end up pursuing the alternate path of getting married. Many highly educated women who have chosen to focus on a demanding educational degree, and didn't have time for developing relationships with the opposite gender, leave school at around 27 years old. At this age she may be entering the world with the dating/relationship experience of an 18 year old, but the age of an older woman. If she doesn't find the right guy in a few years, or worse, if she has spent a few years in a relationship with the wrong guy and ends up single, she will start hearing people talk about how hard it is to find someone when you are over 30. I say go for the education. I think the key is to know what you want and not waste time with guys that woudn't appreciate you with an education or without one. fstranger3: Reading. . . Wow, you have a point! I didn't read it to the end, where it stated that "the percieved 'success penalty' in the earlier years was a choice and not the result of the education per se." It basically says that in the earlier years the women would be less selective in a guy because she thinks that she is less competitive in the dating field. Wow! That's deep. I think that is very true, and proves your point. I also do believe though that these women may be new in the dating field and don't know what they want in a partner yet. But it's funny that certain myths and half truths are perpetuated and end up causing women to make bad choices in desperation. Fstranger3, you may have saved a few people out there who have pessamistic assumptions about the negativity of their situations. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by InkedNerd(f): 8:38am On Apr 09, 2011 |
@OP: If you don't mind me asking, why do you want to be with a man who is flat out telling you that "he'll have none of that"? You're not even married yet he is telling you what to do or in your case, cannot do? Even if you are married, that doesn't give him the right to tell you what to do. Your not a child, you're an adult just as he is. Do you not think that him deciding what you future can be is an indication of things to come if you marry this man? Do you think he would agreed to such terms if you had asked the same of him? |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by fstranger3(m): 8:38am On Apr 09, 2011 |
@Tpiah: I want to assume you are not using those NY Times article to further your biased POV? Below is the conclusion from the article @Nekai posted: [size=18pt]Finally, the perception that women face a stark choice between career and marriage is incorrect. It is just a perception, nothing more, nothing less. Furthermore they said Still, the issue of the relationship between marriage and career is extremely complicated, and And if you understand the above and read between the lines you'd agree with me that education has no effect on whether or when a woman would get married, simply stated: there is no relationship, either direct or otherwise, between education and marital status in women. This is a research paper. Although, it is ridden with methodological lapses, it is nevertheless better than a news article from a discredited media outlet. Anyhow, there is no direct causality between education and single-hood as there are a lot of confounding factors that come into play. |
Re: He Wants Me As A Housewife. I Want My Phd by Nekai1: 8:49am On Apr 09, 2011 |
In the OPs case it's not really applicable, but many women who could go farther educationally end up pursuing the alternate path of getting married. Many highly educated women who have chosen to focus on a demanding educational degree, and didn't have time for developing relationships with the opposite gender, leave school at around 27 years old. At this age she may be entering the world with the dating/relationship experience of an 18 year old, but the age of an older woman. If she doesn't find the right guy in a few years, or worse, if she has spent a few years in a relationship with the wrong guy and ends up single, she will start hearing people talk about how hard it is to find someone when you are over 30. I say go for the education. I think the key is to know what you want and not waste time with guys that woudn't appreciate you with an education or without one. Quote from: fstranger3 on Today at 08:11:27 AM Did you read the paper beyond the introduction? The Paper pretty much disproved your assertion, No? Reading. . . Wow, you have a point! I didn't read it to the end, where it stated that "the percieved 'success penalty' in the earlier years was a choice and not the result of the education per se." It basically says that in the earlier years the women would be less selective in a guy because she thinks that she is less competitive in the dating field. Wow! That's deep. I think that is very true, and proves your point. I also do believe though that these women may be new in the dating field and don't know what they want in a partner yet. But it's funny that certain myths and half truths are perpetuated and end up causing women to make bad choices in desperation. Fstranger3, you may have saved a few people out there who have pessamistic assumptions about the negativity of their situations. ( I was flagged as a spammer) |
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