chaircover I think any human being might cheat if the opportunity presents itself and they know they will not get caught. Someone who cheats a few months into his marriage should not have married at all. It has nothing to do with the fact that he is a man and that men are not monogamous by nature. That is just not true. he is just a bad person. I also believe that it also part of an overall lifestyle. So a man that will do such cannot be trusted either inother aspects of life. Integrity, honour, loyalty etc those sort of things are not important to such a person. I honestly believe that through the course of a marriage that a woman will probably have as much opportunities to cheat as a man and I even believe that women cheat probably as much as the average man, in other parts of the world LOL.
If you feel that you are not monogamous by nature then do not expect to have someone to be loyal to only just you. Be an untrustworthy, lying SOB but expect to have a disloyal and untrustworthy partner.

chaircover:

Well folks, I am curious.

There have been a number of heart pulling threads here in the past week where the main issue has been men cheating. One man cheated on his wife of 3 months and another his wife of 8 months. The one cheating in his 8 month marriage went a step forward and got another woman pregnant

From the responses to these threads, it seems that cheating is kind of expected and no big deal. There was even a poster who said that All men cheat and cheating is in their genes and any women who says her husband doesn't cheat is in denial  . . . .  . .although I disagree.

What happened to integrity I ask? Are men really that weak? So I will like to hear from the men; what do you think?

Would you really havee sex with the girl from office if your wife was out of town for the weekend?
Is cheating really worth it?
Do you feel guilty afterwards or does it make you feel better about yourself/ego knowing that you can still pull girls?
Do you try and hide your cheating from your wife because you are scared of her reaction or is it because you feel ashamed of what you have done?

BTW for the record, my personal opinion is that I feel that there are a number of men out there who will remain faithful to ther spouses regardless of whether they have an opportunity or not.

I am the poster who made this point and i stand by it!
As I have said times without number,Men will cheat on their wives or girlfriends if they get the opportunity because men are polygamous by nature.
It is quite easy for a man to have series of affairs with various women apart from their wives or girlfriends but in reality that does not mean they love their wives/girlfriends less.On the other hand women find it harder to have extra marital affairs because they are different from men emotionally,however in certain cases when pushed to the wall,women could engage in extra marital affairs to get back at their husbands.
Lots of times in nigeria I have seen instances where a man dies and at his funeral two or three women appear with children for this man that the wife knew nothing about.I am quite sure you have witnessed events like this.
Women know these facts but choose to be in denial:"My husband can not do this or I trust my husband with all my heart and he can not hurt me."
I advise you to wake up and smell the coffee.
Thank you>

Mrs. Chaircover this your topic is not phrased right oh because when you say "Have the opportunity" you make it sound accidental or pure luck. I can tell you for a fact that cheating is not accidental or pure luck, if a man wants to cheat, he will create ways to do it. His wife being out of town has nothing to do with it, she could be in town or even in the next office and if he wants to do it he will find a way. However, I agree that there's nothing like cheating gene or polygamous nature. It all comes down to how seriously a man takes his vows.

Richvkunt:

I am the poster who made this point and i stand by it!
As I have said times without number,Men will cheat on their wives or girlfriends if they get the opportunity because men are polygamous by nature.
It is quite easy for a man to have series of affairs with various women apart from their wives or girlfriends but in reality that does not mean they love their wives/girlfriends less.On the other hand women find it harder to have extra marital affairs because they are different from men emotionally,however in certain cases when pushed to the wall,women could engage in extra marital affairs to get back at their husbands.
Lots of times in nigeria I have seen instances where a man dies and at his funeral two or three women appear with children for this man that the wife knew nothing about.I am quite sure you have witnessed events like this.
Women know these facts but choose to be in denial:"My husband can not do this or I trust my husband with all my heart and he can not hurt me."
I advise you to wake up and smell the coffee.
Thank you>

Hogwash

with all due respect, but i agree fully with Richvkunt's views in this regard!

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Sicherheit:

Hogwash 

HA!HAA!! HAAA!!!

Very funnnaaeee!
This guy is certainly cheating on someone!

I can only speak for myself. I have not cheated and i will not cheat on my wife and i used to be away due to the nature of my job. I have been tempted several times but i still stand. I can't afford to betray my wife and my kids.

Godalone:

I can only speak for myself. I have not cheated and i will not cheat on my wife and i used to be away due to the nature of my job. I have been tempted several times but i still stand. I can't afford to betray my wife and my kids.

Thank you Godalone. there are many men like you. I have men in my family that I can say the same about. I think when people are a certain way they assume the rest of the world is the same. There are actually some men who find it offensive to be labelled as a LovePeddler. To some others though it is just "nature"

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CC,

Let me ask, If there were no laws or societal opinion against Polygamy, How many men would marry one wife?

Very few if any.

I would say men who dont cheat only abstain because they conform to societal beliefs that cheating is bad and probably respected their vows,

Naturally they would want to have multiple partners

Not all married men cheat. Those who do never respected their wives and marriages anyway.

Naturally once you (male or female) respect eachother, your kids and have personal respect for your individual self, you will find it very difficult to cheat, even when faced with the opportunity, you will always say NO.

I'm curious - do men who sleep with women other than their wives consider themselves to be people of integrity? Do they consider themselves honest? "God fearing"?

If any man who cheats on his wife considers himself to be any of the above, I'd like to know his reasons for thinking so.

I have been married for almost 30-years and never for once cheated on my wife. Though have the opportunity many times over the years but I chosed to not succumb to such temptation.

wow. 30 years. People like you sir encourage us to keep on trucking

Of course not. I’m sure there are plenty of disciplined men out there who can control themselves. Anyone who says "cheating is expected and no big deal" or “men are polygamous by nature” (give me a break!) has probably cheated or is currently a cheater. Let's keep it real now. If anyone's justifying cheating it's because they've done it or are doing it. Or why else would someone feel the need to justify it?

Godalone:

I can only speak for myself. I have not cheated and i will not cheat on my wife and i used to be away due to the nature of my job. I have been tempted several times but i still stand. I can't afford to betray my wife and my kids.

Bravo!

Timmi:

I have been married for almost 30-years and never for once cheated on my wife.  Though have the opportunity many times over the years but I chosed to not succumb to such temptation.

Bravo! And congrats on your almost 30-year marriage!

*Tips hat to the both of you.*
*You're both great examples of disciplined men and also proof that not all men cheat!

chaircover:


BTW for the record, my personal opinion is that I feel that there are a number of men out there who will remain faithful to ther spouses regardless of whether they have an opportunity or not.

Yup, I think so too.

Not all men cheat but mistakes do happen. The fact that they make dis mistake, doesn't make them "bad."

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I do not believe all men cheat. I don't mind being called naive or silly but that's my opinion. God bless my mother that did not put that silly thought in  my young teenage brain back in the day. My mum said it back then and is still saying it till tomorrow that it's not all men that cheat.

We still have some men that take their marital vows seriously and some that really appreciate the fact that once upon a time a particular woman left her parents and her parents house( a family she's used to right from birth) not only that also dropped her father's name(some women did, I did ) to bear another man's name, a man she never knew from adams , Some men really appreciate these things and feel the need to protect their wives and the whole family in general even if it means avoiding things that will make this women regret leaving their father's house

Now some men like dayo, emmatok, hakariki and sagamite will open their bia bia mouth and tell me women don't sacrifice for marriage . It took me years to even get used to my husbands name. Back then if you call me ''Mrs  . . . '' I will still be busy doing my thing but just call me by my father's name ''Miss . . . . '' see me jump up and reply ''here I am''

In the first year of my marriage I used to introduce myself  as (my first name and my father's name) mehn did his family laugh at me

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@OP,
I do not expect you to believe or support my theory because as i said before all women tend to live in denial.
Lots of people coming on this thread saying I have been married to my wife for zillions of years and I have never cheated.Fine but talk is cheap.
As i said before the man who does not cheat is the man who has not YET been caught.
Women need to be assured all the time and always love to hear their man say darling "darling I will never cheat on you,blah ,blah blah, But I know different.

In the end it always comes as a rude shock to the women concened because they refused to see the signals or saw the signals and choose to live in self denial.
Finally as for all the sanctimonious brothers coming here to say:I love my wife and have been married for trillions of years and it has never crossed my mind to cheat on my wife,keep up the deception but i know one day you will be caught out,and if you are not caught in your minds you know the truth.
As for women living in self denial,my honest advise is I am not asking you to leave your men,but to be careful because men will always cheat.As for the take on STDs men will always see a doctor to take care of such little irritants:This is the period when you want to make love to your man and he tells you he is tired from lots of work etc-Open your eyes he is proberbly on medication and does not want to infect you.
Think i have said enough,but if women decide to live in self denial of obvious facts that has been going on since the world was created,there is nothing I can do.

@ Topic
Yes they do, atleast in their mind !

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I do think most like 99.90% will cheat, WHETHER black, white or mixed.

It has to do with societal values. Even in the developed world, people see a cheating man as a stud talkless of the developing world.

A cheating woman is seen as a disgrace.

But as a sexually active person, it's just natural to want VARIETY. I can imagine sleeping with the same person from age 30 to age 80. Damn! One has to step into the shoes of the man sometimes so that one can get a customised solution to the problem.

Even recent UK research has shown that when a woman is well-heeled, she is almost as much likely to cheat as the man.

Back to Nigeria, brides are told that "its a woman who makes the home" that means she has to endure whatever happens. I have seen soft, do-goody men saying that too.

A lot of women actually expect the men to cheat. Awon mama pensioners will even tell you, "Omo e ni ko dimu" meaning "just focus on your kids".

I have seen two girlfirends and one wife (as in, I heard them myself) saying they were ready for that aspect, so far the man comes back to them and the home remains 'intact'.

Infact, one of the girlfriends knew her man was cheating on her. She knew. But she also knew he was going to marry her at last and that was what mattered to her.

What I will just say is that wives should do A LOT OF REBRANDING SO AS TO KEEP THE FIRE OF PASSION BURNING(Why I say this is cos a lot of men find their wives less attractive after witnessing childbirth, etc. According to polls, oh, no be me. They mentally place their woman in 'MOTHER' category instead of 'HOT' 'FLAMING' ''CHIC'.).



And sincere husbands should CRY OUT AND ASK FOR THEIR WIVES' HELP TO STAY FAITHFUL. Afterall, two have become one.

chaircover:

Dayo If there were no laws, societal opinion or moral expectations in our society then we will be living in anarchy. These things are there for a reason because we are human and not animals. Besides, if you all married more than one wife, you will all be killing each other because there wont be enough women to go round.

I am also yet to see a peaceful polygamous home where they all genuinely love each other like their own. Even if they pretend to show it deep down in their heart, no woman can genuinely love another woman who is sharing her husband.

It has nothing to do with love, ppl are monogamous NOT because they love their spouse sooo much, but just because the society frowns at it. Would you say our Grandfathers dont love their first wives? or why did they marry additional? Would you say the billions of Moslem men who are legally polygamous dont love their first wife?
CC,

Lemme ask, If there were no negatives attached to it by the society, How many men would be monogamous?

Infact we are a product of the society we live in and the laws that govern us, If you were born 100yrs ago or born a Moslem in Northern Nigeria Your husband having multiple wives would be a normal thing to youand you would gladly take your dates on the bedroom roster. My grandmother went to her village to marry a second wife for my grandfather , She went and chose a young girl that wont give her "Rivalry" problems. She knew polygamy was the norm.

Bill Clinton, John Edwards, Anthony Weiner, Arnold Schwarzeger, Hulk Hogans spouses would have sworn that their Husbands are disciplined, and upright men who would never cheat like my father would say "Blessed are those whose sins are covered"

Personally I wont say I WONT Cheat or I would cheat but all I can say is 'Lead us not into temptations" or better still "dont lead us into Temptations greater than our faith"

Interesting topic.

Men are very intimate beings (I would recommend that people read the book, or at least a review of The intimate Man by Archibald D. Hart).

In spite of these strong intimate impulses (which by nature are greater than a woman's), many men respect and uphold their vows to their wives. It's actually a lot harder than it looks, but with a firm decision to never cheat, and the wisdom of putting the right safeguards around oneself, it is very possible.

Other men don't even bother and just give in to their natural intimate impulses.

For women, the most important thing they should realise (and a lot of women already realise this) is that men are naturally VERY intimate beings, whether they show it or not.

I actually believe that a man that loves his wife can still cheat on her.

...

PS: In my post above, I used the word SFXUAL but this was changed to intimate.