Efemena_xy: Funnily enough, what I see here is a young adult, a 24 year old blinded by "love" and itching to settle and have her own family.

Only problem is that she's going about it the wrong way. The guy in question obviously hasn't got the means to support himself, let alone both of them / a family, and she's very much aware of that. She also understands where her bread is buttered, i.e. @poster's home being her saftey net.

I sympathise with her, as I remember how I felt aged 24. Nonylove, I think the best you can do in this situation is encourage her to confide in you - so that you can advice her without judging her. Educate her on protecting herself and staying safe sexually.

All the best.

Efemena, Thats excatly the point I dont even tell my husband this things she does becos i know the next day she will be gone but i call her privately to talk like i will talk to my sister that is what i do with her ooo. cant let it repeat itself again because have tried.

debrief08: Please Dont blame yourself, she is an adult and is capable and responsible for her own decisions. Even our parents make bad choices, you have done your part, left for her to think and if she makes mistakes learn from them. If she is wise she will listen but rarely do people listen to wise counsel.
You didnt get it wrong, you did your part, she made bad decisions and wrong choices, left to her to decide to do right

With the way the situation is now i may have to do regular medical checks on her for the sake of my family. if she can take to advice then we have got to protect ourselves...

chaircover: @nonylove, lock up your food and keep tabs. Also be careful with your money. You say that you have already called her and spoken to her about the opposite sex which is good. It will be a tragedy if she ends up getting pregnant.

As regards the thefts, Let her know that this is her last chance and anytime you catch her doing this, you will send her packing. You can ask her to sign a simple undertaking to that effect. Tell her to keep a copy and you will keep a copy. You can also report her to the person that brought her to you.

If you have all this in place and she is caught again, then show her the door.

Chaircover, that's exactly what have made up my mind to do. thanks

[quote author=debrief08]
So sorry for being quick to judge it is due to the fact that most people who act the way you described are teenagers. My apologies. Hmmmm, I am sorry about what you are going through but some quick questions:
DO you pay her at least a minimum wage?
Is she well compensated for staying over night?
Does she stay with you and work in return for opportunities?
I am really happy and impressed that you provided her with information, nice watching out.
Please stealing I dont tolerate i really imagined she was a teenager, perharps she had a bad childhood background and those issues were not sorted out. Tell her stealing is a No No, if she wants to give her boyfriend anything let her buy from her salary. An adult that acts like this should be fired or be severally warned and put on probation. If you decide to keep her, get her to sign an undertaken, she steals again she is out.

Thanks. before she started at all I asked how she wished to be paid that's what i pay her. i don't think she lacks anything because outside that i buy her cloths,pay for her hairdo. and she also makes some money from home too. I really don't know where i got it wrong.

debrief08: If she is an adult that she has a boyfriend or 2 boyfriends shouldnt be an issue, she is an adult and as long as you have educated her she is free to date, My employer doesnt have any business with who I date, or my personal life as long as it doesnt affect my work, the problem is taking your food to fund her relationship.
My last maid married from my house and she dated while she was with me. Let us respect each others boundaries

I an not against her dating either if u see from my post but the fact that this boys she is dating are merely deceiving her otherwise they wont ask her to steal from her employer. i do not even mind if she introduce her boyfriend to us by so doing we can guide them cos i want the best for her as well but i dont want her to make mistakes. that's is the reason i preach patience to her always.

Efemena_xy: I'm sure I agree with the "locking up food" aspect here. I'm assuming she's got kids and this girl is responsible for feeding and looking after them in her absence?

@Poster, how old is this girl in question? When you say you "provided her with learning tools", what exactly do you mean? A sewing machine? Does she know how to use these "tools"? Has she received training / an apprenticeship of some sort?

If you're not comfortable with her actions, I suggest you replace her with an older and more mature person. Live-in "mama's" comes to mind here...

She is 24years old, I got her sewing machine that she uses to even make money aside what i pay her because she has been trained in that line.

Julesbloom: cut her salary n lock up ur foodstuff if possible or u fire her cos such gurl can be dangerous. infact fire her b4 the worst n unimaginable happen. dnt put up wit thiefing maid.

When i told her to pack her things she started crying and begging, promised never to do it again she also has the habit of calling people to beg whenever she does anything wrong. just imagine the situation but i must act on this particular issue cos i dnt trust her no more.

debrief08: When we advice that people stop looking for cheap labor with adolescent girls and hire professional maids they will say no be so.
If you are not ready to deal with teenage drama and raging hormones then hire a real maid, with spefic work hours on pay and who you can deal with professionally. If you insist on getting a live in teenage then handle it the way you will handle a misbehaving teenage that was your blood.
We just want them to come and work and don't consider this stage of their lives a stage we as women have all passed through but because we were in the comfort of our homes our mothers handled and managed us well, when it is a maid it is national headline.
Girls at that age will be intrigued by boys, have you spoken to her about s3x, pregnancy and contraceptives? Are you just orried about your stolen food? Having a live in teenager is beyond paying school fees and paying agent, God will hold you responsible for her formative years, that is why I advice those always claiming "help" to either go the full lenght or leave the child with their parent and help.
That girl may get pregnant, contract a disease or get invovled with bad company that will ruin the rest of her life and your concern is stolen food. Anyway, its the Nigerian way, as long as she works her life and what she does with it no concern you.
Sit her down and talk with her, tell her about s3x and what she needs to know, if you insist on a teenage maid be ready to raise a teenager

I have always loved your comments on NL but most times u are fast at judging people. My kind of Job will not allow me to hire sm1 that will work and go and besides this girl we are talking about is not a teenager she is a adult, I have educated her on all you mentioned and have always told her to be patient, I provided her with learning tools and ensured she has something she can do and be on her own in the future. but the fact that she is not patient by allowing those that cant even feed themselves to deceive her is the reason why am disappointed in her.

My maid has been stealing my food stuffs and provisions to give to her boyfriends whenever am not around. she has 2 boyfriends that she feeds with my food regularly.
I just discovered and she confessed to me. am not even sure she doesn't steal my money as well. please NLS what do I do with this girl?

saintvc: Y dont u try padding. Using foam to raise it up

lol... noted

Mrs mansson:
Their is a Forever living product that can help alittle.cant remember the actual name cos i wasnt really interested.Try talking to an FLP agent.

thank you

dorox:

For sure, they are greedy and wicked otherwise they would not be asking struggling families for money to fund their extravagant lifestyle.

you are very wrong nobody is forcing you to bring money to church we are obeying His commandment by doing so. and we benefit more when we do it. am a living testimon

obadiah777: APT

you are very wrong nobody is forcing you to bring money to church we are obeying His commandment by doing so. and we benefit more when we do it. am a living testimony.

truthislight:

what did you say your DADY is?


^^^
that is an honest truth from you.
I will ever say thank you for advising this sheeple op.

1st part i do not agree with cos it is not our tithe that is feeding them God has a way of providing for His servant .
You pay tithe to secure your own future it is for ur own good.
You should learn to control ursef by not calling pple names on NL. u kno usef

dorox:

Your pastor is the best person to ask for advice regarding this matter, after all na im garri dey at stake. Though in my opinion it is unwise to bring matters like this here because it provides a cheap oppurtunity for all the fake none tithing christians and their atheist friends to portray our Daddies in the lord as a bunch of unscrupulously greedy narcissistic blood suckers.

Thanks a lot. it is well oooo

jennykadry: https://www.nairaland.com/860470/how-often-should-married-couples

thanks Jenny. have just gone through that.

obadiah777: SCRIPTURE DO SAY-'LOOK OUT FOR YOUR BROTHER' . NOW THAT WILL BE RIGHTEOUS TITHING I CAN GET WITH.

hmmmmmmmmmm... please read the scripture about tithing and offering. i still agree with your comment but they are two diff things entirely.

how many times should a man have fun with his wife in a week, month or day
A man was sharing on naira land how he can stay away from his wife for 2 weeks without touching her except when she is ovulating and need to make babies or when they r in the mood. whats your opinion on this even when they share same bed.

jennykadry: I know a cream, very good one. It is called ...."be comfortable in your own skin"

Try it, worked for me

point noted

free2ryhme: can bisexuals be allowed to contribute useful comment

highly welcome too...

obadiah777: I PAY MY TITHE TO MY OWN POCKET. ITS A PERFECT LOOP

When you pay your tithe you are securing your future
i bet you should try God by obeying His commandment and see what happenes

Is it advisable to pay tithe in other churches that are lacking just to help them grow if your own church is already grown?

Your contribution will be appreciated.

How do you achieve a firm breast after breastfeeding. Is there any type of cream or drug you can recommend to help.

touching...

Thank you so much doc, I really appreciate!
God bless you !

ACM10:

I would want you to describe the regularity of your cycle in details.

1. Prior to "your cycle irregularity", how many days cycle do u have? (I mean from the end of one menstruation to the beginning of another)

2. How many days cycle do u have now?

3. How many days does your menses last before?

4. How many pads do you use on the average everyday prior to your problem?

5. Is it well soaked with blood dripping from it on removal? Have u ever seen blood clot on it?

6. How many pads do you use now?

7. How old are u exactly?

8. What exactly is your problem? Is it that of infertility on menstrual irregularity?

If it is that of menstrual irregularity, then you don't have to be so worried about it because it can be caused by a lot of factors. The major cause in our environment is hormonal imbalance which can be due to a lot of things which includes stress, contaceptive pills/devices, etc.
It corrects on its own. When the specific cause has been identified like pelvic inflammatory disease, womb adhesion, etc, then it can be corrected medically or surgically. Cheers

30 days to be precise before the irregularity but now it is almost 36 days nd some times more than 36 days before i see my period. i have done the hormonal test b4 wn i didnt see my period for 3 mnths b4 i got married and the result came out fine with no issues with my hormones. normally i use 1 pad daily before which is usually full with blood and last f0r 5 days though last day is spotty nw i still use 1 pad but nt with so much flow which last 4 like 2 days with d 3rd day spotty. am 31yrs my problem is the irregularity. thanks

hi doc,
please am in my 30s had my 1st child abt 1yr nd half ago foe sevaral months nw my period is irregular nd wn it comes it last only for 2 days without rushing. what could be the problem and how can i control this? thank u

Richvkunt:

And I have got nothing to prove to you as well.Touche.
It only amuses me and proves this thread is fake by the fact that you are on Nairaland wasting your time while your fictitious husband is in a night club having a lap dance and still not responding to your phone calls-Now control your anger and laugh at that.
BS.

i dont want to ask of ur age i can conclude u r one of those teenagers on nairaland who doesnt kno right from left. i also wonder if u r d one killing family thread on nairaland
i admire the OP maturity in dealing with pple like u.
CRAP

kulyie: thank u very much.i giv u a standing ovation for dis post and i love u for it.uve spoken my mind in typing.gosh,women need to learn dat dey have to live their lives to please d creator of heaven and earth,b d best dey can be and other things will fall in place.haba.what is with all dis r u married now,wen will u b married,all ur friends are married,ure not gettin any younger etc.thank u once again,oshey

am sure you are not married either so u really cant kno what God himself said about marriage. she asked a question for Christ sake, God Himself created marriage and He wants us to love without condition...

Purist:

Christ!! What's all these? Why are Nigerians so friggin' sanctimonious?! Simple question that demands a simple answer, and you go on a long meaningless rant that has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the topic.

The OP has neither told us that she is in a failed marriage, nor has she sought anyone's "advice" on any matter. She's simply asking - most probably out of curiousity - for people's opinions about their marriage, and you automatically unload all manner of assumptions on her. "Love yourself", "Don't be a doormat", "Serve God", etc. Seriously?!?! This is just SO WRONG, and while you really may mean well for her, you should know that you've completely gone about it the wrong way. #JustSaying.

I wonder too oooo, she only asked a question. haa oga 4 some pple sha. am sure she is not married so she doesnt ave an idea of wat d poster is asking.lo

Jayloy: Hmmmm, my wife knows my username, i had better keep shut before my answer will instigate the obvious thought.



Lol

lol... even now she will have an idea of ur thought