THE TIMELINE OF A SLAYQUEEN
by Danny Walker

Was coming back from the fuel station; I made sure I looked everyone who walked passed me in the eyes, especially ladies. and then along came this girl I knew quite well although we were not the talking type and as she walked with a guy, in order to avoid eye contacts or greeting me, she laughed at the lame thing he said then looked away, I just smiled and walked passed with my black poly bag and five litre gallon.

Her type of life style ran cross my mind, she was the slay queen but in her early stage; I usually say that young girls do not understand what they are doing, they surely know what they are doing but do not understand it, many may not understand until experience makes them understand

For those who do not understand the meaning of slay queen, let me tell you how Google defines a slay queen...

A slay queen is a woman who wants to choke everyone else with how beautiful and cool she is.

Now allow me to define slay queen

A slay queen is a woman who believes strongly that the world revolves around their bum bum and as a consequence becomes resistant and defensive to facts and evidences that flaws this belief.



Slay queens and social media are like man and oxygen; their headquarters is Instagram then there is face book and twitter but unlike the devil roaming about seeking whom to destroy they are busy seeking attention of promiscuous men although also seeking the destinies of men to destroy.

They are the latest spices of women in town

They are not limited to social media, as a matter of fact; social media is the platform where they advertise their goods and services (I believe you know what I mean)



Various times I have tried hitting off a conversation with slay queens, I began to feel pity for myself; their English don’t usually match their makeup polished face, their command of English is epileptic... they find it difficult to use impressive words and they end up punctuating their sentences with more than enough “As in”, “Oh my God” and “Duh”...

Talking about them can drain ones energy but quickly I will help you understand the timeline of a slay queen and their miserable life at old age if they fail to change









SLAY PRINCESS (Stage 1)

It usually starts from age 14 but the ones with stronger liver start at 12 or 13. At this stage they start with face book, you will see them so eager to own a face book account and once they do, it begins to look like early stage of madness; they start by posting a photo of their face that has gone through the tortures and furnace of photo grid crowned with the usual vegetable on their head, the next things is that they come up with posts about fake friends that they themselves don’t know backed up with pictures of them showing you the size of their growing hips and back side. They usually don’t mind borrowing clothes just to take pictures for Facebook posts; it gives them satisfaction than food

No one has enough joy than a slay queen who gets 100 likes for the first time, their inbox is choked with messages from boys and men; I remember one time I held the phone of a slay queen, her face book was right in my face and I was shocked to see over 250 messages , over 700 notifications... I just weak.

Things like that give them joy...

Their next plan is attending every praise vigil in town where they can find the attention of guys; their targets are usually, instrumentalists, back bench boys and cute male singers. They usually forbid prayer vigils and churches that dress like the mother of Jesus. Also, the way they get attracted to yahoo boys and thugs is beyond me.



SLAY QUEEN (Stage Two)

Usually 20-35, they are usually almost not without makeup, they don’t want to be caught off guard so they don’t mind sleeping with makeup. They would rather stay hungry than be without makeup, it becomes their oxygen. If you are smart enough to catch them off guard, you wouldn’t mind preaching to people that king Kong is real...

At this stage church is too boring, they now spend almost every night in hotels and clubs, drinking, smoking shisha like a patient on oxygen support, as well as receiving different sizes of dicks to the point that it begins to taste like breakfast.

At this stage she has advanced to twitter and Instagram and now runs a premium account, they tell you Facebook is for kids like us.

On Sunday they go to church and thank him for the success in their hustle, God being so merciful tell them “you are welcome”. They go online on Sunday and post bible verses that they themselves don’t know what it says, verses that cannot even be related to the Sunday, you see posts like “#Slaybae... blessed Sunday... genesis 14v3”... “#Slaybitch... small girl with big God... Jonah 1v6”... when will you girlsd have sense?

On Sunday night, for God’s sake they will reduce the number of dicks for the night and pile them up for tomorrow Monday and you see the Mumu come online and post on Sunday night “Will be very busy tomorrow, no messages please”...

At about 28-30 and above, they start losing their sanity and start making posts like “I love black cucumbers”, “I want to have sex with the first cute guy that comments”, “White dicks are the best” “I am tired of dicks I want cucumber” and they back up the posts with nudes; all for attention... signs that they have received dicks beyond limits and their brain is experiencing maximum damages.

Their type of husband standard is insanely high; it baffles me how they have the guts to ask God for a God-fearing husband who is rich and handsome and earns at least 3million and rides Benz...

What I love most is that as time begins to tell on them; they are forced to reduce their standards slowly. Some even become baby mamas (New title). Single motherhood begins; I can very much imagine the life of a child raised by a slay queen... SMH



SLAY MAMA (Stage three)

I love this stage most... at this stage they are ready to marry anything in trousers that looks like a man.

This stage usually starts from 36/37-50.

These ones are usually very bitter, nothing in life excites them again, nothing funny to them; not friends, not dicks, not drinks, not clubbing, nothing at all, they now become their own worst enemy because they now know that evening newspaper is more useful than they are.

At this stage I usually like to dedicate a song to their boobs; now everybody sing after me:

“Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall”

“Humpty Dumpty Had a great fall”

“And all the Slay queen and their big gods could not put humpty Dumpty together again”...

Their big back side is now full of wrinkles and stretch marks that look like the lightening from Thor’s hammer... nothing to slay again...

Some will travel to Italy and start transporting younger girls to Italy for prostitution; frustration will make some join baby factory business...

They usually don’t have eyebrows anymore at this stage because they have shaved the whole generations of eye brows, the remaining ones inside will now decide to start growing inside instead of outside and at this critical stage they begin to look like boxing champions that have received enough blows to the eye brow, their faces like Mayweather and Mike Tyson...



SLAYED MAMA (Final Stop)

Many don’t usually live above 50 because they consequences of their miserable life would have ended them. As for those who live on, some begin to give motherly advice and join women empowerment

Some others will now run to church out of frustration, they now become prayer warriors, some will even join Good women choir, sanitation, ushers, all in the hope that God will repair their lives... abeg, where God won start from

Anyway, in conclusion, I dedicate this song ‘’Ordinary People” by Cohbam to all the Slay Queens out there...

Let us have a world of ordinary people, living life the way god wants us to

And if we have a world of ordinary people, extraordinary things will happen through me and you...

*drops pen and sips zobo*...


https://godhow.blogs pot.com/2021/05/timeline-of-slayqueen-funny.html

(just close the space between blog and spot to visit my blog)


By the way I am giving free books out to people, fiction and non fiction most of which are mine and some by top popular authors whose book I bought...

I will be giving some books for free

Click the link below

https://dannywalker.subscribemenow.com/

Ok

Omoh, I laughed so hard reading this. As you rightly said, most only learn the consequences of their actions from personal unfortunate experiences. By then, it's already too late to right the so many wrongs in their lives. The lucky few get away with their actions and marry one unsuspecting fool who they'll eventually frustrate sef cos of the remnants of their previous lifestyle.

this is straight up funny, well written

This ur post don make me laff but it's 100% very correct. If u no marry ur wife as a virgin eeh, know say a minimum of 10 horrible looking DICKsons don drill am before you . After dem don scatter womb with postinor and other yeye local abortion drugs, na church(choir) be their next place. U go see dem on Sunday dey shed tears while worshipping in church. My brother don't be deceived ooooo, na retired general in the runs industry na be that . Virginity no dey determine good wife sha, but that one no mean say person go marry Sokoto local borehole na.
God EPP horse ooooo!!!

is like u no get work

Op pls go and ride Keke .

Very funny

Hahahhahahahahahahaha

Bitters and raw truth

Op pls go and ride Keke .

Real talk, i am a witness to all of that especially those posting quotes about haters

KingZaddy:
THE TIMELINE OF A SLAYQUEEN
by Danny Walker

Was coming back from the fuel station; I made sure I looked everyone who walked passed me in the eyes, especially ladies. and then along came this girl I knew quite well although we were not the talking type and as she walked with a guy, in order to avoid eye contacts or greeting me, she laughed at the lame thing he said then looked away, I just smiled and walked passed with my black poly bag and five litre gallon.

Her type of life style ran cross my mind, she was the slay queen but in her early stage; I usually say that young girls do not understand what they are doing, they surely know what they are doing but do not understand it, many may not understand until experience makes them understand

For those who do not understand the meaning of slay queen, let me tell you how Google defines a slay queen...

A slay queen is a woman who wants to choke everyone else with how beautiful and cool she is.

Now allow me to define slay queen

A slay queen is a woman who believes strongly that the world revolves around their bum bum and as a consequence becomes resistant and defensive to facts and evidences that flaws this belief.



Slay queens and social media are like man and oxygen; their headquarters is Instagram then there is face book and twitter but unlike the devil roaming about seeking whom to destroy they are busy seeking attention of promiscuous men although also seeking the destinies of men to destroy.

They are the latest spices of women in town

They are not limited to social media, as a matter of fact; social media is the platform where they advertise their goods and services (I believe you know what I mean)



Various times I have tried hitting off a conversation with slay queens, I began to feel pity for myself; their English don’t usually match their makeup polished face, their command of English is epileptic... they find it difficult to use impressive words and they end up punctuating their sentences with more than enough “As in”, “Oh my God” and “Duh”...

Talking about them can drain ones energy but quickly I will help you understand the timeline of a slay queen and their miserable life at old age if they fail to change









SLAY PRINCESS (Stage 1)

It usually starts from age 14 but the ones with stronger liver start at 12 or 13. At this stage they start with face book, you will see them so eager to own a face book account and once they do, it begins to look like early stage of madness; they start by posting a photo of their face that has gone through the tortures and furnace of photo grid crowned with the usual vegetable on their head, the next things is that they come up with posts about fake friends that they themselves don’t know backed up with pictures of them showing you the size of their growing hips and back side. They usually don’t mind borrowing clothes just to take pictures for Facebook posts; it gives them satisfaction than food

No one has enough joy than a slay queen who gets 100 likes for the first time, their inbox is choked with messages from boys and men; I remember one time I held the phone of a slay queen, her face book was right in my face and I was shocked to see over 250 messages , over 700 notifications... I just weak.

Things like that give them joy...

Their next plan is attending every praise vigil in town where they can find the attention of guys; their targets are usually, instrumentalists, back bench boys and cute male singers. They usually forbid prayer vigils and churches that dress like the mother of Jesus. Also, the way they get attracted to yahoo boys and thugs is beyond me.



SLAY QUEEN (Stage Two)

Usually 20-35, they are usually almost not without makeup, they don’t want to be caught off guard so they don’t mind sleeping with makeup. They would rather stay hungry than be without makeup, it becomes their oxygen. If you are smart enough to catch them off guard, you wouldn’t mind preaching to people that king Kong is real...

At this stage church is too boring, they now spend almost every night in hotels and clubs, drinking, smoking shisha like a patient on oxygen support, as well as receiving different sizes of dicks to the point that it begins to taste like breakfast.

At this stage she has advanced to twitter and Instagram and now runs a premium account, they tell you Facebook is for kids like us.

On Sunday they go to church and thank him for the success in their hustle, God being so merciful tell them “you are welcome”. They go online on Sunday and post bible verses that they themselves don’t know what it says, verses that cannot even be related to the Sunday, you see posts like “#Slaybae... blessed Sunday... genesis 14v3”... “#Slaybitch... small girl with big God... Jonah 1v6”... when will you girlsd have sense?

On Sunday night, for God’s sake they will reduce the number of dicks for the night and pile them up for tomorrow Monday and you see the Mumu come online and post on Sunday night “Will be very busy tomorrow, no messages please”...

At about 28-30 and above, they start losing their sanity and start making posts like “I love black cucumbers”, “I want to have sex with the first cute guy that comments”, “White dicks are the best” “I am tired of dicks I want cucumber” and they back up the posts with nudes; all for attention... signs that they have received dicks beyond limits and their brain is experiencing maximum damages.

Their type of husband standard is insanely high; it baffles me how they have the guts to ask God for a God-fearing husband who is rich and handsome and earns at least 3million and rides Benz...

What I love most is that as time begins to tell on them; they are forced to reduce their standards slowly. Some even become baby mamas (New title). Single motherhood begins; I can very much imagine the life of a child raised by a slay queen... SMH



SLAY MAMA (Stage three)

I love this stage most... at this stage they are ready to marry anything in trousers that looks like a man.

This stage usually starts from 36/37-50.

These ones are usually very bitter, nothing in life excites them again, nothing funny to them; not friends, not dicks, not drinks, not clubbing, nothing at all, they now become their own worst enemy because they now know that evening newspaper is more useful than they are.

At this stage I usually like to dedicate a song to their boobs; now everybody sing after me:

“Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall”

“Humpty Dumpty Had a great fall”

“And all the Slay queen and their big gods could not put humpty Dumpty together again”...

Their big back side is now full of wrinkles and stretch marks that look like the lightening from Thor’s hammer... nothing to slay again...

Some will travel to Italy and start transporting younger girls to Italy for prostitution; frustration will make some join baby factory business...

They usually don’t have eyebrows anymore at this stage because they have shaved the whole generations of eye brows, the remaining ones inside will now decide to start growing inside instead of outside and at this critical stage they begin to look like boxing champions that have received enough blows to the eye brow, their faces like Mayweather and Mike Tyson...

SLAYED MAMA (Final Stop)

Many don’t usually live above 50 because they consequences of their miserable life would have ended them. As for those who live on, some begin to give motherly advice and join women empowerment

Some others will now run to church out of frustration, they now become prayer warriors, some will even join Good women choir, sanitation, ushers, all in the hope that God will repair their lives... abeg, where God won start from

Anyway, in conclusion, I dedicate this song ‘’Ordinary People” by Cohbam to all the Slay Queens out there...

Let us have a world of ordinary people, living life the way god wants us to

And if we have a world of ordinary people, extraordinary things will happen through me and you...

*drops pen and sips zobo*...


https://godhow.blogs pot.com/2021/05/timeline-of-slayqueen-funny.html

the "slayed mama" part was bomb. It was cracking. I am one small girl that I cared about sooo much but bros she is worst than the submission in this write-up. She not even 19 yet. Her life sometimes bring me to secret tears. I wanna help at the same time I don't want my reputation battered. Mehn this girl is pretty.

Let me brush my teeth first
Am coming back to read

G

This really sums it up....

SLAYED MAMA (Final Stop)

Many don’t usually live above 50 because they consequences of their miserable life would have ended them. As for those who live on, some begin to give motherly advice and join women empowerment

Some others will now run to church out of frustration, they now become prayer warriors, some will even join Good women choir, sanitation, ushers, all in the hope that God will repair their lives... abeg, where God won start from

The bolded really cracked me up....

Benwallt:
the "slayed mama" part was bomb. It was cracking. I am one small girl that I cared about sooo much but bros she is worst than the submission in this write-up. She not even 19 yet. Her life sometimes bring me to secret tears. I wanna help at the same time I don't want my reputation battered. Mehn this girl is pretty.

If this week finish and you nor get sense, just forget about having sense for the rest of your life. How you go see epistle like this come quote am join? Just to show the entire NL that you are senseless or what?

All these things keeps happening while desmond Elliot is busy Learning Marwa Palliative Dance steps.....

May God help our Slaying Future....

Benwallt:
the "slayed mama" part was bomb. It was cracking. I am one small girl that I cared about sooo much but bros she is worst than the submission in this write-up. She not even 19 yet. Her life sometimes bring me to secret tears. I wanna help at the same time I don't want my reputation battered. Mehn this girl is pretty.

Don't be a captain save a hoe.

Waste of time

LMAO!

Op you've said it all. A lot of girls are dumb and short-sighted. The girl I knew from Port Harcourt is now a single mum. And she never stop, she's still doing runsgirl stupid stuff. She keeps on posting on her status 'support me, send to my aza, blah blah blah and her twerking videos'. I just deleted her number sharp sharp.

You nailed it all man

For the first time in a long while I enjoyed reading something worthwhile on Nairaland. The post was well written and full of facts and the reality of life for dem slayqueens. A word is enough for the wise.

Lalasticlala

KingZaddy:
THE TIMELINE OF A SLAYQUEEN

What an incredible & powerful realistic fax, permit to make a video of this, the hurtful truth most ladies will want to hear.. simps are equally pressed about this, you deserve a crown

HitGuy:

What an incredible & powerful realistic fax, permit to make a video of this, the hurtful truth most ladies will want to hear.. simps are equally pressed about this, you deserve a crown

as long as you will not forget to mention the name of the content owner (Danny Walker) in the video...

If you do a video on it I will also help you share it on my YouTube channel...

Lol this is hilarious