We live in a family compound with my family and my hubby's elder brother but separate apartments. My first daughter and my hubby's first daughter are always same age but she is older than my daughter with just a year. This my hubby's daughter always finds every opportunity to always attack my daughter verbally and it always get to her, it makes withdrawn most times and she complains to me. My daughter in the other hand will always attack her younger siblings in her favour, she will always wanna be in good terms with her cousin but she is always taking advantage of it to treat her anyhow. There was a time she wanted to borrow a book from her to complete her home work cause her textbook wasn't ready and her mother gave it to my daughter but she collected it on her way upstairs to our house but my daughter will always place her first. Like if her maternal grandma comes she will chase them out of their apartment but when my mum comes my daughter will invite her and her siblings and she will benefit from all she brings. BTW, my daughter is always herself every where else, she is confident too any other place but not with her cousin. She always finds one way or another to bring my daughter down. I think that environment is not healthy for her. Please I need an advice from you guys

Hmm...you have said it all in your concluding sentence. May the good God provide for you so that you can move away from that compound.

Train your child to be a winner not a loser OK! madam.

Let me let you in on a little secret I like villains more than the good guys in movies.

Am not advising wrong behavior, buh pls your child is growing up to being a pussy....

You need to teach your daughter how to do good instead of bad, one on one, don't personalize your own with them, they might be good friends but you are thinking she hate your daughter, no matter how any bad it is. She is still young to harbour hatred in her mind. Just tell her to always love her siblings equally with others too and be careful. Don't discourage her please

Netochi:

My daughter in the other hand will always attack her younger siblings in her favour

Not only is your daughter suffering from the effects of her cousin making her feel inferior, but she is doing to her own siblings exactly what her cousin is doing to herself to make them feel inferior too.

The good thing is "it makes her withdrawn most times and she complains to me", which shows she does not like it when done to her so should not be doing it to her siblings.

You just need to learn how to fit the [url=https://classic.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+18%3A21-35&version=KJV]Parable of the Unforgiven Servant[/url] into a lesson for your daughter, and she will be healed, because the mere fact that you have noticed it early is God's Grace in itself.

Netochi:
We live in a family compound with my family and my hubby's elder brother but separate apartments. My first daughter and my hubby's first daughter are always same age but she is older than my daughter with just a year. This my hubby's daughter always finds every opportunity to always attack my daughter verbally and it always get to her, it makes withdrawn most times and she complains to me. My daughter in the other hand will always attack her younger siblings in her favour, she will always wanna be in good terms with her cousin but she is always taking advantage of it to treat her anyhow. There was a time she wanted to borrow a book from her to complete her home work cause her textbook wasn't ready and her mother gave it to my daughter but she collected it on her way upstairs to our house but my daughter will always place her first. Like if her maternal grandma comes she will chase them out of their apartment but when my mum comes my daughter will invite her and her siblings and she will benefit from all she brings. BTW, my daughter is always herself every where else, she is confident too any other place but not with her cousin. She always finds one way or another to bring my daughter down. I think that environment is not healthy for her. Please I need an advice from you guys

I think you have to speak to your daughter, mother to daughter. It is evident that the cousin is a bully and this experience is not good for her mental health. I think she has to maintain a not so friendly relationship with the cousin and also give back to the cousin in her own coin. Only say what is needed and no more, just like colleagues in the office. Your daughter is trying to please the cousin to her own detriment. You have to talk to her about the dangers of this or else she might develop anxiety which would damage her eventually.

Bola146:
You need to teach your daughter how to do good instead of bad, one on one, don't personalize your own with them, they might be good friends but you are thinking she hate your daughter, no matter how any bad it is. She is still young to harbour hatred in her mind. Just tell her to always love her siblings equally with others too and be careful. Don't discourage her please

You don't know this girl at all..she is just taking advantage of my daughter's kindness. Whenever there is an issue with other children in the compound she will always side them against my daughter and when any of there other cousins start visiting.. Now my Second daughter is exactly the opposite of the first but she stays clear from her and even respect her more cause that one you can't even intimidate her at all but my first daughter will take the cousins side whenever they have issues. I am afraid it will get worse than this

budaatum:

Not only is your daughter suffering from the effects of her cousin making her feel inferior, but she is doing to her own siblings exactly what her cousin is doing to herself to make them feel inferior too.

The good thing is "it makes her withdrawn most times and she complains to me", which shows she does not like it when done to her so should not be doing it to her siblings.

You just need to learn how to fit the [url=https://classic.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+18%3A21-35&version=KJV]Parable of the Unforgiven Servant[/url] into a lesson for your daughter, and she will be healed, because the mere fact that you have noticed it early is God's Grace in itself.

You nailed it, my daughter would have succeeded with her sister but that one na akpo, she no dy hear but she kind of trying to succeed with her brother

Netochi:

You don't know this girl at all..she is just taking advantage of my daughter's kindness. Whenever there is an issue with other children in the compound she will always side them against my daughter and when any of there other cousins start visiting.. Now my Second daughter is exactly the opposite of the first but she stays clear from her and even respect her more cause that one you can't even intimidate her at all but my first daughter will take the cousins side whenever they have issues. I am afraid it will get worse than this

Madam, please continue to call her even in the midnight, or let your husband talk to her. Also ma, put them into your prayers, teach them how to watch and pray

jesmond3945:
I think you have to speak to your daughter, mother to daughter. It is evident that the cousin is a bully and this experience is not good for her mental health. I think she has to maintain a not so friendly relationship with the cousin and also give back to the cousin in her own coin. Only say what is needed and no more, just like colleagues in the office. Your daughter is trying to please the cousin to her own detriment. You have to talk to her about the dangers of this or else she might develop anxiety which would damage her eventually.

Thank you, you nailed it..how do I start telling her. Even today I tried she told me her cousin always her things that hurt her

Netochi:

You nailed it, my daughter would have succeeded with her sister but that one na akpo, she no dy hear but she kind of trying to succeed with her brother

Well, in you I see one blessed with the Wisdom to fix this. My Faith in you is unshakable.

Netochi:

Thank you, you nailed it..how do I start telling her. Even today I tried she told me her cousin always her things that hurt her

I am talking from experience. We are surrounded by bullies and the way to destroy a bully is to starve them of attention. Your daughter has to downgrade the relationship with her cousin for sanity sake. She has to start avoiding her and look for people who would make her happy. This would make to heal and get herself back. Ultimately open confrontation is very much okay, your daughter can tell the cousin to stop with warning from further insults. However, this method would strain the relationship and make them enemies. I think the cousin is acting based on what her parents told them about you. So this shows your in laws don't really like you. So let her downgrade the relationship and only talk to her when is absolutely necessary.

jesmond3945:
I am talking from experience. We are surrounded by bullies and the way to destroy a bully is to starve them of attention. Your daughter has to downgrade the relationship with her cousin for sanity sake. She has to start avoiding her and look for people who would make her happy. This would make to heal and get herself back. Ultimately open confrontation is very much okay, your daughter can tell the cousin to stop with warning from further insults. However, this method would strain the relationship and make them enemies. I think the cousin is acting based on what her parents told them about you. So this shows your in laws don't really like you. So let her downgrade the relationship and only talk to her when is absolutely necessary.

My hubby are her brother are not in good terms at all but their mum is really cool Asin my mother in-law. My mother in-law have warned me too about allowing my children come there cause of her bully. She personally warned me on several occasions after I observed myself

budaatum:

Not only is your daughter suffering from the effects of her cousin making her feel inferior, but she is doing to her own siblings exactly what her cousin is doing to herself to make them feel inferior too.

The good thing is "it makes her withdrawn most times and she complains to me", which shows she does not like it when done to her so should not be doing it to her siblings.

You just need to learn how to fit the [url=https://classic.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+18%3A21-35&version=KJV]Parable of the Unforgiven Servant[/url] into a lesson for your daughter, and she will be healed, because the mere fact that you have noticed it early is God's Grace in itself.

@bold:

Good observation there.

@Netochi:
You need to understand the influence the cousin has on your daughter and break it.

Netochi:

Thank you, you nailed it..how do I start telling her. Even today I tried she told me her cousin always her things that hurt her

How old is she and the cousin?

Ask your daughter to limit going to their apartment. If you guys weren't related, I doubt she would be going there so often.
Also ask her to speak up and let her cousin know when she is hurt. Teach her to soro soke, and to stand up for herself.
Let her understand she can limit her interaction with children that make her feel less of a person.
Perhaps enrol your daughter in after school activities like tennis, martial arts, piano lessons, swimming etc once or twice a week. That will definitely help boost her self confidence and make her look forward to something else/keep her busy too.
If she is able to mix with other children, her cousin's influence won't be so important to her

mariahAngel:


How old is she and the cousin?

8 and 9

eyinjuege:
Ask your daughter to limit going to their apartment. If you guys weren't related, I doubt she would be going there so often.
Also ask her to speak up and let her cousin know when she is hurt. Teach her to soro soko, and to stand up for herself.
Let her understand she can limit her interaction with children that make her feel less of a person.
Perhaps enrol your daughter in after school activities like tennis, martial arts, piano lessons, swimming etc once or twice a week. That will definitely help boost her self confidence and make her look forward to something else/keep her busy too.
If she is able to mix with other children, her cousin's influence won't be so important to her

Thank you so much..this is really helpful

Netochi:

My hubby are her brother are not in good terms at all but their mum is really cool Asin my mother in-law. My mother in-law have warned me too about allowing my children come there cause of her bully. She personally warned me on several occasions after I observed myself

okay so you make a choice. Your daughter should limit her presence, find something to keep her busy.

Netochi:

8 and 9

You need to work on building her confidence because you're not always going to be around her.
She needs to know her worth and not grow up to be a doormat.
If it's not her cousin, it could somebody else.
Also, she doesn't necessarily need to avoid her cousin, teach her to stand up for herself against unfairness instead.

Bola146:


Madam, please continue to call her even in the midnight, or let your husband talk to her. Also ma, put them into your prayers, teach them how to watch and pray

Your first advise was too premature. She replied you to make you understand what is really hurting her yet u still went ahead to dish this type of advice. how come some of you that are so religious dont know when to acts and when to pray. You are telling her to teach her daughter how to watch and pray...in what regard Madam? Nigeria will never move forward as long as alot of you will rather pray instead of taking actions on making things work.

@OP.. you must put your words into action. Sit her down and tell her what you have observed about her and the bad attitude it is displaying to her siblings. Lists the consequences of how her acts could affects the relationship with her siblings. Tell her to stand tall whenever the other girl wants to bully her. Assure her that you will stand by her no matter what happened. You also need to tell the other woman to control her bully daughter or you talk to the father direct. I cant allow my daughter/sonr become a bully when I can stop it. Do it now before it turns your daughter to something else. You can now pray after you have done those tips i listed. Gracias...

bdchange:
@OP.. you must put your words into action. Sit her down and tell her what you have observed about her and the bad attitude it is displaying to her siblings. Lists the consequences of how her acts could affects the relationship with her siblings. Tell her to stand tall whenever the other girl wants to bully her. Assure her that you will stand by her no matter what happened. You also need to tell the other woman to control her bully daughter or you talk to the father direct. I cant allow my daughter/sonr become a bully when I can stop it. Do it now before it turns your daughter to something else. You can now pray after you have done those tips i listed. Gracias...

Thank you

bdchange:

Your first advise was too premature. She replied you to make you understand what is really hurting her yet u still went ahead to dish this type of advice. how come some of you that are so religious dont know when to acts and when to pray. You are telling her to teach her daughter how to watch and pray...in what regard Madam? Nigeria will never move forward as long as alot of you will rather pray instead of taking actions on making things work.

Mr Mature, kindly let us know your opinion if it's not fish or mosquito one