I imagine so....sorry dear.
You will be fine I'm sure...thankfully you have your family as a support system.
A question dou....do u know if he filled married or single when apply as a student?
If he filled single, then to IRCC that's immigration fraud since the marriage predates the visa application.
And he will be eventually be deported or lose his visa. Otherwise, they will redirect u to appropriate authority or measures to take.

It will be good and therapeutic that you have closure one way or the other
All d best sis, perhaps the Good Lord just helped u dodged bullets- unhappy marriage life held by cultural ties many women I know suffer in Nigeria

Amakaoyekachi1:
It’s so painful

Baba...looking past marriage is easier in print ooo especially since its messy already. Wife has suffered severe psycological, emotional & physical hurt already. But I agree that closure is key here
I even seriously suspect he filled single in his visa....if she reports him with evidence the consequences will be dire.
I hope for the best for her dou

ednut1:
ircc does not handle marital disputes, at this point you can’t establish the real situation too. At this point start looking past this so called marriage. No be marriage be this. It is also your right to Bleep him up too, he deserves it

Amakaoyekachi1:
But abandoning your wife with no communication whatsoever Is unfair to any woman, at least if she is aware of the situation of things it’s better. Do you know the psychological trauma I have been going through, wondering what might be wrong, I was even hospitalized at some point. This is not boyfriend oo, this is my husband. It’s painful. I just need suggestions on how to reach the appropriate authorities and what to do to make sure I don’t suffer in vein.

You can't really claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

You guys got married last year, he traveled back to Canada shortly after and communication between you two was good, at least for some time.

4 months ago, he cut communication with you. Anything could be wrong. Did anything change about you after he moved back to Canada? Were you putting undue pressure on him? Like finance and putting pressure on him to file for you so you can join him?

Again, it's possible that he's not married and that email from his 'other wife' could be him sending it to you to give him some space.

Relax! Your case is not ideal but give the young man some time. He's a student. 20 hours/week and he's funding his studies and stuff.

Just 4 months of no communication and you're already thinking of contacting agencies and bringing the poor man down. What will you do when you land? Like I said earlier, you can claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

Calm down!

phabulous88:


You can't really claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

You guys got married last year, he traveled back to Canada shortly after and communication between you two was good, at least for some time.

4 months ago, he cut communication with you. Anything could be wrong. Did anything change about you after he moved back to Canada? Were you putting undue pressure on him? Like finance and putting pressure on him to file for you so you can join him?

Again, it's possible that he's not married and that email from his 'other wife' could be him sending it to you to give him some space.

Relax! Your case is not ideal but give the young man some time. He's a student. 20 hours/week and he's funding his studies and stuff.

Just 4 months of no communication and you're already thinking of bringing the poor man down. What will you do when you land? Like I said earlier, you can claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

Calm down!

Please sir, i never pressured him or anything. I was worried sick of what could be the problem cause I was ghosted, no word nothing. At least if I am aware of what is the true nature of things I won’t be worried and rest assured. Please try and put yourself in my shoes and think of the emotional and psychological trauma I have been going through. But thank you for the advise, I will be patient and see how everything unfolds.

MayorOfEdmonton:
I imagine so....sorry dear.
You will be fine I'm sure...thankfully you have your family as a support system.
A question dou....do u know if he filled married or single when apply as a student?
If he filled single, then to IRCC that's immigration fraud since the marriage predates the visa application.
And he will be eventually be deported or lose his visa. Otherwise, they will redirect u to appropriate authority or measures to take.

It will be good and therapeutic that you have closure one way or the other
All d best sis, perhaps the Good Lord just helped u dodged bullets- unhappy marriage life held by cultural ties many women I know suffer in Nigeria

Thank you so much for the advice, it’s just sad that I am left in the dark. I really don’t know about the information part, I know there was a time he told me that was last year that he changed so many information when he got to Canada. I just want closure cause I am tried and worried sick asking myself questions of what could be going on and his family members not helping matters at all, but they seem relaxed with everything going on, but telling me to be fasting and praying.

Amakaoyekachi1:
Please sir, i never pressured him or anything. I was worried sick of what could be the problem cause I was ghosted, no word nothing. At least if I am aware of what is the true nature of things I won’t be worried and rest assured. Please try and put yourself in my shoes and think of the emotional and psychological trauma I have been going through. But thank you for the advise, I will be patient and see how everything unfolds.

If you have the funds, hire a private investigator. Keep following up with his school. How about his friends? You should at least know some of them here and in the abroad.

Take it easy uncle/Hantie she's going through a difficult time
I'm fairly certain you are yet to marry....nor r u in Canada
Nobody is ever that busy for a spouse however how much pressure they r subjected to. She's his immediate FAMILY albeit the movies portrays marriage as transient dis days.
I hv married friends in Nigeria that work in oil and gas....just their 28 days on/off strains the marriage and you call 4 months just?
Some had to adjust their work schedule to spend more time with their family at a lesser pay.
Going days...weeks... months without talking to ur spouse is very cruel except the marriage has hit rock bottom already.... one day you may understand.
Peace

phabulous88:


You can't really claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

You guys got married last year, he traveled back to Canada shortly after and communication between you two was good, at least for some time.

4 months ago, he cut communication with you. Anything could be wrong. Did anything change about you after he moved back to Canada? Were you putting undue pressure on him? Like finance and putting pressure on him to file for you so you can join him?

Again, it's possible that he's not married and that email from his 'other wife' could be him sending it to you to give him some space.

Relax! Your case is not ideal but give the young man some time. He's a student. 20 hours/week and he's funding his studies and stuff.

Just 4 months of no communication and you're already thinking of bringing the poor man down. What will you do when you land? Like I said earlier, you can claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

Calm down!

Amakaoyekachi1:
But abandoning your wife with no communication whatsoever Is unfair to any woman, at least if she is aware of the situation of things it’s better. Do you know the psychological trauma I have been going through, wondering what might be wrong, I was even hospitalized at some point. This is not boyfriend oo, this is my husband. It’s painful. I just need suggestions on how to reach the appropriate authorities and what to do to make sure I don’t suffer in vein.

If you need a good and real advice with deals with reality of life. I will tell you to go to your prayer room and keep praying. Go and speak to your God that has his heart in his hand.

Am also an international student and married. Sometimes the challenges I faced here every day would sometimes want me to just avoid everyone and find another place to go or just find a citizen here to date. But it takes only grace of God even when i still call my wife and still not understand what am passing through. My advice, pray and pray for him. Let him finish his study. And I believe God would interven.

My last advice, whenever he eventually calls you. Try to show empathy, let him be free to speak all what his passing through. With this i believe you would open wide the channel of communication. This is my simple advice.

God bless your marriage

Charles61:


If you need a good and real advice with deals with reality of life. I will tell you to go to your prayer room and keep praying. Go and speak to your God that has his heart in his hand.

Am also an international student and married. Sometimes the challenges I faced here every day would sometimes want me to just avoid everyone and find another place to go or just find a citizen here to date. But it takes only grace of God even when i still call my wife and still not understand what am passing through. My advice, pray and pray for him. Let him finish his study. And I believe God would interven.

My last advice, whenever he eventually calls you. Try to show empathy, let him be free to speak all what his passing through. With this i believe you would open wide the channel of communication. This is my simple advice.

God bless your marriage

since you have been to Canada how many times have you heard the word God. We Nigerians are just too obsessed with religion, this guy has clearly shown he is evil you are still saying she should pray. Abeg dey use brain abeg

MayorOfEdmonton:
Take it easy uncle/Hantie she's going through a difficult time
I'm fairly certain you are yet to marry....nor r u in Canada
Nobody is ever that busy for a spouse however how much pressure they r subjected to. She's his immediate FAMILY albeit the movies portrays marriage as transient dis days.
I hv married friends in Nigeria that work in oil and gas....just their 28 days on/off strains the marriage and you call 4 months just?
Some had to adjust their work schedule to spend more time with their family at a lesser pay.
Going days...weeks... months without talking to ur spouse is very cruel except the marriage has hit rock bottom already.... one day you may understand.
Peace

Don't be like this. You've only heard from her, just one side and you're already passing judgement.

While I am not in support of spousal abandonment, there are a lot about her marriage that we're not privy to. Her marriage has been more virtual than in person.

Ask yourself, why would he cut communication from his lawfully married wife just 4 months ago? They got married last year, he traveled back to Canada shortly afterwards and communication was good. And then 4 months ago he cut communication?

Something must have caused it.

You don't know, I don't know. The only thing we know is what she's said to us. That's one sided. Until you hear from him you shouldn't pass judgement.

What I want is for her to do her investigation well before making any move, not looking for "appropriate Canadian" authorities and IRCC" to bring him down. I've said it in previous post, contact his school, friends, hire a private investigator. There are a number of ways to go about these things.

MayorOfEdmonton:
Baba...looking past marriage is easier in print ooo especially since its messy already. Wife has suffered severe psycological, emotional & physical hurt already. But I agree that closure is key here
I even seriously suspect he filled single in his visa....if she reports him with evidence the consequences will be dire.
I hope for the best for her dou

And just while you are seriously suspecting him, he was a student before he got married to her. So that means that when he applied for visa, he applied as a single.

Get your facts right before you start posting

phabulous88:


You can't really claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

You guys got married last year, he traveled back to Canada shortly after and communication between you two was good, at least for some time.

4 months ago, he cut communication with you. Anything could be wrong. Did anything change about you after he moved back to Canada? Were you putting undue pressure on him? Like finance and putting pressure on him to file for you so you can join him?

Again, it's possible that he's not married and that email from his 'other wife' could be him sending it to you to give him some space.

Relax! Your case is not ideal but give the young man some time. He's a student. 20 hours/week and he's funding his studies and stuff.

Just 4 months of no communication and you're already thinking of contacting agencies and bringing the poor man down. What will you do when you land? Like I said earlier, you can claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

Calm down!

I was reading through your reply until I got to the last paragraph. Please don’t say just 4 months of no communication is a trivial matter, more so people are different emotionally. To a small extent I understand her inner turmoil. I’ve been married since 2019 and I’ve only seen my husband just once after the wedding; we also talk every damn day, yet I know how much our marital situation has affected me deep within and outwardly. How much more so someone who’s husband has essentially ghosted her.

Although I understand you are trying to make her reason calmly through her situation - of course she needs to be calm and calculating - but terming 4 months of her husband being incommunicado “just” is quite dismissive of the effect of her predicament on her. She needs closure. If her husband did value the marriage he’d have fought tooth and nail to constantly contact her. So if contacting agencies will give her closure and psychological balance, then let her do it. It’s her prerogative.

MayorOfEdmonton:

Like has been said he will be deported(probably in addition to a failed marriage) unless he has proofs to refute your claims upon examination. Are u willing to live with that consequence??
He likely filled single in his application, did u both agree to this Perhaps he convinced u it's the better option.
I'm sure ur parents know of the situation....what have they done so far?(In d spirit of Nigeria culture)

Ultimately the choice is urs- (i)move on with ur life and leave him to God to judge as most Nigerians do or (ii) reach out to immigration with the evidence u have- being a victim, sit back and see d beauty of western world especially in supporting women.
But as before advised....try to reach out to him telling him of ur plans...if he doesnt respond,tell his parents ur plans, if he calls ur bluff den u have given him all opportunity to come back to his senses according to Jesus at Matthew 18.
Cheers
#MyOneCent

Spot on!
I just believe it would also help matter if OP responded to the bolded.
Sorry for your ordeal though

phabulous88:


Don't be like this. You've only heard from her, just one side and you're already passing judgement.

While I am not in support of spousal abandonment, there are a lot about her marriage that we're not privy to. Her marriage has been more virtual than in person.

Ask yourself, why would he cut communication from his lawfully married wife just 4 months ago? They got married last year, he traveled back to Canada shortly afterwards and communication was good. And then 4 months ago he cut communication?

Something must have caused it.

You don't know, I don't know. The only thing we know is what she's said to us. That's one sided. Until you hear from him you shouldn't pass judgement.

What I want is for her to do her investigation well before making any move, not looking for "appropriate Canadian" authorities and IRCC" to bring him down. I've said it in previous post, contact his school, friends, hire a private investigator. There are a number of ways to go about these things.



And just while you are seriously suspecting him, he was a student before he got married to her. So that means that when he applied for visa, he applied as a single.

Get your facts right before you start posting

@phabulous88
I believe you are a scholar, someone who speaks with fact and wisdom. May God increases your wisdom.

I pray this issue is solved, and the guy successful graduate and settle down with good job and his wife.

And I hope one day, the guy also come on nairaland too, to share his part of story. But the problem now is, If the guy get to read all what his wife posted here, and it's not what it meant to be or otherwise.

That would be a very big issue in the marriage which could lead to divorce and that's why I said let the wife calm down, pray and solve the problem within and not social media.

Social media advice is like when someone died and friends/families started promising you that they would be father, friend, husband to you and support you. But in just few days, everyone will leave you with your pain, you re left alone with your thought, idea, and whatever.

But the gods of marriage solver said I should use my head.

Charles61:


If you need a good and real advice with deals with reality of life. I will tell you to go to your prayer room and keep praying. Go and speak to your God that has his heart in his hand.

Am also an international student and married. Sometimes the challenges I faced here every day would sometimes want me to just avoid everyone and find another place to go or just find a citizen here to date. But it takes only grace of God even when i still call my wife and still not understand what am passing through. My advice, pray and pray for him. Let him finish his study. And I believe God would interven.

My last advice, whenever he eventually calls you. Try to show empathy, let him be free to speak all what his passing through. With this i believe you would open wide the channel of communication. This is my simple advice.

God bless your marriage

Thank you so much sir for the wonderful advice. God will continue to make it easy for you and your family. I’ll continue trying to reach out to see what can be done

Charles61:


@phabulous88
I believe you are a scholar, someone who speaks with fact and wisdom. May God increases your wisdom.

I pray this issue is solved, and the guy successful graduate and settle down with good job and his wife.

And I hope one day, the guy also come on nairaland too, to share his part of story. But the problem now is, If the guy get to read all what his wife posted here, and it's not what it meant to be or otherwise.

That would be a very big issue in the marriage which could lead to divorce and that's why I said let the wife calm down, pray and solve the problem within and not social media.

Social media advice is like when someone died and friends/families started promising you that they would be father, friend, husband to you and support you. But in just few days, everyone will leave you with your pain, you re left alone with your thought, idea, and whatever.

But the gods of marriage solver said I should use my head.

I have tried to solve the problem before coming on social media, nothing worked, tried to reach him in different ways even via family nothing worked, i just feel they are hiding something, the most painful part of it all is that whatever the situation is I should be informed been ghosted is very painful cause you will be asking yourself all the time did I do anything wrong or where did I go wrong? At least if I know where the problem is coming from
I’ll know how to tackle it. It hasn’t been easy for me and still not easy I am just trying to put myself together. This kind of thing can break anyone down

YesLadyN:


I was reading through your reply until I got to the last paragraph. Please don’t say just 4 months of no communication is a trivial matter, more so people are different emotionally. To a small extent I understand her inner turmoil. I’ve been married since 2019 and I’ve only seen my husband just once after the wedding; we also talk every damn day, yet I know how much our marital situation has affected me deep within and outwardly. How much more so someone who’s husband has essentially ghosted her.

Although I understand you are trying to make her reason calmly through her situation - of course she needs to be calm and calculating - but terming 4 months of her husband being incommunicado “just” is quite dismissive of the effect of her predicament on her. She needs closure. If her husband did value the marriage he’d have fought tooth and nail to constantly contact her. So if contacting agencies will give her closure and psychological balance, then let her do it. It’s her prerogative.

Thank you Ma for understanding my pain, it’s not easy at all especially when someone you call your husband ghosted you, you will keep asking yourself what you did wrong or what went wrong( it can wrong someone mad) I just feel whatever the issue is i shouldn’t be left in the dark so I know my faith, right now I am just hanging in there, it’s frustrating to be very honest, that’s why I came to Nairaland to seek help to my problem.

YesLadyN:


I was reading through your reply until I got to the last paragraph. Please don’t say just 4 months of no communication is a trivial matter, more so people are different emotionally. To a small extent I understand her inner turmoil. I’ve been married since 2019 and I’ve only seen my husband just once after the wedding; we also talk every damn day, yet I know how much our marital situation has affected me deep within and outwardly. How much more so someone who’s husband has essentially ghosted her.

Although I understand you are trying to make her reason calmly through her situation - of course she needs to be calm and calculating - but terming 4 months of her husband being incommunicado “just” is quite dismissive of the effect of her predicament on her. She needs closure. If her husband did value the marriage he’d have fought tooth and nail to constantly contact her. So if contacting agencies will give her closure and psychological balance, then let her do it. It’s her prerogative.

I hear you but I never said it was a trivial matter. In fact, I really do empathize with her. In one of my posts i stated that I'm not in support of spousal abandonment.

The"just 4 months..." you read is the first part of the sentence. Just 4 months of no communication and you're already thinking of contacting agencies and bringing the poor man down


Haba! You sef put yourself as the guy.

You travel to Canada to study as a single person. After some months, you come back to 9ja and marry you woman. You then traveled back to Canada and everything was good. 4 months of no communication and your wife is already thinking of contacting agencies or the IRCC to "bring you down", because she "thinks" you married someone else there.

Him no want again be say him no want again. Move on!

Amakaoyekachi1:
I have tried to solve the problem before coming on social media, nothing worked, tried to reach him in different ways even via family nothing worked, i just feel they are hiding something, the most painful part of it all is that whatever the situation is I should be informed been ghosted is very painful cause you will be asking yourself all the time did I do anything wrong or where did I go wrong? At least if I know where the problem is coming from
I’ll know how to tackle it. It hasn’t been easy for me and still not easy I am just trying to put myself together. This kind of thing can break anyone down

phabulous88:


I hear you but I never said it was a trivial matter. In fact, I really do empathize with her. In one of my posts i stated that I'm not in support of spousal abandonment.

The"just 4 months..." you read is the first part of the sentence. Just 4 months of no communication and you're already thinking of contacting agencies and bringing the poor man down


Haba! You sef put yourself as the guy.

You travel to Canada to study as a single person. After some months, you come back to 9ja and marry you woman. You then traveled back to Canada and everything was good. 4 months of no communication and your wife is already thinking of contacting agencies or the IRCC to "bring you down", because she "thinks" you married someone else there.

Infact ehn

That man is facing alot honestly.
International student for that matter.

Schooling and paying all the bills by himself is very very tough.

If the man doesn't love her, he won't bother coming home last year to marry her, that money will even go a long way....
The marriage shows the plan is still there, guyman just need some time off to figure out the way around

I think the man is just using that said lady in Canada to survive, International students will understand better. She might just be a girlfriend

oluayebenz:


Infact ehn

That man is facing alot honestly.
International student for that matter.

Schooling and paying all the bills by himself is very very tough.

If the man doesn't love her, he won't bother coming home last year to marry her, that money will even go a long way....
The marriage shows the plan is still there, guyman just need some time off to figure out the way around

I think the man is just using that said lady in Canada to survive, International students will understand better. She might just be a girlfriend

My point exactly! The guy came back to Naija, did court and trad marriage. Say he no spend, close to 10,000 Canadian dollars would have gone down return tickets, marriage stuffs and other billable.

Who will spend that kind of money of he doesn't love his woman?

While I'm not in support of him cutting communication or even having another girlfriend whilst he's married, I think his wife in Nigeria should do proper investigation before making any move and involving Canadian authorities.

Again, I'm not holding brief for him. Some men like keeping their business in-house. There are some things he might tell his wife and the next thing is that her whole family knows about it. Maybe.

She has his phone number, email, address, etc. If he's not picking her call, she should get a Canadian number (2nd line App, Skype, etc) and call him. He has friends, she should reach out through them. He school, etc.

Amakaoyekachi1

People that did soft landing and returned to CA years after, how did you access benefits without filing taxes? What documents did your provide as COPR/PR card didn't have recent dates

Amakaoyekachi1:
I have tried to solve the problem before coming on social media, nothing worked, tried to reach him in different ways even via family nothing worked, i just feel they are hiding something, the most painful part of it all is that whatever the situation is I should be informed been ghosted is very painful cause you will be asking yourself all the time did I do anything wrong or where did I go wrong? At least if I know where the problem is coming from
I’ll know how to tackle it. It hasn’t been easy for me and still not easy I am just trying to put myself together. This kind of thing can break anyone down

How I wish, I could help you reach out to him. To talk as man to man and give you feedback. However, I will join you in prayer.

Also please don't conclude yet about the family. Let me explain, God forbid. If I decide to move out of my marriage today, honestly none of my families can stop me, they can only advice and counsel me. He was the one who brought you home, who said he want to marry you..
Therefore, I would advise you to get connected with any of the family member, it could be last born of the house or any of his sister. Be humble to them. Keep visiting them time to time and show to them you re a good wife.

Honestly, it would be the mother or sister that would open up with you one day and tell you the reality.( Woman shows empathy more)

Please and please, apply wisdom in this issue, because wisdom is profitable to direct and when it's comes to marriage. It's only God that can help

nowhere:
Him no want again be say him no want again. Move on!

Atleast show empathy.

I honestly cannot believe there are people here trying to defend not talking to one's wife for four months, giving excuses that being an international student is difficult. Even world leaders that are tasked with running their countries create time to talk to their wives not talk of an ordinary masters student abroad. Are you saying masters student abroad are so busy that they cannot create 5 minutes a day just to say hello to their wives?

Charles61:

Atleast show empathy.

That won't help anyone.

What does this mean to you?

DrFreemason:
I honestly cannot believe there are people here trying to defend not talking to one's wife for four months, giving excuses that being an international student is difficult. Even world leaders that are tasked with running their countries create time to talk to their wives not talk of an ordinary masters student abroad. Are you saying masters student abroad are so busy that they cannot create 5 minutes a day just to say hello to their wives?

nowhere:
What does this mean to you?

From everything i have read from Amaka's posts, all signs point to the guy not being interested in the marriage anymore. Except if he has been kidnapped or he is in a coma.

How did you know about the bold? You dey dia? Someone was telling me about a woman whose husband is having an extra affair with a lady, I asked if they are married, she said no. So a side chick is complaining about another side chick. Going to Canada could be a path to get away from her. You never know until you hear from the man. Don't believe all they first rush to spill.

Charles61:


How I wish, I could help you reach out to him. To talk as man to man and give you feedback. However, I will join you in prayer.

Also please don't conclude yet about the family. Let me explain, God forbid. If I decide to move out of my marriage today, honestly none of my families can stop me, they can only advice and counsel me. He was the one who brought you home, who said he want to marry you..
Therefore, I would advise you to get connected with any of the family member, it could be last born of the house or any of his sister. Be humble to them. Keep visiting them time to time and show to them you re a good wife.

Honestly, it would be the mother or sister that would open up with you one day and tell you the reality.( Woman shows empathy more)

Please and please, apply wisdom in this issue, because wisdom is profitable to direct and when it's comes to marriage. It's only God that can help

Ok. I'm on the same page with you. Remedy?

DrFreemason:
From everything i have read from Amaka's posts, all signs point to the guy not being interested in the marriage anymore. Except if he has been kidnapped or he is in a coma.

Charles61:


How I wish, I could help you reach out to him. To talk as man to man and give you feedback. However, I will join you in prayer.

Also please don't conclude yet about the family. Let me explain, God forbid. If I decide to move out of my marriage today, honestly none of my families can stop me, they can only advice and counsel me. He was the one who brought you home, who said he want to marry you..
Therefore, I would advise you to get connected with any of the family member, it could be last born of the house or any of his sister. Be humble to them. Keep visiting them time to time and show to them you re a good wife.

Honestly, it would be the mother or sister that would open up with you one day and tell you the reality.( Woman shows empathy more)

Please and please, apply wisdom in this issue, because wisdom is profitable to direct and when it's comes to marriage. It's only God that can help

Thank you so much sir. I’ll continue to be praying and be patient

nowhere:
What does this mean to you?

[

nowhere:
What does this mean to you?

q

nowhere:
Him no want again be say him no want again. Move on!

uote author=nowhere post=102402739]Ok. I'm on the same page with you. Remedy?
[/quote] God will help me

nowhere:
Ok. I'm on the same page with you. Remedy?

At least he will tell me or my family members will be informed rather than be ghosted or caught unaware