Amakaoyekachi1:
At least he will tell me or my family members will be informed rather than be ghosted or caught unaware

His method might be rude but he has told you.

phabulous88:


My point exactly! The guy came back to Naija, did court and trad marriage. Say he no spend, close to 10,000 Canadian dollars would have gone down return tickets, marriage stuffs and other billable.

Who will spend that kind of money of he doesn't love his woman?

While I'm not in support of him cutting communication or even having another girlfriend whilst he's married, I think his wife in Nigeria should do proper investigation before making any move and involving Canadian authorities.

Again, I'm not holding brief for him. Some men like keeping their business in-house. There are some things he might tell his wife and the next thing is that her whole family knows about it. Maybe.

She has his phone number, email, address, etc. If he's not picking her call, she should get a Canadian number (2nd line App, Skype, etc) and call him. He has friends, she should reach out through them. He school, etc.

Amakaoyekachi1

For me to come to Nairaland , I have tried every Avenue at some point I started feeling like a pest to his family members cause I kept going to their house and calling but still the same. What hurts most is that I My family members are kept in the dark. Regardless of whatever the situation is at least I should be informed. I am not a girlfriend/ sidechick or anything. I am married to him ( marriage is different from relationship) and it takes two tango. Please understand my plight

phabulous88:


My point exactly! The guy came back to Naija, did court and trad marriage. Say he no spend, close to 10,000 Canadian dollars would have gone down return tickets, marriage stuffs and other billable.

Who will spend that kind of money of he doesn't love his woman?

While I'm not in support of him cutting communication or even having another girlfriend whilst he's married, I think his wife in Nigeria should do proper investigation before making any move and involving Canadian authorities.

Again, I'm not holding brief for him. Some men like keeping their business in-house. There are some things he might tell his wife and the next thing is that her whole family knows about it. Maybe.

She has his phone number, email, address, etc. If he's not picking her call, she should get a Canadian number (2nd line App, Skype, etc) and call him. He has friends, she should reach out through them. He school, etc.

Amakaoyekachi1

Trust me when I say I have tried all you mentioned, I have even turned myself to a pest. I am his wife not girlfriend or sidechick so this really breaks my heart

nowhere:

His method might be rude but he has told you.

Marriage not relationship, I don’t think that is the right way or appropriate ways things are done. Just imagine if reverse was the case? Or I was your family member?

Amakaoyekachi1:
At least he will tell me or my family members will be informed rather than be ghosted or caught unaware

My sister, i sympathise with you, however look inwards, while it may not be easy, i implore you to remain calm amd continue to pray cos the problem may be coming from your side. There are dark powers that have seen that your breakthrough will come from him and have resolved to destroy ur marriage by putting this obstacle on your part.

Pls dont be in a hurry to involve IRCC.

Ask God to fight this battle for you!

nowhere:

His method might be rude but he has told you.

If reverse was the case and I did this, will you react like this or I was your sister or any of your family members. Marriage not relationship? Please tell me I would like to know how to handle been ghosted maybe it would help me! Thank you

Amakaoyekachi1:
Trust me when I say I have tried all you mentioned, I have even turned myself to a pest. I am his wife not girlfriend or sidechick so this really breaks my heart

He may have seen sb who will bequeath him PR status or sth. It happens here a lot. I know a couple who came and claimed asylum, the wife just moved in with a Canadian man and that is it. The husband has been running from pillar to post, lawyered up and down. I'm sure he has realized it is a losing battle. They have three children, all here in Canada. Asylum case hasn't been decided..at least positively. It is crazy here.

adaoyoyo:


My sister, i sympathise with you, however look inwards, while it may not be easy, i implore you to remain calm amd continue to pray cos the problem may be coming from your side. There are dark powers that have seen that your breakthrough will come from him and have resolved to destroy ur marriage by putting this obstacle on your part.

Pls dont be in a hurry to involve IRCC.

Ask God to fight this battle for you!

I’ll continue to be calm, praying and believe the storm will be calm

Amakaoyekachi1:
If reverse was the case and I did this, will you react like this or I was your sister or any of your family members. Marriage not relationship? Please tell me I would like to know how to handle been ghosted maybe it would help me! Thank you

Women do it a lot here! Girlfriend even get better status here in Canada. I will tell my sister to move on.

Kenn55:


That is why I say give him more time to finish school cos once you start, the marriage is good as gone.
If by the end of the next 4 months things don't change, get a lawyer and let him present a case of hostage taking to the Canadian authorities. With the threat emails, you can claim someone has taken him hostage and has prevented you access to him.
When the authorities start investigating, the truth will come out. If he is married or in common law relationship with another woman, the question is how, when he has not divorced you.
If he is not married and he doesn't want the marriage with you, then you end it officially.
At the end of the day, any official step you take will likely end the marriage so you have to be sure that you have gotten to a stage where you are ready to end it

Okay, I’ll just be patient and see how things unfolds in the remaining months. Hopefully something positive comes out of it.

nowhere:

Women do it a lot here! Girlfriend even get better status here in Canada. I will tell my sister to move on.

So you are saying I should involve the services of a lawyer, like I should divorce him? Or move on just like that when I don’t know what is going on? Please enlighten me, it’s marriage not relationship, I should divorce straight up or what?

Amakaoyekachi1:
So you are saying I should involve the services of a lawyer, like I should divorce him? Or move on just like that when I don’t know what is going on? Please enlighten me, it’s marriage not relationship, I should divorce straight up or what?

Do what you want, my dear. You can come here and fish him out and get closure, may be. You can divorce him, it is a nice situation for that in Nigeria. It is shocking and it is real. You are not the first or not gonna be the last. Ability to move on and survive when a partner goes AWOL should be Harped on nowadays.

If you wanna be praying and fasting as they do in Nigeria....knock it off.

nowhere:

He may have seen sb who will bequeath him PR status or sth. It happens here a lot. I know a couple who came and claimed asylum, the wife just moved in with a Canadian man and that is it. The husband has been running from pillar to post, lawyered up and down. I'm sure he has realized it is a losing battle. They have three children, all here in Canada. Asylum case hasn't been decided..at least positively. It is crazy here.

Just wow! I think I would just continue to remain calm and see how things unfolds in the following months. A lot is happening in Canada, maybe he is going through some challenges over there. I’ll just stay calm, I’ll just feel better if I am not been ghosted

nowhere:

Do what you want, my dear. You can come here and fish him out and get closure, may be. You can divorce him, it is a nice situation for that in Nigeria. It is shocking and it is real. You are not the first or not gonna be the last. Ability to move on and survive when a partner goes AWOL should be Harped on nowadays.

Okay thank you for the advice. I’ll just stay calm and watch how things unfolds rather than making a wrong move, since I don’t have sufficient information on things going on presently.

Amakaoyekachi1:
Just wow! I think I would just continue to remain calm and see how things unfolds in the following months. A lot is happening in Canada, maybe he is going through some challenges over there. I’ll just stay calm, I’ll just feel better if I am not been ghosted

I call my family every day and they call me as well. This dude behavior is weird but common, although it shouldn't be tolerated by any partner. Do your thing anyway.

nowhere:

Do what you want, my dear. You can come here and fish him out and get closure, may be. You can divorce him, it is a nice situation for that in Nigeria. It is shocking and it is real. You are not the first or not gonna be the last. Ability to move on and survive when a partner goes AWOL should be Harped on nowadays.

If you wanna be praying and fasting as they do in Nigeria....knock it off.

I just stay calm and see how things unfolds, so I don’t make a wrong move, one day one day the truth will come out and I won’t be blamed as not been a virtuous woman or lack patience

adaoyoyo:


My sister, i sympathise with you, however look inwards, while it may not be easy, i implore you to remain calm amd continue to pray cos the problem may be coming from your side. There are dark powers that have seen that your breakthrough will come from him and have resolved to destroy ur marriage by putting this obstacle on your part.

Pls dont be in a hurry to involve IRCC.

Ask God to fight this battle for you!

I’ll just remain calm, I know the truth will come out eventually out.

nowhere:

I call my family every day and they call me as well. This dude behavior is weird but common, although it shouldn't be tolerated by any partner. Do your thing anyway.

Thank you for understanding, I am only sad, worried, angry, dejected at been ghosted and been left to be worrying

Amakaoyekachi1:
If reverse was the case and I did this, will you react like this or I was your sister or any of your family members. Marriage not relationship? Please tell me I would like to know how to handle been ghosted maybe it would help me! Thank you

Sis, you deserve better; the least you deserve is a husband who can be upfront & forthright with you regarding his situation over there. You shouldn’t be married to yourself. Yes you can exercise a little bit more patience to see how things play out and gather more evidence, but let no one here advocate in your husband’s behalf. Let him defend himself by reaching out to you. He owes you that as his wife. It’s common knowledge that our men at times do secret things to secure their stay over there, yet you need time to be sure if this is your husband’s situation, and if both of you still want to remain married.

Whatever the case, let no one here make you feel guilty for feeling hurt, for wanting to get answers, or pressurize you to accept actions and attitudes that doesn’t uphold your marital vows.

Also, pray. Pray for calmness, clarity, and direction of your steps. God has standards and he expects married couples to treat each other fairly. So trust him to resolve any unfairness and hurt between you and your husband, and to give you the best outcome.

I wish you peace hon.

YesLadyN:


Sis, you deserve better; the least you deserve is a husband who can be upfront & forthright with you regarding his situation over there. You shouldn’t be married to yourself. Yes you can exercise a little bit more patience to see how things play out and gather more evidence, but let no one here advocate in your husband’s behalf. Let him defend himself by reaching out to you. He owes you that as his wife. It’s common knowledge that our men at times do secret things to secure their stay over there, yet you need time to be sure if this is your husband’s situation, and if both of you still want to remain married.

Whatever the case, let no one here make you feel guilty for feeling hurt, for wanting to get answers, or pressurize you to accept actions and attitudes that doesn’t uphold your marital vows.

Also, pray. Pray for calmness, clarity, and direction of your steps. God has standards and he expects married couples to treat each other fairly. So trust him to resolve any unfairness and hurt between you and your husband, and to give you the best outcome.

I wish you peace hon.

Thank you so much for understanding, I am human also and that’s why I am feeling this way and it’s really hurts when someone isn’t upfront with you. I am trying to stay calm and put myself together, though it’s not easy but the lord is my strength and he will see me through it all.

Nawa!

Madam oya go traditional way, make den fish am out from where e dey, be like baba God dey temper justice with mercy

I can’t figure out if you’re joking here or not, really she should wait 12 months of no contact from her husband?

Even if she was pressuring him that is NO justification at all to go awol from your wife, no justification at all. The only reason that makes sense as others have already said is he is no interested in the marriage anymore and is probably in another relationship for papers. The fact his family are silent shows they are in on it as well.

phabulous88:


You can't really claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

You guys got married last year, he traveled back to Canada shortly after and communication between you two was good, at least for some time.

4 months ago, he cut communication with you. Anything could be wrong. Did anything change about you after he moved back to Canada? Were you putting undue pressure on him? Like finance and putting pressure on him to file for you so you can join him?

Again, it's possible that he's not married and that email from his 'other wife' could be him sending it to you to give him some space.

Relax! Your case is not ideal but give the young man some time. He's a student. 20 hours/week and he's funding his studies and stuff.

Just 4 months of no communication and you're already thinking of contacting agencies and bringing the poor man down. What will you do when you land? Like I said earlier, you can claim spousal abandonment until at least 12 months.

Calm down!

Richdee1:
Madam oya go traditional way, make den fish am out from where e dey, be like baba God dey temper justice with mercy

������

Richdee1:
Madam oya go traditional way, make den fish am out from where e dey, be like baba God dey temper justice with mercy

����

Amakaoyekachi1:
Thank you so much for understanding, I am human also and that’s why I am feeling this way and it’s really hurts when someone isn’t upfront with you. I am trying to stay calm and put myself together, though it’s not easy but the lord is my strength and he will see me through it all.

I just started following your story and I feel there is more to it.Husband and wife conflict cant be judge based on sided story.I wish he can also be here to narrate his own part.
My advice,scan through this thread properly,look for a matured male that is based in Canada and ready to volunteer to talk to your hubby via phone convo,send the person your hubby's phone number.Hopefully,your husband will speak to the person.
Deep down in me,I still feel there is more to this story.

signature2012:


I just started following your story and I feel there is more to it.Husband and wife conflict cant be judge based on sided story.I wish he can also be here to narrate his own part.
My advice,scan through this thread properly,look for a matured male that is based in Canada and ready to volunteer to talk to your hubby via phone convo,send the person your hubby's phone number.Hopefully,your husband will speak to the person.
Deep down in me,I still feel there is more to this story.

There was no conflict whatsoever, if there was anything sort of which is normal between couples, was sorted out amicably way before been ghosted happened. I wish so too, if he can communicate and let me know what the problem is I would be very happy rather than keeping mute. I have exhausted all methods to reach out but all to no avail, but he is not the type that keep friends, I am tempted to call his supervisor at work cause I have her number, I just know if that’s is a right move.

Amakaoyekachi1:
There was no conflict whatsoever, if there was anything sort of which is normal between couples, was sorted out amicably way before been ghosted happened. I wish so too, if he can communicate and let me know what the problem is I would be very happy rather than keeping mute. I have exhausted all methods to reach out but all to no avail, but he is not the type that keep friends, I am tempted to call his supervisor at work cause I have her number, I just know if that’s is a right move.

this is getting petty, call his supervisor at work for what exactly What is he/she's business with an employees marital issue. The guy messed up no doubt, but f**cking him up or embarrassing him wont make you feel any better

ednut1:
this is getting petty, call his supervisor at work for what exactly What is he/she's business with an employees marital issue. The guy messed up no doubt, but f**cking him up or embarrassing him wont make you feel any better

Calling his supervisor to be able to reach out or make him talk to me not embarrassing him or anything. Please try and understand, if I wanted to cause embarrassment or anything would have done that before coming to Nairaland to seek for advice. Like I said earlier I will just remain calm and see how things unfolds� I know victory is mine at the end of the day

ednut1:
this is getting petty, call his supervisor at work for what exactly What is he/she's business with an employees marital issue. The guy messed up no doubt, but f**cking him up or embarrassing him wont make you feel any better

I don’t intend embarrassing him, I can merely ask questions of his whereabouts and that might make him communicate with me,
if I want to do that I would have before coming to Nairaland to seek for advice, I am only saying that might be my last resort to make him communicate at least fill me in on what’s going on exactly( closure).

Amakaoyekachi1:
Calling his supervisor to be able to reach out or make him talk to me not embarrassing him or anything. Please try and understand, if I wanted to cause embarrassment or anything would have done that before coming to Nairaland to seek for advice. Like I said earlier I will just remain calm and see how things unfolds� I know victory is mine at the end of the day

This might sound harsh but the earlier you read the writing on the wall the better for you especially as both the man and his family are not cooperating to give you the outcome you want, I suggest to discuss with your family and a lawyer on how to go about a possible dissolution of the marriage because it will be much worse after all the years waiting you still end up on the losing side. You should move on with your life, peace

To everyone saying she shouldn't report to authorities, not call his supervisor or be patient, I am sure you can't tolerate 1 month of being ghosted by your partner if you were in her shoes let alone months. So when will the patience end??

@Amakaoyekachi1, its your home and your marriage. There have been lots of advice in earlier posts, put them together and outline your next steps.

If you still have that patient and want to give him some benefit of doubt,  set a time LIMIT for your patience and keep trying to reach him within that timeline (through his supervisor, his school, peeps on nairaland attending same school willing to help and directly contacting him).

If your patience has gotten to its limit, like someone said earlier,gather your evidence and reach out to him to let him know you're getting authorities involved. If no response from him, let your family and his know your next line of action. Then get a lawyer and ACT.

As regards being blocked from all communication channels with him. You can create a different a different or multiple emails addresses (do same on other communication channels with him). The aim is to make sure he gets all the messages and warnings you'll send to him before you escalate the situation.

Just know that any action you take or don't take will have consequences. Think about the consequences carefully before you decide on what to do. Whatever you do, don't lose yourself or your sanity for anything.