stupidmod3:
u not being a gung ho wat ever that means, so guys just like liability, wen dis kind lady reach there oyo is u name.

over 70% of women taken over sea n married always end in divorce or death.

this one carry load here he wan go there still carry load.

because her toto sweet pass

yesboss123:


Thanks so much for your responses so far, much appreciated sir. To the question, what I'm gaining from the lady ? Nothing physical, monetary etc. except from the fact that I've been in quite a number of relationships to know one who complements me well. However, at no time did I place the relationship above myself or career. Career has been fine. Long before the migration thingy spring up, the plan was for her to settle for business in the long run if developing a career is not her thing. I think my mistake lies in the fact that I committed to marrying her earlier than necessary.
Really making a final decision in this regard is not too difficult a task, just wanted the advise of people who know or have been in such situations first hand. Thanks boss

All my brother keeps ringing in my head is that I allow nothing distract me during the program, not even marriage, cos his $50k (partial tuition, accommodation and feeding during the program) must not go to waste neither must I 'manage' after graduation, cos the plan is for me to work, earn well and sponsor my younger brother in 5 years thereabout.

pocohantas:


Your brother and friends are actually very correct, but what you all forget is that in the long run, you would most likely be back and this time you would be stuck with women you do not know (closely). Except you choose to marry someone over there.

I also do not see anything wrong in her plans of trading (business). Is it suddenly a problem because she is a woman? There are people who are not cut out for corporate work and that is totally fine, but I understand if you like them in heels and suits. You can move on and find your high-flying-career-woman. Because if you marry this your babe, you go cheat on am with your colleague or one lady you met at a conference.

Raalsalghul:


You just like talking nonsense and I don't know why. Be logical for once.

I'm very sure you won't say this if the Op was your brother.

tosinhtml:
Mr Yesboss123



Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the angle you see it, you have a duty to your family to help your siblings in 5 years from now, your elder brother has already put down $50,000 USD. For those who don't know how much that is, It is 25Million Naira in today's Aboki FX rate.

I'm not even sure any of my family members except parents can spend that money on me, no jokes! They will rather buy themselves a new BMW.

The reality is that you have to forfeit the Love of your life for the greater good, just tell her you cannot pay any bride price for now. If she cannot wait, let her go and find someone else. You seem to love her very much, well prepare to keep in contact. Women know guys who have ambition, I can bet that she would never let you slip away. She might even be dating someone by the side while you are away but it would be nothing serious unless you specifically made it clear that you are no longer interested.

Keep in contact, avoid sending too much money back home to her, because humans are unpredictable.

But remember, as pocohantas said. The Devil you know is always better, If or when you decide to move on from her, better marry a Nigerian there o. Once you come back home to pick wives, you will enter one chance walaitalai.

Ishilove:

As usual, you make sense. What I am trying to fathom is since when did it become compulsory for EVERYONE to hold certifications and PHDs? We are not all cut out for the corporate world so his excuse that 'she is not ambitious enough' is just not tangible. It is flimsy.

yesboss123:


I get ur point Ishilove, everyone doesn't have to. However, there are certain environments that play huge roles in channelling decisions pertaining to your life and how well you succeed. Notice I mentioned somewhere earlier that I had no issue about her doing business before the migration plans, but things changed. I'm open to advise on non-career paths in the US that pay considerably well o, pls let me know if any. Again, thanks for your contribution.

Klass99:


Ogbeni but you sef, you suppose tell us wetin dey your mind nah, from the online and offline views you've received so far.

As in, what are you more inclined towards doing? Ending it or doing what your girl asked?

You cannot be forming I'm confused at this point o! Something must be taking shape in your own mind.

yesboss123:


Thanks so much for your contribution. I have tried calming down her fears that while I can't pay the bride price now and can't send money to her during my program, I can come back for her afterwards in as much as she gets herself upskilled in my absence, but she feels there are a truckload of such stories with promises not being kept.

Na the stories wey we dey about some of the Nigerian women abroad and worse case the akatas dey make me try fight this one out. I just want to eat my cake and have it; do well in my studies, get a good job and earn well, marry a good lady and settle down. But then, the program and my career would take priority at last.

Ishilove:
May God save us from time wasters.

Poor girl, if only she knows what an asshole her so called boyfriend is. In her mind she is dating a human being, not knowing he is planning to dump her.

Ladies, always pray well so that one selfish man will not waste your precious time.

Ishilove:

[s]You, continue to find my mouth. You will get what you are looking for very soon. Just continue[/s]

Hathor5:


Just because a relationship does not lead to marriage does not mean that the time was wasted. You made memories, you learned from experienced, you got to discover yourself and your preference, likes and dislikes and you are hopefully wiser afterwards. It can lead to better choices in the future.

Thinking in terms of 'if he doesn't give me the ring, he has wasted my time' sounds very disempowering to me. Like the relationship and the ring is all they live for.

Raalsalghul:


Is this Hathor5?

Ishilove:
May God save us from time wasters.

Poor girl, if only she knows what an asshole her so called boyfriend is. In her mind she is dating a human being, not knowing he is planning to dump her.

Ladies, always pray well so that one selfish man will not waste your precious time.

tosinhtml:
Mr Yesboss123



Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the angle you see it, you have a duty to your family to help your siblings in 5 years from now, your elder brother has already put down $50,000 USD. For those who don't know how much that is, It is 25Million Naira in today's Aboki FX rate.

I'm not even sure any of my family members except parents can spend that money on me, no jokes! They will rather buy themselves a new BMW.

The reality is that you have to forfeit the Love of your life for the greater good, just tell her you cannot pay any bride price for now. If she cannot wait, let her go and find someone else. You seem to love her very much, well prepare to keep in contact. Women know guys who have ambition, I can bet that she would never let you slip away. She might even be dating someone by the side while you are away but it would be nothing serious unless you specifically made it clear that you are no longer interested.

Keep in contact, avoid sending too much money back home to her, because humans are unpredictable.

But remember, as pocohantas said. The Devil you know is always better, If or when you decide to move on from her, better marry a Nigerian there o. Once you come back home to pick wives, you will enter one chance walaitalai.

yesboss123:


Thanks so much for your contribution. I have tried calming down her fears that while I can't pay the bride price now and can't send money to her during my program, I can come back for her afterwards in as much as she gets herself upskilled in my absence, but she feels there are a truckload of such stories with promises not being kept.

Na the stories wey we dey about some of the Nigerian women abroad and worse case the akatas dey make me try fight this one out. I just want to eat my cake and have it; do well in my studies, get a good job and earn well, marry a good lady and settle down. But then, the program and my career would take priority at last.

To be very honest, I intend getting married to her if only she becomes more ambitious by registering to sit and build a career (I'm thinking HR). If she doesn't show any interest in doing this, I would have to end the relationship.

The thing is I love this girl; well-mannered, loyal, beautiful and would make a perfect soulmate but she is not ambitious, although a graduate. She has told me times without number that she doesn't have plans for additional certifications, or higher degree etc Invariably she is contented with her secretarial/front-desk kind of jobs with meagre salary plus some mini businesses by the side

Ishilove:

As usual, you make sense. What I am trying to fathom is since when did it become compulsory for EVERYONE to hold certifications and PHDs? We are not all cut out for the corporate world so his excuse that 'she is not ambitious enough' is just not tangible. It is flimsy.

Raalsalghul:
Listen to your brother: end the relationship.

Women wouldn't care about how you feel if they were in your shoes.

A golden opportunity has presented itself to improve your life and you're concerned about a lady when you would have a plethora of options by the time you're through with your studies.

All this "she's loyal, caring, humble" are just formats.

You better be wise Op.

MejiLoyon:
I'll register here to read comments. We that we have been in your shoes won't say a word. Because we were advised but we didn't listen.

All I'll say is if you're taking her overseas do it because she deserves it. It doesn't make it hurt when she leaves. Read again. Not because of love or anything, but because she deserves it.

pocohantas:


Lol. If she can be loyal when he is in right here in Nigeria with her, how is that format? You will see the main format when he comes back from that America armed with citizenship to look for a homebased wife that he doesn’t know her history.

While I won’t advise him to do any intro, I also won’t advise him to just end it like that. The devil you know…

Yxwqq:
You don't need to end it. Some females prefer working a small job or being stay-at-home wives while the husband provides. We're not all the same.

notok:

Does the same apply to men? .
Can you marry a sit-at-home husband ?

tosinhtml:
Mr Yesboss123



Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the angle you see it, you have a duty to your family to help your siblings in 5 years from now, your elder brother has already put down $50,000 USD. For those who don't know how much that is, It is 25Million Naira in today's Aboki FX rate.

I'm not even sure any of my family members except parents can spend that money on me, no jokes! They will rather buy themselves a new BMW.

The reality is that you have to forfeit the Love of your life for the greater good, just tell her you cannot pay any bride price for now. If she cannot wait, let her go and find someone else. You seem to love her very much, well prepare to keep in contact. Women know guys who have ambition, I can bet that she would never let you slip away. She might even be dating someone by the side while you are away but it would be nothing serious unless you specifically made it clear that you are no longer interested.

Keep in contact, avoid sending too much money back home to her, because humans are unpredictable.

But remember, as pocohantas said. The Devil you know is always better, If or when you decide to move on from her, better marry a Nigerian there o. Once you come back home to pick wives, you will enter one chance walaitalai.

Brazenbabe:
It's wonderful how not wanting to further one's education has become the SI unit for unambitious.
Yet we would be the first to chant that Mark Zuckerberg and Co were dropouts.
Correct me if I am wrong but your gf didn't say she was going to be a kept woman. She only said she wants a small job with other businesses by the side.
People talk so much about how women change when they travel abroad, but conviniently sidestep the many examples of the men that have travelled and dumped girls who stood beside them or married wives there and had kids in the diaspora while maintaining relationships here.
You speak so much of how you want her to benefit your life, how would you benefit hers if you can't commit to her before travelling.
I do not see how she stops you from achieving your goals, married people and engaged people leave their partners here every day to further their education or look for greener pastures. I am yet to see people that failed to succeed because they were in committed relationships. Is not like you won't start a relationship when you get there sef, so what are you on about?
Having a less demanding job and some businesses would give her time to look after the kids you both would have, and you too. Besides, having all the degrees won't ensure she becomes rich, business doesn't mean she would be broke either. Someone has to take care of the family na. No? All these igbo business tycoons, how many degrees them get? Are you more ambitious than them?
People moan about career wives being to busy but still can't do without them, what do y'all want sef.
My sincere advice is that you break up with her, a clean break. Don't promise that you will keep in touch or anything because you would always feel like you are doing her a favour nd she is below the standards you have set for yourself.
Tell her she doesn't have what you want in a wife, block her every where and stay out of her life, for her own good. It would break her heart totally but she would recover and move on faster.
Meanwhile, you were in a relationship with her for two years and you had no issues with her lack of ambition, now obodo oyibo is calling and suddenly she is no longer ambitious. Women should learn o.

Hathor5:


Just because a relationship does not lead to marriage does not mean that the time was wasted. You made memories, you learned from experience, you got to discover yourself and your preference, likes and dislikes and you are hopefully wiser afterwards. It can lead to better choices in the future.

Thinking in terms of 'if he doesn't give me the ring, he has wasted my time' sounds very disempowering to me. Like the relationship and the ring is all they live for.