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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? (3942 Views)
Am I Being Wicked And Selfish To My Husband? / PARENTS ARE SELFISH To Bring A Child To This Miserable Society / Talented But Not Ambitious. Help Me!!! (2) (3) (4)
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by yesboss123: 8:12pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
stupidmod3: No b about her toto matter oga mi...buh thanks sha |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Raalsalghul: 8:14pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
yesboss123: You are welcome. I hope you take the right decision. ![]() 1 Like |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by tosinhtml: 8:17pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
Mr Yesboss123 ![]()
Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on the angle you see it, you have a duty to your family to help your siblings in 5 years from now, your elder brother has already put down $50,000 USD. For those who don't know how much that is, It is 25Million Naira in today's Aboki FX rate. I'm not even sure any of my family members except parents can spend that money on me, no jokes! They will rather buy themselves a new BMW. The reality is that you have to forfeit the Love of your life for the greater good, just tell her you cannot pay any bride price for now. If she cannot wait, let her go and find someone else. You seem to love her very much, well prepare to keep in contact. Women know guys who have ambition, I can bet that she would never let you slip away. She might even be dating someone by the side while you are away but it would be nothing serious unless you specifically made it clear that you are no longer interested. Keep in contact, avoid sending too much money back home to her, because humans are unpredictable. But remember, as pocohantas said. The Devil you know is always better, If or when you decide to move on from her, better marry a Nigerian there o. Once you come back home to pick wives, you will enter one chance walaitalai. 5 Likes |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Ishilove: 8:21pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
pocohantas:As usual, you make sense. What I am trying to fathom is since when did it become compulsory for EVERYONE to hold certifications and PHDs? We are not all cut out for the corporate world so his excuse that 'she is not ambitious enough' is just not tangible. It is flimsy. 2 Likes |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Ishilove: 8:22pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
Raalsalghul:You, continue to find my mouth. You will get what you are looking for very soon. Just continue 3 Likes |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by yesboss123: 8:57pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
tosinhtml: Thanks so much for your contribution. I have tried calming down her fears that while I can't pay the bride price now and can't send money to her during my program, I can come back for her afterwards in as much as she gets herself upskilled in my absence, but she feels there are a truckload of such stories with promises not being kept. Na the stories wey we dey about some of the Nigerian women abroad and worse case the akatas dey make me try fight this one out. I just want to eat my cake and have it; do well in my studies, get a good job and earn well, marry a good lady and settle down. But then, the program and my career would take priority at last. |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by yesboss123: 9:08pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
Ishilove: I get ur point Ishilove, everyone doesn't have to. However, there are certain environments that play huge roles in channelling decisions pertaining to your life and how well you succeed. Notice I mentioned somewhere earlier that I had no issue about her doing business before the migration plans, but things changed. I'm open to advise on non-career paths in the US that pay considerably well o, pls let me know if any. Again, thanks for your contribution. |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Klass99(f): 9:10pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
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Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Ishilove: 9:12pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
yesboss123:I have former colleagues and schoolmates who are into makeup, importation of Nigerian foodstuffs and fabrics etc. Have you asked her plans about the kind of business she can handle from the US? You can ask her to do a research on viable businesses for immigrants. At least you can guage her preparedness to assist you if you ever reach that bridge. You just don't write off a person without at least trying. It is easy for people to tell you to 'end it', but a person's emotions should not be toyed with 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by yesboss123: 9:14pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
Klass99: Aunty Ogbeni ![]() yesboss123: |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Hathor5(f): 9:19pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
Ishilove: Just because a relationship does not lead to marriage does not mean that the time was wasted. You made memories, you learned from experience, you got to discover yourself and your preference, likes and dislikes and you are hopefully wiser afterwards. It can lead to better choices in the future. Thinking in terms of 'if he doesn't give me the ring, he has wasted my time' sounds very disempowering to me. Like the relationship and the ring is all they live for. 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Raalsalghul: 9:22pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
Ishilove: |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Raalsalghul: 9:24pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
Hathor5: Is this Hathor5? ![]() |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Hathor5(f): 9:25pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
Raalsalghul: Obviously. |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by faithfull18(f): 9:25pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
Ishilove:Lol 1 Like |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Klass99(f): 9:30pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
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Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by lordally(m): 9:43pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
tosinhtml: The wise one Has spoken!! |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by NoToPile: 11:48pm On Jun 13, 2021 |
yesboss123: Most times you can't eat your cake and have it. That said, you know your stand already
The thing is I love this girl; well-mannered, loyal, beautiful and would make a perfect soulmate but she is not ambitious, although a graduate. She has told me times without number that she doesn't have plans for additional certifications, or higher degree etc Invariably she is contented with her secretarial/front-desk kind of jobs with meagre salary plus some mini businesses by the side. I don't see anything wrong with not having plans for additional certifications or wanting aide businesses along with her small job but you do have a problem with it. You even already have HR in mind for her. Since she has told you she doesn't have your type of ambition for her let her be, the guy that likes her type of ambition will come along and you will get your type of Lady. This is the advise I would give if both of you are still in naija, not to talk of adding obodo oyinbo to the mix where the variables can change at any time. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by JeffreyJunior: 1:38am On Jun 14, 2021 |
If you trust and love that girl, it's better you commit with her before traveling. If you don't, you will one day wish you did, trust me. One important requirement is patience, she will need a lot of it because the journey will be a long one. I'm not talking from experience, I am experience. ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Brazenbabe: 6:58am On Jun 14, 2021 |
It's wonderful how not wanting to further one's education has become the SI unit for unambitious. Yet we would be the first to chant that Mark Zuckerberg and Co were dropouts. Correct me if I am wrong but your gf didn't say she was going to be a kept woman. She only said she wants a small job with other businesses by the side. People talk so much about how women change when they travel abroad, but conviniently sidestep the many examples of the men that have travelled and dumped girls who stood beside them or married wives there and had kids in the diaspora while maintaining relationships here. You speak so much of how you want her to benefit your life, how would you benefit hers if you can't commit to her before travelling. I do not see how she stops you from achieving your goals, married people and engaged people leave their partners here every day to further their education or look for greener pastures. I am yet to see people that failed to succeed because they were in committed relationships. Is not like you won't start a relationship when you get there sef, so what are you on about? Having a less demanding job and some businesses would give her time to look after the kids you both would have, and you too. Besides, having all the degrees won't ensure she becomes rich, business doesn't mean she would be broke either. Someone has to take care of the family na. No? All these igbo business tycoons, how many degrees them get? Are you more ambitious than them? People moan about career wives being to busy but still can't do without them, what do y'all want sef. My sincere advice is that you break up with her, a clean break. Don't promise that you will keep in touch or anything because you would always feel like you are doing her a favour nd she is below the standards you have set for yourself. Tell her she doesn't have what you want in a wife, block her every where and stay out of her life, for her own good. It would break her heart totally but she would recover and move on faster. Meanwhile, you were in a relationship with her for two years and you had no issues with her lack of ambition, now obodo oyibo is calling and suddenly she is no longer ambitious. Women should learn o. 18 Likes 5 Shares |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by RightToReject(m): 9:06am On Jun 14, 2021 |
The major issue I see here is the fact that she doesn't qualify for your wittingly or unwittingly set standard of who personifies a life partner for you, citing the connotation of your submission, so the best thing to do is parting ways with her. If you were to be mentally connected to her, however, the connotation of your submission would have been different and my prayer for you in such instance will have been for you to reject any misleading advice that would make you be in a position where you would be economically, educationally, professionally, etc., successful but live daily in the future wishing that you ought not to have let a woman who personified a life partner for you slip out of your hands because of the pursuits of euphoric ephemeral things - it's a place not to be. This isn't about "oneitis" mentality, though. You'll only understand if you're a sucker for loyalty in particular and if the only way you can get mentally connected to someone is because of the quality of their soul in general. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by takimsipho(m): 10:40am On Jun 14, 2021 |
I am currently running my MSc program due to finish next year. My babe is a 300l student also graduating next year. I plan to move to South Africa to do my PhD and get a job as well. I have faced similar thoughts too, the girl I know already or some mystery girl in the future. I don't believe that you have to choose between career and love, you can have both. Men suffer themselves all to please done girl who had nothing to contribute when you were starting. I prefer marry a girl who was with me before I had a car, than the one who came after I worked my ass off. We have monetized love to the extent that we feel we don't deserve it if we have no material wealth. Happiness is now bought as if it were a drug. Shey una know say we go still fit die anytime and leave everything behind. 5 Likes |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by pocohantas(f): 10:56am On Jun 14, 2021 |
Ishilove: We mustn’t all be into the corporate world or be ambitious, but he wants an ambitious wife. I know you are a romantic, but the reality is, love alone is not always enough. If he wants an ambitious wife, he should go for it. The only issue here is, it took him relocating abroad to remember this. So the babe may not be interested in whatever “logic” there is to his decision. She would conclude he is breaking up because pepper done rest. 5 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by crackhaus: 10:58am On Jun 14, 2021 |
Raalsalghul:This... I wonder if she would want her bride-price paid down if she was the one travelling. Such requests are even suspicious to me... Pay bride-price, then leave her for two whole years and believe she won't be collecting prick in his absence? Nah nah nah, I can't trust such arrangements. I don't think they should break up though, on this I disagree with you – better to let things play out on its own as two years is a long time. If they're meant to be together, it will surely happen even if either or both of them have other relationships in-between. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by lordally(m): 11:14am On Jun 14, 2021 |
MejiLoyon: Please don't keep mute abeg ...trow your advice cos I would like to learn too abeg!!! Na beg I dey beg!! |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by VTJN(m): 11:16am On Jun 14, 2021 |
pocohantas:Absolutely He shouldn't discard her and should not do intro or marriage yet |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by lordally(m): 11:24am On Jun 14, 2021 |
Yxwqq: Hei God!! How woman wey dey in her right senses go won be stay at home wife!!! Habah! Is t such woman lazy? |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by lordally(m): 11:31am On Jun 14, 2021 |
notok: As in her statement made me go blank for few seconds!! As in how would an able body woman choose to be a stay at home wife!! Nna ehn! The way some girls think dey make me wonder if na the same God create all of us!!! 1 Like |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by VTJN(m): 11:35am On Jun 14, 2021 |
tosinhtml:Spot on! nice inputs But she's a lady, she might be lucky to come in contact with a super driven ambitious young lad doing pretty well and if the op isn't committed enough while away this might easily pave way for her to opted easily for the new guy Though it's a 50/50 chances I love your input, op should consider it |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by ibechris(m): 11:42am On Jun 14, 2021 |
U are just a guy man. How can u say that a lady of that kind is not ambitious. She is working,and even earning additional income from her side hustle. To say one is not ambitious because she doesn't want additional certificate makes me wonder what kind of a man u are. U that is ambitious what have u achieved after ur B.Sc u are just trying to look for a reason to dump her. That is all see here. Good luck to u but don't forget to greet President Biden for me. 2 Likes |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by VTJN(m): 11:58am On Jun 14, 2021 |
Brazenbabe:Aptly said Seriously the op should take note of this 1 Like |
Re: Not Ambitious, Wants Bride Price Paid Before I Travel; Am I Selfish To End It ? by Karleb(m): 11:59am On Jun 14, 2021 |
Hathor5: Some of you women can be funny. When you initiate the break up, no time wasted. But when he does same, he's labeled a time waster. |
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