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What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by RealNakupenda: 10:35am On Jun 14, 2021 |
What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise Good morning Ma. I’m so sorry to slide to your inbox like this but I’m confused at the moment. It seems my marriage is over! We’ve been married for about 5 years now but it’s either we’re not compatible or my husband doesn’t just seem to want to understand me. We’ve had quarrels like every other regular couple and I’ve tried to adjust and understand him but why does it seem as if I’m the only one working to keep the marriage? My husband misunderstands me a lot, that I’ve seen from the many quarrels we’ve had. I know that I can be so vocal and be insulting to him when I’m angry but I really don’t mean everything I say, I’m just angry that’s my escape route to voice out hurtful things. So recently I was trying to make a deal for us and I told him about this only for him to get angry, when I noticed the harsh tune in his voice I told him to forget it, then he started keeping malice with me that evening. He usually loves malice like no man’s business. The next day I made food and called him to eat so that I could calmly talk things over with him only for him to ignore me, I was so angry and started voicing out toxic words from my mouth, we quarreled a bit and he left. He came back later that day when I was out and our main gate was locked, I called his line severally he didn’t pick up, I even sent text message, no way. My neighbor later opened for me after persistently knocking. I was so angry when I got into the house because I observed he was avoiding me and I removed the gate key from his bunch of keys and even tried to express my displeasure at him, he continued ignoring me, then I was insulted him that’s when he responded angrily at me and hit me. I was shocked because this has never happened before and I know that my husband detests hitting a woman. He walked out of the bedroom and I slept off only to wake me up at night and he apologized and things seemed a bit okay but I was still very hurt. Later in the day he called me asking for the gate key because I think he was stranded outside and I responded to him that he’s feeling stranded outside the way I was yesterday and hope he understands how I felt also it’s not his right to keep that gate key like his prized possession it’s for both of us, I only left it for him out of respect that he’s the husband but if when he’s angry he cannot make a life saving decision then it’s not fair. I didn’t actually say it like this verbatim but that’s what I meant. So you know this man felt so ‘insulted’ and started threatening to break up our marriage? And that if I was home with him he would have taught me a lesson? I tried explaining myself better to him through calls because I was on night duty at work only for him to continue raining insults at me. I was so shocked and had to cut off his calls because it seems we were heading no where. And I’m like why does it feel as if once we have issues this guy forgets trying to resolve them instead he starts painting me out as a bad person? I’m not 100%perfect but it doesn’t mean I hate him because we have quarrels. Now from the way he was even talking yesterday I didn’t recognize the man I got married to any longer. He was saying that I didn’t have remorse for responding to him when he confronted me for taking the key so it means I’m trying to drag headship position as man with him because I’ve contributed financially to the home and I’m like that’s false and a big misunderstanding. I collected the key from him when I was angry for being locked out of the house, he settled with me at night, the next morning I woke up late and hurriedly left for work and was on night duty so it wasn’t like it was intentional to actually punish him but no o! He said because I didn’t apologize or show remorse when he first called me about the key so our marriage is over, he even used threatening words and I’m like isn’t this over board and out of proportion? Does it mean that every time I have an issue with my husband I’m now evil? He doesn’t even seem to care that his actions made me angry. Why? This has been one major issue with our marriage and I’ve talked and talked about this, if I’m offensive to him in any way he should tell me calmly and I’ll apologize but if he tells me with a harsh tune I may end up being defensive. In fact I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m totally fed up! If he feels that the marriage is over I wish him well. I won’t fight with him neither will I argue because I called him severally last night trying to make peace but he threw it out on my face. I even told him that if truly he was trying to make peace the other night why not still stand on the side of peace and hear me out? I’m not dragging headship position with you and everything I’ve sacrificed for our home I think of it as building up our home but instead he kept on ranting insults at me and I’m like what really is happening here? Why does it always seem that if u express myself to this man and tell him the truth he twists it and sees it from his own side and sticks by it. This happens every time. I’m totally confused! If he wishes the marriage to break up because he doesn’t want to see from my own side of the story then I don’t know what else to do but if he lifts a finger on me when I get home from work I will have to choice other than to hurt him back and really finalize that the marriage is over. SOURCE : I’m totally confused! If he wishes the marriage to break up because he doesn’t want to see from my own side of the story then I don’t know what else to do but if he lifts a finger on me when I get home from work I will have to choice other than to hurt him back and really finalize that the marriage is over. 1 Like |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Fredmatic(m): 12:25pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
I don't think you people understand yourselves before marriage. Secondly learn to ciontrol your month no matter how you may feel about anything, On his part he didn't shown some level of maturity in handling situations . Call him and apologize of any wrong done. Or speak to one of his close friends to talk things with him I believe he will listen 7 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by mutter(f): 12:47pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
You obviously haven't understood your problem. The problem is not the issues but You! You have absolutely no respect and regard for your husband. Obiedience is better than sacrifice... All those efforts and sacrifices you think you are making are worthless if you don't accord your husband his respect and make him feel like a King at home. Women want to be treated like queens but there has to be a King to crown the queen. Your husband want a wife that respects him and regards him and you are busy writing a thesis on irrelevant issues. There are many issues that come up in a marriage but they can be resolved with respect. Also you should be ready to submit to your husband and his decisions. .. Because when there are 2 different opinions someone has to have the final say. What you need to do is change your ways, stop the insults and stop the confrontations. Seek solutions and not challanges. Swallow your pride and go and apologise.. Real apology... not I am sorry okay if you don't accept... 48 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Caaz: 1:09pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Madam mutter take it easy with your dos and dont's you ain't the one inside the marriage. You have completely zeroed the man from your dos and dont's hence making the lady looked like Lucifer. You think marriage is easy abii? E fara bale iya wa. 18 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by ezugegere(m): 1:26pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
When you're ready for marriage, you'd control your toxic tongue 14 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Nobody: 1:57pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
What happened to this saying "toko ba n se bi ewure, iyawo a se be aguntan" Ma'am, this is Nigeria, 98% of our men don't like to be talked back at while annoyed, all the old couple you see out there today has a story to tell, the success of your home lies in you, from your write up, yo appear to be a talker who always have a response for each word, this don't work in Nigerians, the only key to a long lasting marriage in Nigeria is HUMILITY...even if you're the breadwinner of the home ,you still have to be submissive. If you're a Christian,I'll advise you to pray, red your Bible(proverbs) and be humble. God bless your home. 18 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by mutter(f): 2:20pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Caaz: Marriage is not easy but it can only work on a foundation and a key part of that foundation is respect and submission. My advice is not out of the wind. 5 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by AmazonTopaz(f): 2:20pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
mutter: The husband doesn't know how to communicate to her,the husband ignores her and keeps malice with her. You skipped those bad sides of his to focus on her alone and what she did wrong which I wouldn't excuse but why do women like you know how to absorb men of blame? Also @bolded parts,Using the word 'obey' for an adult doesn't seem right respect is the better word or listening which for me should apply to both of them. Also what if the husband's decision is wrong the woman shouldn't voice her displeasure on it and correct him?she should always be a yes sir yes sir woman Ah ![]() Call me modern or whatever but in a civilised household a husband should not make the final decision and always override his wife without getting to understand her view point.I don't understand that kind of marriage but as for me I have never submitted to rubbish.A woman can also have a final say at times because she can be right as well. 18 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by AmazonTopaz(f): 2:25pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Lizzyangel: I don't understand you people oo.Why must it always fall on the woman why do you women like to absorb men of their own fair share of mistakes If she is dealing with an ego maniac it should not be in her place to change it should be on the man.Every human has ego we should all curtail it had it been the man shouting at her or talking back you won't tell him to calm down and give her the respect she deserves. If she is the breadwinner of the home the husband should adjust suck up his pride respect himself the advice should go to both parties and not one side alone. There should be mutual understanding all these submission advice doesn't cut it at all nobody should be a doormat I can't be making money and you will think it is your right to also dictate to me as well on how to spend it. 13 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by AmazonTopaz(f): 2:30pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Caaz: Thank you oo. We really need to be sitting our men down before they get married nor be only women we go dey talk to. Times have changed and women should be accorded respect in the home. I don't get why we cannot hold men responsible for their actions why must we blame women and absorb men?Since men are the head of the home is it not a disservice to them when we try to absorb them of responsibility ![]() 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Cuttycool(f): 2:33pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
It's funny to see such comments, they are the exact kind of women who breed malfunctioned baby-husbands. From the entire story, one can see the husband shares 70percent of the blame. He should not have beaten his wife, no matter what, not even a slap, he shouldn't have locked out his wife outside. The man seems tired of the marriage, probably one side chick outside is confusing him, he thinks the grass will be greener on the other side, but time will tell. AmazonTopaz: 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by MostImportant(m): 2:33pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
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Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Nobody: 2:37pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
AmazonTopaz: According to her write up there, it's very glaring that she is defensive and not too submissive to her spouse...the reason why the advice is directed towards her is because she's the one online and I guess she doesn't want her home to be broken, major reason for this topic....so to keep a home in Nigeria, with a Nigeria man, the only advise she can get is submission. She also wrote that the husband hit her the first time in five years which mean the man was pushed to the walls(though, he shouldn't have raised his hands on her, come what may) but we can't just advice her to go slap her husband back, divorce or fight back...she needed an advice that can keep her home. 13 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by AmazonTopaz(f): 2:39pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Cuttycool: Yes that is why I blame some mothers for how their sons turned out to be.Any woman who is married to a good man doesn't know how lucky she is and she must never fail to thank her mother-in-law and other family members for how they shaped her husband's mindset ooo. The man raised his hands to beat a woman but one woman felt the need to tell her to be his doormat,another one only saw fault in the fact that she talked back at him.Nawa ooo. Some women are truly seeing trash in the name of marriage and wanting to keep it.Not all marriages are bad o but I will state an unpopular opinion many Nigerian marriages no matter how long it has lasted are not worth admiring or emulating when some of those women confide with the you the hell they had to put up with because they married badly trained entitled pricks behaving like babies and wanting to be called leaders of the home ehn you go weep for them. It is well oo.Op should leave the marriage since the husband is tired she should also be tired too. 11 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by mutter(f): 2:41pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
AmazonTopaz: The husband does not talk to her keeps malice.... Well you could call it shutting down? When a woman admits she is verbally abusive, hurtful and offensive, then it is logical that there would be some reaction. Probably that is his way of avoiding a physical confrontation or the situation escalating. I don't see how there can be any reasonable communication when one party is abusive. Obiedience is better than sacrifice... That's a citation from the Bible... I was referring to her giving the husband what is essential to him and not think that her other sacrifices can compensate that. So your interpretation of the word to mean she should obey her husband was no intended by me. Futhermore, do you correct your husband... That's rather a word used for a child. No you bring up your own suggestions in a respectful manner... and respecting someone also means respecting their decisions.. I guess it eventually boils down to you answering the question... In a union of 2 who is entitled to the final say? Someone must have the final say and also take responsibility for the consequences.. And that makes that person the leader. That's the law of nature and functions every where. A husband who has good leadership qualities will not disregard his wife's input. 22 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by AmazonTopaz(f): 2:44pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Lizzyangel: Why should she not be defensive?man beat you wetin you go do you will turn the other cheek abi or you will still remain submissive thinking that will change him. My problem with women like you is that you think the victim should be the one to change or is at fault while seeing nothing wrong with the perpetrator.Which sane woman will submit to this kind of husband? You can still direct the advice to her husband so that she can show him to read.Something like stop beating your wife,communicate better,calm your temper,stop keeping malice,respect her etc. There are a lot of women who are submissive but common love they can't get from their husbands despite all the respect and kneeling down they can still be beaten,cheated on,disregarded etc. Nigerian men should learn proper training it shouldn't fall on the wife alone to mold them because they are not babies. Submission cannot help a badly trained man. 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Nobody: 2:49pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
AmazonTopaz: There is always a beast in every gentleman, it's left for the woman involved to trigger such annoyance, we are all human, those Happy homes and perfect husband you're seeing out there, it's because things are alright financially, men are usually angered when they're broke and not contributing well to the home....it's left for a submissive wife to calm down as they grow pass the phase together,since it won't be forever. Above all, poverty and lack is the root of all evil, even Chioma go disrespect Davido if things turn sour(God forbid) Women, if you want to keep your marriage, be SUBMISSIVE 16 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by mutter(f): 2:49pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
AmazonTopaz: I really had to laugh.... The sad reality is that there are so many women out there desperate to get married and doing everything for a man to propose... And you want to sit the men down ![]() Well my imput is not about disrespecting women or exhonorating men.. 4 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Nobody: 2:52pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
AmazonTopaz: I'll suggest you go through the post again and see reasons why people are telling the op to be submissive. No offense ma'am 8 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by AmazonTopaz(f): 2:54pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
mutter:The appropriate reaction was to physically abuse her.I see why should an adult be keeping malice what happened to communication? Probably that is his way of avoiding a physical confrontation or the situation escalating.The other party is an abusive WWE wrestler so it is both parties who are abusive and immature. Obiedience is better than sacrifice... That's a citation from the Bible...Okay Futhermore, do you correct your husband... That's rather a word used for a child. No you bring up your own suggestions in a respectful manner... and respecting someone also means respecting their decisionsYes,you can correct adults because nobody is beyond mistakes and not only children are corrected.I agree with respectful manner but I believe it should apply to both parties.A husband who respects his wife can also respect her decision no harm referring to both. I guess it eventually boils down to you answering the question... In a union of 2 who is entitled to the final say?In a union of two becoming one no person should have the automatic final say or reserved for anyone I believe in civility so don't blame me if I view marriage from a democratic Lens.There are issues the wife could be very good in and a good husband will let her decide on that and vice versa. I don't believe leadership is gender specific so I believe in collective and mutual agreement.Where decisions are not made unilaterally but bilaterally.Women and wives make good leaders too. 10 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by AmazonTopaz(f): 2:55pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Lizzyangel:I can only point out you and the other woman. I can as well advice the man to love his wife which it is obvious he doesn't. No offence taken. 5 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by AmazonTopaz(f): 2:58pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
mutter: When I said men should be sat down I meant by people they look up to and it is up to young mothers including fathers of today raising tomorrow's men to be better men. There is no harm in being desperate if such women use their brains and fish for the right ones and not terrible ones.Being desperate should not make one blind to obvious faults. Anyway the times are changing and women are knowing better 7 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by AmazonTopaz(f): 3:03pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Lizzyangel:Good input. As for the last part though,marriage is for both of them and it is a full time job with the couple on deck to make the marriage work it shouldn't be left for the woman alone and women should be careful of what they are taking from a man all in the name of marriage.If you must advice,advice both parties.As women are taught to love and value their marriage same should be applied to men so that the energy will be nearly the same. Submission is not the only thing that will keep a marriage,but since you wanna go biblical men should learn to LOVE their wives.That is the most important,they must learn to love their wives and give themselves for her as Christ loved the church and gave himself for us.The same Bible also said they must submit to one another Let us not forget to include men along because it takes two to tangle for a marriage to work. 8 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by descarado: 3:06pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Very toxic woman. This may be fictional anyway. Couldn't bring myself to read till the end. Wonder what people see as modernity. When you can't bridle your tongue. After series of insult, u turn around to say you don't mean it. Seriously? ![]() All these woke ladies should understand one thing. Even the West they normally use as example. One golden rule towards men. Respect. Know when to keep your mouth shut. Know that a man lives by his pride. Men all over the world( forget Hollywood) love simple respect from their ladies. That is how nature wired them. I'm not religious but I can relate with the story of Esther very well. She was married to a king. So she should be a powerful woman. A wicked man among the King's men was treating her people bad. There are so many ways she should have dealt with that man but she didn't. What did she do? She prepared a feast for the king, invited him and the man for the feast and as they were making merry, (WHEN THE KING'S HEART WAS SOFT), When the opportunity came for her to exercise her power, she went for the jugular. Did this make her inferior, no but a very brave and powerful woman who has her husband under her armpit. Look at how she made her husband do the job without hurting his pride as a man yet she was the master planner. Chochocho will never draw you close to your man. I'm always right is an attack to your man's pride. Gentle and subtle disposition makes you the queen of your house and your man will be your slave. Go and learn the tricks. I come in peace o. 19 Likes 1 Share |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Hathor5(f): 3:16pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
mutter: With all due respect ma but this is the African woman's reality or the narrative they have been brainwashed with. Hence, why they rarely respect themselves and as a consequence get so little respect for all they do when women of other races are appreciated for far less and despite all their shortcomings. 6 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Nobody: 3:30pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
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Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Klass99(f): 3:39pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
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Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by obinnanelson4(m): 3:42pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
mutter:you are a virtuous woman, you understand marriage. If I were not married, I would have searched you out for marriage. 12 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by toyinsalammy(f): 3:49pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
I think d woman should learn how to communicate better with her husband . Judging from her write-up , one could easily decipher she is d type of woman that says 10 words when her husband says 1. Men detest that a lot. The husband should also be more loving n understanding towards his wife. Marriage is work n it takes commitment, love n understanding to make it work. I wish them well 7 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by surckerg(m): 4:02pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
toyinsalammy:you, mutter, and lizzyangel get sense no be small. Na una be the real housewives material 9 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by infogenius(m): 4:07pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
Two hot tempered and intolerant couple. We've read from her side and I will advise one thing and that is Wife, anytime ur husband is talking or scolding u. Please don't utter a word. I will also advise that you should refrain from insulting ur husband henceforth Try and be the peace maker in ur home and the more u do that the more God will help you and the more peaceful ur home will be. Apologise to the man irrespective of u was wrong and maintain sanity in ur home 4 Likes |
Re: What Should I Do? My Husband Said Our Marriage Is Over-Pls Advise by Ayo2004: 4:33pm On Jun 14, 2021 |
You must be a very stubborn woman that says very annoying trash when u are angry ![]() I perceive Yoruba lineage Their women mouth no be here 2 Likes |
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