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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. (61948 Views)
Help! I'm Feeling Guilty Of Ruining Someone's Marriage / Namibian Man Creates Baby Saver Box For Unplanned Pregnancy And Unwanted Babies / Some People Are Insensitive - Pregnancy Is Hard (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Asquare84(m): 9:31am On Jul 24, 2021 |
1Alex: Best advice, once bride price is paid marriage has taking place 2 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Karleb(m): 9:49am On Jul 24, 2021 |
So many things wrong here. There are so many ways you could have prevented this mess from happening. Withdrawal? Contraceptives? Abor*****? You were so naive that you reported yourself? You could have simply advised that she withdraw while you continue with your skill acquisition and schooling. No one would have suspected anything but see where your spirikoko and honesty led you? The seminary wants you to marry just because you can't hold body? Her parents want you to marry her by force? I just pity that baby. He's going have to struggle for no damn reason. Very irresponsible set of people 7 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by crackhaus: 9:54am On Jul 24, 2021 |
I think people ought to normalize using the phrase 'UNPLANNED pregnancy' instead of 'UNWANTED pregnancy'... Please and please!!! @Priceless007, nothing about your story is unusual. You met someone, you found her attractive, one thing led to another and sex happened. Pregnancy is just the expected natural consequence of having sex, especially when you don't observe standard safety protocols. Next time, be more careful... However, there are two things I would like to point out: 1. You must do right by that child, and this means providing whatever you can financially for the mother to have a comfortable delivery. I don't want to bring up the issue of paternity because person wey never see money to buy pampers should not be told to use money to run DNA tests. But still, have it in mind and consider having this done somewhere down the line. 2. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, marry into that family. That she is about to be the mother of your child does not mean she must also be your wife... Na two different things oo. Take note! First of all, she doesn't seem like someone who has plenty sense and secondly, her family doesn't seem like they have sense either – this one they're already harassing you at this point, is giving me all kinds of danger vibes. With all that out of the way, I wish you a hearty congratulations. You're the latest baby daddy on NL. 42 Likes 7 Shares |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by OBALOLA55(m): 10:01am On Jul 24, 2021 |
PASTOR RIGHTEOUSNESS2 IS THAT YOU 5 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by rosalieene(f): 10:07am On Jul 24, 2021 |
I really don't understand the advice you seek. Do you want us to tell you that the pregnancy should be aborted? Or you want us to put the blame on her? What exactly? 2 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Doubleoh7: 10:20am On Jul 24, 2021 |
AuroraB:Eerrmmm, he had to report as he was still receiving his calling then. Just wondering whatever happened to the call now abi the network dn bad? No too blame the girl shaa, she was probably picturing herself as the wife of a powerful GO in the next couple of years 2 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by AuroraB(f): 10:32am On Jul 24, 2021 |
Doubleoh7:I guess she discovered she couldn't be a GO quite early and chose this particular GO not knowing he's a GO in unexpected places 1 Like |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Doubleoh7: 10:52am On Jul 24, 2021 |
AuroraB:Aswear down. The unfortunate thing was that the discovery was via practicals class. 1 Like |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by LilMissFavvy(f): 11:09am On Jul 24, 2021 |
I guess you were attending school of theology so that you become a pastor in future/serve God? Why do people force themselves into becoming pastors when they don't have the attributes of a pastor? You should have simply joined ushering department, cleaning department, etc in a church, becoming a pastor should not be a jack of all trades for everyone. Even married pastors still mess with their female members, so are you really sure marriage will stop you from messing with your female members in future? Think about it! That is why we have too many pastors with sexual scandals attached to them and churches viewed as a joke and mockery by many. Go and meet the girls parents for only introduction, and a court marriage. There are couples who do court marriage as a choice, and not even due to pregnancy pressure. It's all about choices. If she's a good woman with supportive parents, she will accept an introduction and court marriage. 4 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by samtol4(m): 11:21am On Jul 24, 2021 |
LilMissFavvy:oya give advice ma |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by DesChyko: 12:15pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
You need finances to sort yourself out of this mess. Marrying out of sympathy is the last thing anyone needs so it's great that you already put that on the table. They're panicking over the disgrace that comes with the pregnancy, hence their insistence. You may even have to endure jail visit should you maintain physical contact with the family. Raise money. I have a feeling this family will eventually request it as pregnancy expenses multiply. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by RenaissanceGuy: 12:27pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
CharisEleos:After all these self-righteousness jargons you wrote here, what advise did you add that could be of help? He already said he fell into the temptation after been celibate for 7 years, and you think a similar thing can't happen to you? You're more spiritual and careful than people who were born again Christians for decades of years and later permanently 'backslided'? That you even ended by hissing, shows how very hateful and unchristian you're whilst you claim the opposite. 32 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Nobody: 1:01pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
RenaissanceGuy: So how has my hissing to the OPs predicament become a criteria to judge my Christian faith? Or does he deserve a pat on the back for destroying a young girls career the poor parents suffered to send to school, bringing shame on them? And did you not see where I advised him to go and do the needful? I'm not surprised you're holding brief for him. Continue. 4 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Lamanii22(f): 2:13pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
Sleyk: Loool but it was interesting |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Austeeenxx: 2:21pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
See wetin skin-to-skin do guyman. 1 Like |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by purples25(f): 3:46pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
Nothing destroys destinies like sexual sin. 4 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Elporo(m): 4:09pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
CharisEleos: Lekwa second hand. .. ... body is the temple of the lord. 4 Likes
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Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by RenaissanceGuy: 4:47pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
CharisEleos:He didn't destroy the lady's future in any way. It was a consensual sex which they're both suffering for. 5 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Michelle55: 5:13pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
MejiLoyon:Hahaha hahaha.. The bros nack shege comot for her body on the contrary, e fit be say na small tin im do and im no enjoy am too now Belle don enter for wetin guyman pastor no enjoy. Which kain bad market be this sef? Come to think of it, na pastors nack pass sha. Where do you think ride on pastor came from? @op, she's not really threatening with not seeing ya baby stuff if na Imo State she truly come from, some parts of Imo sabi do that tin wella and there's nothing you can do about it even with ya wealth if dem decide say you no go see ya pikin. My advice, use ya little savings wey remain go learn skills and make something for yourself and this time around, tie ya preek rope to avoid another unplanned pregnancy. GOODLUCK, you go need am! Mr nackist cum guyman pastor I dey loyal to ya ministry! 2 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Karleb(m): 5:27pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
Michelle55: |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by DukeNija(m): 5:32pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
You might have lost other things but not your calling. So stop reiterating that. Also, I think you should not be forced or coerced into a marriage by her family without a proper plan. It’s important that you communicate this to them so they’re aware of the drawbacks. Finally, you need to pray and speak to God for guidance. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by halogate: 5:33pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
..on a light note, @Op..dem never tell u wetin 7yrs of premium akamu is capable of doing?. ..to then matter @ hand, I shall not judge u because pple have made such mistakes..it's not the end of the world. 1. It's not just about marriage..if you believe in ur heart that u can live with her and her family for the rest of ur life..then find a way to pay her bride price.. Any marriage that is built on coercion, threats and zero love is one that will lead to utter bitterness for all parties. Because when challenges come, and u remember how u got there..ul probably hate urself, hate her the more and God forbids..that innocent baby. 2. If u cannot marry and live with her for the rest of ur live... then accept ur punishments and move on with ur life..but endeavor to do right by the baby as best you can. Make your position known to the family one and for all. #My2cents.. 6 Likes |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by halogate: 5:49pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
CharisEleos:Pls kindly enlighten us as to how the op has destroyed the "young" girl's career?. Did he ever mention that he forced or raped her?. Or did you not read where the op mentioned what he has lost as well. They both agreed to have consensual sex without protection.. let the blame be shared equally. Let us learn to judge matters devoid of sentiments. I assume you wont be accusing the Op of "destroying her career" if he said he would be sponsoring to school. What has happened has happened.. none is less guilty that the other. 12 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by ImaIma1(f): 6:02pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
See all the serious wahala only few minutes of pleasure has caused you. You said you have a calling to answer. Yet you did not answer that calling when you both were having sex? Are you sure you should be a pastor? Because you are not even done with your training and you have already impregnated someone that was looking up to you. What will happen when you have a church full of women looking up to you? I think this was a test for you. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by MMotimo: 6:19pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
Use the money to invest in skills for your future. The sex was consensual and there was no agreement to marry so don’t be blackmailed into a rushed marriage. If the marriage was important to her, she should have had you put a ring on it first. Sounds like her family are able to take care of her and that’s why they are in a position to give you ultimatums. Explain to them that your long term future is important to you and to avoid one of the surest ways to lifetime poverty (having kids you can’t cater for) , you respectfully would rather invest in your future right now and provide financial support to take care of the child but don’t commit to marriage. Who knows? You might decide to marry someone else. The sooner girls realize that pregnancy does not automatically equal marriage or cohabitation, the sooner they take more precautions against unplanned pregnancies that may derail their futures. Same for the boys, you know you don’t have money to cater for a child yet you are not taking precautions to safeguard your future. When your mates are looking for money to better themselves, your own money has to be committed to cerelac and diapers. It’s not village people, it’s your pe-nis. Avoid boys and girls that are comfortable living in lack, they will say “let’s manage “ and kill your dreams. Poverty is not a sin but embracing it to the extent that you are actively perpetuating it is. Skin to skin is a luxury, it’s not for casual hookups. Unplanned pregnancies leading to unplanned/mandatory marriages/cohabitation is one of the most common causes of poverty, AVOID IT until you have the financial resources. 7 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Sleyk: 6:30pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
Lamanii22: |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by LifeMapEmpire(f): 6:47pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
[quote author=Priceless007 Kindly send your phone number to me!!!! |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by CaveAdullam: 6:51pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
The deed has been done, therefore, no need throwing blames around the house. Solution is indeed needed. 1. If you are contemplating suicide better erase it from your mind. And same with crime(though it's a high risk high reward strategy, but you might end up not successful or jeopardizing your life). So, no crime, no suicide. 2. Did you met her a virgin? How do you know you are actually the father to the unborn child? How much do you trust her to the extent that you know she didn't frolick with other men? True paternity should be an utmost concern of yours now. 3. And since you can't exactly proved the paternity of the unborn child, focusing on your career is the best bet. Forget about the threat, her family and the unborn child. Change to a new area of residence and stay aloof from them in order to discourage easy accessibility. 4. It's good you also document the case in a police station in order to guarantee the safety of your life. As they involve law enforcement agency, do same too. Do this quickly. 5. Insist on a DNA test before taking any form of responsibility, it can serve as a delay tactic why you pursue your dream. If eventually the child is yours, then, accept full responsibility. You can take the child without marrying the mother if you so insist, however, not advisable except otherwise. 6. Don't be afraid of anything, the family will take care of the mother and child. The child will definitely suffer some forms of hostility, lacking in proper care and guidance if the father is absent. And if eventually the child is yours when authenticated by a DNA test, it's a bad bet for you. 7. By and large, focus on your dream and career. Don't compel yourself into a marriage already standing on a quicksand. And most especially, insist on a DNA test. Thanks. 15 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by GboyegaD(m): 7:52pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
The deed is done, why are you not involving your parents in all these? Your best bet is to involve them, go with them to see the girl's parents and if you are not ready for marriage, you should say it and they sure will back you up. Most importantly, think of how to at least help in the upkeep of the child in the best way you can (it should be tangible bikonu ooo). On the general, to all those who keep cheering everyone in relationships to sample, while this might not be an outcome of your advise, this is the kind of result it yields. |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Ishilove: 8:49pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
This one pass me... Op, you are on your own |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by rex444(m): 9:30pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
Even if U are considering marrying her,you really wanna marry a girl that takes decisions from her parents still ? Who insults you for mistakes U both made ? A family that threatens you and your family ? Wow.... Problem wey pass man no dey come for us.... U will Wade thru 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Help! An Unwanted Pregnancy Is Ruining My Life. by Rickmann: 9:56pm On Jul 24, 2021 |
Priceless007: I feel ur pain bro...i think you really need to go see her parents first as that will soften their approach towards you. Know that you mustn't succeed only as a clergyman. For the sake of her and the baby, you must learn to be versatile. You made a mistake cos you are just human and you won't sulk over it forever. Do not abandon her, she needs you now than ever. 2 Likes |
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