Hey guys, hope you are all doing fine? Please I need your candid advice on this issue I'm having right now.
Ps: I don't know if this should be here or not so please bear with me

So I'm a single dad, with a two year old son. I had issues with his mom during the lock down and she left. We weren't married but were planning to, by December 2020. Needless to say, things didn't work out for some reason. She wanted to go with my son but I vehemently refused because I was afraid I might not see him anytime soon if she leaves with him. He was just 11 months old and we've lived alone together since.

Recently, I met this girl whom I like a lot and would want to be with permanently if things to to plan. She comes and spends time with me whenever she can and has been of immense assistance to me.

The thing now is, my son has become so attached to me and spends every waking and even sleeping minute beside or on top of me, as the case may be. He won't let her come close to me (this especially impacts us when we would love to spend some adult time alone). He practically refuses to play alone or sleep alone. I think living alone with me for so long may have spoilt him because I carry him always and gives him whatever he desires as far as I can provide.

Now,my girlfriend thinks I'm spoiling him and sometimes gets upset when he cries and when I give him stuff he cries for. She also gets upset when we can't have our alone time due to his presence. I've tried to calm her down telling her it's just a phase that he will ultimately outgrow but then I don't think it's working for her. I honestly understand her frustrations and I don't want to lose her for this reason but I most certainly don't want my child to live with anyone else apart from me. Most especially as I'm always at home due to the collapse of my business during the lock down. He's the only thing that kept me sane during that hard time and even now.

I need advice on what to do in order for everyone involved to be happy given the situation. Thanks for your time and suggestions if any. Bless✌️

Premarital sex isn't good, bro; you are entangled with its aftermath.


Well,

Now,my girlfriend thinks I'm spoiling him and sometimes gets upset when he cries and when I give him stuff he cries for. She also gets upset when we can't have our alone time due to his presence. I've tried to calm her down telling her it's just a phase that he will ultimately outgrow but then I don't think it's working for her.

Maltreat wey dem go maltreat this boy wear pyjamas dey pluck orange.

I feel sorry for the boy in advance because if you don't reduce the attachment now the lady will surely maltreat him.

The person that was first to comment has said it already but I'll repeat for emphasis. Premarital sex isn't the way to go.

To answer your question I'll suggest that you try to be the bad cop sometimes and reject your son's requests and instead let her be the good cop that will give him the goodies. That way your son will be endeared towards her, then to strengthen their relationship try to get both of them to spend quality alone time together without your interference, She can take him out to an amusement park or wherever kids go these days.

The success of this depends mostly on your girlfriend and the type of person she is.

Return that child to the mother please.

He's too young to be in this mix before your girlfriend starts abusing him.

You actually need to teach your son to be a bit independent. And quit giving him everything he cries for; it won't help both of you in the long run. If you let him grow up that way, you will be in trouble because he will be annoyingly spoilt.

Of course it will affect your relationship. Even if you were married to his mother and you are overindulging him this way, it would still be a problem. So, your gf might not be bad or have the mind to maltreat him as some people are insinuating.

Just try to balance both. Another option is to allow him stay with his mum if that would be healthier for him.

Thanks for your input

ImaIma1:
You actually need to teach your son to be a bit independent. And quit giving him everything he cries for; it won't help both of you in the long run. If you let him grow up that way, you will be in trouble because he will be annoyingly spoilt.

Of course it will affect your relationship. Even if you had a wife and you are overindulging your child, it would still be a problem. So, your gf might not be bad or have the mind to maltreat him as some people are insinuating.

Just try to balance both. Another option is to allow him stay with his mum if that would be healthier for him.

I appreciate your words. I'll try to do as you've said

chatinent:
Premarital sex isn't good, bro; you are entangled with its aftermath.


Well,



Maltreat wey dem go maltreat this boy wear pyjamas dey pluck orange.

It may not necessarily be that she wants to maltreat him. Front the way she acts around him I believe she cares for him

Mstick:
Return that child to the mother please.

He's too young to be in this mix before your girlfriend starts abusing him.

Thanks but taking him back to his mother is out of the question right now. She hasn't proven that she cares enough to be his mom

MufasaLion:
I feel sorry for the boy in advance because if you don't reduce the attachment now the lady will surely maltreat him.

Thanks. I'll consider it

chatinent:
Premarital sex isn't good, bro; you are entangled with its aftermath.


Well,



Maltreat wey dem go maltreat this boy wear pyjamas dey pluck orange.

lol....


Op doesn't seems to see it coming.....


She has already developed hatred for the boy.... She will not have it if you eventually get married to her and treat this one better than her own kids in the future....


You have to teach that boy how to survive on his own already.... Coz sooner or later the love you have for him will be taken away from her due to how much you want to keep her....

Elrafiki2:

Thanks. I'll consider it

Please do.

yanabasee1:



lol....


Op doesn't seems to see it coming.....


She has already developed hatred for the boy.... She will not have it if you eventually get married to her and treat this one better than her own kids in the future....


You have to teach that boy how to survive on his own already.... Coz sooner or later the love you have for him will be taken away from her due to how much you want to keep her....

While what you just wrote is not beyond the realms of possibilities, as I've heard from various stories, I assure you that nothing can diminish the love I have for my son. If as u say it turns out that any woman I marry starts maltreating my son, she goes right away. I know she cares for him and that's why she's trying to make me do things differently and not out of malice. I hope it stays that way. Thanks for Ur input anyways

Baby boy sorry for what's gonna come. Truly I feel sorry for you already.

Hugs. Bye

Elrafiki2:


While what you just wrote is not beyond the realms of possibilities, as I've heard from various stories, I assure you that nothing can diminish the love I have for my son. If as u say it turns out that any woman I marry starts maltreating my son, she goes right away. I know she cares for him and that's why she's trying to make me do things differently and not out of malice. I hope it stays that way. Thanks for Ur input anyways

You have to understand that a lot of people on this forum are conditioned to believe that ladies will always maltreat a child that is not hers, because of the news that are always posted here.

However, that's not always the case in real life. It's up to you to observe her and see if she has genuine love for your son. Don't allow nairalanders use their mindsets to affect your decision.

Elrafiki2:
Hey guys, hope you are all doing fine? Please I need your candid advice on this issue I'm having right now.
Ps: I don't know if this should be here or not so please bear with me

So I'm a single dad, with a two year old son. I had issues with his mom during the lock down and she left. We weren't married but were planning to, by December 2020. Needless to say, things didn't work out for some reason. She wanted to go with my son but I vehemently refused because I was afraid I might not see him anytime soon if she leaves with him. He was just 11 months old and we've lived alone together since.

Recently, I met this girl whom I like a lot and would want to be with permanently if things to to plan. She comes and spends time with me whenever she can and has been of immense assistance to me.

The thing now is, my son has become so attached to me and spends every waking and even sleeping minute beside or on top of me, as the case may be. He won't let her come close to me (this especially impacts us when we would love to spend some adult time alone). He practically refuses to play alone or sleep alone. I think living alone with me for so long may have spoilt him because I carry him always and gives him whatever he desires as far as I can provide.

Now,my girlfriend thinks I'm spoiling him and sometimes gets upset when he cries and when I give him stuff he cries for. She also gets upset when we can't have our alone time due to his presence. I've tried to calm her down telling her it's just a phase that he will ultimately outgrow but then I don't think it's working for her. I honestly understand her frustrations and I don't want to lose her for this reason but I most certainly don't want my child to live with anyone else apart from me. Most especially as I'm always at home due to the collapse of my business during the lock down. He's the only thing that kept me sane during that hard time and even now.

I need advice on what to do in order for everyone involved to be happy given the situation. Thanks for your time and suggestions if any. Bless✌️

That mother must be a very big mumu to have allowed you be in possession of a child less than one. She doesn't need to spend a penny at the magistrates court to get her child. And you will be obliged for his upkeep. You impregnated a naive girl who no sabi anything

Now you don see another one you've successfully brainwashed. Small time you give am belle with that stick in between your leg. No worry you think say you wise. You go soon meet your match someday.

This is a simple something o....both your gf and son are kind of intimidated by each other's presence in your life. They both want all of your attention and possibly dont want to share. Well, at this point, you need to throw them into each other's arms so they could fall in love with each other to happily accommodate you collectively. How? Talk to the aunty to deliberately court your son,once they fall for each other, it will be easy to share your attention.


By the way,its not healthy for the boy to be into you alone....poor baby probably missed his mom so much and didnt want to risk losing you too. Please try to get him interested in other people/things. It is well.

LadySarah:
Baby boy sorry for what's gonna come. Truly I feel sorry for you already.

Hugs. Bye

It wont be that bad if aunty is a good person and OP gets her to fall in love with the baby. That child is under 2yrs fa, his mom should have fought tooth and nail to keep him...it is well.

Na wa oh.
I for talk put, but I nor get Marriage Certificate .
Let me read comments instead and learn.

That boy's mother really tried for leaving him with you, how many women are that courageous? I'm pretty sure the Op will feed him the usual crap of "your mum abandoned you" as he grows thereby brain washing him and painting the mum as evil, las las he will go look for his mum when he is an adult to know the true story.

As for your gf, I wonder what she's doing with a single father, second hand after one, smh, they are terrible humans.

Op, still sowing wild oats. It's your time.

spartan117:
The person that was first to comment has said it already but I'll repeat for emphasis. Premarital sex isn't the way to go.

To answer your question I'll suggest that you try to be the bad cop sometimes and reject your son's requests and instead let her be the good cop that will give him the goodies. That way your son will be endeared towards her, then to strengthen their relationship try to get both of them to spend quality alone time together without your interference, She can take him out to an amusement park or wherever kids go these days.

The success of this depends mostly on your girlfriend and the type of person she is.

Oh wow... Great advice....

I wonder why some parents base the continuity of their marriage on things going on well or not. And then there are those children born out of wedlock.
Someone should remind me of that thing about children born out of wedlock.
"Heavenly Father you gave us a will and power to take decisions. Please forgive the damning choices we make. Amen"

First things first: NO to extra girlfriends. No, no, no.
Second: the child is merely bonding with the parent he/she knows. What's the crime? And you are being dutiful as a parent. What's the crime? You are a SECURE base for the child to explore the world around. This means nothing goes if you are not there. What's the crime?
Third: I hope you reunite and wed your ought-to-be wife.

God speed.

Lamanii22:



Oh wow... Great advice....

Thanks

Klass99:


Seven blessings to you!




And twenty one blessings to you for this!!!

This erroneous belief people have, that no one can love a child like the mother or as much as the mother amuses me to no end. People adopt kids and genuinely love them, one of my bestie's has a better relationship with her step-mom than her own mother. I've come across kids I genuinely liked and enjoyed spending time with.

The biological mother in this case is proving that blood is not always thicker than water and whatever her reasons are, for walking away and leaving the son with his father, I do not blame or judge her one bit.

After all she is not the only parent of that child and if she lacked the means to care for him well, it's good that she left him where he could be better taken care of.

When my sister in law (my brother's wife) starts fretting about traveling and leaving the kids home with Damien, how will they cope, can I check in on them and help out if necessary blah, blah, blah.....

I am always quick to warn her and remind her, that parenting is not a way one street neither is it the sole responsibility of a mother. My brother's hands are not broken neither is he handicapped, you didn't climb on top of yourself to create those children, he did. So, please let him participate in their grooming and upbringing too. Now she knows better than to ask me for yeye favours

@ OP, I get irritable with my siblings too when I see them over-pamper and over-indulge their kids. Not because I get bad belle for body, but because our last born was brought up that way and we've all seen the consequences. It doesn't end well, vintage premium tears awaits you, if you don't stop.

Kids need to understand that, na you born them - no be them born you. Even God that loves us more than anything, doesn't always answer every request, nor does He give into our cries. So, why do some of you act like you are the epitome of love?

You will not even agree to hang on a cross, if push comes to shove, so abeg rest. Your girl and your son can both exist in your life, without negative drama, depending on well you handle things from this point forward.

I am sure the op will adjust. Children need tough love as well to help them grow in a balanced way. I really cannot stand spoilt kids, and parents are usually to blame for it.

If she can tolerate him now what about future. Let her go something is wrong with her
God will provide a better one for you

ImaIma1:
You actually need to teach your son to be a bit independent. And quit giving him everything he cries for; it won't help both of you in the long run. If you let him grow up that way, you will be in trouble because he will be annoyingly spoilt.

Of course it will affect your relationship. Even if you were married to his mother and you are overindulging him this way, it would still be a problem. So, your gf might not be bad or have the mind to maltreat him as some people are insinuating.

Just try to balance both. Another option is to allow him stay with his mum if that would be healthier for him.

@bold u think so?
Women naturally don't like anything that encroach on their space when it comes to relationship & marital issues, reason wives don't agree with mother in laws. That boy is encroaching on that lady's space & she is already developing hatred for the boy & seeing him as a rival.

@Elrafiki2 u are about to make your son experience a very rough growing up. You need to choose between that boy & your girl! Your girl is still pretending because u are yet to wife her, once u marry that lady, she will show your son the other side of her, not to talk of when she start having her own kids, that boy is going to pass through hell. Now u are already contemplating of denying him certain things, this is something u never thought of before now. If u are unable to choose between both my best advice is; return that boy to his mom & send her money for upkeep, even if his mom is married to another man, that won't be an issue because men don't abuse kids, it is a woman thing, she will still be in a better position to take care of that boy as it stands now. The boy can come back when he is of certain age & able to speak for himself.

Elrafiki2:

Thanks but taking him back to his mother is out of the question right now. She hasn't proven that she cares enough to be his mom

Taking that boy to his mother is the best option, unless u want your son to hate u for life! There is a very thin line between excess love & excess hatred! U have shown that boy too much love u can't sustain with this new lady around. If u care for the future of that boy, return him to his mom & send her money for upkeep. The boy can return when he is a little bit older, but for now return him! He is too young for what u are about to make him go through! If u do otherwise, that boy is going to hate u for life!